Chapter Three
Rion
Who are you?
The words cut through him sharper than any blade ever had. Rion’s heart ached. Bled. Memories that had once filled him with joy now cut through his waking thoughts like jagged shards of glass.
His nightmares were even worse.
Rion gripped his shirt, hoping to ease the throbbing pain that had been plaguing him for days.
Arianna, his world, his mate, his everything, had finally looked at him as if he were the monster.
He’d waited for it for so long. He’d sat with the fear as if it were a friend. But then he’d fought past it, certain nothing could separate them now, solid bond or no. He’d thought his heart safe, or as safe as it could be in the middle of a war.
He’d been so terribly, terribly wrong.
Caring for another, it seemed, only made the wounds that much deeper.
Rion had experienced the grief of nearly losing her. He’d held her broken body. He’d listened to her slowing heartbeat.
This hurt worse. She was right in front of him, talking, breathing, living, but she couldn’t have been further from his reach.
The gods must truly hate him. Maybe they were on Vairik’s side after all. Maybe none of them were worth saving.
Rion clenched his fists, then let out a long breath through gritted teeth. They had so much to deal with. All roads that led to nothing but uncertainty.
Arianna had been the one to declare their next destination. It was the most logical move. Only Talon desired to see Levea firsthand. Perhaps part of the male hoped the rumors weren’t true, that the story was just another of Vairik’s fabrications.
Grief never made anyone rational.
Nàdair. The warriors there would give Arianna an army. A place where she’d be safe and the staff within the infirmary would happily look after Ellie.
Arianna’s sister was yet another topic of disagreement. Raevina thought leaving her behind would help them travel faster, but there was no way in the seven hells Rion was leaving without Ellie. He’d carry her all the way to Nàdair himself if he had to.
Rion tilted his head back, staring up into the dreary sky. Ash fell in slow rivulets, blanketing the ground in gray hues that matched the empty dregs of his broken heart.
He let his body fall against the tree behind him and the rough bark bit into the back of his scalp. Rion clenched his jaw, fighting the emotions clawing their way to the surface.
He hadn’t failed. He’d saved her. They’d come out alive. Most of them, anyway. He needed to be thankful for that at least.
I don’t want him in here.
Arianna’s words cut through him all over again. He’d tried not to listen in, but his traitorous heart wouldn’t stop straining to soak in every word.
Talon had given him a pitying look before ascending the stairs. Saoirse was worried. Zylah avoided his prodding gaze. The heavy silence had been enough for Rion to grab a bottle of whiskey, a cup, then disappear from the room entirely.
He’d downed two full glasses before Talon had even entered her room.
Rion almost wished Vairik had simply shoved a poisoned dagger through his heart. That would have certainly hurt less, but Rion was beyond wishing for death. He had too much to live for now.
Not just Arianna, Ellie, and Talon, but an entire continent of people who were turning to him, just like Ellie had promised they would. He’d fight for them and he’d fight for Arianna’s memories even harder.
Even if they won the war and she still didn’t remember. Even if she commanded his imprisonment or death, he’d fight. He’d made a vow, after all, and he’d rather see his heart shattered a million times over before he’d ever break that vow.
Rion slid down the tree, letting both legs stretch out before him. He poured another glass and threw the liquid back, wincing slightly as it seared the back of his throat. He wished he had something stronger. Maybe he’d raid Saoirse’s personal stash once they reached Nàdair.
Thankful, Rion reminded himself, even as the alcohol numbed parts of his mind.
The false Ashling, the cursed city, was no more, which meant Vairik no longer had a stronghold where he could continue conducting all those heinous experiments.
They were currently tucked away from the enemy’s prying eyes, which gave everyone a chance to heal before they embarked on another long journey.
Thankful.
Rion closed his eyes and focused on the air expanding his lungs.
He’d been dealt a lot of pain in his life, probably more than most could ever hope to endure. But this—he sighed. Gods, this was truly the pinnacle of it all. This was the tipping point.
To know the one person he cared for above all else wanted nothing to do with him.
Talon and Saoirse had already tried to reason with him, of course. They claimed Vairik’s hold likely wasn’t permanent, and that, given time, Arianna would regain her memories.
