Chapter 36 Natalie
NATALIE
Ishook my head. “I can’t be angry at you, Sergei.”
It broke my heart that he still felt like he had to make his case for me. But it was my fault that he did. It was all on me that he was worried about whether we could make it together.
Because I’d been so stuck in my grief for too long. Misguided by the potency of my desire for him and confused with how my past would have a smaller impact on how I saw my future, I had made a terrible mess of it.
“How can I be angry at you when I love you?” I asked, climbing onto the bed to take the place my daughter had just vacated.
He smiled slowly, letting me get close. “You’re joking, right? Because there’s no way you’ve been here all these months and failed to see how Mikhail and Claire can argue and—”
I smiled, blinking away the happy tears that stung my eyes. Closing them as I brought my face toward his, I sighed in anticipation of the perfection that rocked through me whenever we kissed.
He groaned lightly at the pressure of my lips over his, accepting my words and love as a joint declaration of love.
When he lifted his hand to cup the back of my head and angle me for a deeper angle and truly taste me, he winced and recalled too belatedly how sore that side of his body was.
I reared back, pushing his arm down. “Arguing isn’t being angry with one another. That’s just bickering.”
“Hmm.” He rested his head back, staring at me like I was his whole world.
“I love you,” I said again, in case he was going too far with his attempt to lighten the mood. “I love you and I don’t plan on ever stopping.”
“Thank fuck,” he muttered roughly, tugging me over and toward him for another hungry kiss.
I squeaked in surprise, slightly in awe that he had this much strength when he had recently lost so much blood that Claire had to give him a transfusion.
He’d been out for so long. She listed a long report of where he’d been hurt and stitched up.
Yet, he had the power to yank me close so he could render me breathless and needy with his mouth possessing mine.
Careful not to put all of my weight on him and mindful to avoid touching the surgery sites, I placed my hands on the mattress of the raised back of the hospital bed.
“Don’t,” he warned greedily, staring at me with an intense heat of lust in his eyes as he urged me to straddle him. “Don’t you dare deny me a kiss, acting like you need to be delicate with me.”
I giggled as he pulled me down for another kiss, sighing at the perfection of this man dominating me.
“You hardly weigh a thing. You’re not going to hurt me,” he murmured, splaying his hand over my ass cheek and urging me to grind against him.
“But I think I did,” I replied, sobering up from this rush for intimacy he seemed intent on. “I did hurt you, Sergei.”
He sighed, letting me back up so we could face each other. Shaking his head slowly, he caught his breath. “You didn’t, Natalie. I don’t blame you for how you reacted.”
“No, Sergei. No.” I framed his face, rubbing my thumb over his lower lip. “I was hurt, confused, and shocked. But it wasn’t fair to either of us for me to retreat and hold this grudge against you for so long.”
“I wanted to give you time and space.”
I dipped down to kiss him again. “I could tell. And I respected you more for it.”
“Ever since I met you, I realized that you needed to figure things out on your own. To not be pushed.”
Because it would’ve scared me off.
In hindsight, I couldn’t imagine never taking a chance on him.
“I shouldn’t have let it get so far. I shouldn’t have let myself get so stuck in the past that I couldn’t move forward at all. I’ve got no right to be angry at you when it was an accident. I understand that. I really do.”
He hadn’t set out to intentionally murder my husband.
“I was angry at the world, I was angry that Fitz had been killed so young. But once I realized that there is more to you than the strong man who carries a gun, I knew that it was so wrong to treat you like the enemy.”
He stroked his fingers over my side, nodding. “And I don’t blame you for having that anger. I would’ve felt the same if I were in your position.”
“And I don’t want to be stuck in this loop of grief. Or sorrow. Or loneliness. I can’t convince myself that anything good would come from pushing you away. I crave how complete you make me feel. I cherish every time I witness you acting like a father to Maisie.”
“You will never be lonely again.”
This time, I let him pull me all the way down for a longer, deeper, and more tender kiss.
I’d never be lonely again because of him.
“I love you, Natalie,” he whispered against my lips.
Beeps rose up in volume again and I laughed as I pulled back at his movement.
“Okay, that’s enough of this.” He reached over to yank out the plug end of the wires that connected him to the panel that tracked his vitals.
His pulse rose each time we kissed.
