Chapter 3 Ian
THREE
IAN
Standing in the bathroom in front of the sink, wearing only boxers, I just finish brushing my teeth when there’s a loud rapping at my apartment door. I force myself not to smile as I open it, knowing who it is. Jaw dropping, Lilly blinks at my naked chest, putting a smirk on my face.
I clear my throat just to mess with her. She raises a brow and places her hands on her hips, looking fucking adorable. I might have blocked her car with how I parked last night.
“Yes, Lilly?” I ask, her name rolling out of my mouth like silk.
She tilts her head, glaring at me with an are you kidding me expression.
“Who gave you a driver’s license? From what I recall, knowing how to park correctly was paramount.”
“We’re doing this? Hmm.” I strike a thinking pose with my index finger pressed against my lips, showcasing my muscles. Her eyes lower to my chest.
She gulps as she sweeps her gaze over every plane of my muscles, unraveling me while boosting my ego into the stratosphere.
“This is how you open the door?” Accusation rings in her voice. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that’s jealousy I detect.
“Am I distracting you?” I ask. “And my eyes are up here.”
She snaps her gaze back to my face, a flush covering her cheeks.
“That”—she gestures toward my body—“should be covered. It’s too early for my poor eyes.”
Her poor eyes. Sure. Biting down a chuckle, I flex my muscles just to play with her some more.
“It’s you at my door at six in the morning, flower girl.”
The endearment escapes my mouth. Damn, whenever I am in her presence, I forget my mind.
Sadness flickers in her eyes. All that could have been spreads between us, eating at my sanity.
She sighs. “I need to go to work.”
With a dip of my head, I go inside to change, not expecting her to follow me.
From my bedroom as I dress quickly, I see her taking in my loft, her dainty footsteps padding around the ample space.
The windows stretch over the left side, illuminating the entire space.
On the right wall, trophies line the bookshelf. She grazes a finger over them.
“I’m proud of you. You’ve achieved so much,” she says, looking back at me with a genuine smile.
Emotions clamp my throat tight. It’s at the tip of my tongue to ask why she left like a thief in the night. She stole a piece of my heart, disappearing without a trace.
No apology. No second thought. No remorse.
My body still hungers for her. I have been in a state of perpetual yearning for the last four years. Now that she’s here, I don’t know what to say, how to act around her.
Turning to me, she tucks a strand of brown hair behind her ear. “So you remember me?”
Her question is barely a whisper.
I will probably never forget you. “I do,” I say instead.
She shuffles on her feet, fidgeting with her fingers. “Then why?”
“I acted like a jerk. I’m sorry,” I say, dragging a hand down my face. She didn’t deserve my harsh treatment. My feelings are mine to deal with. It was her choice, and I have to accept it whether I like it or not.
To break the silence, I say, “I really need to get going. Practice starts soon.” Then I pick up my gym bag and head toward the door.
“I’m sorry for how I parked.” She clears her throat, appearing genuine. “I don’t know what came over me.”
Look at us apologizing while ignoring the actual issue between us. Welcome to adulthood, I guess.
Side by side, we walk down the hall to the elevator. The ride is silent as she steals glances at me, pretending not to, which only heats the air between us.
When we reach the lobby, I stretch out my arm, gesturing for her to go out of the elevator first, and hold the door open for her.
Heading to our cars, my eyes take in the delicate curve of her back.
My fingers itch to touch her. It’s as if I need to reacquaint myself with every inch of her skin.
Recreating her from memory doesn’t do justice to the reality of her, yet she’s closer to me in my fantasy than she could ever be in real life. What a damn shame.
She opens the door to her car. “Ian…”
“Don’t.” I cut this off at the root. I can’t hear an explanation for why she didn’t want me afraid of spiraling down into misery once again. But living without knowing is a wound that keeps festering.
I drive away in a heap of screeching tires, speeding toward the stadium as if trying to outrun my Lilly intoxicated brain.
Once I get out, everyone greets me as I head to the locker room. Inside, the guys get ready for practice.
Coach Parker steps inside, tapping his pen on his notebook. “I want you at your best. Who doesn’t give a hundred percent will be benched.”
We all nod, following him outside onto the field.
Levi puts his pads on and pats my shoulder. “Take this chance. The waiting will kill you softly.”
I jerk my chin at him. “Speaking from experience?”
“Yes, asshole. And I’m blaming you for that,” he grumbles.
