Chapter Twenty
AVA-MARIE
I didn’t much care where my father had dragged Charlie off to, but I had bigger problems, because Mama made it clear I needed to follow her.
I wasn’t given a say about it. I put the bow away in its case, then trailed behind her through the palace until I found myself at the base of the holy elder tree within the Elvish temple.
I looked around, feeling forlorn. This place had once been a reverent hall, rich with culture and treasured memories.
Now it loomed as a chapel of emptiness, devoid of any meaning.
Charlie and I had taken our vows underneath this elder tree, and a few short weeks after, we’d burned our oaths to ashes when it had taken so long to forge them.
The tree was still bearing fruit from Cassiel’s funeral, something the Elves considered a miracle.
Now that some time had passed, I wasn’t convinced it hadn’t just been an elaborate coincidence.
After all, I had no magic left, but the tree had responded to me like I did— or at least, it had appeared to.
I was certain the fading of Cassiel’s power was what had made the tree bloom, not me.
“Why am I here?” I asked, pushing a branch out of my face. The leaves brushed over my skin anyway.
“Charlie has to be mentored. So do you,” Mama said, taking a seat on the bench beneath the tree.
I scowled. “I wanted Charlie to go to therapy, not me. He’s the one who needs it.”
“You need it too if this marriage is going to work.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, like this won’t end up like all the therapy I’ve had before.”
“This isn’t going to be normal counseling. Talk therapy doesn’t work for you. It never has,” Mama said plainly. “This is more than counseling. It’s an ancestral rite. Now, do you want to start saving your marriage?”
I sighed. “What do you want me to do?”
“You know the traditions of our tribe,” Mama replied. “When Hawkei women chose to divorce their husbands, they would pack all their things and move out of their husband’s home and into their own.”
“Yeah, and that’s what I did,” I replied irritably. “In the eyes of our tribe, my marriage was over as soon as I took my stuff out of Charlie’s quarters. The paperwork is just a formality.”
“But you overlooked the second part of that ritual,” Mama said. “Which means your marriage is still valid.”
A sour feeling curdled in my gut. “You aren’t suggesting what I think you are.”
“Are you serious about ending this marriage, or not?” Mama said. “Because I think you know what Charlie’s doing right now.”
“I can’t help that he’s climbing a stupid mountain to try and win me back!” I hoped he fell off. It would make things easier.
“But he’s not the only one that has to make sacrifices.
If a Hawkei man must take the journey up the mountain to show his wife he’s willing to risk his life for her, a Hawkei woman must show sacrifice in return,” Mama replied.
“You know the traditions. Once the climb up the mountain is made, a Hawkei wife must make a choice. She must show that she’s willing to put faith in her husband, and relinquish all her possessions to give her spouse the chance to provide them for her once again.
She has to trust wholeheartedly that he won’t abandon her, leaving her in poverty.
If she cannot give him that trust, she must cling to her livelihood and leave forever, and never speak of him again. ”
“You want me to give up everything I have so I can have a chance to be with Charlie? How can you ask me to sacrifice so much?”
“Because it’s what will make up your mind.
You’ll know if you’re truly willing to try again if you’re comfortable with the idea of sacrificing all you have in the hope that he can get it back.
And if you can’t trust him to provide for your needs and desires, to restore to you everything you’ve lost, then he’s not a man worth being married to, and you’ll have your answer.
Do you trust him or not, Ava? Because that answer will tell you if you should stay in this marriage or go. ”
This was a harsh, yet quick, way to understand exactly what I was willing to risk.
Did I trust Charlie enough to know he wouldn’t let me down?
Or was I too afraid to put any expectations on his shoulders?
It had to be one or the other, and if fear won, Mama was right and we shouldn’t be married.
Either I was willing to trust him again, and knew deep down he could protect me from the world despite his mistakes, or I no longer thought he had the capability to be my defender and I needed to leave.
My ancestors were brutal, and they didn’t mess around.
In the ancient world of our tribe, decisions like this were life or death.
A Hawkei woman couldn’t stay with a husband that couldn’t shelter her from the harsh weather, hunt for her dinner or defend her from outsiders.
