31. Aarti
AARTI
T he calendar had turned that week, kindling a renewed conviction in me.
After our pictures appeared in the tabloid, we’d avoided going out openly. We never spoke about it but we had started meeting at our homes instead of stepping out for meals. The heartwarming dinners had halted, although the conversations had stayed the same.
Sujit had an invitation to a New Year’s party that he couldn’t refuse.
He had made an appearance and left the soirée early to be by my side at midnight.
We celebrated with a tiramisu that he had ordered and a chilled bottle of wine.
At midnight, he’d kissed my cheek, and later, I’d fallen asleep on his shoulder while we watched a movie.
That week, I decided to regain control over the reins of my destiny, my happiness. It all hinged on one important factor: my father’s approval.
“I really don’t feel like attending a party, Ma,” I said over the phone when I called my mother to inform her of my visit to Dallas.
It had been a while since I had seen my family.
I was homesick, but this visit to Dallas was an impetuous decision that I hoped wouldn’t backfire.
I reserved the real reason for my visit, but Mom took it as a sign to finally throw the party she’d been planning.
She wanted to introduce Nitara to the world with a splash and was waiting for me to return.
There would be no celebration without me, they all had repeatedly asserted.
I was in no mood to celebrate, not yet anyway. The wedding was still fresh in the memory of our clique. And I had more pressing issues to deal with. Except, Mom had made up her mind and she was a force of nature.
“It’s not about you, Beta. This is about Jia and Nitara,” she tried to persuade. “It’s about making them feel special and loved.”
“I understand, and I want all the happiness for them, but I’m still not keen on making public appearances.”
Mom let out a quiet sigh. “That’s alright, Beta.
” And there it was. I knew I was going to lose the argument the moment those three words came out of her mouth.
“We’ll do it later. I’d hate to put you in an uncomfortable position.
But it’s time to stop hiding. Sameer got married in one of the biggest weddings this year, and you shouldn’t be the one shouldering the burden of that breakup.
Come with your head held high. You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. ”
Wise as my mother was, I hated that she was usually—well, always—right. I delivered a deep exhale into the phone, which Mom accepted as my reluctant acquiescence.
“Good,” she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “Good decision. I’m glad.”
I called Sujit to give him the news. The idea of being away from him, of not seeing him for a prolonged period of time, caused an unprecedented frenzy inside me.
“I was just about to call you,” he said.
“Yeah? About what?”
“Do I need a reason to call you?” I heard a happy ring in his voice.
I sighed with relief. “No, you don’t. You never need a reason to call, but I called to share some news. I’m going to Dallas for a bit.”
There was a brief pause that followed an unmistakable shift in his breath. “Is it a casual visit, or did something happen?”
As much as I wanted to share the real reason for my visit, I couldn’t. Not yet anyway. If the conversation with my father didn’t work out the way I hoped, it would save us both the unavoidable heartache. The very thought threatened to crush my breath and my soul.
“Relax. I just want to see my family. I miss them. And Mom has planned a party for Nitara and she really wishes for me to attend,” I offered instead.
“Nitara?”
“My niece.”
“Ah.”
“I’m sorry to abandon you like this. I know you’ll be lost without me.”
He laughed his throaty laugh. “That I will be, for sure, but I’m glad you are going back. It’s your life, your city, your people. Reclaim it all.”
“Whoa!” I uttered. It was weird to hear the fire in his words. Like he was angry and ready to take on the world. “Is everything alright?” I asked tenuously.
“Everything is good. It’s about to get even better,” he answered cryptically. “You enjoy your time there. Have a safe trip, and let’s catch up when you’re back.”
“Thank you.” I stayed on the line since neither of us was ready to hang up. “You know what’s reassuring?” I said softly. “Mom said she heard Sameer and Tara are on their honeymoon, so there’ll be little chance of running into them.”
Quietly, I mused about the word honeymoon, the act of unabashed and blatant fucking cloaked in the sweet mask of a linguistic masterstroke.
“That’s good,” he said. “And let’s talk when you are back.”
“Talk? That’s a rather specific word. Is it important?”
Another quick pause that I didn’t know how to decipher. “Yes, but it can wait until you’re back.”
“Are you sure? I can make time if you want to meet up before I leave.”
