Chapter 19
NINETEEN
LOURDES
Sometimes, all we have left is to move on. It doesn’t matter how badly we want something because if fate has other plans, it will never happen—and falling for my stepbrother is in the never category.
My eyes were red-rimmed as I sat alone in the jet. I bet I looked like a hot mess. My head was the definition of sex hair. I ran away, and I didn’t even have time to shower. Neo’s dried cum was still on my inner thighs.
I looked down the hall to where the bedroom was with a shower attached, but I didn’t have the energy in me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and silently cried at how stupid I’d been.
Out of everyone I could ever fall for, I had to go and pick a boy with a cold heart and a cruel laugh. Now, for the rest of my life, I had to pretend like he didn’t mean anything to me.
I pulled my head up and rested it against the windowpane. Times like this were when I wished I had my mami. When she passed away, I believed she went up to heaven and she watched over me, but right now, being higher than the clouds, I still didn’t feel closer to her. She still felt as far away as she did the day she died.
When I shifted in my seat, I winced. I’d never had sex like I had early this morning. Hell, calling it sex fell flat. I didn’t have a chance to look, but I knew I carried Neo’s marks on my body. I wish that would have been all he marked, but when I ran away I knew I left a piece of me with him. Maybe it was the same piece he carried since high school, or maybe I left more, but I knew that I hadn’t been whole in a long time.
“Idiota,” I mumbled to myself as angry tears threatened to spill.
Neo deserved a standing ovation because he had played me for a fool. This whole weekend I had given him the benefit of the doubt, only to have it thrown back in my face.
Peace. That’s what I felt when I woke up wrapped in Neo’s arm. I was starting to think he was the one who liked to cuddle because the way he held me was firm…strong…intentional. When I pulled away because I had to pee so fucking bad, he didn’t wake.
We had switched sides during our little morning escapades, so I was on “his” side of the bed. I didn’t mean to snoop when the phone pinged, but it was his fault that part of the messages were displayed on the screen.
Everything that was warm in me at that moment instantly went cold. My heart, which had been broken and jagged by my family, finished chipping off as I read the message on the screen.
Tatum: It took three long years, and I can’t believe we pulled it off, bro. Thank you for believing me…
I couldn’t help but wonder if Neo was in that room right now, laughing at my stupidity. He said he believed me, that he would take care of it, and I believed him because my infatuation with him blinded me, but the facts said otherwise.
Right before landing, I turned on my phone and sent Cristobal a message. One of the other reasons why I kept a friendly relation with him was because he could get information on anyone. He knew climbing up the ladder was a dirty game, and if you wanted to play then you needed to play outside of the rules.
It was a decision I had come to when I knew the board was going to throw everything that was out of my hands back at me. From my sex to my heritage, and if they wanted to play dirty, so could I.
Me: Hiiiii!
Me: I’m going to need moreeeee!
Cristobal: No good morning? How are you doing? Just ask for it raw?
I rolled my eyes, and if I hadn’t been fucked raw a few hours ago, I might have laughed.
Cristobal: I’ll talk to my guys.
After I read his text, I turned my phone on silent then do not disturb, and then I wiped my tears away.
I was aware of my many fuckups this weekend, but it was time to stop settling for the scraps my family was giving me.
“I’m sorry, Mamita ,” I whispered, knowing she would hate the way I was about to eviscerate my elders. It wasn’t the way she raised me, but she was no longer here, and I had to survive in this den of vipers on my own.
One week later
My list of fuckups kept piling on. In the last week, I laid low, put my heart together the best I could, and then gave myself one hell of a pep talk before returning to work.
I was sure my father was pissed at me. Not only did he give me a chance to attend a meet I wasn’t even invited to, but I left early. Even though in the three years that I worked at the company I had never taken a day off, hell, I still had two years’ worth of vacations and some PTO days. I knew that my week off would get me in trouble. Someone—and by someone, I meant the bitch married to my father—had already snitched on me to my grandfather because he called me. And he never called.
I came back from Florida, and instead of going to my apartment, I stayed at Clove’s place, too scared that Neo would come barging into my life. The only time I went out was when I met up with Cristobal, so he could hand me new information.
It was dumb luck that we ran into Wes as we left the café.
The world really was a small place sometimes.
Just as I was ready to walk out the door and go to work, my phone rang. When I saw Marie’s name flashing I was able to breathe easier for just a second.
