Chapter Sixteen #4
She sighed. “Watch this. Marcus, come here!”
He came scrambling in from the other room almost immediately. “Yes, my pretty girl?”
“If I was to grab your dick, right now, would you think I wanted sex?” Kallie asked.
Marcus gaped. “With Ava here? I mean, that seems a little weird.”
“Hypothetically,” Kallie clarified. “If I did that randomly, would you take that as an invitation to jump into bed?”
Marcus seemed baffled by the question. “I mean… if you just grabbed it out of nowhere, I’d figure you wanted to hold it or something. Touching doesn’t mean you want to go all the way. Just because you want it in your hands doesn’t mean you want it in you.”
“So initiating touch wouldn’t be enough to tell you that I’m interested, even though we’re in a committed, long-term relationship?” Kallie asked.
Marcus shook his head. “No. I need direct communication. I don’t understand the games girls play. If you want my dick, why don’t you just say so?”
My jaw nearly hit the floor. Was he kidding?
“This doesn’t make any sense!” I argued. “Her touching you is the same thing as her asking directly!”
“No, that’s different, because then I have to think about it,” Marcus said.
“If she’s asking can we mess around, then I have to consider if she’s actually in the mood, if she really wants me, what kind of stuff she wants to do, if I’m going to get it right, if I’m going to last long enough to make her satisfied…
it makes it too complicated. I get stuck in my own head, which makes me not in the mood.
It kills the vibe. But if she just tells me, I want to have sex with you, that’s a clear indication of what I should do, and it’s straightforward.
I know I can easily fuck her, and I don’t have to think about it too hard, so I can just do it and make Kallie happy.
And if I don’t want to, I can just say no, and it’s fine. ”
“Is this really how guys think?” I wondered aloud.
Marcus spun in place. “Most men don’t like subtext. We can’t read between the lines. We can barely color inside them to begin with.”
“Great. That answers our question,” Kallie said. “I want a smoothie. Can you get me one?”
“Right away!” Marcus romped out of the room.
Kallie gestured toward the door he’d gone out of. “See? He’s happy! It’s what they need!”
I scowled. “They can’t be that stupid.”
“It’s not stupid, it’s just different. I’m not saying all men, but I’m saying our men need direct, straightforward communication,” Kallie insisted. “This is how Charlie works, and this is how you work, too, so why are you trying to go against your own wiring?”
I wasn’t sure. All of this was just a theory, so I wasn’t sure if I could believe this was true. We weren’t together anymore, so it wasn’t like I could test it out. I wanted more context on exactly what was inside Charlie’s head.
And I really, really wanted to talk to Ivy. If anyone was an expert in this kind of stuff, it was them. I wished I had a nonbinary perspective on all of this, someone who wasn’t firmly in either camp, but could see both sides.
Yet I was convinced that mine and Ivy’s friendship was over, too. So it wasn’t like I could ask them for advice.
I sighed, putting my chin in my hand. “Okay, let’s say I’m the real dom. But if we’ve had this backwards the whole time, how are we supposed to fix things now?”
“You need to make up your mind.” Kallie tied her hair back. “Then he’ll follow your guidance when you tell him to. That’s what a submissive does.”
“Great, so it’s all on me. That’s not a lot of pressure.”
“Charlie isn’t going to make a move one way or the other until you tell him which way to go. He’s waiting on you.”
“Why do I have to do all the work of figuring this out? It’s not fair!” I complained. “He needs to pull his weight, too.”
“That man isn’t going to breathe unless you tell him which way the wind blows,” Kallie said.
“And sorry, Ava, but I don’t think you’re the kind of girl who’d be happy being with a man who didn’t worship the ground she rolls over.
Obsessive guys begging for a treat is your type, and if a real dom showed up and tried to boss you around, you’d have him crawling on his knees in five seconds flat, because no one can be head bitch around here except you. ”
That much was true. “But nobody likes being controlled, even if they get off on it. I don’t need to domineer his every waking moment.”
“You can’t nag him or overpower his free will. You have to make your desire known, clearly, then wait for him to react and see if he’ll follow you,” Kallie said. “So do you want to stay married, or get divorced? Because we’re all waiting on you.”
“If I go through with acting like this, I’d be worried about violating his consent. I never want to do anything to him that he’s not absolutely willing to do, in the bedroom or otherwise. I don’t want to force him back into this marriage if he doesn’t think there’s anything left for us.”
“You aren’t forcing him to do anything by asking,” Kallie said.
“If he wanted to leave you, he would’ve signed those papers by now, but they’re still sitting in his drawer.
He’d rip them up today if you told him to, or he’d put the ink onto the paper if you said to sign them right now. It’s up to you.”
“This is a divorce. It’s a big, complicated decision. Can’t he think for himself?”
“Not when he doesn’t know how to live without you,” Kallie insisted. “You can get by without him, Ava. I know it, because even though you’re suffering you’re still surviving through your heartbreak and carrying on with life. He’s just lingering.”
I stayed quiet for a moment, and Kallie said, “Did he tell you that he’d sign the papers if you asked him to?”
My voice got very small. “Yes.”
“There you go.”
I crossed my arms and sat back. “So, what? I go back to bossing him around, and it’s going to fix our marriage? It can’t be that easy.”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Kallie shrugged. “It can’t hurt.”
This could be the only way for us to get back to a good place. If I took control and started steering our relationship, we might have a way to work through things.
