Chapter 17
17
Amador crashed into me as the net yanked us into the air, tangling us up and dangling us twenty feet above the jungle floor. We swung back and forth in the trap with no way of getting down.
Amador thrashed next to me, and her elbow knocked into my head. I couldn’t hit her out of revenge. My arms were wedged behind my back, and one of my legs was crunched up underneath me.
“Help!” Amador screamed, her shrill voice echoing through the jungle. “HELP!”
“No one can hear us. We’re too far from the house.”
“Someone has to come! They have to know we’re trapped!”
“Are you done screaming?”
“I am not staying trapped here with you! What if there are more wakwaks out there?” She squirmed, and her elbow hit me in the head again. I was tempted to bite her, but what good would that do?
Amador kept screaming for help until her voice gave out. I didn’t know how long we’d been stuck here, but I’d already started losing feeling in my fingers. All I could see was the jungle floor. I had no idea what time it was or how long we had until the sun would set. I tried my best not to panic, but dread was starting to creep its way into me after Amador’s voice cracked for the fiftieth time, and still no one came looking for us.
“It’s no use,” Amador cried. Her voice was rough, and I heard desperation there. All I could see was the side of her face that was scrunched up against the net. “I can’t believe I’m stuck with you.”
“It’s not my definition of a party, either.” If I really had seen Yara Liliana, I doubted a ghost could be of much help anyway.
We fell into silence, listening to the sounds of the jungle returning. Birds and bugs flew around us, no doubt checking out what had happened but doing ultimately nothing to help our situation. All we could do was wait for someone to notice we’d gone missing.
“Can’t you use your power to get us out of here?” Amador asked.
I ground my teeth together and tried to move my arms, but it was useless. I couldn’t use my magic anyway, even if my hands were free. Amador seemed to get that, too, because she groaned and rolled her eyes.
“You do it, then,” I snapped.
Amador clicked her tongue and didn’t say anything. “Nix will notice we’re not back, and she’ll help us.”
Nix probably had her nose buried in a book by now. “When it starts getting dark, sure, but then it’ll be too late.”
“Why? Is the monster going to come get us? Are we going to be bait laid out on a silver platter?” Her fear made her voice pitch into a shriek.
“Nothing’s going to eat you,” I said. “We just have to get down.”
“Why do you sound so sure?”
“Because I just…know.”
“Well, I don’t want to die here with you!”
“You’re not going to die. Just shut up for a moment so I can think.”
Amador had the sense to stop talking, at least. But I couldn’t think about anything that would help. All that went through my head was the slow passage of the sun across the sky. If we didn’t get out of here, Amador really could be in trouble. Even though I hated her, I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from hurting her if I turned.
The net swung gently back and forth, making me slightly sick, and I could tell Amador was getting uncomfortable, too, because she kept shifting around. At least she was quiet now.
“Lucas will come for me,” she said. “I know he will.”
A twinge of anger made my eye twitch. I tried to take a calming breath, but I knew it came out more like a hiss.
“What’s wrong with you?” Amador said. “Lucas will save you, too. You’re the queen, after all.”
I hated how she talked about him. I hated that she could say his name like she owned him, because she did. They were a matched pair, and I was an outsider. I knew it wasn’t helpful, but I imagined how good it would feel to lash out and hurt her like she had hurt me.
It would feel so good… that voice in my head said. How easy her flesh could tear. How her bones could break under your hand. Make that pretty face of hers bleed.
“No, no!” I said, and shook my head.
I could feel Amador get very still. “What’s really wrong with you?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I said, clenching my teeth. I would not let the manananggal consume my own thoughts. Yara had said she was losing part of herself every day, that she was becoming more of a monster after every transformation. We had to get out of here, or I really might hurt Amador.
You could shut her up forever. She would beg for her life. And you could take it from her. Like she’s taken so much from you.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” I growled.
I knew Amador was watching me, but not giving in to the voice was taking everything I had.
“MJ?” Her voice was small. I was scaring her.
Good. Let her be frightened of you. Let her wish she’d never crossed you. Make her regret every little thing she’s ever done to you. She’s happy and in love, and you’re not. It isn’t fair. Maybe it’s not fair that she’s still breathing.
I clenched my eyes shut and forced the voice to go away. My thoughts did not define me. I wouldn’t let them. I was still in control. I was not going to let the manananggal win.
I took another breath, this time letting it out slowly. Neither I nor Amador said anything for a moment, and I appreciated the calm so I could gather myself once more. We had to think of a way to get out of here.
“You were talking to yourself…” Amador said.
Panic rose up, threatening to overwhelm me. I wanted to run as far away as I could, but of course I couldn’t.
“What’s going on?” Amador genuinely sounded concerned.
“Nothing.”
“It doesn’t sound like nothing. It sounded like…something…horrible.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Seeing as we’re trapped here together and you’re acting like you’re possessed, it kind of is my business. I’m not stupid.”
What choice did I have? Would it be a better idea to tell her that the queen of Biringan was losing her mind and talking to herself with a monstrous voice? Or would it be better to tell the truth? She was my archnemesis, the very last person I ever wanted to know about this. I would rather have died first than let her find out, but if I didn’t warn her, she might not be careful around me. She might get hurt because I couldn’t control myself.
