Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
SAVVY
The second the ceremony is over, I run straight for the bathroom.
I’m going to be sick.
As soon as my knees hit the tile floor of the Chug, a familiar sense of control washes over me.
I haven’t thrown up in years, but the combination of learning earlier today that Riley is now free and the image of Grey’s face as he spat the word “firefly” from his beautiful lips has me dry-heaving until my stomach cramps, my throat aches and my nostrils burn.
My carefully crafted life is starting to fall apart, and once the pieces crash this time, there won’t be any glue strong enough to put me back together again.
I messed up.
I know I did.
But it was for a good cause—at first. Then it spiraled into something I couldn’t get out of. So I did the best I could.
I supported Grey as Firefly via text and pushed him in person as Savvy until I got a clear picture of the whole broken man that he wouldn’t share with any individual person.
He needed a friend.
Greyson will never admit that, but he did, and I was there for him.
“Sav?” Clover’s voice trembles.
Shit. I didn’t bother turning on the lights. She’s probably imagining all the ways a mass murderer could lie in wait in this dark room.
“I’m here. Sorry. Something wasn’t—” I choke on a sob that startles even me.
The overhead lights flicker to life, and Clover enters the room with me. She debates sitting on the floor next to me for half a second, then reaches into her bag and pulls out a single graham cracker package and some hand sanitizer, then hands them to me.
She’s never pushed for details or asked questions about the silent battle I’ve had with food since I was a teenager, but she’s always been in silent wait, watching, helping, offering quiet support.
While I’ve been happy and healthy for six years now, I understand why she’d make the jump to this being a relapse.
“I’m fine, Clover. I promise. I just had way too much coffee and not enough food. It all caught up with me.”
She tucks her thick wool coat tighter around herself.
“Are you sure that’s all it is? Things have been…
intense with Grey lately, and you’ve been really jumpy, almost like you expect someone to reach out and grab you at any moment.
” If she only knew how likely that scenario actually was.
She fans her face. “And whatever happened before Madi’s ceremony, well, that was explosive. ”
Regardless of what Grey thinks, I have never and will never spill his secrets, so instead, I lie to my best friend again.
“Oh, that? Pfft. He’s all wound up over being in Happiness.
It’s nothing. We fight like brother and sister because we’re both button pushers who can’t help ourselves. I promise, it’s not that deep.”
The lines between Clover’s brows deepen as she stares at me.
“So his returning to California tonight doesn’t have something to do with you and him?”
I forget how to breathe.
He’s…leaving?
Rubbing my tongue along the roof of my mouth, I attempt to add enough moisture back so I can form words. It only makes my dry mouth worse.
“N—no,” I say. “I’m sure he just has an emergency to take care of.”
She quirks a brow, and I stand to avoid meeting her eyes, hand her back the sanitizer and crackers, then move to the sink because I wouldn’t believe me either.
Splashing cold water on my face does nothing to cool my overheated skin.
He’s leaving.
I know it’s because of me, but I can’t be the reason he runs away from his family. Braxton and Sage need him, and if I have to eat crow and be the person he hates more than anyone else to make that happen, then so be it.
Ignoring how painfully my heart is beating, I swallow all the usual comments I want to make about him running away and dig deep for an apology that will hopefully make him stay.
When I finish washing my hands, Clover holds out a tiny bottle of mouthwash.
“Just how much shit do you have in that big bag of yours, Clover?”
She laughs. It’s a dainty, jingling kind of sound that suits her. “Every bag I own doubles as a go bag. You know, just in case a murderer chases me out of here, I’ll be ready for anything.”
Clover writes thriller novels for a living, and sometimes I worry she doesn’t always see the line between fiction and reality.
“Come on. Let’s get back before we miss Madi and Braxton’s big entrance.”
I quickly rinse my mouth with the mouthwash, toss the tiny bottle in the trash, then plaster on a fake smile that fools everyone. Well, almost everyone. But something tells me Grey no longer cares what’s behind my mask.
“Let’s do this,” I say, then guide my curious friend back to the wedding.
I feel his presence the second we step into the park where the reception is being held under big, beautiful tents. He’s somewhere to my left. If I had to guess, he also clocked me the moment I walked in, and he’ll do everything in his power to avoid me.
But I can be relentless.
And tonight, I need to be because I owe him an explanation and the biggest apology I can muster.
“Oh, there’s Elle and little Keela. Let’s go say hi.” Clover releases my arm and drifts away.
“I’ll meet you over there in a second,” I say to the back of her head. Ever since our friend Elle had Keela, everyone in this town has gone baby crazy.
Especially Grey, who announced the very first time he saw her that he was “getting himself one of those.”
It’s not my fault that he chose Ray of Hope.
It’s not my fault that he got stuck on my profile.
It’s not my fault that I never had any intention of being a surrogate if I could help it.
But it is my fault for continuing to text with him after I realized ChasingColors was him.
So that’s what I’ll apologize for.
Squaring my shoulders, I prepare to face him, except when I turn to where I’d felt him, he’s gone. And a quick scan of the crowd doesn’t show him. There’s no way he’s left already. Braxton would kill him.
“Can I have this dance?”
I tilt my head up to find Grey’s nephew, Sage, smiling down at me. The kid is eighteen, but he has the soul of an eighty-year-old.
“I’d love to, but I need to talk to your uncle Grey first. I actually have to…apologize.” My face scrunches as I say it, no matter how hard I try to keep my expression neutral.
Sage’s face falls, and my chest bursts with pain. “I don’t think that’s a good idea tonight, Sav. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but he needs some space. I—I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.”
“You’ve betrayed me in a way I didn’t even know I was vulnerable. There’s no coming back from that.”
Grey’s words taunt my mind like a fucked-up fairy tale where everyone dies in the end.
I’d seen the pain in his eyes as he told me to stay away from him.
I hurt him, and I despise myself for it.
“Let’s dance,” Sage says again, this time drawing me onto the dance floor.
“I have to apologize to him, Sage.”
“I have a feeling there will be a lot of apologies made in the coming months, but tonight, you have to let him go.”
“But…” I look away. Sage looks so much like his uncle in this moment, I swear my soul is tearing in two. “He’s going to leave. I have to speak to him before he does.”
“He won’t stay away forever. Uncle Grey is a lot of things—tortured, protective, stubborn—but he’s not an idiot. He knows he needs us as much as we need him. Whatever’s going on between the two of you will be resolved, but first he’ll need to tame some of his own demons.”
“I just…” I finally peer back up at this amazing young man. “I can be prickly too, but I messed up this time. I owe him an apology, Sage.”
“And you will. But tonight is about Braxton and Madi. Uncle Grey can be a grumpy bastard sometimes, but he’s a good man. He’ll come around, but Madi may never forgive us if we don’t have the times of our lives tonight.”
He leads me in a circle to see my best friend. Madi is happier than I’ve ever seen her, and I know Sage is right.
Grey and I may have a rocky road ahead of us, but we aren’t getting rid of one another anytime soon.
Eventually, he’ll have to forgive me, and eventually, I’ll have to admit that it was never just about sex with him.
Thankfully, neither of those things has to happen tonight.
Soon, but not tonight.
Tonight is all about happiness and love.
Elle pushes baby Keela into my arms.
And apparently, babies. Lots and lots of babies.