5. Forever
FOREVER
My life didn’t belong to me.
It never had.
“Where’s your head?” Jayden asked, tightening his hold on my hand. “I need you focused.”
I dug my fingernails into his skin until he loosened the grip. Hazel eyes met mine, and I smiled through the drilling inside my head.
“How focused would you like me to be?”
The longer I had to be around him, the worse my migraine became.
“Act like you fucking love me,” he murmured harshly, though his expression gave we were whispering sweet nothings.
Jayden Carroway was a handsome man, the perfect blend of his Black father and Korean mother.
His usual silky curly mane had been slicked back into a bun, the sides cut into a fade. He had almond-shaped eyes, one hazel and the other a deep brown, something the society girls fawned over since I’d known him.
I saw pieces of his parents all over him, but that unpredictable temper belonged to his mother.
“Can’t fake it even if I tried.”
He opened his mouth, but thankfully, my brother interrupted.
“You two aren’t pretending very well,” Kai mused, swirling the drink in his hand as he regarded us. “The forced smiles are creeping your guests out. Go talk whatever the fuck is happening right now out in another room, before our parents arrive.”
I tugged my hand from Jayden’s and started toward the study, knowing he’d begrudgingly follow. The second the door shut behind us, he pinned me against it with his body.
“There he goes,” I taunted, biting down on his jaw until he stumbled back. “Did you forget I don’t belong to you, Carroway?”
When I agreed to the marriage alliance with his family a little over six months ago, it was under the guise that we were pretending. He’d come to me before they made the offer, wanting to get ahead of my unequivocal fuck no to come.
But he’d caught me at the right time.
The rumblings of my father wanting to marry me off started circulating almost nine months ago. I had a bad feeling and decided to beat him to the punch.
Jayden and his family were nothing but leeches, using whoever they could to get ahead. But the devil you know was always better than the one you didn’t.
“We agreed to make it look real, Forever,” he argued, raising his voice slightly, knowing the room was soundproofed. “You’ve been fighting me at every turn. Holding my hand is part of the script.”
I closed my eyes, willing the ache in my head to give me a break.
“You know exactly why,” I said slowly, blinking some of the fog away.
He stood tall in front of me, not too close but enough to make me feel his presence regardless.
“We could be good together.”
I shook my head.
“No, we can’t…” I waved my hand and turned. “I made myself very clear that this marriage wouldn’t happen. You’ve got six months left on our contract to figure your shit out.”
He dramatically exhaled.
“Forever…”
I moved toward the drawer with his father’s hidden liquor stash, pulled a decanter filled with Irish whiskey from it, and one of the four glass tumblers beside it.
“What can I offer that’ll change your mind? An open marriage? We can see other people in private.”
He hadn’t learned yet.
None of these people knew me at all.
I sighed and knocked back two fingers of whiskey, letting the burn run through my body before responding.
“There isn’t anything you can offer me,” I told him truthfully. “I’m set in my ways, haven’t you heard?
Our eyes met, and the determination dancing in his made me want to pour myself something stronger.
Killing him could ease this burden for a short while, but working toward a more long-term solution was the goal. I was fearless, never reckless, and putting him down without permission was the epitome of the latter.
My vision went a little staticky, and I closed my eyes, massaging my temples in an attempt to calm the zinging in my head.
“Are you okay?” Jayden asked, sounding a tad too concerned.
I flinched when his fingers brushed my forehead and quickly drew back from the contact.
“I’m fine,” I lied, forcing myself to suck it up. “Can you give me a minute? I’ll meet you out there.”
He hesitated when I was finally able to look him in the eyes without squinting.
“Your mom mentioned your migraines to mine and—”
I pointed to the door.
“I know I asked, but it wasn’t really a question.”
Jayden was the kind of man who weaponized his kindness. He hovered for a moment longer, just to see if I’d bite, but knowing I’d rather peel my own skin off than admit to needing help.
