Chapter 20 Ian
TWENTY
IAN
The following days speed by too quickly for my liking. I clasp onto each moment with an iron clad hold, yet it slips away, flowing through my fingers like water—unstoppable.
I try to prolong our time together, stretch it further. But the fucking time just ticks unperturbed, leaving me chasing another euphoric second like a madman on his quest to his last strand of sanity.
She’s folding the last of her clothes in the luggage.
I pace around, torn apart.
These last ten days have been the happiest days of my life. I’ve felt alive in a way that football has never offered me.
She casts a cautious look my way, a sad expression shadowing her radiant face. My thoughts go back to last night when we made love while the goodbye lingered in the air, a dark cloud cloaking our intimacy.
I opened my mouth to tell her I want more, us not to end, but she placed a finger on my lips, silencing me. “We’re going back. We must return to things as they were.”
But how? Despondency consumed me, and I slept like shit, tossing and turning in bed.
I know she feels the same, but once again, she erected the barrier between us, not giving me another chance but to accept it. I can’t, and that leaves us at this huge impasse.
“Done,” she says meekly.
I carry her luggage as well as mine, leaving the dream of us back in the villa.
At the front desk, we check out and the desk clerk looks at us expectantly. “I hope you enjoyed your time with us.”
I nod. Lilly offers a small smile.
Paradise ended. Suck it up.
The sun shines brightly in the sky while clouds gather in my head. Gloom accompanies me as we hop into the jeep. Each mile brings me closer to not having her. Fuck. This guts me.
On the tarmac, I offer her my hand. Lilly stares at my outstretched hand for long seconds, a broken smile plastered on her face. She expels a long sigh, but takes it. It does nothing to stop the fiery ball of frustration rolling up and down my esophagus. I half expect to exhale some smoke.
The flight attendant greets us and we take our seats across from each other as the pilot prepares for take-off.
Once in the air, Lilly fidgets with her fingers, avoiding eye contact.
“Would you like something to drink?” the flight attendant asks.
Lilly opts for sparkling water, and I ask for a whiskey to numb the agony ripping me apart.
I sip from my glass as she looks outside the small, round window. “Thank you. I had a wonderful time.”
A sound ringing of half a growl, half a sigh tumbles out of my mouth.
My mood plummets with every hour that brings us closer home, going through a cycle of torment. Hell must be the place where you repeatedly envision what you want but can’t get.
My body misses the weight of her pressed against mine, us coming together in and out of bed. I curl my hands in my lap, breathing in and out in a calming rhythm that does nothing to soothe my pain.
“Let’s watch a movie,” she blurts out, her nervousness clear.
Nodding, I follow her on autopilot to the couch. She scrolls through the movies, but I don’t care what she picks.
It bothers me even more that she watches the screen transfixed. It can’t be that interesting, I think as I stare at her side. She feels my stare because the corner of her eye twitches. I don’t know what I am looking for.
“Ian, stop,” she snaps.
“Why?” I snap back.
She whips her head to me. “You’re being unreasonable.”
My brows shoot up, almost reaching my hairline. “I’m being unreasonable? Please, enlighten me.”
She pinches the bridge of her nose. “It was a fun ten days. We explored what was between us, but now that must end.”
“Oh, baby, it was more than fucking fun.” I pin her with a hard look and gesture for her to continue. “Why does it have to end exactly?”
She sighs, looking away. “You know why.”
“Tell me you want me, us, and we’ll find a solution.”
She folds her arms over her chest, looking me straight in the eyes. “My dad is your head coach.”
“So, what? He’s my coach, but he shouldn’t be able to dictate who I want to be with.” I insist, wanting to seize whatever bullshit keeps us apart from the fucking roots.
“He’s also my father. Why would you risk that for something we don’t know—”
I interrupt her. “That’s bullshit.”
She waves me off, determined to remain stubborn. “You can’t predict the outcome.”
I can’t, but it stings how she can compartmentalize us like that. “You’re not giving us a chance.”
She looks back at the screen, ignoring me while I stew in my anger.
My chest pants with my harsh breathing, hating the inability to change her mind.
When the jet descends, I am one second away from telling the pilot to turn around. Fuck everything else. If that’s the only way to be with her, I’ll take it.
The plane lands, forcing me to accept there’s no turning back.
The door opens, and we climb the five stairs down in stilted silence.
Our rideshare waits for us on the tarmac. The silence weighs me down like a brick of concrete, burying me under as we hop in, both in deep thoughts on the drive home.
