Chapter 6 Natalie
NATALIE
What the…
What?
What just—
I swallowed hard, stuck in the intensity of Sergei’s stare on me.
What…
What is this?
What’s happening?
Why—
Blinking quickly as I waited for common sense to return to me, I lowered my gaze and tried to hide how flustered I was.
He’d kissed me. He’d actually swooped in just like that and kissed me.
The idea to lie that Sergei was my boyfriend hit me so quickly that I didn’t have time to rethink it.
Or to think it through at all. Common sense and logic didn’t apply.
I blurted out that I was with this strong, scary-looking man because I couldn’t deny how secure he made me feel.
After Fitz’s death, I’d sworn myself off men. Yet, in the face of danger, I was drawn to Sergei. Without knowing anything specific about him, I’d come to see him as my ally.
A friend?
Something more?
Afraid that he would lash out at those men, I had said the first thing that came to mind. That I wasn’t available. That I was taken.
Oh, my God.
It was the stupidest thing I could’ve said. I didn’t make a habit of lying, but the words left my mouth too quickly before I could take them back. All I hoped for was that Sergei wouldn’t correct me or be mad. That he’d play along and not laugh me off.
But what was that?
Leaning down to kiss me like that, rendering me speechless with the soft yet hungry press of his mouth on mine, he confused me.
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t rationalize how wrong this was when it felt so right. The surge of desire that he induced in me woke me up. Startled me. The warm pressure of his hand on my face comforted me, tricking me into wanting more.
I’d been kissed before. But it had never felt like a visceral claim.
And what is this?
All the sounds and chaos of the bar fell to the back of my mind. Hazy and drugged under the hot stare Sergei had yet to take off me, inches between us, I tried to come back down to earth.
Why is he looking at me like this?
Like he wants to kiss me again?
What does this mean?
How can he be watching me like he wants another excuse to hold me closer?
That kiss was a lot more than merely playing along with my lie. Nowhere in my fantasies had I imagined him kissing me like that. Or that I would feel the potency of it down to the marrow of my bones. Down to the growing arousal between my legs.
Oh, my God!
What have I done?
What has he done to me? This was no simple kiss. My stupid lie was already getting so complicated.
I backed up, stunned, and let the noise of the bar bring me back to reality.
I was here to work and earn a paycheck, not lie about this handsome, strong businessman being my boyfriend.
I was here to mop this spill and get back to giving out drinks, not wonder if this sexy man could actually want me.
“Whatever,” one of the men complained, walking off. His two friends left with him, and still, I couldn’t face Sergei properly. My cheeks burned like they were on fire. My heart raced like I’d run a marathon. My knees shook like I wanted Sergei to hold me for much longer.
“I…”
He shook his head, moving back to his seat. Acting like nothing had happened, casual as ever, Sergei cleared his throat. “No worries.”
I opened and closed my mouth, staring at him as he sat back down like this was just any ordinary night for him. Maybe he went around kissing all kinds of strange women. He was hot enough to attract them. Yet, he never made any move on anyone here, never looked at Rosa like he did me.
Just get back to work.
Stop this stupid nonsense.
Grabbing the mop, I went back behind the bar.
“Natalie, it’s okay,” he said moments later when I dropped the third glass in as many minutes.
I frowned up at him, damning this blush that wouldn’t quit. Or how I was drawn to glance at his lips. “Huh?”
“I’m fine with pretending to be your boyfriend,” he said.
I winced, worried everyone would hear. “I’m so sorry that I put you on the spot like that.”
He shot his hand out to catch the glass that I almost knocked over. With his other hand, he placed it over mine. My trembling fingers felt safe under the heat of his big palm.
“It’s fine,” he repeated calmly.
Why does his voice have that effect on me?
So rich and dark. Commanding. Like all would be right with him in charge so I wouldn’t be so burdened by my life.
“I’m happy to play along if it keeps those idiots from harassing you.”
Watching him as I filled another glass, I searched his face for a catch. If he was interested in stepping in as a fake boyfriend, would he expect something in return?
“What’s the catch?” I asked nervously.
He shrugged and rubbed his jaw. “There isn’t one.”
How?
Why?
I didn’t understand how a sexy man like him could be available to pretend for me, without any obligation to thank him for his help. My struggles with independence and missing a man to lean on thwarted my thoughts.
“If I’m making you nervous, I can go.” He twisted to grab his jacket off the short back of the stool. As he moved, he cringed in pain.
“Are you okay?” I reached out and put my hand on his forearm.
He looked back, glancing at how I’d touched him, and I yanked my hand away. “Just a sore muscle.”
“You… You don’t have to go.” I cleared my throat and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I’m not nervous.”
He arched one brow at me, questioning that claim.
