Chapter 6 Ian
SIX
IAN
Lilly is Coach Parker’s daughter. My heart is pounding wildly, catapulting my blood pressure, and making me unsteady on my feet.
Tossing back the drink, I will it to be something hard to numb me rather than accept the reality. The sweet taste, combined with something spicy, instantly invigorates my body, but it does nothing to ease the emotional chaos.
Levi’s brows furrow, eyeing me quizzically. I drag a hand down my face, staring at the opposite wall and wishing for this torture to end. Fuck! This can’t fucking be!
“What do you think?” Coach asks.
His sharp gaze fixates on me, and I try to open my mouth, but it’s impossible to form words. Instead, I nod, forcing a noncommittal sound out of my dry throat.
As Coach explains that he wants to introduce the drinks to our diet, Lilly talks about the health benefits, gesticulating animatedly. I hear the words, but a fog veils my brain, blocking me from thinking straight.
The guys walk toward the door, and I propel myself into action as well, but Coach stops me. “Ian, a word.”
“Sure.” Fucking perfect.
I tear my gaze away from her, terrified my face divulges my emotional turmoil, but I feel her gaze caressing the side of my face. How am I going to face Coach, wanting his daughter but unable to act on it?
It’s as if the obstacles keep piling up. I am one unlucky bastard.
“As the captain, the guys respect you, so I am counting on you.”
I force the words through the lump in my throat. “I’ll do my best, Coach.”
He squeezes my shoulder, and my eyes find hers. She worries her lower lip, an apologetic glance etched in her eyes. There might as well be a billboard displaying the secret between us.
His phone rings, and he excuses himself.
I stare at his back, urging him not to leave me alone with his daughter.
Maybe by constantly referring to Lilly as his daughter rather than the woman I desire, will help me establish the necessary boundary.
To even entertain the idea of us becoming more would be foolish.
Terrible at best. Catastrophic on all accounts.
“Are you okay?” she whispers, approaching me.
A groan reverberates in my throat. “You could have told me.”
“Now you know…”
What she doesn’t say is even more clear. This could never have worked out anyway. Frustration cramps my stomach, tightening my ribcage.
Eyes locked, we watch each other in stilted silence—the hope smothered between us.
One thing prevails as frustration turns to anger. She could have reached out to me if she wanted, but she didn’t. Long before this revelation, she decided the course for us. A decision I must accept.
“Ian, please understand.” Her sweet plea almost undoes me.
I sway my hand between us. “I understand perfectly. You didn’t want this. Rest assured, I won’t bother you.”
A sigh heaves her chest. “You never did.”
I was never enough either, apparently.
Coach comes back, cutting off our interaction. He narrows his eyes at us. “Something wrong?”
“We just realized we’re neighbors.” Lilly chirps, and I flinch at the forced cheer.
“Really?” His glance cuts through me with heavy implications. Don’t go there. I am your coach, you’re my player, she’s my daughter.
My jaw tightens, but I dip my chin in acknowledgement at his subliminal message.
“I’ll meet you in the film room in ten.”
He dismisses me, and I drag toward the locker room, each step heavier than the last. There’s a ruckus as the guys are pumped about the win and planning for the next game, bringing us closer to our goal.
One after the other, my teammates trickle out, but I need a moment to compose myself.
I drop my ass on the bench, cupping my face between my hands. Focus. Goddamn it, focus on what’s important.
“That was her, wasn’t it?” Levi asks, patting me on my back in silent support.
I lift my gaze only to see the shit-eating grin on my best friend’s face.
“What the fuck are you smiling about?”
He palms his chest. “To want what you can’t have… that will be a valuable lesson, my friend. One, I know too well.”
“Thanks, asshole. You’re a shitty best friend,” I grumble.
He stabs me with a hard glare. “As your best friend and all, you can come to me when things become too much. I didn’t have that support.”
“Thanks for the reminder. I didn’t make you fall for my sister,” I snicker.
“Not regretting that.”
I elbow him. “Stop being so smug about it.”
He jerks his chin toward the door. “Come on, Cap. Let’s go watch some film. Nothing is harder than trying to focus on a game when your heart and mind are somewhere else.”
I stand up, glaring at him, and follow him out the door.
He’s right. It’s not easy, and focusing on the game film from last night and for the next opponent is a challenge. A win is swiftly forgotten compared to a loss.
The fans can go from shouting your name to booing you just as quickly.
