Chapter 18 Sai #2
But I’m enjoying her nervous energy. It calms me, because it means I need to step up. My girl doesn’t ever need to be embarrassed about asking me things.
Not with me. Never.
“No, Red,” I say, and her eyes go a little wide.
“I think we thought we’d bonded. Platonically.
” I make sure to drag out that word. “We could hear each other, our darknesses seemed compatible, we became a unit… eventually.” She frowns at that.
“Oh, if you think Kane was in denial about you, you should’ve seen his face when he met me and Julien, and then I started talking in his head. ”
I grin, and she gives me a little smile.
Fuck, she’s so fucking gorgeous it’s unfair. Not to me, but to every other creature that exists.
I hold her gaze as my voice lowers. “But we always felt like there was something else. Something more. Then, we met you.”
She blushes, the soft peach lighting up all that scarlet. All that colour burns away everything else, melting the grey. I can’t look anywhere but her.
She clears her throat. “So… do you guys have a surname? I know most units take one person’s when they form.”
“Nimur.”
“That’s pretty.” Her cheeks flush deeper as she glances away, teeth catching her lip. “Whose surname was it?”
“No one’s, we created it for the unit.”
“You created it?” Her nose scrunches. “Why?”
Now it’s my time to look away. I stare at the board etched with too many fancy names for hot water with shit dumped in it.
“We’ve all got a past, Red. None of us liked ours. So we ditched it, names and all, and built something else.”
When I look back, she’s staring at me, those stunning red eyes so pale in the blinding light they’re almost pink.
“What does it mean? Nimur.” The soft way she says it, the roll of the ‘r’ on her tongue.
How is this the same woman who tripped over half the menu?
She devoured this word. Made it hers.
“Ashes.” I shrug, like it means fuck all, ignoring the ache that promise still brings, the one we made that ended with that word.
“I like it.” Her face glows with that sweet little smile. I’m so desperate to feel it on my skin, sink into her calming warmth.
Fucking hell, this girl’s making me say some crazy shit, and I’ll keep going. I’ll write some poetry if it means I can have her.
“I… I don’t have a surname. I picked my first and then… I just didn’t see the point.” She tries to act casual, like it doesn’t bother her, but I see it.
“How did you choose?”
And was it just chance she could spell her name with the letters of ours? Of course it fucking was, but I’ll still believe it, like she was destined to pick it.
She tilts her head in thought. “I’ve always liked plants and nature. Ferne, she’s an earth elemental, she has all these books with pictures of exotic flowers, and when I was flicking through, I… I dunno.”
She shrugs, trying to brush it off as meaningless, just like I did—but it only makes me pay more attention.
Her voice is quieter when she adds, “I guess I liked the way jasmines looked like little stars.”
“You like stars, Red?” She rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t get it.
I’m not teasing her. I’m memorising her. Everything. Every small detail, every look, every shrug. Her likes, her dislikes. I want to know everything—and my girl likes stars.
Can you buy a star?
I bet Julien knows—he always knows shit like that, like he’s got an encyclopaedia in his head.
And I know Zeek would find a way to buy a full fucking constellation.
Kane would probably just stare at me, and say nothing.
Then, a week later, we’d find out he’d bought the most ominous-looking star in the galaxy, or a black hole.
“If that’s how I picked my first name, maybe it’s a good thing I never chose a second...” she trails off with a breathy little laugh.
“You can have ours.”
She stares at me, brows furrowed but still smiling. “What?”
“Our second name.”
She huffs a laugh. “I don’t think it works like that, Sai.”
“Who says?” I’m not smirking because I’m not joking.
And now I can’t shake it, her with our surname. Tied to us, part of us, part of the vow we made.
Jasmine Nimur.
Fuck. Has anything ever sounded as good as that?
That’s poetry.
“So… if I search you up now, with that name, Sai Nimur.” She doesn’t even realise how sexy she’s made that sound, or maybe she does because my markings pulse. “Would I find anything?”
“Nope.”
Her head tilts. “And why is that?”
“Zeek might look like some almighty, powerful lord, but he’s also a massive geek. Deletes every trace of us. Don’t ask me how.”
She seems… relieved by that piece of information. Interesting.
And now I can’t help but pick at it.
“Happy no one’s got a wall with our faces on it? No ‘Simps for Sai’ fangirls?” I smirk.
But she doesn’t scowl or roll her eyes like I expect. She just looks away, then tries to pull her hand back.
No. I need this. I need to feel her. Especially after last night.
When Zeek showed up, sure, I was relieved, but I was also so fucking angry.