“Hi, Marie,” I greeted her.
She sighed.
“Oh, mija , I wish I could be calling with better news.”
My stomach dropped even though I had expected something to go down.
“What happened?” I asked hesitantly.
“The vote for the COO position will be at the end of the week.”
Even though I knew I never had a fair shot, and after last week, I blew the minuscule amount of respect the board had for me, it still hurt. I cleared my throat, but the ache remained as I spoke.
“I’m ready for them. I’ve been preparing for this moment,” I let her know.
Before I walked out the door, I looked at myself. My hair was in loose waves, my lips were a dark red that matched my heels, and everything else was black.
The board started this war. Now, they had to deal with the fallout when I ended them.
It was like my first day at work all over again. By now, even the workers heard some version of the events that happened last weekend. Everyone had an opinion about my life, and at the end of the day, no matter what I did to some, I would never be enough.
Right before lunch, someone walked into my office and slammed the door shut. I braced myself for the incoming fight. When I looked up, I half expected to see my father there, not Neo.
Even though I told myself I would be okay to see him again, I wasn’t prepared. My heart began to beat erratically, an array of emotions working their way through it. I blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears at bay, and had to stop myself from recoiling at the way my stomach clenched in pain.
“Can I help you?” I asked in my most dismissive tone.
Neo’s nostrils flared. He walked right up to my desk and leaned his forearms on the surface.
“Where have you been? You sure as fuck haven’t been home,” he seethed.
I was right in staying with Clove.
“That’s none of your business.”
He glared at me.
“The way you came hard as fuck on my cock makes it my business,” he spat back.
Mierda. If he got any louder, someone was bound to hear, and I couldn’t have him ruining my trump card.
“I hate you,” I spat back.
He had the audacity to look hurt.
“So, that’s it? You just wanted to fuck me out of your system,” he threw back at me in a cold voice I never heard before.
I let out a bitter laugh. There was no reason to keep up with the ruse, not when everything was about to go to hell.
“Stop with the act, Neo,” I told him, sounding more defeated than I wanted. “Bravo. You played me. I believed you when you said not to worry about Tatum. That you would take care of it, but then the asshole is sending you a message thanking you for believing him. I bet the two of you laughed at my stupidity.”
His face paled.
My lower lip quivered, and I bit it to stop myself from crying out.
“Lou.” His tone was soft. “I would never?—”
“Stop with the lies,” I cut him off.
His jaw clenched, and he looked away for a second, and when his gaze met mine again his brown eyes looked at me almost pleadingly.
“Lou—”
“Against my better judgment…” My voice broke, and I hated how weak I looked in front of him. “…I trusted you.”
“Then keep trusting me. Just a little longer.”
If it weren’t for my anger, I might have noted that this was the closest Neo had ever come to begging.
“Leave. I have a lot of work to do before Friday’s meeting,” I told him as I returned to look at my computer. “Congrats, by the way. I heard the board was pleased with you.”
“Are fucking staying with him?” Neo asked between gritted teeth.
I didn’t take Wes for a gossip, but I guess if he was part of their little trio, I should have known better.
“That’s none of your business,” I replied as I attempted to focus on my work.
“It is my business when you were already perfect before I left, and this version of you…is not you. This version of you fits into a mold you weren’t meant to hold.”
Damn him.
Those words were not the ones I wanted to hear. Tears threatened to spill, and my pride took a hit as I forced myself to look at him.
“If my hair doesn’t look perfect every day, then I get called lazy for not caring about my appearance. My lips must be a respectable color, or else I’m too tempting and unprofessional. And I wear slacks now to make it harder for men to end up with their hands up my skirt, because there are never repercussions on them.”
He flinched at the last part.
The dig was aimed at Tatum but also at him. He had made me feel stupid once, and I overlooked it, but now, here we were back to square one.
“I’m going to make it up to you, Lou. Just…fuck…go back to your place. Don’t fucking stay with him.”
I broke eye contact with him because looking at him was killing me. He began to walk out of my office, and because I was stupid, I stopped him.
“What if you could have me? Would you pick me?”
Neo stood still. And because I couldn’t stand his rejection, I kept going.
“Would you tell the board to fuck off on Friday? Haven’t you already taken enough from me?”
When he walked away, he didn’t even bother to look back at me, and I was glad because I had finally let my tears spill.