She’d die if she put her faith in the wrong man.
Things were a little different in these modern times, except I realized that staying in a poor marriage could mean a fate worse than starvation— the death of your spirit.
What good was it to survive if you were trapped in a relationship where your very soul was withering away, because you couldn’t escape the person you no longer loved?
At that point, you were simply praying for the end.
It was still a very harsh choice to make.
But at least there was no languishing or indecision.
The choice was simple and obvious, one or the other, though both options were terrifying.
Did I choose to make the sacrifice, and give up all I had so Charlie could restore it back to me?
Or did I shield myself from the fear that he’d let me down, take my things and never speak of him again for the rest of my life?
“I don’t understand what our ancestors were trying to teach us through this ritual. What’s the point of this lesson?” I asked.
“A woman has to feel safe within her husband’s arms. But a man desires to feel needed by his wife,” Mama said wisely. “Women seek protection, and men are driven by the need to become that shield. Charlie wants to provide for you, but he doesn’t know how. You haven’t been letting him.”
I hadn’t. I wanted to protect what I had left from him, but I couldn’t if I wanted to save this marriage. It had to be about us, not about me. “Do you really think this will work?”
“I can’t say. It’s a risk no matter what.
You have to be vulnerable and trust that he’ll be there to return everything you’ve lost. There’s no way to protect yourself in this situation.
Either he’ll step up and be the man you want him to be, or he won’t.
Who he truly is will reveal itself through the situation as it plays out.
You won’t have to keep asking yourself what kind of husband he is anymore, because his actions will speak for him.
Words mean nothing when a marriage is falling apart, Ava.
Actions do. Observe what he does, then you’ll understand where his heart lies. ”
“And what if I give him this chance, and he completely fails me?”
“Then the tribe itself will come in to protect and provide for you, as it always has for all the women of our bloodline,” Mama replied. “But you have to give Charlie his chance first.”
I groaned, throwing my head back. “You’re really not making this easy.”
“This is your decision,” Mama insisted. “I’m only here to guide you.”
I scowled. Never could be simple, could it? I grabbed my wheels and wrenched them around, saying, “Well, you can guide me back to the Ladies’ Court, because I can’t carry all this crap by myself.”
Mama smiled as she came to join me. She remained quiet as we entered my special closet, being nothing more than a silent mentor as I paused to observe all the things I’d collected… my dozens of dresses, the pool of diamonds, rows of precious necklaces, bracelets and gems.
“You’d better be worth this shit, Charlie,” I grumbled. I started yanking things off the shelves, tossing them to the floor. If I was giving up my entire closet, he’d better not fuck this up again.
Mama started helping me, placing things in neat piles on the floor. She was soundless, but I was loud, mumbling swear words under my breath as I tossed everything within reach onto the carpet.
Elrye was nearby, and she heard the commotion.
She rushed into the room. Her eyes widened as she watched me toss my things, jaw dropping as she became speechless.
She was followed by a large group of Elvish ladies who were staring at me like they figured I’d gone mad. “Princess, what is all of this?”
“I need boxes,” I demanded. “As many as you can find.”
Elrye blinked. “But princess, why?”
“I’m giving away all my things.”
Elrye gaped. It was an appropriate response.
Everyone in the palace knew how obsessed I was with my closet and everything in it.
“If you wish to divorce the prince, you need to know that you still retain ownership of everything you’ve been given.
You don’t need to return any of our possessions.
These things were the empire’s gift to you. ”
“And I’m giving them all back. I’m not leaving Charlie. I’m following the traditions of my tribe,” I stated. “I want everyone who’s willing to help me grab whatever they can. The jewels, diamonds, all my dresses. Leave nothing in my closet or quarters.”
Elrye failed to respond for a moment or two. “Princess… are you sure?”
I didn’t pause, because I absolutely was. “Everything must go. I won’t hear any more questions about it.”
Elrye nodded. “Very well. Whatever you desire, we shall do.”
She clapped her hands, and the astounded Elvish ladies gathered around her jumped. “You heard the princess! Grab everything in sight!”