Chapter 22 Ian
TWENTY-TWO
IAN
Breathing through the onslaught of emotions, I mentally tread through the debris she left behind. How the fuck did I get here? In this place where I don’t have her at all.
One thought blares in my head—make her see reason.
Her stubbornness doesn’t match my determination. But when I open my door, I find the lily on my doorstep. It couldn’t be clearer that she wants the cut—one severing my heart from my chest—to fester.
I know she feels the same. Damn it, I get it’s scary, but together I thought we could find a way. I guess I was wrong.
Plucking it from the floor, I curl my hand around it. When I open my fist, the delicate flower is scrunched and bent just like my hope.
I stare at her reply, gripping the phone hard enough that it might crack under the pressure.
Fuck. Raking my hand through my hair, I slam the door shut, pacing around and trying to collect myself before I head to the gym.
The loft doesn’t feel like home without her. She became my home. Now she has just removed herself and left me despondent.
Nothing has ever hurt like this.
I squeeze my eyes shut as if wanting to blind myself to the agony. When I open them, I dab at the corners of my eyes, wetness coating my fingertips.
Dropping on my ass, my back rests against the door. I throw my head back, hitting the hard surface repeatedly. It’s nothing compared to the onslaught of pain spreading through my insides.
How did we go from me being with my flower girl to my woman just deciding I’m not worth it? I could talk with her, but she’s made up her mind.
She wants to believe I am a reckless loser who would gamble us by being with other women? Fine. What else can I do? Force her to take me back? The result would be the same. I’d lose her, anyway.
When I am somewhat in control of my emotions, I pick up my phone. It’s intact and not showing any signs of me losing it.
I am supposed to meet the guys at the gym. With my luck, Coach Parker will be there too.
If he is, how am I going to look him in the eyes knowing I love his daughter, and I lost her mostly because of him. Something else must have transpired for her to completely retreat. But she’s right. I can’t pretend to be just her friend when I want to be her everything.
The drive to the gym does nothing to ease the fist of emotions lodged between my ribs, making it hard to breathe.
Fuck you, love. I have done fantastically fine without you.
And if we’re at it, fuck you, universe or whoever put her in my path, but decided she can’t be more than a pit stop and not my destination.
No, I refuse to accept that. What were my chances of becoming a pro football player? Slim, according to stats. Yet, I did it. I have the endurance and the patience.
This is not the end, it’s a hiccup. I am used to losing some games to win the important ones. This is no different.
Feeling a bit more hopeful as I enter the locker room, it vanishes when Coach Parker glares at me. I see the disappointment etched in his frosty expression. He’s used to Roman being the one in the press, not me. But come on, he’s had a beef with me since he found out I befriended his daughter.
I greet him, wishing to tell him she might be his daughter, but she’s my woman. Not now, but soon.
“I see you enjoyed your vacation.” He pins an angry stare at Roman and then looks back at me. “Some partied even more than usual. Ian, I misjudged your intentions with my daughter, but those pictures made me realize you really are just friends.”
I clench my jaw hard enough that it might break. He knows shit.
“She needs friends. You’re a good guy.”
I nod, afraid that if I open my mouth, I will growl.
I am a good guy, but apparently not good enough to date his daughter.
In his mind, I am also a fucked-up player who gives in to temptation. Since when does not having a relationship mean you’re unable to have one? I just didn’t have the desire until her. However, that changed because I had never experienced anything like my feelings for Lilly.
After a long workout, Roman and I plant our asses on barstools at the sports bar and order two bottles of sparkling water.
He jerks his chin my way. “So, what was that speech?”
I roll my eyes theatrically. “He knows a woman was involved.”
A tsking noise rumbles in his throat. “Imagine if you revealed who that woman was.”
“She broke things off.”
His brows furrow. “You’re not even together.”
I drag a palm down my face. “My point exactly, man.”
He shifts in his chair, looking at me with a serious expression. “Take a step back and accept the non-platonic thing again.”
“Great advice, relationship expert,” I mumble, gulping down half of the water bottle.
“You want her.”
“Yes, but not as just a friend but as her damn man,” I groan.
What am I going to do?
He shrugs. “As I see it, you must compromise. Let her have her way until she realizes it’s more.”
