10 Vitus
I did not anticipate Cylene’s climax, how powerful it would be, or that it would push me over the edge. Even after making a mess of my uniform, I can’t seem to get my arousal under control.
I thought for sure if I satisfied some of my desire for her that it would quiet the urge to mate. But it has only invigorated my longing and swelled my length to an uncomfortable level of rigidity I struggle to tuck inside my belt.
I want more.
I need to respect her.
I’m embarrassed.
This is only going to get harder. Hopefully, not literally.
Cylene smiles timidly at me as I motion her into the bar. A few of the couples have changed. Most are still in race attire. Some of the participants have paired off.
A screen in the room shows which males and females have paired, their names crossed out on the screen. Beside my name, a green bar appears, linking me to Cylene on the females’ list. “Guess they figured us out.”
She finds the screen I’m looking at and sighs.
We pick a small table beside a two-story tall glass tank filled with sea creatures from Earth. I want to tell her how awkward I feel and how simultaneously infatuated I am with her, especially after burying my face in her petal-soft flesh and seeing her pleasure, hearing it in her gasps—knowing I did that to her.
I am capable of more than inflicting pain and dealing death.
We order drinks on the tablet at the end of the table. Seconds later, a robotic server wheels up to us and sets a large beer on the table for me and a glass of chocolate wine down for her. I thank the robot.
Cylene watches the robot back up and leave. “Common courtesies to a machine is not something I’ve seen others do before.”
“I think they’re more sentient than most realize. Either way, I see no way that it is harmful,” I admit.
She props her chin in a hand and studies me.
“What?”
“Just trying to figure you out. Never met anyone like you before.”
Beside us, a Leosanti male requests a dance with someone else. His wings droop with the rejection. As he turns to leave, his feathers brush Cylene’s shoulder.
A wild urge to snap at him rises in my throat. I tense, realize what I’m doing, and ease my anger with a deep breath.
The male apologizes to Cylene.
“That’s quite alright.” She eyes him up and down in a way that cuts me deeply. “Your catch didn’t stay?”
He notes my glare. “No.”
“What band color?” she asks.
“Green. Thought a thrill-seeker would like flying.”
“Seems reasonable,” I offer through my irritation.
Cylene hums and shakes her head. “Blue, maybe. Docile types likely haven’t experienced that yet. Find one who hasn’t learned she loves thrills—yet. That way you can show her.”
He nods and walks toward the gaggle of singles dancing on the floor. Colorful lights sway over the crowd as rapid beats thump through the room. Some women cluster up in a drunken dance mob. Other males move with their chosen ones.
“I thought you were shy,” I admit.
Cylene frowns and tugs at her collar. “I am free of my family. I can be myself, be kind to others now without punishment, not help capture creatures and put them in cages to be sold like objects. Besides, I’m familiar with risk. If I can take a risk to make life better, that’s my preference.”
“Why a blue?”
She orders something to eat and lifts a shoulder. “He seems like the gentle type. I can tell by the way a body moves if it is cautious or aggressive, frail or strong.”
I wonder what she thinks of me. I’m not as large or capable as several of the other species of males in the bar, but I’m not average either.
“Besides, I sort of just got my first flight, too.” The way she taps a lip with a fingertip and bashfully grins tells me she isn’t talking about a ride in a ship. “We’ll just call it a judgment based on experience.”
The way her mauve lips move stirs heat in my chest. I reach out and gently take her wrist in my hand. “Please stop doing that.”
“Why?”
I stutter and look away. “I only have so many clean uniforms.”
Her nervous laugh tells me she isn’t used to having such an effect on others. “You haven’t been with a lot of females, have you?”
I linger on the softness of her flesh as I graze my fingers over her wrist. She has a texture like no other, something delicate yet strong—a contradiction I can’t seem to accept but have the intention of trying to at every opportunity. “I dated some in my youth. But I never chose a mate, no.”
