Chapter 47
Chapter Forty-Seven
Red-faced and seething, Noah crosses the room, grabs Ryker by the hair, and throws him to the floor. “Get the fuck off my sister!”
Freeing my wrists from the headboard, I scramble for the comforter to cover myself, but Ryker beats me to it, tossing me his shirt and taking Noah’s fist to the face in the process. I scream when a mixture of spit and blood fly from his mouth onto the hardwood floor.
“I fucking knew it!” my brother roars, already rearing his arm back to strike again.
After haphazardly shoving my arms through the oversized sleeves of Ryker’s shirt, I throw myself between him and Noah, giving Ryker just enough time to wipe the blood from his lips and slide his jeans on while my brother’s chest pushes against my open palm.
“Noah, please?—”
“Please what? Pretend like I didn’t walk in on you fucking my best friend?” He scoffs as somewhere behind me, Ryker flips on the light. “What a joke. I can’t believe I actually came here to say sorry.”
Glancing at my phone on the dresser, my fear and guilt from moments before slowly bleeds into skepticism. “It’s almost five in the morning… You didn’t come here to apologize.”
“Yes, I fucking did!” Noah closes the distance until he’s practically screaming in my face, his mustache puffing up angrily. “Dad told me you’ve been moping on the couch all week and that I needed to make things right with you.” Noah snorts and shakes his head. “I thought I’d come by early and we could air our shit out on the lake. I even loaded up the fucking truck before coming inside, so don’t you dare try to tell me what I came here to do.”
I glance toward the dark driveway where a stream of light from my window illuminates the fishing rods sticking out of his tailgate. Guilt slices down my throat. “We can still go to the lake?—”
“No, we can’t.” His eyes dart from Ryker to the bed and then back to me, his face falling into an expression so devastating he might as well have slapped me. “You couldn’t just let me have one thing, could you, Willa?”
Noah bends over, tugging at his dirty-blond hair. “I’ve given up everything for you . Pushed aside all of my own shit to protect you and be a good fucking brother . There was one person who understood me—one person who got what it was like to be the less-damaged sibling. One fucking person who didn’t see me as a fuckup, and you couldn’t even let me have that!”
Jaw hard, he straightens his posture. “Maybe Mom was right and you really are?—”
“Don’t fucking say it,” Ryker growls, moving to my side. “If you’re mad, be mad at me.”
“You’re even worse,” Noah sneers. “First you stole my dad, now my little sister? I let you into my home and this is how you repay me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Ryker winces and puts up two hands. “I get how this looks, but let’s all just take a breath and I’ll explain.” He takes a tiny step forward, but my brother retreats three.
“There’s nothing you could say to make this okay.” Noah scoffs. “She’s going to destroy you, man, the same way she destroyed our mother and our father. ”
I stumble back a step, his verbal sucker punch making the room spin. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“You destroy everything you touch.” Noah shrugs. “I don’t think you can help it.”
This time, it’s me who scoffs. “Let me get this straight. You can fuck the man who literally suggested I kill myself, the same man who’s continued to torment me for years, but somehow I’m the one who’s not good enough for your best friend?”
Noah laughs, the sound cruel and unfamiliar. “Cooper never gave a fuck about you. He only asked you out because he and I got caught fooling around in the locker room. I was scared Coach was going to tell someone and Cooper got pissed when I broke things off. He knew going on a date with you would hurt me and figured it might make it seem like Coach was lying if he ratted us out.”
I blink. And then blink again. “You knew it was fake and you still let Cooper humiliate me anyway? You let that disgusting excuse of a man lock me in an incinerator just so no one would know you liked each other?”
Noah has the good sense to drop his eyes to the floor and soften his tone. “Of course not. I had no idea he was going to pull that shit, which is why I beat the living daylights out of him when I found out. Willa, he’s not a bad guy. He’s just…lost. Like everyone else in this fucking town.”
“You’re still defending him,” I say, tone cold and flat. “If you really can’t see what a betrayal fucking around with Cooper Blackthorne was, then there’s nothing left for us to talk about.”
Ryker presses a comforting hand to the small of my back, a move that only pisses my brother off further. He balls his fists and shifts his weight.
“Why are we even talking about me when you’ve been fucking my best friend behind my back? You promised you’d stay away from him. I practically begged you—” His blue-gray eyes darken, the water line near the corners filling before he wipes the moisture away with his sleeve.
His nostrils flare, brow lowering as he slowly shakes his head. “You don’t know what it’s been like for me here. How hard it’s been living in your shadow while pretending I didn’t have shit of my own to deal with. I had one person I could be myself with—one person I didn’t have to pretend around. Now I have nothing.”
No matter how angry I am, it doesn’t stop the guilt from constricting around my lungs.
Ryker must feel the same way because he drags a hand through his hair and sighs. “That’s not true, Noah. You have Marco and you have a great job?—”
“A great job?” My brother snorts. “I got fired from the rig when Marco and I went to Corpus Christi a few weeks ago.”
“ What ?” Ryker and I screech at once.
“Yep.” Noah laughs bitterly. “I told Willa I was picking up extra hours, but I was at the beach. I was so fucking hungover I missed the boat out to the rig, and they fired me.” He shrugs and laughs again. “Guess I really am a fuckup. Right, Wills ?”
