Chapter 1
Chapter
One
To know or not to know—an internal tug-of-war with no end in sight.
I stood at a crossroads now—a juncture between curiosity and caution, wrestling with my decision. The pressure of my mates’ past and secrets weighed heavily upon me. I grappled with whether to delve deeper or let them remain buried.
The question wasn’t merely about unearthing Torin’s and Hayden’s histories but whether doing so would complicate my relationship with them.
For a moment, my mind transported me back to my friend’s apartment in London.
In my memory, I saw Lisa’s bright smile and white hair braided to the side.
Throughout our seven-year friendship, Lisa clung tightly to her belief that ignorance was bliss when it came to her health.
She refused to visit her doctor, claiming it was better if she didn’t know of any illnesses.
When I asked her why, she said it was easier that way.
Indeed, it was easier if I didn’t know what was hidden in my mates’ past, but I didn’t want to live my life in happy oblivion. As much as a part of me craved an uncomplicated and normal life, another part yearned for honesty and transparency.
But what if the truth shattered my fragile trust with the two men? Could I handle the darkness that might lurk within their history?
The flicker of fear also burned in me. But I had yearned for the truth my whole life—the reason why I was opening the magic books. My curiosity propelled me forward, reminding me that witnessing the battles my mate fought would help me understand him better.
Would it forge an unbreakable bond between us built on vulnerability or destroy the partial connection?
“Child, you must make your choice now,” the dark witch demanded. “Do you want to know the question that you need to solve or not?”
The cold shiver traveling down my spine caused my body to freeze, paralyzed by indecision. I stared at the woman as my mind reeled, my head throbbing at the temples. What if my mate’s secret revealed something I didn’t anticipate? What if it tore us apart? I didn’t want to lose either one of them.
Ignorance, blissful as it might seem, could lead to resentment over unanswered questions that festered over time. My relationship with either mate might not withstand the weight of unspoken truths. But I feared the knowledge of the men’s secrets had the power to destroy, too.
My decision had profound effects on my future and that of the men.
There was the matter of trespassing my mates’ privacy, invading their memories to glimpse their deepest secrets.
I didn’t plan to learn about my mates in such a way, but the men refused to share more information.
I was tired of waiting around for honesty.
I finally focused my gaze on the dark witch. She must have learned that I had possession of The Book of Shadows and Memories. Maybe she felt the magic of the book in my backpack.
Did Cordelia offer her strange way of helping me because I was a witch? Regardless, she would not hesitate to kill me if I gave her the wrong answer to the riddle, proving that I was an unworthy witch. After she killed me, Cordelia could take the bracelet.
But if I answered correctly, I would get to keep the bracelet, and Cordelia wouldn’t ever go after it again. My choice was not simple. I would pay with my life if I didn’t answer correctly the obscure question she came up with.
Dying in pursuit of the truth was all worth it, though.
I opened my mouth to speak, but Torin interrupted.
“I won’t allow it,” Torin shouted, his voice desperate, as if he sensed I would choose to view his past and secrets.
Hayden seemed relaxed, but his demeanor made me alert.
He shrugged. “There is a time and a place for everything.”
“And when will you plan on telling me the truth?” I said. “Do I not deserve some honesty?”
Hayden nodded, but sweat beaded on Torin’s temples. He abruptly pounced at Cordelia, but with a wave of her hand, one of the demonic dogs separated her from the Alpha. The creature then engaged in a fight against my mate.
Although the dog snapped its jaws at him, it didn’t cause damage. The creature kept Torin away from its master, the dark witch. It twisted and contorted with unnatural agility, slashing its claws at Torin. But the strikes didn’t quite reach him, and my mate easily dodged the hits.
Torin seemed distracted as he kept glancing my way.
“If our bond is strong enough, we’ll be able to face whatever challenges lie ahead, Torin. Am I not worthy of the truth?” I asked.
The truth will cost me his trust.
Torin continued fighting the creature and didn’t respond.
Cordelia sidestepped and came close to me. “We need to stick together, child. I hope you leave unscathed today. What is it going to be?”
Even though warning bells rang in my mind at Cordelia’s soft voice, I couldn’t help but keep looking at Torin.
“Don’t worry about your mates. They’ll be busy for the next moment,” she said.
“Anna, don’t risk your life for this,” Torin shouted, glancing at me while throwing kicks and punches.
