Chapter Nineteen
CHARLIE
I stormed into the training arena. I’d been on my way to visit Casey when Marcus let it slip that Ava had asked Kallie to raise our son.
I found Sophia and confronted her next— she’d admitted that Ava had asked her to take him, too.
Oberi wasn’t around because he’d been helping Emma and Lucas all day, chipping away at Edinmyre’s spiritual boundaries.
Thank fuck he wasn’t here, or he might try to stop me.
Sophia’s confession had rattled my bones. I sought out Ava immediately. Sophia rushed to catch up with me, but I was faster, and reached the training center first.
Something whizzed by my head— an arrow, judging by the way the fletchings cut through the air. The arrow stuck into the wall behind me. Sophia gasped as she followed me into the room. I barely flinched. Nothing Ava could do could hurt me anymore.
Nothing, except this one thing.
“Planning to take my head off?” I sneered.
“That was an accident,” Ava said defensively. “You startled me.”
Liam sighed. “There goes our safety training. Charlie, what’s wrong now?”
“I think it’s pretty damn obvious!” I seethed. “Ava wants you two to raise Casey, but Ava’s not the only one who gets to decide what happens to him. He’s my kid, too! She can’t take him out of my life!”
“Nobody’s taking him away. Charlie, chill out,” Liam stated irritably, sounding annoyed.
How could he ask me to do that when Ava was threatening to rip away the one thing I still had?
I was a dad now, and that was all that was left of me.
Now she wanted to steal him, too? She couldn’t just divorce me, break my heart, and leave me with my son?
She wanted to give Casey to someone else, have him grow up as I had, in a home without his parents?
Over my dead body.
“I’m his mother. If anybody’s going to have the final say on where he goes, it’s going to be me,” Ava demanded.
If that didn’t light a fire in me. Yeah, she’d been pregnant, and she’d done all the hard work of giving him life, but he didn’t belong to just her. I’d helped her make him. He was mine, too.
“Ava, watch it,” Liam warned, dropping his voice.
“She’s not going to listen to you, so why bother?” I spat. “All she cares about is her own comfort!”
“It’s not my comfort I’m worried about,” Ava hissed. “You’re the one who can’t get out of the little box he’s created in his head to fix things between us!”
“Bullshit! Marcus told me you wanted him and Kallie to take our kid. Why are you having open auditions to place him with the highest bidder behind my back?”
“That wasn’t what I was doing,” Ava said nastily. “I want what’s best for him, not what’s going to make us feel good!”
“You just want to give him problems, so you can run away from responsibility and commitment like you always do. You didn’t want to marry me, either, and now you’re throwing our baby away like you threw away our marriage.
What, you want Casey to be kicked from home to home all his life, reminding him that he’s not wanted every time he has to leave? ”
Maybe what I was saying was unfair, but I couldn’t help but say exactly what was on my mind. Tears stung at the corners of my eyes as I struggled to hold them back, but I was so fucking furious. I would not let my son grow up the way I had. I’d rather die first.
“Let’s talk about this,” Sophia pleaded.
“No one wants to take Casey away from you, but I think we can all agree that you two aren’t ready to raise a child, especially if you intend to co-parent.
Liam and I are here to help until you’re ready, and you won’t be until the two of you can fix your problems and work together. ”
I was certain the last thing either of us wanted to do was co-parent. Ava wanted to rip the last of my family away from me, because she wanted for me to suffer the rest of my days. She hated me. I just knew deep down she had to blame me for being unable to bond with him.
I sympathized with her; I couldn’t imagine how insanely painful it was to be unable to feel anything for Casey.
I’d fallen in love with him the moment he’d come into my life, and she felt nothing for him.
I knew, because Marcus had let that slip in his confession, too.
It had to tear her up inside, and be completely unbearable.
I never wanted such an awful thing to happen to the woman I’d loved more than anything and anyone.
I’d be grieving for her if she wasn’t trying to give Casey away.
But she was, and it was because she wanted to get back at me. In her mind, if she couldn’t have Casey, then I didn’t deserve him, either.
I crossed my arms, wishing to hear the truth from her own damn mouth. “I want to know what Ava thinks, not everybody else.”
Ava hesitated. “I just want what’s best for Casey.” There was no malice in her voice. In fact, she sounded… shocked. “I didn’t think you’d fight so hard for him.”
