Chapter 28 #2
“Oh, this is some other shit in here,” I mumbled, stepping back from a man who was showing me that it was time to turn on the damn lights.
By the time my fast-racing heart ass arrived at the light switch, August chuckled. “Don’t turn on that light switch. I ain’t possessed; just find Candyman 1992 theme song easy to shove hurtful feelin’s away so I can think better.”
Sassily, I said, “Whoever introduced you to that shit is a lunatic.”
“Som’ like that.” He chuckled, motioning for me to come to him. “Let’s primp her room out quietly, then shift to wherever our other princess gon’ rest.”
“Okay.” I breathed, pushing out the eerie feelings cradling me.
An hour and fifteen minutes later and three trips to the truck, I stood before the proud man, grinning at our daughter’s pink, purple, and green glowing room.
Azaria’s plushy room would be the highlight of her days and nights.
She would be eager to show off the cozy pink beanbag chair and a vanity for her doll-styling and dismembering activities.
“She won’t want to leave,” August said, pulling me out of the room that was perfect for her.
“No, she won’t.” I nodded, turning to face him.
“Picture and video time. Then, we are on to Angelette’s room. Followed by my room,” I told him, raking my nails through his beard.
“Sound good to me,” he spoke, rubbing my stomach.
Stepping out of his way, I motioned for him to get to our kid. When he kneeled in front of her, smiling, the photo shoot began. The love he had for her spewed out of him, cradling him before zapping into my phone.
“Get ready to start the video,” he said lowly, sliding his pinky finger across Azaria’s forehead.
Hovering my thumb over the video icon, I replied, “Ready whenever you are.”
The moment he smiled as he did when she was born, I slapped the button.
Tenderly, August kissed Azaria’s head. Grabbing her little hand with black nail polish on her filed nails, he kissed the back of her hand.
Holding her hand, he said, “I love you, Princess Enforcer. Big Brother Enforcer send all his love an’ kisses.
He said he miss you. He gon’ be down in two weeks to see you an’ y’all’s momma, but y’all won’t see him.
He ain’t ready fo’ y’all to see him. Azaria, there ain’t a day I’on look at our videos or think ‘bout you. I can’t let you go, but I can’t be ‘round you not fully put together fo’ you.
I’m hopin’ things turn out in my favor fo’ us.
If it don’t, I won’t be sad. I’mma roll wit’ the punches.
Still, I’on know how long I’mma not show you my face an’ be in yo’ life full throttle.
Hopefully, soon, I’mma know that answer.
I hope you love yo’ room. I got som’ mo’ stuff comin’ in for you.
Gotta go. I love you to the moon an’ back. Forever an’ always.”
I didn’t end the video until he looked at me. His eyes were teary. His torso and fingers were tight. He leaned his head to the right and emotionally said, “I have so much to say, but I’mma hold my tongue. Daddy love you, guh.”
As he closed his eyes and his body fully relaxed, I rushed to end the video.
Right as I made sure to save it, he started the creepy shit.
Two minutes later, he grinned as if his core wasn’t rattled.
Motioning me to walk out of the room, I hurried to do so.
I needed something to drink, so I fled to the kitchen.
A small dose of red wine was perfect for the moment. August Senior had rocked my spirits to a scary realm. If I were still up when he left, I would have trouble sleeping, all because of that damn theme song and seeing him fully involved in it.
Once I swallowed the bitter shit that was great for the body, I cleared my throat and stepped into the hallway. August hadn’t left Azaria’s room. Confused, I asked, “Why aren’t you in Angelette’s room?”
“This yo’ home. I ain’t finna walk ‘round it freely to find out where our daughter’s room is. I prefer you show me,” he said, sliding his head slowly in my direction.
Pointing across from Azaria’s room, I voiced, “The new princess’s room.”
“A’ight. Lead the way inside,” he ordered, lifting our daughter’s crib and the toolbox.
You have for sure changed. Not sure if it’s for the best or worse since you have lost the most important woman in your life, I thought, stopping at Angelette’s door.
When we stepped inside the spacious room that would be a sunroom if I didn’t find dark brown or black blinds to fit her window, August asked, “Where you want her big things to go?”
Pointing at the window, I said, “Changing table goes there. The crib can go to the left of the wall. Her bassinet can sit anywhere for the moment. Her car seat and stroller can go into her closet. Will you return for her birth?”
“No,” he replied, walking into the room.
Instantly, my tears welled as I choked up. “Why not?”
“I ain’t finished wit’ me yet.”
“But August, she’s yours.”
“I know,” he voiced, setting the crib next to the wall. “When I return, I’mma sign the birth certificate an’ everything else.”