But did I still want that? I wasn’t entirely sure.
“This might be something to consider. But it’s not like I can talk to him about this,” I said. “We’re so far apart now, and there’s no time to work on our relationship with what’s going on with the Warden. We don’t have long to figure out how to stop him before we’re backed into a corner.”
Kallie huffed. “You can work your relationship around your princess duties. Charlie’s not the only one you’re dominating.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
The door banged open, and Rishi yowled a greeting as Marcus returned.
“I got enough for all of us!” Marcus cheered as he distributed the drinks. “Blueberry Blast for Ava, Tropical Mango for me, and for my pretty princess, Cherry Chocolate.”
“Thank you, babe.” Kallie took her drink. “Marcus, who’s the leader of our friend group?”
Marcus paused. “I mean… theoretically it’s Charlie. He gives all the orders.”
“But in reality?” Kallie prodded.
“Oh, Ava.” Marcus gave a laugh. “It’s always been Ava.”
I nearly choked on my smoothie. “What, it’s not me!”
“It’s absolutely you,” Kallie added.
“Charlie was Team Captain for the Darke Games!”
“Yeah, because you told him to be,” Kallie said, rolling her eyes. “He’s always been a reluctant leader. He doesn’t move unless it’s your idea first.”
“Charlie’s the boss— everyone calls him that!”
“Okay, but who’s pulling his strings?” Marcus sipped his smoothie. “Because his brain isn’t working unless someone’s there to turn his head.”
“Clearly,” Kallie mumbled around her straw.
“I’m not the leader. I’m just here,” I said.
“Bullshit,” Kallie said. “The whole prophecy was about you. You’re taking over the Elvish empire and keeping it alive when Cameron wants to run it into the ground.
You’ve always been the Warden’s number one enemy, and you’ve guided the group whenever it’s time to take action and go to war.
Charlie’s the one making the plans, but the big picture revolves around you. ”
“Em-hm,” Marcus said. I didn’t notice before, but on closer inspection, I saw that there was something wrapped around his neck. Underneath his shirt was the unmistakable sight of black leather.
He was wearing a collar. By hell, Kallie. I wasn’t the only one dictating things to my man.
Or… former man.
I really wished I knew what I wanted, because until I did, Charlie wouldn’t know what he wanted, either. Relationships were complicated, because every person and couple was different.
But if this was our personal dynamic— and I was sure it was now— I had to figure out where I was going to lead us.
“What are you creating?” Marcus asked curiously, looking over Kallie’s shoulder. She’d painted a picture of a white wolf against a snowy background, and it looked pretty good. He beamed with pride. He was really into teaching her how to paint.
I turned my canvas around to show him mine. On it was a depiction of a giant purple dick, the words butt stuff written across it in neat cursive.
“Ugh! Gross, Ava!” Marcus complained. He stomped out of the room, completely insulted that I’d used his precious paint to create such an obscene work.
Kallie laughed. “I think it’s perfect. It’ll look great in your bedroom.”
“He’s just jealous that I've become a master artiste with one work.” I put the painting down so it could dry.
Kallie leaned in, giving a sly smile. “Marcus is my puppy dog. Charlie’s been a bad boy. It’s time you train him, because that’s what he’s looking for. Give him some commands and see how it goes.”
I mused upon the suggestion. “It could work, but we have a kid now. Where does Casey fit in?”
Kallie frowned. “That does complicate things.”
“If I don’t want our son, and he does, what should we do? I’m not taking a child away from his father because I don’t want to raise it.”
“This is a lot to decide in one day,” Kallie said. “Just take it one step at a time.”
“I can’t. This feels like an overwhelming decision, and there are too many options.
” I was cleaning the brush fiercely, stabbing it into the water cup until the bristles were bent.
“I can’t figure out if we just ended up in a bad place, or if we were toxic together.
Were we bad for each other, or was it the kind of situation where it was the right person, wrong time? ”
“There's no such thing. You have to choose to be the right person for your partner, and keep choosing him every day,” Kallie said.
“How can I choose him if I don’t know our love was real?
” I asked. “We could’ve fallen in love because of all the trauma we went through, and if that’s true, our relationship doesn’t mean anything.
It was just a bunch of emotional wounds bringing us together.
We tried to heal those wounds through each other, then we ripped them open to be worse than before. ”
Kallie gave me a scathing look that was completely deprecating. “You weren’t with him because of trauma bonding. You're just in a tough spot right now.”
“You think so?”
“I’ve been through so much with the pair of you that I know you guys better than I know myself,” Kallie stated.
“I’ve met a lot of couples in my lifetime.
Fated mates, twin flames. But you and Charlie…
you guys love each other the most. More than anyone else I’ve seen.
You can’t keep giving him, or your relationship, more chances. But just give him one more chance.”
She was right. I couldn’t rule it out. I wasn’t able to stop my arms from curling around her, bringing Kallie into a tight hug.
“What’s this about?” she asked, laughing.
“You’ve been doing so much quiet work, Kallie,” I whispered.
“You’ve been performing all this silent labor behind the scenes, taking care of the empire and the friend group.
Nobody has noticed all the effort you’ve been putting in, but I do.
I want to thank you for it. You’re the one person keeping everyone going. ”
Kallie hugged me back. “I’ll always take care of the people that got me through the Institute. Especially you.”