“I killed that horse. Not the wakwak.” My words felt like they were strangling me.
“What?”
“I’m a monster. I’m turning into a manananggal.”
After a moment, Amador scoffed, but I could hear the edge in her words despite her sarcasm. “Ha ha, stop scaring me.”
“If you don’t want to see for yourself, we have to figure out a way to get down. Now.”
Her bemused smile fell. All I could do was close my eyes. I hated the way she stared at me, like she was trying to see the truth.
“You’re serious?”
I didn’t answer, but I opened my eyes.
I waited for her to hold this fact over my head, dangle it like a juicy piece of blackmail that I knew she would be desperate enough to wield against me. I was trapped with my worst enemy.
The corners of Amador’s mouth scooped down, and she scoffed. “You’re not,” Amador said, but I could tell she believed me, even if she didn’t want to.
“I am,” I said, glaring at her.
“No, no way. That’s not possible—”
“You heard about the feral manananggal attack in the city? It was me. I didn’t know what was happening then, and it’s only getting worse.”
“And were you planning on telling me before I went marching off into the woods with you?”
My face got hot with anger. “It’s not like I asked for this,” I said. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, and frankly, you’re the last person I want to know about it.”
“Who else knows?”
“Why does that matter?”
“Who else?” she asked again. There was something in her tone, though, that didn’t have the edge I had expected.
“Nix.”
“That’s it?”
“Go ahead, make fun of the girl with one friend. Does it feel good?”
But Amador only huffed, and she rolled her eyes.
“The faster we get out of here,” I said, “the faster I can get back to my room and lock myself up so no one gets hurt.”
Amador fell silent, staring at the jungle with a stony expression equal to mine.
“I know it’s hard for you to empathize. You’re the one with the perfect life, the perfect fiancé, the future. So you win, I guess.”
At the word fiancé , Amador’s eyes darted to me. A paleness fell across her face, and she lifted her chin. “You don’t know me at all.”
“You haven’t exactly been the most fun person I’ve met since I’ve come here.”
Amador looked a little guilty, but the snootiness didn’t leave her face. “How do you stop turning into a monster?”
“Why do you care? Once it’s permanent, you’ll never have to see me again.”
“Shut up!” Amador snapped. “I want to help you!”
“Why? You have done nothing but make my life miserable ever since I met you.”
I could feel her anger radiating toward me, and it felt good to finally call her out.
“I have until the full moon. And then it’ll be permanent. Before that, someone has to make a vow of true love, probably marry me, and the curse will be broken. But you’ve stolen the only person I’ve cared about.” Of course, I didn’t need to say his name. We both knew where we stood on that front.
Amador’s eyes were round as she looked at me. “Lucas?”
“Yeah,” I said. Admitting it felt good, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It didn’t change anything, but it felt nice to say it. “That’s who you could smell in the flower, right? Rose and mint?” I scoffed. “Not like you care. You can’t help but parade him around in front of me. So my options are becoming limited, thanks to y—”
“It’s not my choice. My mother is making me marry Lucas,” she blurted out, interrupting me.
I almost didn’t understand her. I paused. “What does that have to—”
“I’m gay.”
“You’re…what?”
“Gay. A lesbian. I like women, all right?” It sounded like the words were caught in her throat, and it took everything to get them out.
It was like I’d been hit by a truck. Never before would I have thought that Amador—the spoiled duchess who flaunted her betrothal to Lucas in my face, who took every chance to hang off his arm when I was near, who made every interaction with her an act of torture—wasn’t who I thought she was.
And then I realized, maybe all the hate between us had never been about me at all.
Amador’s face had turned bright red. She didn’t look at me as she spoke. Her eyes, shiny and forlorn, were turned to the floor.
“I’m not judging you for being a lesbian, if that’s what you’re afraid of,” I said.
“It’s not that. It’s…You don’t understand anything about me. Okay? Court politics are brutal. As the grand duchess and my family’s only child, I have to find security and keep our family’s political standing. My father…he’s not absent. He’s hiding. He made bad investments, and our entire future hinges on me now to pay back his debtors. It’s all on me…When I was a child, my mom always told me that I would marry a handsome man someday, a man who could protect me, give me children of my own, give me a title. But I’d known even then that I was different…I told my mother that I liked girls. She laughed at me like I was joking, and said I didn’t. And I wanted to believe her. Because otherwise, that meant I was different.
“I thought something was wrong with me, so I felt like I had to prove to the world that I was in love with Lucas. I tried to convince everyone that we were in love, because maybe then I could convince myself that we were in love. But nothing changed. I still liked girls. Me being happy doesn’t matter. My parents only want to think about their position in court, and they’ll use me to get what they want.”
“Does Lucas know?” I asked.
Amador swallowed thickly and nodded. “He was one of the first people I came out to. He was one of the only people I’ve ever told.” She glared at me. “I guess now you, too.”
“So he’s still marrying you?”