“That’s wrong not to return for her birth,” I stressed, wiping my face and turning on my heels.
“I know,” he said, walking quickly behind me. “But I ain’t ready.”
“Fuck not being ready. I wasn’t ready to get pregnant again, but you wanted that,” I cried, wanting him to get out.
“I’m sorry you angry that I ain’t gon’ be present. I’mma make it up to you whether you allow it or not,” he stressed, pulling me onto him.
“Your changes, I don’t like them. You aren’t a family man anymore. You are a mysterious nigga who seems to be all about you and August Junior,” I voiced lowly as he rubbed my stomach and placed his lips to my ear.
“Not true.”
“He’s in your care, not Azaria. He’s on your mind, not Azaria and Angelette,” I sobbed, trying to remove his hands from me.
“Wrong, again. August Junior ain’t been in my care since a week after Thanksgivin’.
He’s on hiatus, learnin’ himself, forgivin’ himself, an’ diggin’ deep to learn from different cultures.
He’s experiencin’ life without being tethered to you or me.
He love you. Like I told Azaria, he gon’ see y’all, but y’all won’t see him.
Don’t try to stay up to see him either. You gon’ stress out yo’ body.
He’s swifter than a fox, nih, just like me.
I need you to toss out yo’ assumptions of where my fatherly loyalties lie.
They equal amongst all three. I promise. ”
“Then, be at Angelette’s birth!” I hollered, shoving his hands away from me before spinning on my heels.
“No.”
“Get the fuck out,” I snarled.
“No.”
“August, leave,” I spat, stepping back.
Never moving toward me, he shook his head and said, “No. Mona, you gotta respect what I say ‘cause I’m doing all this shit fo’ a reason.”
“What’s the gotdamn reason?”
“I can’t tell you that. Not right nih.”
“Why?” I whined, walking back to him.
“‘Cause the timin’ ain’t right. We ain’t right. You still all over the place. You ain’t sat still to think ‘cause you in new territory that I put you in.”
“Then, how we get right?”
“Who said we gon’ ever get right?” he asked as Angelette moved. “I’m takin’ the dick off the table. I shoulda never put it on the table.”
“Some other bitch getting it?” I asked smartly.
“No. I enjoy beatin’ my dick.”
“Mhm.”
“Are we gon’ put Angelette’s room together or not? Or would you prefer you an’ Thiago put her room together?” he asked respectfully, which angered me.
“Go to Hell,” I hissed, turning on my heels.
Grabbing my arm, August exhaled. “I wasn’t tryin’ to be funny, Mona. I just asked a question. It’s okay if you want to put her room together wit’ him. You single. You ain’t got no loyalties to the new me.”
“No, I don’t want to put her room together with Thiago. He’s not her dad,” I stressed, looking at him through blurry vision.
“Then, let’s put her room together.” He smiled softly, pulling me toward him.
Three hours and forty-five minutes later, Angelette’s room was set with the essentials that she needed.
As we stood at the doorway, August handed me his phone and said, “Go to whatever online site an’ order everything you want fo’ our daughter’s room.
Let me know when you need the card info. May I take a shower?”
“Yes.”
“Will you show me to yo’ bathroom?” he asked, pulling me out of the room.
“Yes.” I nodded, thinking about snooping through his phone while he cleaned the body God and Satan had a hand in creating.
After he retrieved his black bookbag from Azaria’s door, the broad-shouldered man and I waltzed into my room. Soft melodies played lowly from the TV as August cut his eyes at me.
“What?” I blushed.
“You got the mood set,” he said as I stopped walking. He had arrived at the master bathroom.
“No, I don’t,” I lied, grinning and looking at his phone.
“Feel free to come into the bathroom anytime. You know I love extended showers,” he groaned as I flinched, fingers twitched, and his phone fell out of my hand.
I swallowed hard as the words ‘extended showers’ and water running into my nose flooded my mind.
“Mona,” August said slowly and softly as I felt like I was drowning. “I know I just triggered you. I see it. I wasn’t tryin’. I ain’t know what I said would do that. I ain’t movin’. I won’t move ‘til you come back to the present. Then, I’mma leave.”
Stuck between the past vision and that sadistic look that he had given me, I backed away slowly. Tears slid down my face as I heavily breathed. “Leave. Now.”
“Talk to a therapist, Mona. Please. That’s the only way we gon’ be able to co-parent.
You an’ me ‘round water yo’ trigger. Remember that.
Tell the therapist that, so you can cope an’ move away from it.
I love you an’ our kids,” he voiced, sounding distant as I slumped before the ottoman, traveling back to a time that I thought I would no longer think about.