Chapter 57
CHAPTER 57
Ash
I banged on his door as hard as I could with both my fists, I was so angry. “ MAX ! MAX !” I screamed.
“What’s wrong?” I heard his panicked voice from inside, and then fast-approaching footsteps. The door flew open.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
I pushed past him and walked into the middle of his office. “What’s wrong? . . . Everything. And no, I am not okay . . . thanks to you .”
“Ash, slow down. What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you coming up to our table during my date with a man I could potentially be really good with, and being all nice and looking like that.” I waved my hand up and down. “God, why do you have to look like that? And then why do you have to tell me I was the prettiest girl at the dance?”
“Ash, I’m sorry. I’m lost here.”
“You came up to our table!” I felt like banging my hand on something or stamping my foot.
“Honestly, I’m actually glad I did. I like the guy. He seems very genuine. I’m happy for you.”
“Well, I am not happy.”
“Why?”
“Sibu is so good-looking, and sexy, and smart, and he made me laugh. And he smells amazing. He is one of the nicest guys I have ever met—he even does pro bono work with little babies in Malawi, for fuck’s sake. He’s thoughtful, he’s genuinely interested in what I do, and the conversation just flowed. He’s basically perfect.”
“So what’s the problem, then?”
“The problem was that he kissed me goodnight and then hugged me and told me what an amazing night he’d had and how he would like to do it again soon.”
“I’m still not seeing the issue, Ash.”
“The issue is I felt nothing! Not a bloody thing. This gorgeous, perfect man kissed me and had his hand on my lower back and smelled great and I felt absolutely nothing for him. Because all I could think about was you! How sexy you’d looked when you came up to the table, and how when you’d walked away all I had wanted to do was run after you and rip your clothes off. I don’t want to rip his clothes off, and I’m so angry with you, and even angrier with myself, because now I think you’ve cursed me, but in a whole other way!”
He blinked at me rapidly and I didn’t know why, but he looked so good. So good in that shirt of his that it needed to be on the floor . . . now.
I lunged at him, and in one move my lips were on his and my hands were working their way up his shirt. For a moment there, a brief tiny millisecond, he didn’t reciprocate, but then he gripped my ass and started pulling me into him. He helped me pull his shirt off and I tossed it across the room. I pushed him back onto his desk. Things crashed on the floor, but I didn’t care. I climbed on top of him, pulled my dress off and wasted no time in going straight for his zipper. I could already feel him straining against his pants, and I knew the second they were down, his cock would be freed and it would be mine to do with as I wanted. I unzipped him and his cock bulged against his underwear. I could see its outline perfectly through the white cotton briefs. I slid down, lowered my mouth to it and sucked it through the fabric while gripping his balls in my hand. He moaned and laced his fingers in my hair, tugging at it in a way that made me feel wild.
“I love your new hair, by the way,” he said on a loud moan as I slipped my hand beneath his underwear and gripped him tightly, before fisting him hard and fast. He responded by lifting his hips, giving me more access. I pulled the tip of his cock from behind the material and with my tongue ran circles round it. This elicited more moans from him, but I wanted more. More, more, more . . . now !
“Condoms,” I commanded.
His hand flew back and he started pulling out a desk drawer.
“Of course you have condoms in your desk,” I muttered under my breath. He passed one to me and I ripped it open, working his underwear down. I rolled the condom on and then didn’t even take my underwear off; I simply pulled my panties aside and climbed straight on top of him. I cried out immediately at the feeling of him sinking inside me from this angle. I was so turned on, and having my need met like this almost made me come at once. I put my hands on his broad naked chest, closed my eyes and rode him as fast as I could. Grinding into him, wanting him deeper inside me. I wanted him to fill me until I was overflowing with him. I lost myself somewhere there, somewhere in that moment with him on his desk, me riding his cock as if my life depended on it. I felt my orgasm build and I drove him into me even harder and faster.
“Fuck, Ash, I’m going to come.”
“Come,” I commanded as I sat fully upright on him, threw my head back, and started coming myself. He gripped my hips and bucked against me in a way that told me he’d started coming too.
“Ash, I love you.”
“ WHAT !” I looked down and screamed at him while I was coming. “You what?” He was gripping my hips, slamming into me as my orgasm rolled into another one. “What? What the hell? Aaaah! WHAT ?” I panted, and shouted and moaned at the same time.
“I said”—he thrust deeper and harder now—“that I . . .”—he raised my hips off him and slammed me back down on his cock with a loud thump that felt as if it echoed around the room—“I love you!” He threw his head back and came with such force that he lifted his hips and my entire body off the desk. I was shocked, but I was still coming, because he was not letting me stop as he kept on thrusting.