My chest tightens at the sarcastic, almost spiteful way he says my nickname.
Ryker steps forward. “Listen, I’m sorry about the job, and I’m even more sorry you had to find out about me and Willa this way. I messed up, but you’re still my best fucking friend. If you give me a minute to explain?—”
“No.” Noah’s voice is hard and final as he squares his shoulders. “Willa can’t get over Cooper, and I can’t be your friend if you’re fucking my sister.”
“Noah, come on.” There’s an edge to Ryker’s voice that wasn’t there a second ago, a subtle shift in his shoulders when he crosses his arms. “This doesn’t need to be an ultimatum. I fucked up, but we can make it work. You’re like a brother to me. Let’s just talk for a second.”
Noah shakes his head. “No. It’s me or her.”
“Then it’s her,” Ryker says without an ounce of hesitation. My heart thumps wildly. “It’s always been her. It’s always going to be her. I think a part of you has known that since we were kids. ”
Spit particles fly into the air as Noah laughs. “I hope she’s fucking worth it.”
Without so much as a glance in my direction, he turns and storms off into the night with Ryker hot on his heels.
Alone, I collapse onto the bed, hugging my knees to my chest in an attempt to stave off the impending emotional breakdown…but it never comes. I might have just lost my brother forever, but instead of feeling distraught, I feel even more resigned to leave—the same way I did after the argument with my dad.
Noah thinks he’s been living in my shadow? Fine. There’s no way for me to block out his sun if we never see each other again.
A slightly unhinged, slightly pathetic high-pitched laugh barrels out of me.
A moment later, Ryker appears in the doorway, his shoulders slumped and brow heavy. “Your brother’s gone,” he grits out, clutching the frame with an iron grip. “Wouldn’t let me explain or apologize… Fifteen years of friendship and he’s just done.”
“Ryker, I’m so sorry.” A stabbing sensation pierces my heart. “You were right, we should have told him sooner. I just wasn’t sure what we were doing or how you felt about me, and I didn’t want to blow up either of our lives if?—”
“You weren’t sure how I fucking felt about you?” He stares back at me, eyes blazing with heat. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
I open my mouth, shaking my head and shrugging when no words come out.
Ryker works his jaw. “You’re saying you didn’t know that I’m in love with you?” he rasps, closing the distance between us in three strides. “That I’ve always been in love with you?”
My heart swells as I slowly rise to my feet. “How could I?—”
Something he said to Noah filters through my memory.
It’s always been her. It’s always going to be her… A part of you has known that since we were kids.
“Noah knew? ”
Ryker laughs. “Noah, Kane—hell, I’m pretty sure your dad has a good idea. Everyone but you, apparently.”
I shake my head. “There’s no way.”
His jaw tightens, and then—almost as if making a decision—he closes the last foot of distance between us and grabs my wrist, gently placing my palm against his cheek. “Willa, I’ve never willingly let anyone put their hands on me before. Not once. But when you touch me…” He closes his eyes, leaning into my palm. “When you touch me, I feel fucking whole. I feel…quiet. Like there’s?—”
“No more noise or chaos,” I finish for him, struggling to keep my heart from exploding.
“It’s not just me, then?” He takes my face between his hands, moss-green eyes pleading for me to agree. “God, Willa. Tell me I didn’t destroy my best friend’s trust for nothing. Please , tell me it’s not just me.”
“It’s not just you,” I choke out.
A small puff of air escapes my lips at the devastatingly beautiful smile that takes over his face—like a beacon in the dark. I swallow the lump in my throat. “But, Ryker, I can’t stay in Deadwood… I can’t be here, not when?—”
“I know, Princess.” He kisses me softly, and I melt into him, my body relaxing and my mind stilling. “You’re going to get out of Deadwood, and we’ll make this work.”
Grabbing onto his wrists, I bob my head. “Okay.”
He makes a satisfied grunting noise. “I need a year. It’ll take me six months to graduate from the academy, and I’ll need another six months to get guardianship of my sister.”
“I can help,” I say, nodding. “I’ll get a job and move closer?—”
“No. I want Charlie away from Deadwood. Austin is as good a place as any. We can handle a year of long distance.” He brings his nose to mine. “Say you can handle a year. Please fucking tell me you can wait for me to get all my shit figured out.”
My heart feels so light, I’m almost floating. “ I’ll wait.”
“Thank fuck ,” Ryker says, pulling me to his chest and exhaling with a shudder.
He holds me like that for a while, neither of us saying a single word. I listen to his breathing even out and concentrate on the way our heartbeats slowly sync with one another. In the past, my brain might have used this quiet moment to replay every horrible thing Noah said to me. But right now, the only thing I keep thinking about is how lucky I am to have found this incredible man.
We can definitely handle a year of long distance, and Austin will be the perfect fresh start for all three of us.
“Hey,” I lean back just far enough to catch his eye, “I know it’s a ways off, but there’s a dinosaur park thirty minutes outside of Austin we could take Charlie to. She’d like that, right?”
Ryker grabs a white lock of my hair, his grin so beautiful my chest aches. “She’ll love it.”