Once he was gone, I let my forehead fall to the dark wood of the desk after taking a seat behind it and counted the seconds it took for my breathing to slow.
Now wasn’t the time for this.
It frustrated me to no end, not being able to control what was happening to my body.
The migraines made me feel exposed, like I was constantly letting my guard down around people who wanted to harm me. I shouldn’t feel that way about my family, and before the chronic throbbing, I hadn’t.
Carmen’s recognizable knock broke the silence, and she entered right after, gently closing the door behind her.
“Jayden said you needed a minute, but your parents just got here, and it was either I come in or one of them.”
I nodded and stood, fully aware my time alone had ended.
We exited the library together, and my parents descended upon me. Before either could speak, a loud, shrill sound stole everyone’s attention.
“Not my fucking baby!” Jayden’s mom, Seo-Yeon, screamed, throwing a vase across the room. “Everybody get the fuck out!”
I tipped my head at Carmen, and she left to investigate, while I made my way over to Jayden and his parents. His dad had wrapped his arms around his mother from behind as she fought to get loose.
For a five-foot-nothing woman, Seo-Yeon was strong.
“What happened?” I murmured, glancing at Jayden to find him staring straight ahead in a trance.
Slowly, his gaze glossed over mine.
“Jeremiah was killed tonight.”
Mmm.
I wasn’t surprised but kept my thoughts to myself.
Jeremiah was the oldest Carroway and got into some real fucked up shit. It was only a matter of time before his sins caught up to him, and the same for the rest of us.
“How can I help?”
His brows shot up, and I almost regretted offering.
“You two can get married right away,” his father interjected, looking between us expectantly. “It’ll solidify our alliance and protect Jayden.”
I shook my head, ready to decline, but my father chimed in before I got the chance.
“Let’s set a date,” he suggested, giving me a look that said not to defy him.
They started discussing timelines, all while Jayden and I stared at one another. He had ample opportunity to speak up and put a stop to our lives being planned for us, not even five minutes after learning his brother had been murdered.
But the sick fuck smiled instead and went to touch my face.
Off pure instinct, I slapped his hand away.
“I hate to be the bearer of more bad news, but I won’t be marrying anyone,” I cut in, earning a glare from my father. “None of you have the authority to force me, and even if you did, I’d rather fucking die.”
Silence stretched between us, the weight of my words suspended in the air. Everybody could fuck off.
Carmen returned just in time, pulling me away to have a private chat with wary eyes.
“What’s all that about?”
I flicked my wrist to dismiss the question.
“Got anything good?”
She looked over my shoulder then back at me, leaning in to whisper, “He was at the auction when it happened.”
“Mmm,” I hummed. “So, he deserved to die.”
Carmen nodded.
“So far it’s looking like a targeted hit, but they’re keeping the rest of the details on the hush for now.”
I spun in my five-inch heels and approached the group again, which had begun to speak in hushed tones, more than likely planning exactly what I’d turned down just moments before.
“Seo-Yeon, I’ll make a deal with you.”
Her red-rimmed eyes met mine.
“The only deal I want is you marrying Jayden by the end of next month.”
I sighed and checked the time.
“And if I find the man who killed your son and bring you his head, then what?”
“If you do that,” she started, not skipping a beat. “We’ll cancel the deal. But I want to see proof. I want to see him dead, and I want it done so everyone knows he paid for what he did to my fucking son!”
I liked her to an extent, because at least Seo-Yeon didn’t pretend to hide her ugliest impulses behind a smile. And because, unlike my own parents, she didn’t expect me to burn myself alive for someone else’s agenda unless there was something in it for me.
“Done,” I promised, holding my hand out to seal the deal. “I’ll bring you his head before the date you set for the wedding. Maybe even mail it direct.”
Jeremiah’s death had become the longterm solution I needed to end this marriage alliance amicably. But push comes to shove, I’d send them all to the grave before ever saying ‘I do’.