She leans back as the robotic waiter returns with a large plate of food. Cylene thanks the unit then pushes the plate into the middle. “Same for me. A few boys in high school. Never for very long. My father always scared them off. Do you like fried food?”
I steal a piece of the crispy food from the plate. “Human meals are grossly unhealthy, but it can turn a humanoid on, yes?”
Cylene snorts and chokes on a bite of the long stick-shaped items she’s eating.
“I said that wrong.”
Her face flushes. The color change is a trait my kind don’t possess and one that fascinates me.
She waggles her head. “I mean, there are aphrodisiac foods. But I wouldn’t put mozzarella sticks or fish in that category.”
“General?”
I turn to find my security guard, Jalut, standing beside me. Well, there goes that secret.
“We have a problem,” Jalut remarks.
Cylene’s mood sours, and I find myself not ready to confront whatever the issue is. I just want to see her smile again.
“Report.”
Jalut glances around us, waits until we are isolated, then switches on the local disruptor on his wrist to block out any listening cameras. He kneels beside us. “You asked me to tell you if the Nebs attack again. They hit another bunker on Osis Nine around mid-sun today. Your uncle requested you not be informed. But—”
This isn’t good. “Where is Lanos?”
“Guarding the ship, sir.”
I can see it in his eyes. He wants to join the fight, not sit here watching over me. I don’t need a security detail on Luna.
“Nebs?” Cylene asks.
Jalut glances at me, unsure if he should speak.
“Nebulous Empire. Shadow soldiers,” I offer.
“Smoky ships, right?” Cylene grimaces.
Jalut shifts where he kneels. “What do you know of them?”
She braces her forehead and thinks. “There’s a guy that my brother tried to sell me to who has talked about dealings with them. He used to brag about his light bombs and how he’d just always make sure he had a bunch of flare sticks and fireworks with him because the shadow soldiers don’t like light. Can’t say if they’re the same. But I suppose if you live in space, you probably have more sensitive eyes after several generations.”
Her idea might help. “Worth a test run anyway. We’ve been fighting with the usual weapons, thinking they were like us. But perhaps it’s time we try something new.”
“I will relay the concept.” Jalut stands and switches off the disrupter.
“If you dock my personal ship, you and Lanos can go.”
Jalut hangs his head. “I am not bound by your orders, sir. They were given to me by the High Council.”
I didn’t think our Nytheralian government cared what I did on my vacation. “What reason did they give?”
“To prevent potential international conflicts.” Jalut’s jaw muscles flex. He’s shorter and stalky for our kind and quiet. I tried to convince him to join Darsus’ crew, but Jalut remains loyal to protecting me.”
So they do think I’m a failure as a General.
Jalut has been my guard for years. I know I can trust him. “Should I not return home?”
“Sir?”
“Are our people safer if I do not return?”
Jalut’s brows knit. “No, sir.”
“Then why does it seem that they want me to stay away?”
Jalut kneels again and taps his wristband. “Because Mynerva has discovered you were sent here and is causing trouble at home. The High Council wants us to—” He darts his eyes in Cylene’s direction. “Expand due to recent discoveries in genetic testing. We need variation. Mynerva is trying to cover up the findings because she’s obsessed with you.
“Our kind need an example. They need a leader to show them that exploration of alternative mates is okay.”
I cover my mouth with a hand so Jalut doesn’t see me frowning at him. My father raised me to be tough, my mother to be kind—never to be pessimistic. “Get the light-weapon idea to command. Dismissed.”
Jalut switches off the disrupter again, stands, bows to Cylene, salutes me with a fist to his chest, and then walks out.
I dare to look at Cylene, afraid of what she’s going to do. I expect her to get up and leave like Jalut.
She hugs herself and takes a deep breath. “Did not expect that, General. Guess you better get out on that dance floor and be sure you find yourself a mate to take home with you.”
I can’t tell if it’s dejection in her voice or plain apathy. But I don’t like what it implies.
