Chapter 4
FOUR
Anna
“Have you got it with you?” Leah asked. I had called an emergency wine meeting to discuss the letter from Ben the Bastard.
I handed it over and she began to read from the beginning. I concentrated on my wine.
For the next five minutes all I got was “God”, “Oh, wow” and “Well that makes sense.” And then I got a question. “And you had no idea?” she looked up at me.
I shook my head. “Like it says, he got very good at hiding it.”
She nodded, like she understood. Like it was understandable that I hadn’t realized he was an addict. I wasn’t sure it was. What did that say about my ability to read people?
Leah continued to read. “Oh and this is him making amends. I see. It’s brave.” She looked up and I nodded. It was brave.
When she got to then end she exhaled dramatically. “What did Ethan say?”
“I’ve not told him yet. I’m going to call him when I get back. Anyway, this was all pre-Ethan. Before we met.”
“So it doesn’t change anything?”
“What? Between me and Ethan?” I looked at her to check she wasn’t high on something. “Of course it doesn’t change anything. What could it possibly change? Ethan and I are together.”
“Okay, I just wondered if . . . well, whether you may still have feelings that might come back now you have an explanation about things.”
“Leah!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from her. She knew, she must know, how I felt about Ethan. He wasn’t just another boyfriend to me.
“What? I’m just asking.”
“You know what it’s like between Ethan and me. How can you ask me that?”
“All I know is that you’re three thousand miles away from each other without a plan.”
“I have a plan. I have a fucking plan, Leah.” My voice started to tremble a little and from her expression it seemed she hadn’t expected me to react as strongly as I had.
“I’m sorry. Anna, please, I didn’t mean to upset you. I want you to be happy.”
“I know, look, I’m going to go. I want to go home and speak to Ethan.”
“I’m really sorry. Please don’t go, I feel terrible.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Really. I just need to go.” I was standing already. I had to be at home. But I didn’t want to make Leah feel worse than she clearly already did, so I sat down and topped up our glasses.
“I’m pleased you’ve found Ethan.”
I stayed silent. I didn’t want to carry on this discussion.
“And I’m glad you have a plan,” she continued. I didn’t really have a plan, other than I was determined that Ethan and I would be together.
“Maybe we’ll end up having a double wedding!” Leah said, clearly trying to make me laugh.
“Fuck off Leah.” She knew how I felt about the whole wedding thing.
“What? I think it would be a brilliant idea.”
“We’re not getting married.”
“Ever?”
“You know how I feel about getting married. It’s silly and outdated and married people end up hating each other but staying together anyway.
And I can’t bear the thought of wearing some meringue of a dress and having members of my family trying to hide their disdain for each other while eating over-priced chicken. ”
“Okay, so no double wedding. But when you’re bridesmaid at mine, I’m making you wear a meringue. And you’re going to be eating chicken. The rest of us will have venison.”
I laughed despite myself.
Ethan
The whole world was literally talking out if its asshole. No one had made any sense since I’d gotten into the office. It was like someone had infected everyone with a virus. Clearly I was immune, but the rest of them had it bad.
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. It doesn’t take into account the fact that the value in this business has not been nailed down.”
Fuck, this was obvious fucking stuff. Why was I having to make these points?
I checked my phone and smiled at the text Anna had sent earlier. She’d liked the book. It was the least provocative of all the gifts I had planned for her. I was still holding my cell when another text arrived.
A: When are you free? Can we talk?
E: Are you okay? I’m in a meeting now, but I can excuse myself.
A: No, when you are home. I just had a fight with Leah and I want to hear your voice.
Jesus, the woman made me feel like a god.
E: I’ll be home by 7pm again, beautiful.
For the second time in two days I left the office at six thirty. It wasn’t sustainable. Just because I worked from home after I spoke to Anna wasn’t enough. I needed to be in the office. Three weeks until she got here, and then we needed to talk.
I called her as soon as I reached my apartment. She sounded sleepy and the blood rushed to my dick. The feeling of being ready for her when she wasn’t here wasn’t getting any easier.
“How was your day?” she asked.
“A fucking nightmare. I hate dealing with stupid clients.”
She laughed and the tension in my voice suddenly sounded ridiculous. I could do nothing but grin in response.
“Anyway, none of that matters. Tell me about Leah. It’s not like you two to argue.”
