13. Forever
FOREVER
I still didn’t trust him, but slid into the passenger seat anyway.
The way he simply asked, not demanded that I go with him, made it easy to lower my defenses enough to let my curiosity slip through the cracks forming around and beneath me.
But in case I hadn’t just lost memories but my sense of danger too, I kept my gun visible.
“Did I have migraines before?” I found myself asking.
I watched his hand on the steering wheel, noting how natural this felt despite my mind telling me to stay clear and not to let him convince us of anything we couldn’t verify.
However, my body responded differently.
“No,” he replied. “I can count on one hand how many times you’ve been sick in or out of my presence since meeting.”
I shifted to look out the window.
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere you’re loved,” he said. “Trust me, alright?”
The irony wasn’t lost on me: trust the man I thought I was supposed to kill. Trust the man who claimed to love me when I couldn’t even trust my own memories.
I felt sick thinking about it.
We drove through the heart of Everwood, past the towers where society members conducted their business, the neutral zones where both factions pretended to coexist. The city lights blurred together as my head began its familiar throb, but something about Demetrius’s presence kept the pain manageable.
I couldn’t tell him I’d sought him out because my head hurt so bad I wanted to end it all, and the only thing that dulled the ache was him. Not the smell of vanilla alone, but him wearing it.
The pain had been unbearable until I tracked him down and broke into his truck.
I bit my lip to stop myself from sighing.
We rolled into the red-light district thirty minutes later, and I sat up as neon signs reflected off the windows of different businesses. This was an area I didn’t frequent but knew well.
Knowing eyes were on his truck as we drove deeper into the scene and parked where sex workers lingered.
He rolled his window down, and one of them approached.
“What’s up, D,” she said, pushing a curl from her face. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
There was an easy smile on his face as he replied, “Been a little tied up, KK. Y’all good out here? Tell the girls to grab what they need from me.”
She nodded.
“Better now that you’re here…” her eyes flicked to me with… curiosity? “Is she the one the other girls talk about?”
The other girls?
“One and the same,” he told her, smiling over at me like I meant the fucking world to him. “Step out with me.”
I pointed to myself, and he nodded, tapping a button on the ceiling of the truck and pushing his door open.
We met at the lifted trunk door, and inside were several dozen small duffle bags.
“Same as usual,” he said, lifting one and handing it to KK. “Clean needles, condoms, a new bottle of pepper spray, emergency cash, water, and protein bars. I don’t want to hear shit about nobody passing out.”
She hummed and tossed it over her shoulder.
“I hear you…” Her eyes met mine before she walked off. “They love you around here. I hope you start coming back.”
Somewhere you’re loved.
More women began to emerge from doorways and street corners as word spread and Demetrius talked to all of them with nothing but respect.
Reminding them to get checked at the clinic nearby and not to be out here too many days in a row.
Not to get into cars they hadn’t seen before without someone else around to take note of it.
He cared, and it showed.
“Oh my Goodness, Forever!” a younger girl yelled as she approached, barely legal from the looks of it. “Where have you been?”
She stared at me expectantly, and I looked to Demetrius for help. It was obvious she knew me, but what was I supposed to say? Oh, hi. Didn’t know I lost almost two years of my memories until earlier today.
“Remember what we talked about, Mickey?”
Her big eyes shifted from me to him and then back.
“Right. Sorry, I forgot.”
I found all of this hard to process, but managed to smile at her anyway.
“It’s alright. We just have to start over, I guess.”
She nodded.
“It’s okay if you never remember, because you’ll still be you to us. I wouldn’t be clean without you.”
Without me?
And Mickey hadn’t been the only one to stop and greet me with love, or to mention that I’d helped them in some way.
It should have felt good, learning that I’d done something meaningful, but all I felt was overwhelmed and frustrated. And a little hurt that what I did remember was the bad things that had happened in my life.
“This was your project, Forever,” Demetrius said after a long bout of silence passed between us. “I’m only filling in until you’re up to it again.”
“And what about when you were away?”
He tipped his head, a tiny smile pulling at his lips.
“Oliver and Solei took turns.”
Had I really been an entirely different person with him in my life?
All the things I wished I could do, I’d already been doing them.
“How much do you trust Dr. Holland?” I asked once the trunk was clear and everyone had gone back to doing their own thing.