It could take months. It was pure torture the first time. But after everything that transpired between us, it will be a hundred times worse. I rack my brain for a solution to this fucked up situation, but come up empty. Again, as kidnapping is out of the equation.
“From a one-night stand to friends to lovers to friends. It sounds complicated.”
I pin him with a glare. “Thanks for the reminder. What are friends for, huh?”
He grins, showing off his impeccable white teeth.
We stay a while, in companionable silence, each of us deep in thought.
As I drive back home, I go through various scenarios in my mind. I’ll put myself in her face until she can’t do anything but give in. Fabulous strategy.
I know her routine. When she goes to work, when she comes home from work and if she doesn’t bring me my daily shot, I’ll have to buy myself one from her shop.
Great, now I am entertaining the idea of becoming a stalker. Not sounding like a creep at all.
Oh no, this has just started. With renewed hope, I stride inside the elevator with a pep in my step and a grin splitting my face.
You want to be friends, Lilly? I’ll be the best friend you’ve ever had. You’ll beg me to make you mine already, baby.
I won’t give up without a fight. I won’t give up at all. Let mission “Get Your Girl Back” commence.
May
I step out of my apartment at the same time she leaves her own. I’ve been timing my departure to hers—she still hasn’t caught on yet.
Lilly sucks in a breath, barely acknowledging my presence, before locking her door and walking toward the elevator.
In the elevator, the air is stifling with the crackling tension, the taste of the forbidden lingering heavily between us. We could have used this time in a better way, like me backing her against the wall, kissing her senseless, and showing her how fucking mad I am about her. But it is what it is.
She steals glances at me, and my grin widens every time I catch her.
Huffing, she squares her shoulders, stomping out.
“I don’t know what you’re doing, but it won’t work,” she says, looking ahead.
It will work. We’re two magnets that are undeniably drawn together. It’s physics, baby.
I slide my hands into my jeans pockets, assuming a relaxed pose. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I reach her in two steps and walk her to her car, opening the door for her. There’s a slight movement on her face that boosts my confidence.
I smirk. “Have a wonderful day.”
“You too,” she mumbles, shaking herself from whatever trance thoughts of me put her in.
I stride to my car, humming. I pocket it as a small win, needing her in my life too much. Even these fleeting moments are better than her absence dampening everything else.
The moment I arrive at the training facility, my brain shifts to focus on the preseason. I stare at my fingers, wanting ten rings, one for each finger. It was mine and Levi’s biggest dream. It’s up to me now. Best friends must have a telepathic bond because he calls me.
“Hi, man, how are you?”
“Getting ready to work out. OTAs start soon.”
There’s a beat of silence. I suppose we still need to get used to the fact that we’ll never play together again on the same team.
“Seven more,” he says, his words meaning so much.
“Yes. A vow is a vow.”
“Good. I’ll come to visit soon. My leg is still killing me. Four months since I’ve seen her.”
“You were separated for longer,” I remind him.
He sighs. “This time is worse.”
“You know what you have to do. Call her.”
“No. Not until I can get on my knees.”
I am surrounded by stubbornness.
We talk a bit more, then we hang up with a, “Talk to you soon.”
I run toward the locker room, being the last one and get ready in a record time.
After a round of weightlifting, my body feels the intensity, while my mind is on the second mission of the day.
“What are you smiling at? The OTAs are going to be brutal even without pads,” Roman mumbles.
“Not my problem that you’re a crybaby with performance problems.”
Roman slaps a palm on his chest. “That was cruel, Cap. And my performance is top-notch on and off the field.”
I shake my head at him, leaving with a clear destination in my mind as I walk to my car.
In front of LuKo Juice, I watch her go back and forth, carrying supplies.
I walk inside, and everything stills as the customers elbow each other, glancing at me.
As if she feels me, she whips her head around, lifting her hands in the air. It takes everything in me to suppress my chuckle.
I sign some autographs, so it takes me a while to reach her. A girl asks if I can sign her breast. Lilly scans the interaction, eyes incinerating her.
“Sorry, my girl wouldn’t like that.”
“Okay,” she pouts, as if that grimace will change my mind.
I flick my wrist for her to decide already, impatient to get to Lilly. “Then my arm.”
I do that, excusing myself quickly.
Face-to-face with my flower girl, I smirk. “I’d like to order something.”
“You’re incorrigible,” she says, but gets behind the counter.