Love for the game at this level comes secondary to discipline and giving your best, even when you struggle.
To be worthy of this chance, to be worthy of making millions, you must permanently deliver.
It’s not about earning it as much as it is proving you’ve earned it.
Getting my head back in the game, I salvage the other half of film review and position meetings by doing what I do best: focus on the game.
Back in the locker room at the end of the day, Banks says, “Coach’s daughter is beautiful. No wonder we’ve never seen her.”
“Do you think I have a chance?” Roman wiggles his brows in a comical display. He’s a cocky asshole.
I ball my hands at my sides. “Hey, assholes.” I march to them, stabbing a finger in their faces. “Don’t talk about her. Don’t think about her. Don’t even entertain this delusion. She’s forbidden for every single one of you fuckers.”
“Do you want to hit on her, Cap?” Banks whistles.
I whip my head to him. He raises his hands in a non-threatening gesture that does nothing to calm me. I point a finger at him, trailing it over each of my teammates but Levi. “Forbidden, or I’m going to tattoo that word on your fucking foreheads.”
Cursing under my breath, I gather my belongings and before I leave, I add, “Not another word about her or Coach’s training will look like kindergarten compared to what I will have you do.”
There’s an avalanche of groans and Roman says, “We got it, Cap. She’s yours.”
No, she’s not. That knowledge makes me want to punch something. Hard.
In the car, I turn up the volume of the music until I can’t hear my thoughts, but it’s in vain. My mind always veers to her, not caring about the impossibility of us, so I dial Levi’s number, hoping to clear my head.
“How the fuck were you able to function, man? I’m losing my fucking mind.”
He inhales deeply. “I took what I could. We were friends. We would have our stolen moments. I trusted our time would come.”
“You’re patient. I’m not,” I groan, preparing myself for a daily dose of torment.
“Do you wanna come over?” he offers.
“Nope. Because there’s nothing to talk about. The subject is closed. I closed it. So, no more talking about that.”
“Whatever you say,” he chuckles.
“I can hear you smiling, asshole.”
I hang up, his laughter trailing after me as I park.
Outside, I look up at the gray clouds darkening the sky, just like a storm builds in my chest, wreaking ruin.
Puffing out a heavy breath of frustration, I feel her long before I see her. My body vibrates whenever she’s near, all my senses are attuned to her.
When she’s next to me, she tips her chin up. “What’s out there? I see nothing but the beginnings of rain.”
My fucking sanity.
She takes my hands in hers, and an electric shock jolts my body.
“I wanted to tell you. Please, let’s not go back to being awkward or having this passive-aggressive whatever we have going on. I should have told you, but you were already mad at how we ended.”
I arch a brow.
“Fine, how I ended things.” She drags a lungful of air and every muscle in me stiffens.
Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say it.
“Can we be friends?”
She did, didn’t she? I expect any moment for a truck of bullshit to roll over me, flattening me to the ground with a big friend zone stamp.
“Friends.” I spit out the word as if it were rotten on my tongue.
She sure knows how to make a man feel special.
Whatever she sees on my face, she quickly adds, “We wouldn’t work out, anyway. I value privacy and the few women I saw you with look nothing like me.”
I wish to tell her that none of them were her. None of them held my attention. I’ve wanted no one like I do her.
“And I am the relationship type. I’ve had just two boyfriends and you.”
How she differentiates that, delineating with a swat of her hand the past from the present.
She rocks on her feet, her nervousness reaching its peak. “I’m bad at this. Forget it.”
She walks past me, and I grab her hand, pulling her back. She falls into my arms, hands planted on my chest. Her mouth says “friends,” while her eyes say “give me everything.”
I so could. I want to, but it wouldn’t change our situation. We can be friends. That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever had, but perhaps Levi is correct. What can go wrong? We’re two adults realizing we can’t be together.
I dip my chin, and she gulps, licking her lips when our mouths are an inch apart. It takes inhuman power not to crush my mouth on hers and say fuck it.
A shiver rocks her as my lips press on her cheek instead. I trail them toward the corner of her mouth, where I linger for a bit. She sucks in a breath, drawing out a smirk from me. I will torture her with this friendship until she gives me a fucking chance.
“Friends,” I say, taking a step back not to lose the sham of control.
Lilly blinks and lets out a nervous giggle. She’s fucking adorable. I am a masochist. But it’s her. And she’s worth it.
She stretches out her hand and when our palms touch, we both look down at her smaller one fitting perfectly in my bigger one.