Chapter 61
CHAPTER 61
Ash
I was exhausted. I’d spent most of the night on the phone with Sebastian looking at the lodge photos and discussing how to translate the previous shots from the storyboard to this location. So when I finally found myself standing on the runway the next morning, I was utterly finished and had no idea how I was going to keep my eyes open long enough to work.
I walked round the plane in front of me. How was it possible that it was smaller than the previous one? This thing looked like it was made from a tuna can that had been tossed away and rusting in the sun for ten years. This plane did not inspire me with confidence. It inspired me with thoughts of a fiery death and plummeting from the sky. Years shaved off my young life and a no doubt agonizing death. But I was left with no choice but to climb in. As soon as I did, I buckled up and tried to distract myself by messaging Sarah.
Ash: OK . This plane is tiny!
Sarah: You’re messaging me in private?
Ash: Because what the hell is going on between Frank and Charlie?
Ash: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Sarah: I’m thinking it.
Ash: Do you think something’s happened between them?
Sarah: I don’t know.
Sarah: I don’t even know if they’ve realized how they feel about each other yet.
Ash: They are totally into each other.
Ash: That hug was a dead giveaway. This is huge!
Sarah: Something else is huge too.
Ash: ?
Sarah: Oh, I don’t know, you dropping the bomb yesterday that you’re in love with Max.
Ash: Yes. That.
Ash: Do you think falling in love with him is the worst thing I could ever do?
Sarah: I don’t think you just fell in love with him.
Sarah: I think you’ve loved him this entire time.
Ash: What should I do about it?
Sarah: What do you want to do about it?
“Ready to go?” The sound of his voice gave me a fright and when I swung around, Max was standing there looking into the plane.
“Is there space in there for one more?” he asked, but didn’t wait for the answer. Instead, he started climbing in.
“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t hold back my smile. This was possibly the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. Made nicer by the fact that it was Max doing it.
“I just had this overwhelming desire to fly today. It had absolutely nothing to do with you, by the way, just in case you think I think you’re some kind of damsel in distress who needs rescuing, which I don’t,” he teased.
“Well, far be it from me to keep you from your desires.” I smiled at him and shifted over a little bit in the seat.
He stopped and looked down at me, his eyes sweeping over my body, lingering in my lap for a moment too long. “Yeah?”
“Not those desires, and stop that,” I said firmly, but I don’t think I actually meant it. In fact, I meant the complete opposite. I wanted him to flirt with me, I wanted him to touch me, to hold me, kiss me, to wrap me up in his arms when he slept and . . .
I looked down at my phone. Reread Sarah’s last message to me. Max bent forward to put his bag by his feet and I brought my fingers down to the screen.
Ash: I know what I want to do about it
Ash: I’m just not sure it’s the right thing to do
The flight wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined; these things seldom were as bad as I built them up to be in my catastrophic imagination. And once we’d arrived, the lodge too was perfect. If these idiots didn’t like this, then they wouldn’t like anywhere.
I ran around taking photos of it first, sending them straight through to Sebastian. We’d managed to work out a very vague shot list last night, and while I worked, I had him on a constant videocall while we talked it all through. He would have probably come with me today if he wasn’t busy wrapping up post on our other job and driving Russ crazy. The day was hot and it was rushed and by 3 p.m. I realized that I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything at all.
I walked off to the dining area, a huge wooden deck that was open on all sides. A massive tree that had definitely been there first was growing through a specially made hole in the floor and providing the most amazing, and much-needed shade. I found Max sitting at one of the tables talking to the owner, I presumed. They were drinking ice cold beers and for some reason it looked so appealing, even though I hated beer. But in this African heat, the beer in the frosted glass screamed at me. I walked over to the table and Max immediately introduced me.
“Thank you so much for making this happen,” I gushed. “You don’t know how you’ve saved us from what could have been a terrible situation.”
“Not a problem. Anyone who is important to Max is important to me.”
I flashed Max a quick look out of the corner of my eye and found that he was smiling at me.
He pulled out a chair for me, and as soon as I’d sat down, I asked him for a sip of beer. But I was so wrong. The fantasy in my head did not match the reality of the flavor that I was now struggling to swallow down.
“You hate beer,” Max stated.
“But it looked so good.”
He laughed. “You should have had some water first anyway; you haven’t drunk all day.”
“How do you know?” I asked, making deliberate eye contact with him.
