Chapter Twenty-One #2
“Correct. But you also see where the different energies are out of alignment when it comes to their relationship,” Sophia said. “Couples are meant to live together in a flow state.”
“Exactly. Sophia and I typically fit into conventional roles. I usually embody the masculine, and she thrives in the feminine,” Liam explained.
“But sometimes, there are times when she needs to embody the masculine, and I need to embody the feminine. We trade off roles, existing in a state where we can match what the other needs, and what our marriage needs, as situations arise.”
I wasn’t sure if Ava and I would ever get into that kind of flow state, where we’d seamlessly match whatever the other person needed when they needed it. It was hard enough getting us on the same book, let alone the same page, but we had to learn how if we were going to make this work.
“So how do Ava and I balance these energies?” I asked. “Even if we balance them inside of ourselves, how do we know what roles we serve in our marriage?”
I really didn’t want to get into this BDSM stuff with her parents, because they didn’t need to know what had gone on in our bedroom, but that situation reflected these lessons.
Me serving as Ava’s dom and her as my sub had worked for us for a long time, but we’d gone too hard in one direction.
I didn’t think we could live happily without those roles, but at the same time, they’d become toxic to us, too.
We needed to clearly define things, because since I’d lost my position as her dominant, I didn’t know what Ava needed from me or what to do in order to move us forward.
“That’s what you’re going to figure out, because we can’t do it for you. It’s something you two need to decipher for yourselves,” Liam said as he stood. “Come on. Your carriage is waiting.”
“What do you mean, our carriage?” I asked.
“You didn’t think that Sophia and I were just going to help you talk about your feelings, did you?” Liam said. “It’s time to put the work in.”
Sophia sighed, like she thought her husband was being too harsh.
“What Liam means to say is the Hawkei believe in learning through experience. We aren’t talk therapists.
We’re religious counselors, and in Hawkei culture, the counselors place mentees into real-world situations they must figure their way out of.
It’s the only way to learn where you stand. ”
Ava sighed. “Well, if we must. Might as well get it over with.”
I didn’t want to climb another mountain, but I’d do it for Ava a hundred times over. I didn’t know what Liam had in mind, but whatever it was, I was up for the challenge.
I stood to follow. “Then let’s get started.”
Liam led us to a carriage outside the palace. I helped Ava inside before placing her all-terrain wheelchair in a spot at the back. The driver cracked the reins, and Oberi stuck his head out the window as we made our way across Ilamanthe.
The sounds of the city quieted as we came upon a large inland lake. The air was different here— cool with the breeze from the lake, but without the scent of saltwater from the ocean.
We emerged from the carriage, and Liam led us to a rowboat tied to a dock. I helped Ava in, along with her chair, which Liam promised would not be too heavy to capsize the boat, because he’d be using his Toaqua magic to steady us. The old man still made me row, though.
“So what trial we’re going through, exactly?” I wondered as I rowed into deeper water.
“There’s a small island up ahead,” Liam explained. “We’re dropping you and Ava off there. How you get back to the mainland is up to you.”
“So you’re taking the boat and want us to… what? Build a raft?” I said.
“We aren’t going to leave you empty-handed,” Sophia assured me. “The alone time should do the two of you good, and once you come to understand each other, you’ll find your way off the island together.”
“How long is that going to take?” I wondered.
“That’s completely up to the two of you,” Liam said. “The quicker the two of you decide to work together, the faster you can get off the island. Hopefully by then you’ll be ready to get Ava’s stuff back.”
I furrowed my brow. “What stuff?”
“Daddy!” Ava protested. “You weren’t supposed to say anything!”
“For fuck’s sake, Ava. You didn’t tell him?” Liam demanded.
“No, but thanks so much for letting it slip,” Ava said harshly.
“Well, I ain’t gonna tell him, so might as well spit it out before we get to the island,” Liam grumped.
“Sweetheart, you’ve been wearing that same dress for weeks now, and I’ve never seen you repeat an outfit twice.
It’s odd. If I have to break the rules a little to get you to move your ass, I’m going to. This is part of your counseling, too.”
“I didn’t want him to know! I wasn’t ready!” Ava burst.