When the car pulls up to the front of the complex, she looks outside the window, about to say something, when her phone rings.
Her eyes turn into two panicked orbs as she picks it up.
“Hi, Dad.”
Fucking great. What I don’t need is a reminder of our greatest obstacle, separating us with no possibility of bridging it.
“You’re on your way to me?” She gulps, blinking at me.
I cock a brow. Let him see us. Let him see I am serious about you.
Instead, she pushes at the handle, and I step out. I gesture for her to continue talking as I haul out our luggage from the trunk.
Hanging up, she looks at me. “My dad is on his way.”
I cock a brow, pointing between us. “I caught that. Should I introduce myself as your future everything?”
“Ian, please.”
Mumbling under my breath, we go inside. Greeting the doorman, she chats a bit with the elderly man while I press the up button, watching the elevator descend.
She remains perfectly quiet on the ride up, which pisses me off.
“You said nothing will change.”
She gulps, wearing a guilty expression as she grabs her luggage and walks out, suitcase trailing behind her.
I watch her disappear inside her apartment, and I shove the key inside my door, half expecting it to break in the lock. Dragging my luggage inside, I need to do something, or I’ll implode, so I unpack.
I miss her already. Sinking on the sofa, I turn on my phone. Messages from my teammates barrel in. Strangely, there’s just one person I’d like to talk to.
I call Levi. “Hi, man.” My voice sounds tired, and he picks up on that.
“Shouldn’t you be all relaxed after your vacation with your ‘just friend’?”
A deep exhale, ringing of despondency vibrates in my throat. “I love her, Levi.”
That silences him for a moment. “Let it all out.”
I tell him everything, and he says, “You can’t convince her if she thinks she’s doing the right thing by you. It took Amelie years…”
“And then you happened, idiot,” I mumble.
He sighs. “Really? You’re going there?”
“Yes. I’m still pissed at you, but I still need my best friend. So how are you?”
“This physical therapy is atrocious, but I figured out what I want to do with my life.”
“Crawl back to my sister until she takes you back?”
“That’s the plan, the moment I can get on my knee.” A beat of silence follows before he says, “I realized something.”
“Do tell.” Talking about his plans is better than drowning in my misery.
“I wanted to give her my best version. Even when I needed her the most. I couldn’t stop myself, but I’m working on that.”
“Good.”
While he tells me he’s thinking of opening a sports management agency, I am relieved he’s getting his life on track this fast. I know what motivates him: my sister.
“I’m proud of you, man. You’re going to be successful,” I say assuredly.
“Will you be my first client?”
“Of fucking course. But you get to deal with the legal stuff now. I just want to sign with you.”
“Thank you, man,” he says, emotion thick in his voice.
Hanging up, I glare at my door, which remains closed.
After I shower, I make myself a sandwich, then play a video game. I feel out of place in my own home.
It’s been hours, and no sign of her. I doubt her father is still there.
I type a message.
Lilly?
The dots appear and disappear while I grip the phone.
We should sleep separately to help with transitioning back to… you know.
Lilly!!!
It’s for the better.
Fuck for the better. I toss my phone on the sofa. It bounces around just like my trepidation. I know I won’t be able to sleep and before I do something like march to her and bring her to my place, I head out.
In the Uber, I call Roman, who picks up right away.
“Are you back?” he asks.
“A few hours ago. Meet me at the bar.”
I am the first to arrive. In the private section of the bar, I sit on the leather stool, ordering a bottle of whiskey. I am still on vacation and honestly, I don’t fucking care, but drown my sorrows.
Roman arrives shortly, sweeping his eyes from the bottle to me. “That bad, huh?”
“Don’t want to talk about it,” I groan.
He takes the seat next to me, and I word vomit. “So, Lilly and I had the best ten days. I love the woman. And she put me back in the friend zone. No, I won’t accept that.”
I am about to leave and go to her. The pros of us being together outweigh the one con by far. We’re great together. Period.
Roman drags me back onto the stool by my elbow and whispers, “Keep your voice down. She’s the coach’s daughter. And you’re fucking her?”
“It’s more.”
He waves a dismissive hand my way. “Okay, it’s more. But what if it turns out to be a fling? He could bench you. He could put your career at risk. Is she worth it?”
I don’t even have to think about my answer. “Yes, she is.”
He shakes his head at me and pushes the bottle aside. “Whipped motherfucker. I knew it and you gave me shit.”