“Not interested.” The only female in the whole Abr complex that I actually want is the one who tried to commit suicide to stay free. I think it over while she eats, seeming disinterested in the food.
“Why are you hesitant to accept my offer?” I ask. “I know you took it, but why is getting your freedom from me worse than getting your freedom from the prize money? Why does it matter?”
She chews a lip and watches the colorful fish that swim by us.
My cock strains against my uniform, harder with every subtle move she makes.
“Because I wanted to do it myself. I wanted to say that I was the fastest, the strongest, that I didn’t need a collar or a hard hand to make me my best self. I wanted to win to shove it in my father and half-brothers faces.”
She gets heated. “I wanted my life. Mine! And I wanted to help other women break free, too. I’m tired to being pushed around, controlled, put in a corner, labeled, used, and then expected to do more than everyone else with a smile on my face while I’m exhausted. For one moment, I had a chance to prove to the world, to myself, to the universe, that I could be something without all that other shit!”
Cylene rests back. “I wanted a new life. And I got it. Just not the one I hoped for. Now it will be witness protection, starting over with nothing and running for my life.”
“I never said our deal was off,” I quietly interject, feeling like I’m losing her already.
“You need to take a mate home to make your people and your planet’s High Council happy. That’s not me. And it is unfair to expect that you should hold up your end of the deal and still take another woman. I doubt she’ll like that. It will turn into paranoia about a mistress until she can’t take it any longer, and she leaves you. You’ve been really good to me. And as much as I want to prove I can hold up my end of the bargain, I’m feeling like I’m already in the damage control phase after catching an exotic animal that isn’t happy with its collar.”
I don’t even want to be here, but I am now. And I want her.
“I caught you.”
She frowns and rubs her temple. It’s clear she’s not changing her mind.
My insides ache in a way I’m not familiar with. I press a hand to my chest, trying to subdue the agony. My pulse pounds in my ears and my head. The room around me warps.
Cylene’s glare softens.
“I was tricked into coming here,” I blurt. “You’re not the only one who was dealt an unexpected complication.”
I know Jalut is tracking my vitals when the light on my wristband switches to green.
Something is wrong with me.
“Vitus?” Cylene reaches for me as I struggle to get to my feet.
I want air, but more than that, I can’t let anyone think I am sick. If I am, if it is a heart abnormality finally manifesting, I don’t want to worry the whole galaxy.
I don’t know if it’s the beer, the food, the pressure from the High Council, or something worse. I haven’t felt this out of sorts in years. It’s a misery akin to a bullet wound followed by blood loss on a hot day.
“I’m sorry.” I take one last look at Cylene and memorize everything I can about her. Then I leave.
She wants to be independent. I shouldn’t worry about her.
But I do.
Lanos finds me in the hall. “Sir, Jalut’s speaking with the High Council. How can I assist you?”
He’s still reading the reports that flood his tablet.
I stagger up the stairs toward my room but don’t quite get to the third floor when my legs won’t carry me any further. I sit down on the stairs, out of breath. “What’s happening to me?”
He nods as the reports beep their final status. “I wish I could give you something for this, but there is no medicinal cure.”
I hang my head back and close my eyes. This is not what I need. “Is it transmissible?”
“Very.”
“How did I pick it up?”
“Likely in the race arena.”
I groan and look up at the ceiling. “Am I the only one infected?”
“No.”
Countermeasures run through my mind, but my one concern isn’t for myself. “Cylene likely has it then.”
“Uncertain.”
I squint at him. “If it’s transmissible and I have it, she definitely does.”
“You two mated?”
“No.”
Lanos gives me a confused look. “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t understand.”
“I was close enough to infect her,” I say. “What more is there to be said?”
He frowns and shows me the readout, but the numbers blur and mean nothing to me. “Sir. Your problem isn’t bacterial or viral.”
“Congenital?”
“Emotional.”
“My insides feel like they’re coming apart,” I retort. “I don’t have emotional problems. I am a soldier. It must be something else.”