“Yes, sweet girl. It can wait. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Where were you supposed to go?” I teased, and he broke into a laugh.
“Go on now. Don’t you need to pack for your trip?”
“Not much. Mom will probably insist on getting me new clothes for the party anyway. I’ll send you a picture,” I blurted.
“I’d love that,” his soft voice reassured me.
“See you, Sujit. Be a good boy.”
“Not this time, sweet girl.”
I frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll tell you when you’re back. You go enjoy yourself. You deserve it.”
“Bye, Sujit.”
“See you soon.”
Two days later, I arrived in Dallas and learned that I was spot on about the new clothes. Mom had set up everything for Jia and me to go shopping for the party.
Jia was relieved to be with someone who wasn’t Aakash, Mom, or the household help. She drank decaf coffee and talked my ear off while I smiled and nodded, sitting at a local café.
At the boutique, she complained about her bulging, shapeless belly, and I promptly delivered a lecture about the need for women to break the shackles of social pressure to return to their pre-pregnancy bodies in six to nine weeks after delivery.
“You’re barely human in six to nine weeks,” I said to her.
“That’s why I really admired Aishwarya Rai when she had her child.
I was young and totally buying into celeb bodies being back to flat and fit within weeks of their deliveries.
Then along comes Aishwarya, the former Miss World, and says, f - you all.
I will take the time I need , and I won’t let you shame me for it.
And she didn’t hide inside her house either.
She flaunted herself at the Cannes the same way she had carried her slender self on that red carpet before the baby.
So take your time, Jia. Be happy. Don’t force yourself to do anything you don’t want to. Rest up and become stronger.”
Jia smiled at me as she held up a gown one size larger than she wanted. “I’m so glad Nitara will have you as a role model growing up. I want her to be like you, strong and fierce.”
“And like you, strong and loving.” I smiled at her in the mirror, and her fair face flushed with humility.
I held her shoulders and leaned in to whisper, “You’re not going to cry, are you? I might be good at many things, but I really can’t handle tears. I’m not Ma.”
Jia gave a quick laugh and turned to me. “Alright, I won’t. How’s this one?” she asked, holding the gown up again.
“I’m not loving the sequin work. How’s this?” I showed her a black gown with muted shimmer.
“Black! Are you trying to get me ostracized? People will talk about it for ages if I wear black to my baby’s first event.”
“People will always talk, Jia, and no one knows it better than me. What do you want?”
She peered straight into my eyes. “I want you to be as happy as I am right now.”
I frowned. “You’re miserable right now. Nitara’s been keeping you up all night and my useless brother has been pushing off all responsibility on Ma.”
She laughed. “That’s true. Breastfeeding alone is wearing me out. But I still want you to be happy.”
I took her hand. “I’m very happy, Jia. Nitara makes me happy. You all make me happy.”
Her eyes caught a pastel grey dress in the selection the stylist had brought out for us. “I like this one.” She held it up for me. It had a beautiful sheer lace shoulder and long sheer sleeves.
“I love it too. That cascading embroidery is really elegant. Try it, and if it looks good, we’ll get that.”
I got myself a flowy skirt with a crop top and a jacket, and Jia got the grey dress of her choice.
Jia looked stunning the next evening. With Aakash in a smart tuxedo and baby Nitara in pastel pink, they looked the picture-perfect happy new family.
“So good to see you here, Aarti,” Anju said, giving me a hug.
“Thank you, it’s been rough,” I said as I grabbed a glass of white wine from the server.
“Tell me about it,” she said.
Recently divorced, Anju had moved back from Atlanta and had been subjected to similar gossip and speculations about the real reason for the breakup of her marriage.
“How’s New York?” she asked, and a quick smile appeared on my lips in response.
The thought of Sujit filled me with warmth. That gorgeous face, the quippy mouth, those bright eyes, the generous heart. And the dimples, those darn dimples that made my knees wobble.
“It’s good. Keeps me away from unnecessary thoughts.”
“I’m glad you weren’t here for the wedding,” she said in a hushed voice. “It was all anyone would talk about for days before and after.”
“Yes, Aakash told me.”
“Ran into Mihir there. He was with someone new, big surprise. Some FOB this time.”
