Chapter 21 #2
You should never have to face such injustices alone, the words repeated in her head.
Lavinia covered her mouth, suddenly feeling sick.
That was not a man comforting a scared woman.
That was a man who expected something in return.
He had, after all, potentially put his reputation on the line for her.
And yet, why does he still feel like the steady choice?
“Lavinia!” Cecily gasped as she ran around the corner and found her sister. She wrapped her arms around her and held her tightly. “Are you quite alright? What happened? What Father said, is it—”
Lavinia shook her head.
“Not here,” she whispered. “Not now. Not in public.”
Cecily nodded slowly and took her sister’s arm, leading her down the road, back toward the carriage. Cecily smiled, speaking rapidly so that Lavinia did not have to say anything.
When they arrived at the carriage, their father looked unusually sheepish. He opened the door and the two women stepped inside. Lavinia said nothing. She had no interest in her father’s usual brand of cruelty.
He stepped in after his daughters and closed the door behind him.
The carriage soon took off, rattling through town and toward Briarwood Hall.
“Did you find anything in town that you enjoyed?” their father asked.
Neither woman responded. He cleared his throat and shuffled in his seat.
“Ah, the, um, weather, it is lovely, is it not?” he tried again.
Silence.
He opened his mouth one last time, and then closed it again, deciding to give up.
Lavinia’s eyes were focused on the changing scenery out the window, her jaw tight, her hands folded stiffly in her lap.
She could feel Cecily’s eyes on her, and the worry radiating from her sister, but she did not focus on it.
Instead, she counted the fence posts as they blurred past the window, one after another, a tiny, useless anchor to keep her mind from tearing itself apart.
There was no other option, because if she did not find something to distract her, she would scream at her father, at Cecily, at anyone else in her path. And there was still one last herculean feat that she had to overcome.
***
When they arrived at Briarwood Hall, the duke was crossing the entrance hallway from the stairs toward the drawing room. He looked up as they entered.
Fury spiked in Lavinia’s chest. The numbness that had overtaken her fractured. Her feet moved quickly before she could think. Panic flickered across the duke’s face, followed by something rather more complicated that she did not know what to do with.
He opened his mouth to speak as Lavinia moved toward him.
Cecily grabbed her arm, steering her toward the stairs instead.
“Let me go,” Lavinia hissed.
“You are not to do this here,” Cecily whispered. “Not in front of the servants. Certainly not in front of Father!”
Lavinia tried once more to break from her sister’s grasp, her eyes locked on Roderick.
He knows I know. He expected me to be angry.
At that realization, she allowed herself to be pulled away.
Cecily pulled her up the stairs, into Lavinia’s chambers. Only then did Cecily release her sister. She quickly locked the door behind them, watching as Lavinia paced the room like a caged animal.
“Lavinia, what happened?” Cecily asked. “Is what Father said true?”
“It would seem so,” Lavinia replied, her voice shaking. “The duke was conspiring with Lord Casterleigh, paying him no less, with the idea that he would court me and eventually marry me!”
“And that upsets you because—”
“Because I am not property for sale!” Lavinia shouted.
“But you yourself had decided to go along with Lord Casterleigh and marry for comfort, had you not?” Cecily asked.
“That was before I knew the real reason behind Lord Casterleigh's interest. I had assumed that his interest in me was genuine. He apologized to me at the assembly ball! And now all of that is null and void because he was not honest with me. I cannot take a single thing he has said to me as truth!” Lavinia cried, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“And you are also angry at the duke?” Cecily asked.
“Of course! He arranged this whole debacle! He is the one who told me this would be the sensible choice! He has been maneuvering and managing me without my consent!” Lavinia continued.
“I have never been allowed to make a single decision without a man’s interference!
And all of that does not include the fact that he almost kissed me in the woods! I am a fool for trusting him!”
The room fell into uneasy silence, the walls echoing Lavinia’s words back to her. Cecily’s eyes widened, her jaw going slack. Lavinia spun to face her sister.
“I am going to confront him,” Lavinia decided. “Tonight. You cannot stop me from doing so. I will not spend another hour in this house pretending I am unaware of what he has done!”
Cecily nodded, slowly moving toward her sister, like she was approaching a wild animal. She pulled her sister into her arms. Lavinia returned the embrace, still shaking.
“I understand,” Cecily said soothingly. “I would be just as furious if I were you,” she added. “I will support whatever decision you make tonight. But I need you to remember your position here is precarious. Your anger is justified, but it could also be used against you.”
Lavinia nodded and held her sister tightly.
“I know,” she whispered. “But there is little I can do to contain it. If I do not speak up now, then the situation will continue.”
Cecily nodded, rubbing Lavinia’s back gently. For a long moment, neither of them spoke.
Eventually, Lavinia pulled back, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Her voice, when it eventually came, sounded steadier than she felt.
“I am done being managed,” she said. “By Father. By Lord Casterleigh. By the duke. If I am to do anything, then it shall be on my own terms.”
Cecily nodded and held her sister’s hands.
“Good,” she whispered. “There is the Lavinia I know.”
Lavinia gave her sister a weak smile.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“You are always welcome,” Cecily nodded.
Lavinia took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, wiping the last of her tears away.
Straightening her collar, she glanced at the looking glass.
She did not quite recognize the woman looking back at her.
Not the duchess she had spent months pretending to be.
Not yet whoever she wished to become instead.
Whoever Lavinia Devereux was, she would face the duke herself.
It was going to be a long night.