“With my life and yours.”
He made it sound so believable.
I stared up at the clear night sky, weighing my options.
“Maybe knowing what happened will do more damage than not,” I mumbled, more to myself than him. “Maybe it’s for the best that I can’t remember.”
He shut the trunk and stepped closer.
“There’s a selfish part of me that wants to fight you on that,” he said softly, fingers brushing mine before pulling them away. “Everything you know about us is lost, too.”
Our eyes danced as he’d said it.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, knowing it really didn’t mean anything.
The pained expression staring back at me felt wrong, and I caused it, but what was I supposed to do? Lay myself bare for him?
“Don’t apologize for something that ain’t your fault,” he said, voice a tad sterner than before. “Let Dr. Holland give you a full checkup.”
I looked away and gently massaged my temple.
Do I trust the people who claimed to love me? The doctors who said nothing was wrong but threw chronic migraines into the mix to placate me? Or the meds that made me feel like a stranger in my own skin to the point I refused to take them ever again?
“You don’t have to make a decision right now,” he added gently. “The offer won’t go away, and neither will I.”
Or trust the man who was showing me pieces of myself I’d forgotten existed?
I lifted my gaze to find him patiently waiting, for what, I wasn’t sure.
“It’s late, I’ll drive you back to your car and follow you home to make sure you get there safely.”
I nodded, but part of me didn’t want to leave him either.
“Are you trying to get rid of me for another woman?” I asked once we were in motion, turning to hide my smile.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
“You wanna come home with me, my forever?”
I kissed my teeth, and he laughed.
“That’s what I thought, baby. But keep in mind, my home is always available to you, just as I am.”
Every time he opened his mouth, it penetrated a part of me. I struggled to remember, but he still felt familiar and safe.
“I can tell you’re hurting because of me,” I murmured, watching the buildings as we passed them. “And I feel… weird about it. About hurting you, so that has to mean something.”
He made me hopeful for the future, and that said a lot about him as a person.
“And,” I went on. “Since you put a hit out on yourself just for my attention, I want you to know your presence makes everything hurt less. So, thank you for wanting me to kill you.”
He took an audible breath that sounded a lot like a sigh of relief.
“I needed to hear that.”
Something inside of me had known, making the urge to put him at ease hard to ignore.
We rode the rest of the way to the bar in silence. My car and one other I recognized were the only ones left in the parking lot.
I eyed it for a second, and he began to speak as if he could hear the question forming in my mind.
“Millicent is a means to an end,” he said, eyes meeting mine. “The hit on Jeremiah came from her and was funded by Jayden. Violet being cleared to stay in Everwood for up to six months is because of her, too.”
He was explaining to either bring me comfort or make me feel part of his plans. But I didn’t feel comfort knowing they were in close quarters often.
“I think I’m jealous.”
“That should make me feel good, but it doesn’t. I’ll kill her right now if that’s what you want, my forever.”
Such a reckless man.
“What does she get out of helping you?”
“Revenge against the Carroways.”
Millicent had been engaged to Jayden before me, which I did remember. But it fell through, and word circulated that she decided it was best to focus on EG and not tie another family into it.
There was obviously more to the story.
“Jeremiah raped her, but she was drugged and can’t remember all the details. She skipped going up the food chain because we both know without hard proof they’d never let her kill him.”
It was starting to come together in my head.
“So she came to you.”
He nodded.
“But not before threatening to ruin Jayden’s political aspirations. He funded the hit, and I got paid.”
Our eyes met, and I almost leaned in to ask for a kiss. He was so beautiful to me; his lips, too.
“You want to kill them for me, right?”
He nodded, and we somehow drifted closer to one another.
“Everything I’m doing is for you and me.”
I licked my lips and wrapped my fingers around the door handle.
“I’m gonna go, but can we—”
“There’s something I want to give you,” he cut in, opening the center console and pulling a phone from it. “Anytime you left on a job, you’d leave this behind. It was your way of protecting us.”
He held it out for me to take and squeezed my hand when I did, keeping us connected.
“Mine is still active, and it’s the only number saved in this one. Both lines are secure. So, if you want to see me again, use this.”
He let my hand go and tipped his head toward my car.
“Go ahead, I’ll follow until you pull into the parking garage.”