Chapter 41
CHAPTER 41
Max
We landed at the Lilongwe Airport, ready to transfer to Lake Malawi, the last stop on the trip. I was excited to see the lake. I’d never been there before, but the pictures were incredible. Despite being a lake, it looked like a tropical beach. Clear blue waters, tropical fish, white sands and snorkeling. Since last night with Ash, we’d spent hours and hours talking as if no time had elapsed between us at all. The entire night three words had been bubbling up inside me. I’d felt them there on several occasions before that, when I’d kissed her goodnight, when I’d watched her sleeping on the jet, when I’d watched her come, but now they’d really come all the way up to the surface and it felt painful to hold them back.
I love you.
Plain and simple. I loved her. I was in love with her, and I think I always had been. It had become so clear to me last night, watching her talk animatedly about her life and adventures. I wanted so badly to be a part of her life and adventures moving forward. In fact, I couldn’t imagine a life for myself anymore unless she was in it. I watched her as she walked in front of me in the airport. She had a bounce in her step, as if she felt lighter today, or happy about something. God, she was so sexy. Everything about her was sexy, even when she was bending down and scratching her ankle like she was doing now. I was so attracted to her, but I didn’t just want to push her up against something and make her scream my name. I also wanted to hang out and chat with her about utter crap. Be with her, even if we only sat in silence together; and love her.
But then suddenly she was hugging someone.
“No way!” she exclaimed loudly and enthusiastically.
“Fancy running into you here,” the person, a male person, replied, and I knew instantly by the tone of his voice that he liked her. In fact, now I thought about it, Ash’s tone of voice implied something too. Implied a knowing of sorts. How much knowing?
“What are you doing here?” she asked the guy. I moved in closer to look at him, but hung back just enough so I was not obviously in sight. Smart executive type, the crisp expensive clothes told me. They were casual, but pricey. Good quality. He wore glasses, which made him look intelligent and gentlemanly, and then round his neck, a stethoscope. He looked like a young Denzel Washington or something equally irritating. What can I say—the guy was good-looking.
“I’m visiting some local rural hospitals. Doing some pro bono work.”
“Oh my God, that’s so amazing.” She touched his arm. She touched it. I rolled my eyes. A good-looking doctor who did pro bono work in rural Africa. I stood up a little straighter when he reciprocated by touching her arm back.
“And you? What brings you here?”
“I’m doing some work for an upcoming shoot. We’re off to Lake Malawi.”
“It’s beautiful there. Have you been?”
“First time.”
“You’re going to love it. I hope you don’t have to work too hard, because you have to go swimming, and the canoeing is amazing.”
“I’ll do that,” she said in a slightly breathy voice. Why was her voice breathy? I looked over at the hot doctor again. Maybe I would also be breathy if I was a heterosexual woman standing opposite him.
“Just be careful of mosquito bites.”
“Mosquito bites are the least of my worries. I got bitten by a snake in Botswana. An actual snake!”
“ What? Are you okay?” He looked genuinely concerned and I was irked. Very, very irked.
“Fine—it was nonvenomous.”
“Where was it? May I look? For my own peace of mind?”
“Uh . . . sure.” She hesitated for a moment, but it wasn’t because she didn’t want him to look. I could see that. It was because she did want him to look. Her hesitation had been a moment of silent anticipation.
“My left ankle,” she said, and he bent down.
“May I?” he asked, holding her sock.
I rolled my eyes as she nodded at him. There was something in the way she was looking at him. Something I didn’t like.
He rolled the sock down slowly and I watched her face as she took a little in-breath. He examined her ankle for a while, and when he smiled up at her and nodded that everything was okay, a part of me was relieved to hear that, but another part of me didn’t like the fact that he had his hands on her ankle.
“Thanks,” Ash said when he stood up again. He looked at her seriously now and tugged on his stethoscope nervously. I inched closer without being obvious.
“Last time, with us . . . I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
“That was over a year ago,” Ash said.
“I guess you left quite an impression on me.” He smiled at her, and I felt sick to the stomach.
“I wasn’t in the best place back then, as you know. I’m in a totally different place now, a much better place.”
“Yes,” she said, a small flush coming over her cheeks.
“Thing is, I’d really like to take you out again. If you’d like to. No pressure, obviously. And I’ll totally understand if you don’t want to.”
And there it was. I held my breath and waited for Ash to answer him. Surely she wouldn’t say yes? Not after declaring she was on some detox. After getting so pissed off at the potential of me being with Beverly.
“I’ll think about it,” she said coyly, foot tracing half-moons on the floor.
Was she fucking serious?
“Sure, of course. No pressure, though, please. If you don’t want to, it’s also totally fine.”
A doctor and a gentleman! I hated him. They exchanged a few more words. I wasn’t sure what, because I’d had to turn now. Out of the corner of my eye, I did see them hug, though. Properly hug. A long, borderline inappropriate hug in which he ran his hand down to her lower back. It was the kind of hug that had a certain type of familiarity to it that only came from . . . sex ! They’d had sex. But Ash had said all her sexual encounters had been bad, and this did not look bad. This looked like the after-effects of good sex.
“Who was that?” I tried to ask casually when we’d fetched our bags and were climbing into the transfer vehicle, but I could hear an edge in my voice.
“This guy I dated for a while. Actually, probably my longest relationship since you.”
Dagger through my heart now! So painful I almost gripped my chest. I retaliated. I shouldn’t have.
“Why did it end?” I asked.
She looked down at her phone and answered with an air of evasiveness. “Uh, it just didn’t work out.”
“Thought you were on a dating detox,” I said.
“That’s actually none of your business,” she said firmly. “It’s none of your business who I do, or don’t choose to date.”
“You seemed to make Beverly your business.”
She stopped walking and swung round. “That was very different.”
“How exactly was that different?” I asked.
“This was an invite to dinner, not what looked to be an invite to bed. Besides, after last night, we’re over all that other stuff, right?”
She looked at me expectantly, and when I didn’t answer, a look of mini-panic swept her face briefly.
“Aren’t we?”
“Are you?” I threw it back at her, which clearly made her uncomfortable.
“There is sexual tension between us, okay. Obviously. But after last night, we don’t have to act on it—that’s what I’m saying.”
“We don’t have to act on it,” I repeated, and she squirmed.
“No . . . we don’t.” She looked as if she was trying to convince herself now.
“And I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “You’re right. Who you date, or don’t date, is absolutely none of my business.”
“That’s right?” She held my gaze and the statement felt more like a question. I matched her gaze.
“Unless you want it to be?” I answered the question I was sure she was asking me.
“Why would I?” She tore her eyes from mine. “That would be . . . ridiculous. Right?”
“Are you making statements here, Ash? Or are you asking questions that you want me to answer for you?”
“I’m not,” she said quickly and defensively, holding my gaze again.
“Because I can’t answer them for you. You have to answer them yourself.”
I broke the eye contact with her and walked away.
“Exactly,” she said, and then walked away too.