I cock a brow at him. “You still went there, pissing all over the bro code.”
“You’ll never let me live that down, will you?” he huffs, shaking his head at me, but smiling like the proud idiot he is.
Levi pins me with an intent stare. “Wanting something you can’t have is hard. Loving someone you can’t have is even worse. Be happy you’ll never have to look at the girl you love but can’t have her.”
“Boom,” Roman, the star running back, says.
The other teammates drop the mic, and I stick up my middle finger at them. “Show me the same attitude on the field.”
“Yes, Captain,” they all parrot.
After warm-ups, we break into position groups. I throw passes, and Levi catches them with ease—a well-oiled machine.
Everything in my head quiets, and I become one with the ball. This is my field. With the ball clasped in my hand, the process goes smoothly. My body knows what to do from muscle memory and experience.
I love football. I love playing, but doing this with my best friend at my side is a dream come true. Levi anticipates and catches all my passes, and by the end of practice, we both sweat, grinning.
“Number three,” he says in a reverent tone.
“Number three,” I reply solemnly.
One ring for every finger. That is the goal.
In the locker room, after I shower and dress, Levi and I grab our bags and walk side by side to our cars.
“See you at my place. Knowing Amelie, she made cupcakes,” he says, clear longing reflected in his eyes.
This guy is smitten with my sister and her cupcakes. It’s a wonder he’s in such good shape with the amount he eats.
I park in front of his building, and my thoughts redirect to Lilly. It’s always me and them. These two make me feel like something is missing from my life.
Since Lilly barged back into my world, I feel unsettled. There’s this restlessness stretching inside of me, making me feel out of place if I am not with her.
My sister opens the door, jumping into my arms. She lives in Seattle, but they make the long-distance relationship work.
“I missed you,” she says, and I hug her tightly.
“Missed you too, Am.”
She drags me toward the living room, where Levi is already eating a cupcake.
“We are on a strict diet,” I remind him, but it’s in vain.
He smiles at her so sweetly, I expect my sister to get cavities at any moment. “I’ll eat whatever Amelie bakes for me.”
A hundred stars sparkle in his eyes as if she’s the wonder of his life, feeding me the residual guilt. I know how it is to lose years of not being with the girl you want, but for these two, it must have been even worse.
When he reaches for a second one, my sister kisses him and snatches the cupcake away.
“You already had one,” she tells him in the same sweet voice.
Don’t throw up.
“Hello, I’m the brother here. For the love of god, tone it down a bit.”
They ignore me, and he kisses her again. A fuck you to my face. I deserve that and I love them no matter what. Seeing them happy is worth the discomfort.
“So, no one special?” my sister asks, her eyes brimming with hope.
“One of us has to stay focused on the game.” I can’t help but throw a jab at my best friend.
“I’ve never played better,” Levi retorts. Smirking, he pulls her to his side.
True.
“I’m hungry,” I say, hoping to move on to something other than seeing them almost tear their clothes off.
My sister is as good a cook as she is a baker. It’s Michelin star good as we dig into the meat and steamed vegetables she prepared.
“When do you have to go back?” I ask her.
She looks at her plate, playing with the food. “Tonight.”
Levi hides his distress. He would sacrifice everything for my sister, supporting her even at the expense of his happiness.
“We’ll see each other soon,” he says, kissing her temple.
To live with that permanent longing is agonizing. I have some experience with that.
I visit with them a bit more before I head out to let them enjoy the few hours they still have left together. They accompany me to the door, my sister tucked to his side as she waves goodbye.
On the drive home, I blast music to silence the whirlwind of thoughts in my head, like how it would be to have my person.
Lilly parked correctly this time, and something unpleasant strikes my chest. It’s better like this.
Once inside my loft, I try to unwind, dropping my ass on the floor. Propping my back against the foot of the sofa, I play a video game, my fingers flying over the controller in my need to virtually smash things to soothe my turmoil.
When my doorbell rings, I pause the game. Hoping it’s her, I instantly feel better, but when I open the door, my smile falters. It’s not that I am not happy to see my best friend, yet disappointment licks at my skin.
“Thanks for the long face,” Levi says and throws himself on the sofa. He’s always restless when my sister leaves.
Going into the kitchen, I come back with two Gatorades and place them on the table. I offer him the second controller, and as he takes it, he fixes me with a hard look.
“I’m planning to ask Amelie to marry me when we win the Super Bowl again, but it might be even sooner.”