“I told you I’d take him,” I reminded her.
“I figured you were just doing what you thought you had to do. I didn’t think you actually wanted this, and raising him out of obligation is only going to fuck him up. My parents will do a better job raising him than we can. It’s the right move to make.”
“Your parents will be wonderful grandparents, but that doesn’t mean we should give up on raising him ourselves,” I insisted. “Casey needs a parent there for him, and I want to be there every step of the way. I don’t know how to be a dad yet, but I’m going to learn.”
“Being a parent is more complicated than mixing formula and changing diapers,” Ava said harshly. “What about when he gets older and needs your emotional support? Where will you be then?”
“I’ll be there holding him,” I demanded. “What do you think I’m going to do, run away the first time he sheds a tear?”
“Yes, Charlie, because that’s what you do!” Ava cried. “When things get uncomfortable, you shut down and leave!”
“You don’t think I’ll be a good dad, then,” I accused.
“How can I? You’re not a good husband!”
It was as if she’d struck me. That arrow she’d shot at my head might as well have pierced straight through my heart. “That’s low, Ava. Really fucking low.”
“It’s true,” she bit back. “I don’t believe you’ll be a good parent unless you’re a good spouse, because a broken marriage is only going to damage this kid further. I asked my parents to be his caregivers, because that will be easier on him than watching us fight all the time!”
My hands curled at my sides. “You don’t want anything to do with him, so you won’t even be around to fight with, which is fine by me! But you aren’t taking him away from me!”
Liam had seen enough. He threw himself between us, his voice booming.
“That’s it! Sophia and I were going to stay out of this, but ancestors help me, you two need some serious help.
Ava’s at her limit, and so am I! I’m sick of listening to your arguing.
For fuck’s sake, it’s like you two enjoy pissing each other off, and I’m sick of this game!
Both of you need to get your shit together, because I’m too old for this crap.
I’m done raising kids, and I’m not taking another one.
So you’re going to sit your asses down and work out your marriage, because Casey needs a parent one way or another, and it’s not going to be me! ”
“Daddy, a baby isn’t going to save our marriage,” Ava argued.
“Then save it for yourselves,” Liam urged. “You were honest with me a few minutes ago, Ava, so be honest now. I’ll ask you again; what do you really want?”
Ava hesitated, and her tone softened. “What I want is irrelevant. If Charlie and I are going to fix anything, it has to be for us, because if we tried for any other reason, nothing would get fixed and Casey would be affected.”
The smallest of cracks began to appear in my stone-cold exterior. Was Ava actually suggesting… there might be hope?
No. She couldn’t be. She’d made it clear to me this marriage was done for. We weren’t going to be a happy family at the end of the day, no matter how badly I wanted us to be one.
But Ava went on. She sighed and added, “The problem is, there’s no us anymore, so any hope of salvaging what was once there is already gone.”
For the first time in a long time, I agreed with her. “She’s right. Marriage counseling isn’t going to help. Ava and I spent two years in therapy at the Institute. Takahashi’s a great therapist, and if he can’t fix my brain then no one can.”
“See what I mean, Daddy?” Ava’s voice cracked. “He won’t even try! Funny you have excuses now, Charlie, when you used to be more than willing to share in group therapy at the Institute.”
“That’s because I had to, not because I wanted to.”
“You’d do it if you wanted to fix this marriage,” Ava demanded. “You’d do it if you really cared about Casey!”
“Don’t you ever accuse me of not caring about my son!
” I shouted. “This is why it can never work between us, because whenever you aren’t getting your way, you have to drive the knife in and twist it!
You always want me to hurt more than you’re hurting, and that’s why you want to take Casey away— not because it’s what’s best for him, but because you can’t stand the thought of me experiencing any amount of joy! ”
“It’s not working because you’ve given up!” Ava shouted. “Charlie, all I want is for you to fucking try.”
“I’ve tried everything, and you’ve made it pretty damn clear you don’t want anything to do with me!
” My voice began to waver, too, but I managed to hold it together— because Casey needed me to, and I’d be damned if his mother got the best of me on this one.
“I’m willing to give you what you want, but you clearly don’t know what that is, so don’t blame me when it’s literally impossible to make you happy, because nothing I ever do will be good enough for you! ”
Ava scoffed. “You’re such a bastard. Typical man, willing to do everything to fix the relationship except talk about his feelings.”