Chapter 9 Lilly #2
I hug my best friend. She’s the freaking best. “Love you.”
“Love you too, bestie.”
On my floor, my chest heaves with a sigh as I glance at his door before letting myself into my apartment.
Sprawled on my couch, I blow air to cool the bowl of soup while watching a movie.
A knock on my door startles me. I shoot to my feet, yelping when the liquid soaks into my shirt, the ramen clinging to my skin.
Give me a break. Damn my clumsiness, but being all over the place emotionally doesn’t help either.
“One moment,” I mutter.
I dab at my ruined shirt, smelling of chicken broth now. Changing quickly, I wash my hands and hurry to open the door.
Dark circles line Ian’s eyes, and he breathes heavily as he braces the door frame looking disheveled.
Eyes locked, he sighs, “I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” I whisper, my heart clenching.
He walks inside, and I microwave him a bowl of soup too, needing to take care of him somehow.
He takes it, looking into space for a moment before he redirects his focus on me. “Lilly, I won’t lie or deny that I want you with every fiber of my being. But I will take what you can give me.”
Can your heart break and mend at the same time? Because I think mine just did.
“Thank you for your honesty.” Only I can come up with such a lame response, I swear.
Here I am praising him for his honesty while deceitfully hiding my true feelings.
“There’s a lot on the line for both of us.
Some things are just not meant to be as we imagined. But maybe this is what we need more.”
He gives a strained nod that half assures me, half wrecks me.
We eat in silence, and after we place the bowls on the coffee table, I cuddle up next to him on the sofa. His strong, comfy body lulls me to sleep after these past sleepless nights.
Sometime later, I feel him carrying me to the bed. Pressing his lips against my temple, he lingers there for a second more. That second emphasizes our desperate attempt at holding our desire at bay.
A few tears trickle down my cheeks, my heart aching for more when he leaves. I swipe them away, pushing through these bouts of vulnerability.
Just because we decided something, it doesn’t mean we’re good at it.
There are moments when he gazes at me longer, more intensely, and I imagine saying I’m done and crush my lips against his.
We talk for hours, finding out everything possible about each other, including our quirks.
He scratches his neck when he’s nervous or uncomfortable, and his eyes light up whenever he talks about things he loves, like football and his family.
We’ve been “just friends” for a few weeks now, and when he takes me over to Levi’s place to meet him and his sister, it feels like more than friendship.
I feel right at home among them, witnessing the genuine friendship he has with Levi and how great a brother he is to Amelie. These three share a special, playful bond.
Amelie’s cupcakes are to die for and as the guys chat, she leans into my side. “Is it like a secret? I can keep one, but come on, you’re just friends?”
I shift in my seat, not liking being put on the spot. She must notice my nervous state and continues, “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but there’s something between you.”
“No, just friends.” Liar.
Her brows pinch together, and she and Levi have an entire conversation with their eyes. Their relationship makes me believe soulmates exist. Ian gazes back at me, making it difficult to resist picturing more.
The night passes by, and with the promise of seeing each other soon, we depart.
I sink into his comfortable, leather passenger seat, pulling my legs up.
He starts the engine, and I glance at him from the side. He looks so sexy, his muscled arm cording as he holds the wheel, the veins on his hand protruding. I would lick it if I could. I should stop drinking. It does nothing but loosen my inhibitions and make my mind wander to forbidden places.
I am a lost cause.
Inhaling deeply, I plaster a smile on my face. “I had fun tonight. Thank you.”
“I thought you’d like them.”
I giggle. “You bickering with Levi like an old married couple was hilarious. I’d pay to see that again.”
He grins so wide, and wanting to find out everything about him until I know what goes on in his mind from one micro expression alone, I ask, “Do all siblings behave like you two?”
He hikes a shoulder and smirks. “I guess. Getting on each other’s nerves while still doing everything for the other, it’s the unwritten rule between siblings.”
Silence falls in the car, ringing of the truth we keep ignoring as our eyes lock for a moment.
But my father has warmed to the idea of our friendship.
Why jeopardize the comfortable status quo to try and see if we could be more.
What started as a necessity to be in each other’s lives has turned into a fear that could wreck what we have.
Something is missing, though, and I am terrified that something will ruin our attempts to keep our friendship intact.
He parks in front of the building, staring out the windshield, fingers tightening around the wheel. “I had fun tonight too.”
In the beat of silence, the atmosphere heats, making pretending difficult.
He turns his face to me, and in one swift move, his hand covers the back of my neck, dragging me to him. Forehead to forehead, our breaths trip over the other in a wild chase.
“Please, go, before I do something we’ll both pretend to regret,” he sounds like I feel—pained.
What’s regret when I am aching for him? Nothing eases the constant assault on my senses, the desire for all of him. It’s like I only get a taste from the elixir of the gods when I want to drink it all. Greedy. Weak. Human.
My heart wars with my mind. I have a split second to decide.
My mind wins once again.
I force myself to escape his magnetic pull, those midnight eyes mapping the galaxy of my dreams.
His sigh follows me as I stumble out of the car, drunk on his touch, drunk on all the unsaid words, drunk on the possibilities—completely intoxicated.
In the elevator, I let a scream out, a mix of frustration and desperation tearing from my throat.
I feel the same, Ian. Our friendship will end, either because something more emerges or we part ways. This limbo is hell—trapped inside with my needy heart and wanton body.
We can lie all we want, but one of us will crack. It’s only a matter of time.