A hard kick to the beast’s stomach sent the monster flying several feet back. But before Torin could advance toward Cordelia, another demonic dog pounced in front of him. Plenty of other monsters surrounded us to occupy Torin for a while. Just as Cordelia had said.
Torin’s determination to keep me from learning about his past made my blood boil. Extra adrenaline surged in my veins. My pulse sped up as anger rolled in my throat.
“Is this really about my life? Or are you so desperate not to show me your secret, Torin?” I demanded.
Abruptly, Torin froze. Luckily, Cordelia waved her hands for the vicious dog to back off.
Torin’s and Cordelia’s strange behaviors overwhelmed me, adding more tightness to my achy chest.
Torin’s facial expression was nothing short of “how could you say that?” He was hurt, but so was I. When we were held captive in the kingdom dungeon, Torin had drunk my blood, triggered to mark me, but withstood the temptation. The reason for not wanting to mark me hid in his memories.
“You knew you could bite me without killing me. But you kept insisting on how concerned you were with my life. You were a coward, Torin.” I rushed my words.
“You didn’t want to bite me because you were afraid your vampire would force you to mark me, not kill me.
You knew this all along. You were afraid of marking me. Not of ending my life.”
My voice sounded as harsh as I intended.
Torin’s wide and intense eyes flashed—a stormy sea of emotions. His hands, usually so steady, shook slightly as he reached out toward me. “You don’t understand Anna. Trust me. Please.”
His voice sounded hoarse, strangled with fear and tension. For a moment, I forgot he was a merciful half-werewolf, half-vampire beast. Torin looked like nothing more than a human terrified of losing a loved one.
“How can I trust you when there is no trust between us? You lied to me. Do you want to continue the same way in the future? Well, I can’t live like that,” I shouted.
My heart pounded, and my hands trembled. I couldn’t think past my pain and the wrongdoings done to me. The fortress of lies and secrets had grown so high that I wanted to tear it down.
Torin clenched and unclenched his hands. He took a step toward me, and Cordelia waved her hands again. On cue, two more snarling creatures stood in Torin’s way, separating him from me.
He seemed so desperate that it wouldn’t surprise me if he wanted to whisk me over his shoulder and carry me out of here while I punched his back, screaming. But this time, Torin couldn’t get what he wanted. He couldn’t bulldoze his way over to me.
“That’s enough with the mate drama. Now, Princess, tell me what it will be,” Cordelia said while her foot tapped on the gravel.
“The question. Give me the question,” I said and exhaled heavily.
Torin pressed his pale lips into a firm line, but Cordelia gave me a half smile.
“What is it that women most desire? That is your question, child.”
I gaped at her. Was she serious? She didn’t ask for the solution of some convoluted riddle like the ones carved in the magic books. Would figuring out what women most desired make me appear worthy in Cordelia’s eyes?
The question echoed in my overwhelmed mind as I started pacing.
Was the answer something simple? Marry the men they love. Go on vacation. Travel. Have kids. Get a promotion. A string of solutions popped into my head, but it felt wrong and too easy. Cordelia must have given me a tricky question, right?
“Don’t listen to her, Anna. Don’t answer the question. I’m begging you,” Torin shouted.
If he weren’t fighting a demonic-looking creature, I was sure he would be beside me, shaking me out of my curiosity.
His desperation turned into pleas. The more he pleaded, the tighter my stomach hardened. My heart ached behind its cage, and I averted my gaze from Torin.
How could I move on in the future if I didn’t know the past? I was bonded to two men. Understanding their history would give me a deeper understanding of them. If I knew their traumas, I could find a way to communicate better with them, strengthening our bond.
I kept pacing, but Torin’s pleas distracted me. He was hurting, and so was I.
The book was given to me on purpose, though, and I had to see this through. I crouched and buried my head in my hands, pushing my mind to answer Cordelia’s strange question.
I didn’t know what other women most desired, but I knew what I wanted. I had felt my whole life unworthy in everything—pressured to ascend the throne, unable to shift into a wolf, or choose a mate. I wanted to carve my own path, although I didn’t know what it would look like.
I also wanted to have a family and a place where I belonged. A place I could call home, with a mate of my choice—not the Fates’ choice and not selected by the alphas or the King.
Torin kept talking to me, but I placed my hands over my ears, attempting to tune out his voice.