“When you get wrapped up and excited in something, you always forget to eat and drink. It was like that at school too. I used to bring you those electrolyte sachets and practically force them down your throat.”
“Bleghh. Those things tasted awful, but they worked—I admit that.” Something dawned on me now. It was something I knew already, but in that moment, it felt like it needed to be spoken out loud. “You always looked out for me. So well. Always.”
“So did you. After track, when my feet were sore, you used to make me put them in that foot spa you had.”
I laughed at the memory. His feet were so big that they’d barely fit.
“You used to pour arnica oil in and massage them.” Our eyes met for a while and we only looked away when the owner of the lodge cleared his throat. He stood up suddenly. I’d forgotten he was even there.
“I . . . need to do something,” he lied, and then scuttled off.
Max and I made eye contact again and this time, nothing stopped us from holding each other’s gaze.
“I’ve missed your foot massages like I cannot even tell you.”
“I haven’t missed electrolyte sachets,” I said, and he laughed.
He turned in his seat and then ran his hands through my hair suddenly. “No knots to brush out anymore. In some ways, that’s a pity. Even though it looks really good.”
“I could sleep badly, roll around on the pillow all night and tease it, if you want knots?”
“I want knots,” he said, meeting my eyes again.
“I still have some knots in my neck,” I said, remembering how good his massage had been.
“Can I kill that guy, please?”
I laughed and he grabbed my shorts and then pulled me closer to him, my bum sliding all the way to the edge of my seat. He kept his hands on my legs. I looked down at them and then laced my fingers through his.
“Can I be a total Neanderthal here and tell you that the idea of you being with any other man makes me want to walk around hitting them over the head with a stick?”
I gripped his fingers tighter. “Is it ridiculously jealous of me to say that when I think about all the women you’ve probably been with, it kind of makes me feel sick to my stomach?”
“It makes me feel sick to the stomach too,” he said, bringing our hands up and holding them in the air between us. “That’s over, Ash. After you, after what we experienced together . . .” He moved, closing the gap between us. I quickly looked around to see if anyone was watching us, but we were alone. He took my face between his hands and pulled my face to his, resting his forehead against mine. “If it makes you feel any better, I feel like I was a virgin before we made love the other night. Because sex has never been like that for me, ever. You are my first as far as I’m concerned, and if you’ll let me, I would like to be your last.”
“Max.” His name fell from my lips onto his. I wanted to slip and fall into this moment with him, but my constantly beeping phone reminded me of the work I still needed to do. I pulled away gently.
“Work!” I stated.
“I love how passionate you are about it,” he said, making me want to slip and fall even more.
“I think I’m a bit too obsessed with it, to be honest. I think I’ve had to be.” I looked at him meaningfully.
“Me too.” He echoed my statement. “Maybe one day, hopefully soon, both of us will no longer need to use our work as a distraction anymore?”
“Maybe.” I smiled at him. “But that time is not now,” I said as I answered a call from Sebastian. Max ordered me a burger while on the phone, as well as a glass of water and a Coke. He made me drink the water first before letting me have the Coke—he wagged his finger at me when I reached for it. I smashed the burger, speaking on the phone with my mouth full half the time, and every now and then, Max wiped my chin with a serviette when a dollop of something ran down it. When I hung up, though, Max stood up with a strange finality to it all.
“I have to get going now,” he said.
“You do?” My stomach dropped and every fiber in my body screamed a silent “don’t go.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon, though. That’s enough time to finish your work, right?” he asked.
“I’m actually almost done. I’ll probably finish later this afternoon, with only one shot to work out in the morning light. We’ve agreed to keep the shots here to an absolute minimum, so it’s easier to plan.”
“Well, then I will see you tomorrow morning and we can get out of here.”
“You’re flying all the way home, and then all the way back? Just for me?”
“No, actually. I’m staying here for the night.”
“Wait, you’re staying here? How did you manage that? I thought it was fully booked?”
He smiled. “No, there.” He pointed out into the bush, past the river and the elephants that were drinking by it.
I looked, and in the distance I could just make out another lodge, further up one of the hills.
“The thought had also crossed my mind to swap rooms with you tonight, but I knew you would say no anyway. If I’d told you I’d been swapping rooms with you all trip, I knew you would have said no then too.”
“You’ve been swapping rooms with me all trip?”
“Did you think you always got the bigger, nicer one by accident?”
“No, Max, you didn’t,” I protested. “I didn’t ask for that.”