He knew that deep down, but they didn’t seem to understand that she’d been the first one to really see him. Other than Saoirse, Arianna had been the first to ever afford him mercy. To witness that hatred in her eyes now, to see the fear …
Vairik had come so close to severing their bond. All that remained was a slight wisp of a thing. A thread so minute that he didn’t dare pull on it, lest the pressure completely shatter their connection.
He craved that connection. Needed it the way one needed oxygen to survive.
You’ll have it again. You’ll help her remember.
There wasn’t another choice. Eternity without her wasn’t something he could face.
He’d carved a path through every obstacle in his life with brute force and efficiency, but he couldn’t fight this.
There was nothing to battle with his hands or magic.
In the past, he’d pushed his body to the absolute breaking point until his mind had been consumed by nothing but sweat, blood, and pain.
He wanted that now. To disappear into the numbness of it all. But there wasn’t anyone here who could handle his unhinged wrath. Nor could he risk exposing them with the wild nature of his magic.
He wouldn’t do anything to put Arianna in danger, no matter how volatile his emotions.
Rion downed another drink, letting the burning liquid sit in his mouth. The sharp, smoky bitterness burst over his tongue for several seconds before he swallowed and let the fire coat his throat again. He almost wished his body wasn’t numbing to the sensation.
Talon exited her room. Rion glanced down at his glass. His hand was clutching it so hard he was surprised it hadn’t broken.
He’d heard every word.
For once in his life, he damned his Fae hearing.
Heavy boots trudged down the stairs. Whispered voices floated out from the living area. A barked comment. Raevina. Talon didn’t respond and instead pushed open the front door. The male’s eyes landed on him, scanning everything from his slumped body position to his disheveled state in half a second.
The male ran a hand through his hair, sighed, and walked over, clearly distressed himself. Rion watched little clouds of dust kick up around Talon’s boots.
Rion didn’t meet Talon’s gaze when the male stopped before him. He stood there for a time, then sat down against the same tree. Just a few months ago, Talon wouldn’t have dared to be in such close proximity. Just a few months ago, Rion wouldn’t have allowed it either.
Rion offered the male the bottle without looking at him. Talon didn’t bother with a glass.
Both males stared out over the ash-covered landscape. “I take it you were listening?”
Rion stared at a droplet rolling down the side of his glass. “Not like I can do otherwise.” His mind literally wouldn’t let him. Anything and everything that was Arianna consumed his body and soul.
“You could try putting mud in your ears. Could actually work in this scenario.” Rion appreciated Talon’s attempt at humor even if he couldn’t reciprocate. “If it’s some consolation, she doesn’t trust any of us.”
“It’s not.” Rion drank again. “It’s why she wants Ellie woken up.” Because if Arianna trusted anyone, it was her little sister, even if said sister had tried to kill her.
“Zylah’s right, we can’t keep her down forever. Especially with how she looks.”
The glass cracked in his hand. Once they’d gotten settled, Rion had visited Ellie’s room to assess the damage Vairik had inflicted on her body.
She was so painfully thin. Even when she’d been awake, he could tell she’d been favoring her right hip.
Her breaths had been too shallow, as well.
Zylah had confirmed two broken ribs. Her hip had also been dislocated several times.
Rion threw the glass across the lawn, letting it shatter and mix with the ashes. Talon offered him the bottle. He drank straight from the top, desperately trying not to shatter it as well. He was going to tear Vairik apart piece by piece.
The future High Lady of Levea carried marks of her confinement, mirroring the very ones Arianna bore.
Jagged scars along her wrists that would forever remind her of the atrocities she’d suffered.
Rion glanced down at the fading lines along his own wrists.
They were like brands now, a symbol of taint they’d never be rid of.
Gods, what he would give for a peaceful life. He and Arianna had once discussed building a small village where they could live in peace. Maybe with the help of Pádraigín’s magic, they could hide away from the world, never to suffer again.
He shook his head. Not likely.
Even his hope was covered in ash.
Rion clenched his jaw, remembering the sound of Ellie’s blade as it slid effortlessly through Kirian’s body.
Ellie hadn’t even hesitated. She would remember both the sound and the act, along with the male’s whispered words of farewell. She would remember the way she’d let him fall and the sound of his grinding bones as the Dark Fae devoured his body.