But I had to consider what Cordelia most desired.
She valued her family. She warned me against my mates, her inability to connect with men likely stemming from her father’s betrayal.
Cordelia’s mother didn’t have a choice about her own fate and ended up burning at the stake. Her husband decided her fate for her.
Suddenly, it struck me, and I stood, my feet firmly planted on the gravel. It was always about choice. Choosing our destiny. Choice was what women wanted.
I drew a deep breath. It had to be the answer, or I would meet my end now. I lifted my gaze. I straightened to face the dark witch, who hadn’t moved an inch.
“Women want the freedom to decide things for themselves,” I said and swallowed the dryness in my throat.
A relaxed smile crossed Cordelia’s face, her head tilting slightly to the side.
I held my breath until she nodded.
“Correct, child. Too bad you get to keep your bracelet,” she said, and I let out a heavy exhale. “Now I’m giving you the choice to see one of your mate’s memories. Which one do you choose?”
But the choice she offered felt like another test. I darted my gaze between the men. I had already made up my mind.
“Anna, don’t choose me. Everything will fall apart if you do,” Torin said.
I knew little of Torin’s past. The only thing known was his pain and trauma.
When he furrowed his brows, Torin’s face had a profound fear of me discovering more.
I remembered Torin’s beta, Alexander, telling me the Alpha believed he was not worthy of me.
He must be terrified that I would uncover something that would turn me away from him.
But I could handle it. I must know the darkness in him. We had so little trust between us. Torin didn’t trust that I loved him, and I didn’t trust him because he’d lied to me. I was about to do something that could further erode our relationship.
But there was no other way since Torin wouldn’t honestly tell me why he didn’t want to mark me.
Consumed by fear and anxiety, Torin lunged toward Cordelia. “You won’t get away with this.”
Cordelia’s hands hovered in the air, summoning forth her demonic dogs. Torin’s hand changed to his vampire claw with talons, but before he could strike the witch, a snarling hound pounced at him, biting his arm.
A sharp pain cut through my chest as I watched Torin press his lips together to stifle a scream. Grunting, he stepped back and faced the creature staring at him but not advancing. Another dog trotted to the witch and paced around her, encircling and guarding her.
“Torin, stop fighting it,” I said, my gaze falling on his injured arm.
Torin’s growl filled the air with desperation and frustration. Then, a heavy silence fell around us, and my body felt cold and tired.
Whenever Cordelia showed up, everything went wrong. I slightly shook my head, but the throbbing at my temples only intensified. I couldn’t hear the rustling of leaves or the distant traffic noise as blood rushed to my head, increasing the ringing in my ears.
The pungent scent of ozone forecasting an incoming storm hit my nostrils, but I frowned when I tilted my head back to look up. Above us, the cloudless sky was a shade of pale blue, absent of any wispy layers, not even a puff of white shapelessness.
But above the Hollywood sign, the brooding thick clouds pushed a dark wall across the sky, casting shadows over the massive white letters.
Two gentle hands grasped my quaky shoulders, causing me to jolt.
“He’ll heal,” Hayden said, stepping before me. His intense eyes, the same hue as the bright sky, locked on me. “Sweetheart, you have to learn the truth at some point.”
“No, Anna. Now it’s the time to learn what Hayden’s done to bond himself to you as your chosen mate,” Torin said, his voice shaking as if he knew it was his last chance to change my mind.
I did want to know what Hayden was hiding from me, but the invisible strings of my heart pulled me toward Torin. I sent him one last apologetic look and averted my eyes to Hayden.
He held my gaze, his eyes alight with mischief that sent a jolt of caution through me. A smirk played at the corners of his mouth, and he sent me an audacious wink. His nonchalance unnerved me with its intensity.
“I won’t interfere with your choice,” Hayden said, his voice smooth as polished marble.
His words carried amusement or something else that left me feeling like I was missing some crucial piece of information. My bodyguard’s smile turned devilish as if he already knew which mate’s memories I wanted to discover, and he appeared very satisfied with my choice.
The air around me charged like before a storm broke loose. Every instinct in me screamed to tread carefully. I was about to find out why Torin didn’t want to mark me—the reason hidden deep in his past and trauma.
I had made my choice. Now I needed to brace myself for the consequences.
“I choose to see Torin’s memories.”