“See, this is why I’m not offering to swap rooms with you tonight, even though mine’s a gorgeous luxury suite.”
“How luxurious?” I asked. Having seen the staff accommodation with the shared toilets and ablution facilities, I was not looking forward to my sleep tonight. Coupled with the fact that the bed was very small and uncomfortable.
“Lap of luxury,” he teased.
“I have to share showers.”
“Really?”
“And let me tell you, those shower curtains are not what they used to be. You can almost see right through them.”
His face turned serious and solemn. “See through them?”
“You would probably have to put your face all the way up to the curtain, but it is flimsy enough that I plan on showering much later tonight after everyone has already gone to bed.”
“Okay, let’s swap rooms.”
“Max, don’t be ridiculous. You’re not staying in my room because someone might see my boobs through a shower curtain.”
“Maybe I don’t want anyone to see them.”
“Maybe they are mine to show to whomever I choose.”
He smiled at me, then looked me up and down. “You are absolutely right, but I am kind of hoping that lands up being me.”
“Stop flirting. I have work to do and it is very distracting.”
“Can I at least see your room?”
“For what reason?”
He shrugged. “Who knows? There might be an emergency in the night and maybe I need to come and find you, or—”
“Lame excuse,” I said back to him quickly. “But I do need to get mosquito repellent, so I suppose I cannot stop you from coming with me.”
“Lead the way.” He gestured for me to go and I began walking through the lodge. I needed my repellent. It was that time of day when the little fuckers would be waking up and no doubt coming after me. I had only one more thing to do, but I did not want to end up with ten thousand bites.
Max followed close behind me, and when I got to my door, I slipped the key in and pushed it open. He walked past me and into the room. He did one full circle in it and then shot me a very displeased look.
“You can’t sleep here tonight,” he said.
“Why not?”
“Uh . . . I wouldn’t let my llama sleep here.”
I laughed and started digging through my bag for the cream. “I think I’ll live. I’ve slept in far worse. When you’re studying and shooting cheap student films, you get used to places like these.”
“Seriously, though. I don’t like the idea of you sleeping here, and having to share showers and—”
I stood up and gave him a look. “I can take care of myself, remember? I don’t need you inspecting my room and deciding I can’t sleep here and then swapping rooms with me. I’ve been taking care of myself very well for the past thirteen years without you being all protective.”
He looked at me, something like sadness crossing his face. “You do take care of yourself.”
“I do.”
“You take very good care of yourself.” He held out his hand for my mosquito repellent cream and I gave it to him. “You shouldn’t always have to take care of yourself, though. Sometimes it’s nice to let someone else help you reach the difficult spots that you can’t reach alone.” His words were loaded. “Take off your top.”
I locked eyes with him and then very unashamedly removed my T-shirt. His eyes immediately drifted down to my breasts, and he made zero attempt at hiding that fact. I smiled at him and turned around, giving him access to my back.
He started rubbing the cream on the back of my neck, and then down my back. The places that I would not have reached.
“My life panned out in a way that there was no one really there to reach the difficult spots. I had my friends, but I had to learn to reach those spots on my own. I couldn’t sit around waiting for someone to be there to help me all the time. I’ve had to get on with things by myself.”
“I know. I wish I could have been there, though.”
“Well, you weren’t,” I said. “You were gone, my mom was, my sister was, my dad might as well have been. I had to do stuff on my own. I didn’t have a family, or a boyfriend to fall back on all the time.”
“I’ll never leave you again, Ash. If you give me another chance, I promise you I’ll be there for you whenever you want my help. Because I know you don’t need it.” He wrapped his arms round me and pulled me into him. I rested my back against his chest. It felt so good here. But was it safe to be here? Safe to be letting go so much that I was actually contemplating a life with him?
“What if I shared the room with you?” I whispered, wrapping my arms over his.
“One room? One bed?”
I nodded, the back of my head against his chest.
“You do know what will happen if we share a bed together?” he asked.
“I do.”
“And do you know what that will mean, Ash, really mean?”
“What does it mean?” I asked. He turned me round so I was facing him.
“If we do this, and you stay the night, I don’t think I can ever let you go again.”
I took in a slow, deep breath, and in that moment it all became so very, very clear. I knew what I wanted to do about it, and I knew it was the right thing to do. Because nothing had felt this right for the last thirteen years. And I also knew that was worth risking my heart for, again. I met those icy blue eyes of his with mine. “So don’t ever let me go again.”