Chapter 31 A Distressing Departure #2
Tam reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. Evidently, the man thought he’d been jesting…
Well, given the way Hamil and Bes had reacted to him, Tam doubted they would keep their experiences with him to themselves.
Sighing, he turned and headed back to the brothel. “I might be getting a new reputation sooner rather than later. To think I left Daxaria wishing it would change. Didn’t think it’d get worse…”
★ ★ ★
His right shoulder pressed into the doorframe, Tam stood in the hall of the attic quarters they’d been given by the brothel owner. He stared at Penelope and Luca, fast asleep in the same bed, their hands clasped over the blankets.
Eli’s whispering footsteps came to a halt at his side.
“You’ll wake them,” she murmured.
Tam smiled gently without taking his eyes off the children.
“I know. I’m going. I was just checking on them.
” He reached over and quietly closed the door, moving out into the hall.
“Luca is growing like a weed. We need to get him clothes that are a little bigger once we get to Xava.” He shook his head in awe as he and Eli proceeded toward the end of the hall.
The door there led to their shared room, which was draped with several swaths of colorful fabric.
The faint musk of incense clung to the air.
“Penelope, too. She probably would appreciate a pair of pants as we keep traveling and moving,” Eli added as Tam opened their door and gestured her through.
Once Tam had closed the door behind himself, he nodded belatedly, his eyes trailing the floor.
“Are you alright?”
His gaze snapped up to Eli, who had seated herself on the bed and was staring at him with her head tilted.
Blinking himself back to the present, Tam smiled. “I have you all to myself now. Why wouldn’t I be alright?” He stepped over to Eli, cradled her neck, and kissed her meaningfully.
When he eventually pulled away, he saw the heat in her cheeks and heard her quick inhalation.
However, she leaned back, her dazed eyes once again becoming focused. “I mean, are you alright after what happened with Rosaline? We haven’t really had a chance to talk about it.”
Tam’s hand fell away from Eli’s neck as he straightened. He lowered himself down to sit on the edge of the bed beside his beloved and grasped her hand. “I… don’t know.”
Eli’s mouth twisted. “There wasn’t much you could do.”
“I know… I guess I just wish I had checked in with her at least once.”
A rueful smile found its way onto Eli’s face. “While I would agree, I do see what you mean about her not seeming to be the type to appreciate that kind of gesture.”
Tam bobbed his head in acknowledgment, but once again his mind drifted to less-than-pleasant thoughts.
“She could’ve found a way to contact you. She even said so. You thought you were being respectful.”
“She still suffered because of me. Because my family has some kind of fate with the Gods and the devil, she got tied up into it. She had to go through something no one should. Ever.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Tam could see Eli turning to face his profile. “That is not your fault.”
“Feels like it is. I think I need to teach Luca about the value of abstinence if he starts looking at girls.”
“You’re still glad you had him, though.”
Perhaps Eli had meant to say the words as a question, but really, the volume and firmness behind them hinted to Tam that she perhaps had some of her own anxieties tied to the whole ordeal.
Lying back onto the bed, Tam tugged Eli down to lay on his chest. Taking in a deep breath, he only let it out after closing his eyes.
“That’s where my guilt comes in. I’m just so happy he’s mine.
Happy that I have him. Rosaline had to suffer, and I…
I can’t say I regret it.” Tam struggled to swallow past the stone lump that had formed in his throat.
Eli squeezed his hand. “There isn’t a right answer to how someone could handle this or how to feel about it.”
“Sadly, I’m aware,” Tam chuckled bitterly. “You want to know the other thing I’m terrified of? One day…” He opened his eyes. He didn’t bother battling the tears that rose up. “One day Luca is going to ask about his birth mother. And I… I don’t know what I’ll tell him.”
Tam could feel Eli lifting her face to him, but he couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t allow himself to find any sort of solace in her eyes.
“You’ll tell him his mother was brave, and that she did the best she could. But when she wasn’t able to be strong anymore, the Gods sent me to him. He’s mine, too, Tam. You made it so.”
At this, Tam relented and met Eli’s gaze. The calm determination and tenderness that greeted him felt even more powerful than he had anticipated.
Left with no other option, he hauled her up to himself so that they could be face-to-face.
This meant that he could easily press a kiss to her forehead before murmuring, “That sounds perfect. Let’s say exactly that.”
Tam proceeded to hug her to himself, silently thanking the Gods for her existence.
Despite her face already growing slack with sleep, Eli still managed to say, “An abstinence talk isn’t a bad idea, though. I don’t exactly want to be a grandmother in ten years.”
Unable to help himself, Tam burst out laughing. “Sure. We can talk to him about that, too.”