“We’re okay, it’s fine. It’s just, I got a letter from Ben.”
“From who?” The pulse in the veins on my neck throbbed.
“Hear me out.”
“Hear you talk about your fucking dick of an ex?”
She sighed and I felt like a dick, but really?
“No, whatever. I thought you would want to know.”
“Anna, what the fuck did the fucking letter say?” I didn’t need to ask. Of course, it would be begging her forgiveness, begging her to take him back. Fucking dick couldn’t keep her in the first place and now wanted a second chance.
“I need you to calm down.”
“And I need you to tell me what that fucking letter says before I get on the next plane to London to read it for myself.” The throb in my neck was getting wilder.
“Calm the hell down, I am going to tell you if you give me a minute and stop acting like an asshole.”
I had nothing to say to that. She was right. Some of that asshole virus must have got to me after all.
“Okay, sorry, go on.”
“I’m not one of your associates that you can boss around, Mr. Bossy Pants. Well not outside the bedroom, anyway.” That made me smile. “So, I got a letter at work from Ben today.”
Was it me, or was she stringing this out. She needed to get the fuck on with it. And then I could arrange to have him killed or something.
“And it was to make amends.”
“I bet it was, the limp-dicked prick.”
“No, it was like part of his treatment. He’s in AA or something for his addiction to drugs and alcohol. And it was a really lovely letter. Telling me how sorry he was for putting me in danger, for deceiving and manipulating me. How none of it was my fault . . .”
“Of course it wasn’t your fault.”
“Ethan, listen. It was nice. I was shocked to hear he was an addict. I didn’t know. And it kind of makes sense. But he hid it well and I’m pleased for him that he’s getting the help he needs.”
“And does he want you back?”
“No, that’s not what this was about.”
My pulse calmed.
“Okay, so why did you and Leah fight, or is it not connected?”
“Yeah, well it’s kind of connected.” She was reticent.
“So, talk to me.”
“It’s nothing, and I overreacted. It’s embarrassing, really.”
“Tell me.”
“Okay, but you have to promise to hear me out. Don’t go bat-shit crazy again.”
“Go on, Anna.”
“Leah just asked if I would try and reconcile with Ben now that I’d read the letter.
And I got really mad that she could ever think that, knowing how I feel about you.
She knows how different it is between us compared to other boyfriends I’ve had.
I mean, if she feels for Daniel even a tenth of what I feel for you, she would never say that.
I just lost it. Totally lost it and I feel bad.
I apologized and it will be fine, but I was so irritated. ”
I think my heart stopped. Literally, stopped dead. I didn’t think it was possible to love someone more than I knew I loved Anna but apparently it was.
“Ethan?”
“Yeah, I’m here, beautiful. I’m sorry you had that fight with Leah—no, scratch that. I’m not sorry at all. I needed to hear that from you today.”
“You did?”
“It’s all good. But we need a plan. We can’t live three thousand miles away from each other for long. I think it might just ruin me.”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
“So, let’s think of what we can do over these next few weeks, and then discuss the possibilities face to face when you’re in New York.”
“I was hoping there was going to be a little less conversation and little more action when we see each other face to face.”
“You’re quoting Elvis at me?”
“I am.” She laughed.
“Girls aren’t allowed to quote Elvis. It’s the law.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Really? And now you’re deliberately trying to make me hard?”
“Maybe.” The smile pushed through her voice.
“There’s going to be plenty of action, you don’t need to worry about that.”
“I can’t wait. Can I make a request?”
“A sexual request? Of course. Anything.”
“Hardy har-har, Mr. Scott. You know I love Andrew and Mandy . . .”
“I take it back, no requests involving swinging or foursomes.”
“Once again, you’re killing me with the funny. Can’t stop laughing.” She was probably the most sarcastic person I’d ever met, and I loved it. “I’d like to see them, but I want it to be you and me as much as possible.”
And my heart stopped again.
Anna
The next few weeks became a gigantic countdown.
Ethan and I settled into a routine of sorts.
We spoke to each other when he got up and then sometimes just before I went to sleep.
He’d worked every weekend since being back in New York.
It was selfish of me, but I liked that his life seemed to be about work.
When he went out it was always business related.
He’d only seen Andrew and Mandy once since he got back.