I shook my head at her use of the slur, but she didn’t notice. “It’s really bizarre,” she continued, staring at the wine in her glass. “She’s unlike any of his previous girlfriends.”
Mihir didn’t have girlfriends. He didn’t believe in relationships, but I didn’t remind her of that.
Anju had been obsessed with Mihir since I’d known her.
Hopelessly so, because for one, Mihir wasn’t the kind to settle down like she wanted, and two, they were poles apart.
Their personalities were just too incongruent.
I had tried telling her that years ago as teenagers, but she claimed I was making a move on Mihir myself and wanted her out of the way.
I’d zipped my lips after that. I’d known Mihir for just as long, but he wasn’t my type.
Sujit, on the other hand, was someone I could dream about with my eyes wide open on those lonely nights when I lay awake in bed trying to quell the fire between my thighs.
“Come tomorrow,” she said, breaking my reverie. I trained my eyes back on her. “Mom mentioned your parents are coming alone. But I want you to come. You shouldn’t be hiding and shying away.”
Anju’s brother was getting engaged, but I’d told Ma I wouldn’t be attending any other parties at this time.
“I’m not hiding,” I argued. Well, I wasn’t anymore. “But I’d like to avoid Sameer right now.”
“He isn’t coming. They are…out,” she said.
And I remembered. “On their honeymoon.”
“Come tomorrow, I insist,” she cajoled with another smile.
“Let me see,” I offered truthfully.
Later that night, when I told Mom about this conversation, she agreed. “That’s not a bad idea. Maybe you’ll meet someone there.”
“Ma,” I cried and rolled my eyes at her. “Why does everyone assume that not being attached means I’m lonely and miserable?”
“I’m only teasing.” Mom smiled and pulled my hand in hers. “But Sameer’s parents will be there. Will it bother you?
“I can ignore them.”
“Yes, and it’s bound to happen. We’ve excused ourselves from events for months now, but these are our friends, too. We can’t miss their kids’ birthdays and weddings because Sameer’s family will be there. Plus, they aren’t missing anything.”
I squeezed Mom’s hand. “You’re right. I think I’ll come. This embarrassment BS is like a blanket that we’ve pulled on ourselves. It’s time to shed it.”
“Well said, Beta. Chalo, you go to bed now.”
Before I turned in, I texted Sujit, and he called me back.
“Why are you still up?” I asked as I cozied underneath my warm duvet. “You’re an hour ahead. Shouldn’t you be tucked into bed like a good boy?”
“Who said I was a good boy?” he said, and I could picture the glint in his eyes, the one that twinkled from behind his glasses.
“You’re not. You are very naughty, a very bad boy,” I teased and resisted the thought of him doing nasty things to me.
He laughed. “How was the party?”
“It was wonderful. I’m glad I came. Nitara looked so stinking cute, Mom did her nazar tonight.”
“What’s that?”
“Something to get rid of the evil eye.”
“Ah, yes, I think my mother does something similar for my brother’s kids.”
“Your brother has kids?” I asked and realized we’d never really talked about his family. “How many siblings do you have?”
“Just the one brother and Cathy, who fusses over me like a mother hen. They have two girls, ten and six. Both a handful, much like you.”
“Hey,” I complained with faux indignation, “I’m a very good girl!”
“Yes, you’re a sweet, sweet girl,” he said, and my heart dipped. I wished we were on video call so I could see the look on his face. “Well, I’ll let you sleep now,” he added with haste.
“Wait,” I cried and let the pause say everything I wanted to.
He breathed into the silence, and it felt perfectly peaceful. Bliss, they call it.
“Good night, Sujit,” I whispered into the phone.
“Good night, sweet girl.”
It was with his voice in my head that I woke up the next day. Sweet girl, the words and the voice carried me through the day and into the party that evening.
Jia had decided to stay home and rest while Aakash was catching up on work.
Mom, Dad, and I were almost ready to leave when Nitara threw a fit.
Not her mother, or grandmother, nor her nanny could calm her down.
It was only when I cradled her in my arms that she lulled into drunken-like drowsiness.
Not wanting to put her down until she was in deep slumber, I asked Mom and Dad to go ahead.
Mom didn’t want to miss the ring exchange.
I nodded at them and turned my attention to the calm child in my arms.