“You weren’t going to be ready until the ancestors came down and told you to do it. You need a push, so I’m throwing you off the cliff.”
My rowing faltered. “What is all this about?”
“Nothing,” Ava mumbled, but I was certain that wasn’t the truth.
I stopped rowing for a second. “Ava, we can’t work this out if we’re still lying to each other. I don’t want to do that anymore.”
I dared to lightly place my hand upon hers. “There’s no reason for us to be doing any of this unless you want to get vulnerable with me. You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t freak out.”
Ava’s words bit with frustration, and the edge of tears.
“I guess there’s no hiding it now. In Hawkei tradition, when a woman wanted to divorce a man, she moved all of her things out of his home.
If he wanted to bring her back, he would climb a mountain to show her the hardships he was willing to go through for her.
If she accepted his offer and wanted to live with him again, the woman would give up all her personal belongings, signifying her trust in him to provide for her.
To prove himself, the man would have to go get her belongings back. ”
So much for me promising not to freak out. “You moved out… and I climbed that mountain. So that means—”
“I gave up all my stuff,” she finished for me. “Everything I had, all that was valuable to me. My clothes, my jewelry, my wedding dress, I donated everything. All I kept were the clothes on my back, my journal, and a few of our things. Everything else is gone.”
Her wedding dress. That had been a precious gift from her grandmother, and she’d given it away for me.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I can’t get your things back for you if I don’t know what’s going on.”
“It’s more complicated than that. I didn’t want you to feel… obligated to provide for me.”
I was astonished by this admission. This was something we definitely had to talk out, and I didn’t want her parents around for it, because this was a big conversation.
After a beat of silence, Liam sighed. “It appears you two have more to work out than I thought. And your work starts now.”
The boat bottomed out against the sand, and we came to a halt. My magic sensed a small sandy beach with a forest beyond, though the island couldn’t be bigger than a few acres.
“Everybody out!” Liam barked.
I went to help Ava, but Liam grabbed me under the arm and yanked me out of the boat and down a sandy beach. Sophia and Oberi helped with Ava’s chair, while Liam dropped his voice so only I could hear.
“I didn’t realize Ava hadn’t told you about what she’d done,” Liam started. “And that’s a problem. If Ava’s kept this under wraps, that means she doesn’t trust you enough to finish your part. Your job here on this island is to show her that she can rely on you. Can you do that, kid?”
“Yeah, of course,” I insisted. “I’m willing to do anything.”
“You don’t understand,” Liam pressed. “You can’t just want this.
You have to do it. You’ve already proven your intention.
Now you have to show her you’re capable.
She was supposed to tell you to go get her things back.
It’s forbidden for anyone else to do it on her behalf, but I'm a chief, so I'm making an executive decision and going against tradition, because it’s clear you two still need help communicating.”
I hadn’t realized. I’d been so cautious around Ava that I rarely touched her anymore. I didn’t know what she’d been wearing for a while now.
All of her things. And I hadn’t known. How long was she planning on waiting to tell me?
“I wish I would’ve noticed,” I said. “Am I purposefully being ignorant?”
“No. Ava is acting out of her wounded feminine by being afraid to ask for your help, and you’re operating out of your wounded masculine by hesitating on giving her what she needs. This is why we brought you to this island.”
Liam clapped me on the back. “You two better not leave this place until you prove to her without a doubt she can count on you from now on, and she proves to you that she can trust you enough with whatever’s on her mind.”
We might be here until we died if that was the case, but I still replied, “We’ll do it. We can figure this out.”
Hopefully.
We returned to the boat, where Sophia had helped Ava out and into her chair. “I said we weren’t going to leave you empty-handed,” Sophia promised. “So here is the only tool you need to get you off this island. Use it well.”
Sophia placed something into my hands, and I ran my fingers over a leather cover. “A spell book?” I wondered.
“It is a journal of sorts, a gift from Liam and me to the two of you,” Sophia stated.
“The spell you need to complete this ritual is inside. You’re not to leave the island until the ritual is complete.
The empty pages are for your future, to add reminders, journal entries, or any notes that you desire to maintain balance in your marriage. ”
“Mama, that’s so thoughtful,” Ava said. “Thank you.”