He almost chuckles, then finds his bearing again. Lanos clears his throat. “Your norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine levels have recently fluctuated. But it’s the vasopressin that tells me what this is.”
“Get to the point.” I’ve studied a lot of things in my years at Astral Tech. But I don’t have the patience now. Not in this much pain.
“You’ve found her.” He shrugs. “And the crash I’m seeing in serotonin and rise in cortisol would suggest you’re—” he pauses. “Heartbroken.”
“Heart— are you kidding me?” My ribs protest my every inhale. “Check it again.”
Lanos pockets his tablet. “I wish evidence presented otherwise. But my training was that this is a sure indicator of you having found the one. I am sorry she has rejected you so soon. But there is still time.”
I cover my eyes and groan. “I don’t have time for this. I need to get back to Nytheria.”
“With all due respect, sir, your misery will only grow if you leave her behind.”
“I will survive.”
“Is that what you want?”
I sit forward and scrub my fingers through my hair, trying to awaken my mind. This can’t be happening to me. All the years of training and battle cannot be so worthless in this moment. “My brethren come before me, my planet, my purpose.”
Lanos crosses his arms. “I understand rejection isn’t easy, but this is only Day One. Now I have orders from the High Council to tase your ass if you try to escape. So you can blow this opportunity if you’re determined, or you can figure out how to get your female like every other male in this galaxy.”
“How does that work? She’s firmly against bonding.”
Lanos throws his hands in the air like I’m an annoying recruit who’s messed up again. “She sounds perfect for you!”
“Maybe I need to sleep this off,” I mutter.
“Won’t work. And while you’re here talking to yourself, she’s out there mingling with others, including single males.”
Heat floods my body, strengthening my muscles. I don’t like that idea at all. “But she said no mate.”
Lanos slaps a hand to his face. “Do you really think they’re all going to care? I know you bite-claimed her. Cameras caught that in the hallway. But only other Nytheralians are going to respect that.”
I get to my feet and start down the steps. I need to find and protect Cylene. “There’s nothing else I can do?”
“No.” Lanos follows me down the stairs. “Get her back or live with this pain forever.”
“Forever?”
Lanos grimaces. “We are a one-mate species, you know this.”
“My uncle has had two.”
“Some do.” Lanos passes the door to the bar and starts for the elevator to take him to the rooms. “But he still carries the pain of that first loss every single day of his life.”
I think of my uncle as I enter the bar again. I walk to the table where Cylene and I had sat before, but she is gone. Panic grips me. I scour the room with no luck. When I check the chart, I see our pairing has vanished.
The pain courses through my chest again, and I slump back against the tank.
She has to be here somewhere. She doesn’t have a ship.
I’ve got to find her.
I need her.
I find the king from the transport ride here and the purple-banded female he’s selected. They’re in deep conversation and snuggled up on a cushioned bench not far away. He notices me watching and points out another door.
Behind me, the announcer gets on the microphone. She’s difficult to hear over the music and cheering, but I pick up that the games continue in the morning with a ropes course starting at sunrise. I don’t care. All I want is to know Cylene is safe.
I exit the room and catch a whiff of Cylene’s musky, honeyed scent that I’m now deeply familiar with. I follow it to a junction and to the left. The scent fades at a set of double glass doors that lead out onto a large open-air patio.
Other couples are scattered across the broad deck. And there, in the corner, is the woman with dark hair that I’ve fallen for. I can’t deny the way the agony fades into relief in my chest or the manner in which my thoughts calm.
She slumps against the railing, pushing a crumb to a small brown bird that hops toward her.
I crack open the door, wanting to run to her but knowing she isn’t going to greet me the way I want. So I just slip outside and settle into a corner to watch over her.
I’m fooling myself, thinking I’m keeping my distance just to protect her. I can’t stand the idea of being rejected by her again.
I’m a soldier. I’m used to battle, protecting assets and taking hits— but this is an entirely new kind of war.