Kane tried to send him back, and it was only when Zeek shared the memory of our girl standing over him, demanding he go, that we backed off.
Still, I worried all night. What if she ran again? What if she left us? Changed her mind? And why the hell does my chest still ache with those thoughts when she’s right here?
When her touch starts to slip away, I lace my fingers through hers. She stops and stares at our hands now tangled between us.
“We’re yours, Red.” Believe me, hear me, have me. “And we’ll keep saying it until you believe it, and then I’ll probably say it some more.”
She swallows. “But would you only be mine?” Her voice is so quiet, so unsure.
I frown. What does she mean?
Why does she sound like that?
I don’t like this. I like her spitting fire with those scorching glares.
“Red, what do you mean—”
“I’ve got a coconut lat—”
If Red’s fingers didn’t flex around mine as the fucking apron-prick repeats her order, I’d have fried him.
Her smile turns a tad sly, like she knows exactly how I feel. Of course she does, she’s an empath. And she’s teasing me with it, thanking that prick a little too nicely as he drops a tray of six coffees onto the counter and bolts.
Good. Run.
Then my eyes drop back to Red, and the six cups lined up in front of her. Did she forget I don’t do caffeine? Julien banned me from it. But there’s still one extra…
“You and Kacey both get a decaf.” She smirks, then takes the one labelled coconut latte in her hands.
She’s kind as hell, always thinking of others, even now when she’s teasing.
And that’s a problem. Because I don’t want to talk about everyone else, I want to talk about her.
“What did you mean before?” I won’t let it drop. She sounded so uncertain and I hate it. “Would we only be yours? What did you mean?”
“It doesn’t matter, really.” She takes a sip, and my eyes latch onto the way her soft pink lips press against the white lid.
Like fuck I’m letting this go. My markings flare, pulsing a deep hum through her skin. Her mouth parts, eyes racing back to mine.
That’s it, baby—look at me.
“Speak to me, Red,” I murmur, taking the coffee from her grip and setting it down. “Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”
Our connected hands hang between us, my thumb brushing over hers.
“It just doesn’t seem... logistical,” she says softly, staring down at our hands. “Hypothetically, if we were ever to become more than just friends.”
Hypothetically my blue ass, it’s a fact—inevitable—but when she looks at me, I know I need to behave.
I’ll play this hypothetical game for her.
“There’s four of you and one of me,” she states, and I’m still waiting to hear the kicker. She frowns. “How would that be fair? That I would have the four of you, and you would have to—I mean you wouldn’t have to… but I guess the whole point is you’d...”
“Share.” That’s the word she couldn’t choke out.
She shakes her head, long, silky red strands swaying. My fingers twitch.
“And what, you’re just fine with that?” she says, her face filled with angry confusion.
Why is she angry about this? Doesn’t she get it? There’s no one else but her.
“Ba—” I catch myself, just. “Red, you know I’m a fae. Dark or light, we’re all selfish fuckers. We’re all about multiple lovers, polyamory, it’s practically in my DNA to share.”
And I know how to share well.
But as I wait for her response, I realise fast that I’ve fucked up. The shadows grow a little too big, the ones created by our bodies slinking inwards. Towards us.
Uh oh.
“Oh. So, you’ve all done this before? Shared someone before?” Why do her questions sound like a trap? Like no matter what I say, she’s going to scald me with those burning eyes?
How the hell do I say I’ve got no clue what the brothers have done, but me and Julien… we’ve got plenty of practice when it comes to sharing.
And how do I say that without pissing her off more?
“Well, I don’t keep tabs on everyone’s sexual conquests, Red. But… yeah, some of us have shared before.”
She sits up straighter, eyes narrowing into a glower as her invisible tendrils bleed black.
Oh shit. I’m instantly hard.
“Oh, so this is just the norm for you guys? Having multiple lovers.” Her voice turns acidic on that word. “What’s the deal then? Do you share partners? Have one each? Take turns? Rotate?”
She snaps out a bitter laugh, and the shadows lurch forwards.
“Or do you have multiple each? One for every day of the week? What day would I fall on?” Her jaw locks, irises spiking with black. Then, through her teeth, she grinds out, “Hypothetically.”
She’s so fucking hot.
The others would probably say something fancy like ‘enthralling’ or ‘entrancing’, one of those. Am I in a trance? Fuck yeah, I am. I could spend eternity memorising all of her emotions and all the expressions those emotions create.
But now’s not the time. I need to be good. I need to ground her before her darkness spins out of control.
Unfortunately.
I lean forwards, force myself out of the trance and pull our entwined hands into my lap.