Chapter Six #2
“I can quite see that,” said Elizabeth. “I’m not sure if there is as good an excuse in the Bennet family, however. No great grief to get through, I’m afraid.”
“I did not mean it as an excuse, but I can see why you would take it that way,” I said. “Truly, Miss Bennet, any man that would reject you because of your family is foolish anyway. There is no reason that, after marrying you, he might not locate you both elsewhere.”
“Oh, quite true,” she said. “A woman can be settled too closely to her family after marriage, I think. The near and the far must be relative, and it all depends on a great many variables, I should think. I should not like to never see my family again, but—” She smirked.
“Well, some days I think I should rather glory in not seeing them again, but they are my family, of course.”
“Of course,” he said.
“I am sorry about the loss of your parents,” she said. “That must have been quite difficult, especially because you are young, as you say. Was it an illness?”
“An accident,” I said. “They were out riding horses and a sudden storm came in. We don’t entirely know what happened, but they were found off the horses at the bottom of a rocky outcropping. We posit perhaps the horses were frightened by the lightning, or… I don’t know.”
“They were thrown, you think?”
“In the end, wild beasts, no matter how it is we have domesticated them, are wild at their core. They serve us, yes, but one cannot override all of their own instinct to protect themselves.”
“Indeed,” said Elizabeth, shuddering. “I am not one for horses myself.”
“Really?” I said.
“It amazes me, truly,” she said, “how many people die on the backs of horses. Either from being thrown or trampled or any number of other things and then everyone just gets right back on them!”
I chuckled gently.
“Yes,” she said, nodding at me, “that is right. Everyone laughs at me when I say it, but I do think I am quite correct in this, and no one wishes to acknowledge that I am. They don’t want to admit that they are being entirely foolhardy by riding those beasts.”
I graduated to full-on laughter.
She glared at me. “You are just like everyone else, I see.”
I found this aspect of her, this fear of horseback riding, drew me to her more.
I couldn’t say why. Possibly, it was just because I liked her already.
When you liked someone, all their foibles seemed sort of endearing, I supposed.
But it was also that she was so self-possessed and so capable and here was one little chink.
I liked it. She would be afraid of horses, and I would not, and there would be something that I could provide for her, some level of use I would have to her when we were—
Oh, Lord.
I furrowed my brow, eyeing her, feeling a rising panic growing in my chest.
“What?” she said, noticing the change that had come over me.
“Nothing,” I said, and I pushed to my feet.
“Miss Bennet, you are right, of course, it is foolhardy to ride a horse, but sometimes we must take risks if we wish to have advantages. If you do not ride a horse, you must take materially longer to get anywhere at all. So, yes, it’s dangerous, but it’s not dangerous often enough to mean it makes sense to avoid the activity entirely.
” I went out of the room and over to hold onto the railing and look down at the bottom level, the one we could not get to at all.
“I did not mean to offend you,” came her voice, small and unsure.
I looked over at her. “You did not.”
“I did something,” she said.
“I can’t marry you, Miss Bennet,” I said.
She was so shocked that she scrambled to her feet as well. “No one thought you were going to marry me, sir.”
It was quiet.
“Except Caroline, I suppose, but you said that was a jest.”
I looked outward, gripping the railing.
“As we have already said, you are betrothed to your cousin.”
“Not formally, though,” I said.
“But it is understood,” she said.
“Yes,” I said. “And I always do what is expected of me. Always.”
“That is a good trait,” she said.
“Except that I haven’t been lately,” I said.
“Oh?”
“I’m expected, right now, to be in London.
I am expected to be in attendance for my aunt and uncle’s series of late autumn dinners and balls.
It’s tradition. I am expected to be preparing my sister for her debut into society, which should likely happen this spring, for she has behaved as if she is ready for such things.
I am expected to be doing all manner of things, and yet, I’m here, with them, and with people like you. ”
“What does that mean?” she said, offended.
I didn’t care if I’d offended her. “But I am trapped in this house with you. How long have we been here?” I checked the sun, sinking on the horizon. “Oh, yes, quite enough time to have compromised you.”
“Sir!” She seized the door frame for balance. She was appalled.
“If I had,” I said, “you should have no other choice but me. It would be marry me or ruin.”
“Sir, what are you saying?”
“I could just say I’d done it, I suppose,” I mused. “It would really be the same thing as if I had, from your perspective. Besides, as you said, no one is going to marry you otherwise—”
“You certainly would not have to force me to accept an offer of marriage from you,” she said, her voice shaky.
I chuckled softly. “Oh, yes, of course. No dowry to speak of. No prospects. And I suppose you’d like to find somewhere to house your mother and whatever sisters are unmarried after the death of your father?”
She shook her head at me. “I… you are suddenly being very strange.”
“Yes,” I said. “I suppose I am.” I looked down at where my hands gripped the railing. “I’m very sorry.”
Another long silence opened up, like a yawning chasm.
She was the first to break it. “I think perhaps I should close the door again.”
I laughed again, a soft and sardonic sound. “Have I not just said it doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not? I could destroy your reputation with a word. It wouldn’t even affect me. I would go on as I had, and you would—”
She shut the door, and the house trembled again.
I sighed heavily. “Miss Bennet, I apologize. The truth is, there is a man who—not me—another man who did something to a woman I care about, and it has changed everything. Everything is ruined. I saved her reputation, but I think I am ruined somehow.”
“You are a very awful sort of man, Mr. Darcy, worse than I thought you were,” came her voice from the other side of the door.
“Oh, come now, Miss Bennet, I would not touch you, I promise.”
“You have just said you would lie about it.”
“Well, I definitely wouldn’t do that,” I said. I blew out a noisy huff of air. “But… if I lied to other people as a reason for marrying you, would you object?”
“What?” she said, opening the door.
“It would make it easier for me, that’s all,” I said. “I should have some sort of excuse—”
“You need an excuse to marry me?”
“You know I do,” I said.
“Never mind, Mr. Darcy,” she said. “Never mind all of it. I would not marry you. I don’t care what you say. I would not marry you if you were the last man in all of England.”
I went to the door and opened it.
She shrieked. “Stay back!”
I let go of the knob and backed away.
“No, do not speak to me anymore,” she cried.