“I’m just surprised. I blurted that out and didn’t think you’d…”
I didn’t know that you’d kiss me.
That it could be that… hot.
“Nat!” Rosa whistled, getting my attention.
She hollered out a request for more bottles of beer from the walk-in fridge.
I nodded, almost glad for a moment to step away.
Going into the cold room chilled me a bit, but with the thought of Sergei kissing me—of his wanting to kiss me again—kept my cheeks pink when I returned.
He’s still here.
For the rest of the night, he stayed. It was longer than he usually did—not that I kept official track of that detail. We didn’t talk again. As I strained to keep up with the demanding pace of orders, I didn’t have time to talk to him.
The next night, I wasn’t entirely surprised that he showed up again.
“Hi, Sergei,” I greeted as he sat in front of me like usual.
“Hi, girlfriend Natalie,” he replied.
Cue my instant blush.
The next night was the same. And two nights after that, too.
I accepted the unofficial agreement that we’d forged. He would pretend to be my boyfriend, acting as my protector any time a customer got too aggressive or rude with me. One lethal glare was usually all it took to send others backing off.
Lying about having a man in my life felt wrong, but after the first week of living this lie, I convinced myself it was better than having the endless predators bothering me.
Getting used to seeing Sergei show up almost nightly, I tried not to worry about the why of it all. How a stranger could be this invested in merely helping me out.
Rosa wondered too, because one night, she pulled me aside and flat-out asked me why he always seemed to come for the sole purpose of checking in on me.
“No bullshit, Nat. Tell me the truth. Is that big guy stalking you or something?” Her brow furrowed.
Again, I appreciated her maternal instincts toward me, like she was my unofficial big sister on the clock.
“No. He’s not stalking me,” I said, almost laughing. I glanced up and caught him watching me with that ghost of a smile I doubted he’d ever let me see.
“Who is he?”
I frowned, debating what to say. No ready answer came to me. I didn’t even know his last name, what he did for a living, where he came from.
Oh, hell.
What if he is stalking me or something crazy like that?
“Nat?” She arched her brows as I scrambled for an answer.
No. That’s stupid. He’s not stalking me. He is just… lonely. And must like protecting me. Maybe he’s bored. If Sergei were stalking me, he wouldn’t limit watching me to the random times he spent here at the bar.
“Okay, he’s just a regular.”
She crossed her arms, unconvinced.
“The other day when some guys were harassing me, I got a little nervous and scared and…”
“You should’ve told me, girl. I told you on day one, I’ll always try to look out for you.”
It saddened me that I looked so helpless to need her as backup. Or anyone else. Having Sergei’s backup felt… different.
“I know. But I, um, I blurted out that he was my boyfriend, just to get these guys to stop bugging me. And he played along with it.” I shrugged, blushing about it all. “It doesn’t mean anything. Just a silly joke. Or a good deed. I don’t know.”
She smiled, shaking her head slowly as she giggled. “Oh, girl.”
“Don’t judge me…”
“I’m not. Hell, I remember doing something like that back when I was a hot lil’ mama too.” She glanced at him and sighed when she looked back at me. “But leave it to you to pick the sexiest, meanest-looking man here.”
My blush deepened.
“Just make sure you aren’t getting too carried away with the act.” She winked, one of those mischievous ones again.
I snorted a wry laugh. Carried away? I shook my head and resumed setting glasses away in the rare moment of downtime. “Don’t worry, Rosa. I won’t have any problem keeping myself in check.”
She checked her hip with mine as she passed. Pausing to lean close and whisper so Sergei wouldn’t overhear, sitting so close as he drank his beer and glanced at the TV, she said, “I’m not so sure any woman’s strong enough to resist him.”
I rolled my eyes at her as she continued to the other end of the bar. “Ha, ha,” I muttered dryly.
She had a point. Sergei was a fine-looking specimen of man. And that kiss he’d given me sparked more than a little excitement and desire in me.
But those facts didn’t matter. I could—and would—dismiss them both.
It was simply way too soon to even consider letting a man in my life.
To really look at anyone with the interest of dating or anything like that.
Maisie was so young, and she was still grieving.
I couldn’t burden her with more changes to her life by incorporating a real boyfriend into the mix.
She needed me—all of me—as her only family.
Deep down, I knew I was still grieving too, still weighed down with the cumbersome realization that I needed to be more independent and not rely on anyone again.
“I’m nowhere close to being ready for a man again,” I whispered to myself.
Because the more that I locked my gaze on Sergei’s intense blue stare and felt those now-familiar butterflies in my stomach, I suffered the guilt of forgetting my husband, somehow dishonoring the love we once had.
A real love. The kind I’d always dreamed of. One that would last forever.