“I love you,” he said one last time, and dropped his hips back down to the desk. I stared down at him in utter shock as my orgasm finally faded. He opened his eyes and looked up at me. We were both covered in sweat.
“You don’t love me,” I said, still shaking from the pleasure and panting from the exertion. “It’s with a ‘d’, Max. A ‘d’.”
“There is no ‘d’, Ash. I love you. I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you. You are all I’ve ever wanted. It’s always only been you.”
“Only been me . . .” I scoffed, and tried to climb off him, but he held me in place. “That’s a lie and we both know it.” He pulled me back down towards him, and despite wanting to fight it, I didn’t. I let him pull my face towards his, let him put his lips to my ear and whisper.
“Everything I’ve done for the last thirteen years has been to try and get over you. But I never did. And now I can never go back to any of that again, because you’ve changed me. Loving you again has changed me. And I know what I want.”
I pulled away and started to climb off him again. “No, that is not what we agreed to, Max. We said no feelings.”
“ You said no feelings.” He sat up on the table.
“You agreed to no feelings.” I pointed an accusatory finger at him.
“Well, then, I lied.”
“Oh my God.” I walked round in a small circle. “You are not allowed to love me, Max. That was not part of the deal.”
“It was a crappy deal, Ash. And let’s face it, it wasn’t exactly a deal either of us could stick to.”
“I could stick to it!” I said.
He looked me up and down. “If you could stick to it, you would not be standing in my office late at night, your dress on the floor because we just made love on my desk!”
“Made lo—” I choked on the words. His use of that phrase had me stumbling backwards. “We didn’t . . . That’s not—” I shook my head quickly. He stood up, his perfect cock and muscular chest on full display. He was gorgeous and sweaty and the king of dishing orgasms out and we could not have “made love”.
I stepped away from him, scared that if I didn’t, I might just fall towards him. “You can’t do this. You can’t come into my life like this after so many years, have endless sex with me and then tell me you love me.”
“Why not?”
“Because . . . because . . .” I glared at him angrily, but when he smiled softly at me, my entire body softened, and worst of all, my heart softened too. “Because I think I love you and I totally hate that I think I love you,” I said. My shoulders slumped. I felt absolutely defeated by this realization. I’d been fighting it since I’d seen him in the restaurant and I was now officially exhausted. I hated that I had said it out loud too, because saying it out loud had just made it very real, and there was no taking it back. I turned and started walking towards the door.
“Ash, wait. Please don’t go.” He walked up to me, put his hand over mine and stopped me from opening the door. “We love each other,” he said with a smile that was too easy to want back in my life. He looked at me with his huge puppy-dog eyes, full of love and care, and again, they were way too easy to want back in my life. But I had gone down this road with him before, and it had ended, and it had nearly broken me. I had loved him so hard it had hurt, and I could feel myself on the brink of that all-consuming love once again and it terrified me.
“Ash, let’s do this.”
“No,” I said softly.
“Let’s give this another chance. We’re meant to be together.”
“How do you even know that?”
“It’s obvious, Ash. I never stopped loving you and it’s clear that you never stopped loving me too.”
“I did stop loving you!” But the second I said it, I knew it was a lie. And I also knew that this was the final puzzle piece I’d been looking for. The thought that had been just out of reach. I’d never stopped loving him; that’s why nothing had ever worked with anyone else.
The curse was never about the sex. The real curse was that I loved him too damn much, and always had. That’s why all the dates and the sex had been so terrible. Because it wasn’t him. Max was what I had wanted the entire time—I just hadn’t realized it until now. He had cursed me, but it wasn’t in the way I thought he had.
“We never stopped loving each other,” he said with so much self-assuredness that it pissed me off. I hated the fact that he was right. And I hated him for making me love him so much. “It’s meant to be us, Ash.”
“Max, you and I are never getting back together!” It flew out of my mouth.
He chuckled. “Isn’t that a Taylor Swift song?”
“This isn’t a joke,” I insisted.
“I know.”
“So why are you trying to turn it into one, then?” I asked, frustration building.
“Because if I don’t try and laugh about this, I think I might cry.”
His words sounded jagged and wounded. His eyes ached with visible pain and all I wanted to do was take that pain away, but I also knew what a potentially dangerous thought that was too.
“Ash, give us another chance, please. This love we have is rare. Not everyone gets to experience this kind of love and that’s why we have to give it another chance.”
I shook my head at him. “That’s exactly why we shouldn’t give it another chance. I don’t want to love you, Max. And I’m going to do whatever it takes not to love you again. Because if we didn’t work out again, I would not survive it. I barely survived it the first time, I cannot risk my heart with you again.” I turned and ran out into the night, tears falling from my eyes as I went.