“He’s protecting me,” she said. “He would never hurt me. He’s keeping my secret. He promised never to tell anyone. And I owe him everything. He even talked to some smugglers about sneaking me out of the country so we wouldn’t have to marry, but there is a magical clause in our oath of devotion that keeps me bound to him. My mother made us sign it, and I didn’t know about the clause at the time. We signed it right when we got engaged. I found out the day we came here.”
Amador was signing away her freedom just as much as Lucas was signing away his. It all started to make sense. This whole time, I’d thought Lucas used me, lied to me, dumped me…But now I understood. He couldn’t be with me, not for selfish reasons but out of duty to his oldest friend. He wasn’t who I had thought he was. He was noble and kind, and he was going to sacrifice his own happiness to protect someone else.
Was this why he had been talking with Romulo? To get Amador out of Biringan City?
When I’d asked Lucas that night we met Qian why he was marrying Amador, why he’d lied to me, and he said he couldn’t tell me, it was because he’d made a promise to her. And I’d hated him for it.
My heart lodged itself in my throat. It explained so much, especially all those times we kissed. His desire to be with me was so powerful, but he wasn’t a cheater. He was true and good. Again, I’d misjudged him.
“Can’t you call off the engagement?” I asked.
“I can’t.” Tears swam in her eyes. “I wish I could, but I can’t. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to be with the person I love.”
Roses and mint…Those were what she had smelled in the flower. Her heart really did belong to someone else. “What’s stopping you?” I asked.
“You don’t get it!” she snapped. “The oath of devotion is powerful magic. It binds our souls together. If either one of us breaks our promise to the other, we die. We need magic to lift it, but my family is determined to see me married. I’m powerless.” The word escaped her like the wind had been pushed from her lungs, and I realized it was because she was crying. She laughed breathily. “I’m literally powerless.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can create lightning, storms, or I used to be able to…Ever since I came to terms with the fact that I am a lesbian, I haven’t been able to do so much as summon a static shock.”
“And you’ve been taking out your insecurities on me.”
“I don’t need a therapy session from you!” Amador snapped.
Seeing her like this, her eye makeup smearing down her cheeks and her face getting all puffy, made her look…well, human.
“So, since I’m going to die here, you might as well know! There you go! Are you happy now?”
“No,” I said truthfully. My heart hurt for her, and that was honestly something I never thought would have happened. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
Amador hiccuped and stayed quiet for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry you’re turning into a monster…”
I didn’t think I’d ever heard her say those words before: I’m sorry . An amused smile worked its way onto my lips. “Do you know this is the longest conversation we’ve ever had?”
Amador sniffled but didn’t say anything. Maybe she, too, was thinking about all the times we’d fought. I didn’t know about her, but I was tired of it.
“You’re not going to die here, okay?” I said. “We have to work together if we’re going to get out.”
Amador let a final fat tear roll down her cheek before she nodded. “Okay. What’s your plan?”
“See that rope there?” I asked. I had to use my chin to point. “That’s the rope that’s holding up the net. If we can cut it, we can get back to the ground.”
“You mean fall.”
“Do you have a better idea?”
“No.”
“Can you grab it?”
Amador wiggled next to me, and I didn’t complain when her elbow dug into my shoulder. “I think so.”
She stretched her arm out through the net, but her fingers just barely missed.
“It’s too far. We have to swing,” she said.
“Together,” I said.
It took us a second to coordinate, but once we started shifting together, leaning from one side to another, the entire net started to swing back and forth until, finally, Amador was able to grab on to the rope.
“Got it!” she cried.
“Awesome. I’ve got a knife at my hip. Can you reach it?”
I never went anywhere without Elias’s gift. It was like a reminder that he was always there to watch over me. Now it really felt like he was.
I felt her fingers brush against the hilt of my knife, and she huffed and puffed, straining to grab it. “Almost,” she said. “Hold on.” She gave one final push, and the knife slipped out of its sheath. She let out a gasp of victory and then yelped.
“What?” I asked, panicked.
“I nearly dropped it. I’ve got it, though.”
“Okay, good job. You’re doing great.”
Amador seemed taken aback that I actually gave her a compliment. She cleared her throat. “Okay, hold me steady. I’m going to cut us loose.”
The rope vibrated while Amador started sawing through the net, making a scraping sound as she went. At first, it was slow going, and then gravity took over. The net broke, my stomach floated up with a horrible lurch, and we fell into a heap on the jungle floor.
Amador let out a cry, and my back slammed hard onto the ground, but we were free. I kicked the net off us and found Amador clutching her wrist. Fortunately, neither of us had landed on the knife. It lay on the ground safely away from us, so all I had were a few bumps and bruises.
“I’m okay,” she said, clutching her wrist to her chest, though her eyes swam with tears. “Just a sprain.”
Amador and I stayed there on the ground for a moment to catch our breaths.
“I’ll keep your secret, too,” I said. “I won’t tell anyone.”
Tearily, Amador looked at me, color rising in her cheeks, and then back up at the sky. “Tha—thank you. I’ll do my best to help you however I can…”
“Really?”
“We can’t have a monster for a queen, can we?”