“A part of me will always miss Fitz. A part of me will always grieve the loss I suffered when he was killed. But those parts do not make up all of who I am.” I kissed him again and relished the experimental push of his hips against mine.
“I am yours, Sergei. My love for you won’t erase my past. My love for you can and will decide our future, instead. ”
He growled into my kiss, holding me down against him so we were flush. With every small thrust of him against me, I was tempted to spread my legs wider, to push down on his erection a little more.
I wasn’t bluffing. Each and every word I told him was the truth. Yet, with the emotional bonds we fixed between us, the physical need that linked us burned as hot and impatient as ever.
“What are you expecting for the…” He seemed too lost in his thoughts as he kissed me harder and pushed my skirt up. “For the immediate future?”
I smiled against his lips. “Are you asking me what I want right now?”
He groaned as I slid my hand between us to stroke his dick. “Yeah.”
“Well, since you disconnected that thing so it wouldn’t beep…” I slid the hospital gown aside to reveal his dick.
“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you,” he said gruffly, shifting on the bed to make room for me.
When he winced, I slowed down and put my hand on his shoulder. “Stop. Don’t move. Let me.”
To my surprise, he obeyed. He didn’t move much and rested while I leaned up enough to tug my panties off. With my skirt, I had easy access to line his long, thick dick to my entrance that was already slippery wet and aching for him.
“Let me love you,” I told him as I sank down, taking every rigid inch of him deep into my pussy.
I bit my lip.
He groaned lightly.
Once I was seated, I kissed him and shivered at the burn of the stretch. He filled me so good. He stuffed me until I knew I was full.
“Let me make love to you.”
He clamped his hands on my ass as I slowly lifted up to ride him. “No. We’ll make love together.”
I nodded, already too close to coming too soon. My pussy throbbed for him.
After the highs and lows of the last twenty-four hours, I was still running on fumes, so tired and spent. I was still processing the fear and relief that hit me, so bewildered and shocked that it had gotten to such a scary point of almost losing my daughter and the man I loved.
But I didn’t.
We were all here, safe.
And I was right here, fucking my man and enjoying every second of the pleasure I gave him. Each second of pleasure he gave me in return for accepting me and being patient to want me however he could get me.
“I love you, Natalie,” he growled as I came close to shattering.
He felt too good. So thick as he massaged my inner walls that clenched him. He tempted me to surrender. Ready to explode and let this tension evaporate between us.
“I love you, too. So much, Sergei.” I kissed him to muffle myself, knowing that as I slid down him again, rubbing with the perfect friction of my clit so snug against the base of his cock, I would come.
And I did. Hard. It was too soon, but in this clinic with the door unlocked, I would have to plan to take my time with him later.
The next time.
Because I’d taken the leap of faith to tell him that I loved him, there would be as many more next times as we wanted.
He grunted, not leaving my mouth as he sucked on my lips and followed me. Going still and tensing as he ensured his dick was wedged inside me as deep as it could go, he strained not to thrust me up any higher as he shot his cum into my womb.
On the inhale after he came, though, he winced, and I knew we were seriously disobeying the doctor’s orders. We were not resting. He was tensing up and likely using muscles that he shouldn’t be as he rode through his climax.
But under his steady hold on me, trapping me on his lap as if he couldn’t bear to part from me, I stayed put and smiled. With his dick buried so deep inside my pussy that still clenched and fluttered with waves of pleasure, I sighed and counted on resting with him. Right here. Just like this.
Finding a new version of peace and love had seemed impossible for so long. In his arms as we came down from the high of making love, though, I knew that I’d found it at last.
Because I found you.
“I will never stop loving you,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my temple.
I sighed and snuggled against him. “And I will always love you.”
Anger didn’t belong between us. Only this blissful satisfaction and solid trust that meant I could know he’d move mountains to keep me happy and safe. He alone would burn the world down and ensure that we could move forward together. Never apart or distanced again.
“Should I let you rest now?” I asked once it seemed like he was already on his way to falling asleep.
“You stay right where you are,” he said, not opening his eyes and shifting so he’d slip out of me without letting me off the bed.
I smiled and closed my eyes, resting against his side and knowing I could surrender to the need to sleep, confident when I woke up that his rugged face would be the first thing I’d see.