Chapter 33
Sutton
Saturday passed with only minimal contact from Jagger.
He’d let me know he was back home from his trip now, and unfortunately, things hadn’t gone as smoothly as he’d planned.
His sister had checked out of the hospital sooner than she was supposed to and disappeared, and Olivia had wet the bed while he was gone.
There were more things on his plate than ever.
Yet still, in my heart I knew none of those things was the reason Jagger was keeping his distance from me.
Saturday night, I had dinner with my mom.
She was still on a high, thinking her daughter was dating one of New York’s most eligible, wealthy bachelors.
I could’ve used someone to talk to about what was going on with Jagger, but I didn’t want to disappoint her or make her worry.
So when I got back to the apartment at ten o’clock, I decided to call Miles.
He answered, took one look at my glum face, and jumped up from the couch like he was about to run straight to New York, three-thousand miles away. “What’s the matter? Did you get another envelope? Are you in your apartment alone?”
I attempted a smile, but it got tangled somewhere between my heart and my mouth. “I’m fine. Nothing happened.”
“Then why do you look like that?”
I sighed. “I think Jagger is going to dump me.”
“What? Why? That’s impossible. That man is so into you. I saw it with my own eyes last weekend. He went all caveman-like when you got that card. I don’t usually like the possessive type, but it was freaking hot.”
“I know. I don’t get it either. I feel like I have whiplash from how quickly things changed.”
“Break it down for me. Something must’ve happened. Start from the night I left. Did you see each other Monday?”
I went through my week—summarizing how Jagger had slipped into my bed each morning and come home to me each night before going up to his nieces—until I reached the night before he left for DC.
“Everything was going really great, or at least I thought so, until I told him I wanted to move back home.”
“He’s an alpha,” Miles said. “He’s probably just upset that you’re not staying in his lair where he can protect you. He’ll get over it.”
“That’s what I thought, too. But he didn’t come down the next morning like he had been.
I had the key to the spare apartment to give back, so I used it as an excuse to go upstairs before work, hoping I could talk to him.
He was already gone, but Amelia asked me to braid her hair, so I wound up hanging out with her for a bit, and she told me her uncle had woken Olivia up last night yelling. She said he’d had a bad dream.”
“Is that what really happened, or is that a little kid’s take on something else going on?”
I shrugged. “I think it’s what really happened.”
“Did he ever have nightmares when he stayed with you?”
I shook my head. “Never.”
“Hmm... Maybe it’s all the stress? I saw the shit with the government on the news again, and he’s got two little girls staying with him, and then all your shit on top of that.”
“Great.” I frowned. “So I’m the straw that broke the camel’s back? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No, not at all. I just meant the guy is busy. I think that just comes with the territory when you’re dating a mogul.”
“I guess.” I chewed on my fingernail. “But he always seemed to be able to make time for me before. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just overthinking things. It’s only been a few days.”
“He definitely doesn’t seem like the beat-around-the-bush type of guy. Don’t you think he’d tell you if there was a problem?”
“I hope so.” I sighed. “Anyway, enough about me. Tell me about your week.”
Miles’s face lit up. “I met someone.”
“You did? When? Why don’t I know about it yet?”
“Because it was only three days ago, and he only left my apartment a couple of hours ago.”
“He just left your apartment from last night?”
“No, from three days ago.” He grinned. “Unlike your busy mogul, mine has all the time in the world. He’s an actor. Of course, he’s not currently filming anything, so I guess that technically makes his profession unemployed, but actor has a nicer ring to it, doesn’t it?”
It wasn’t the first time Miles had fallen for someone without a job.
I was pretty certain the last time when it ended, he’d told me to smack him if he ever dated someone who didn’t have a promising career and six figures in a 401k.
But he seemed happy, so rather than remind him of that, we spent an hour deep-diving the guy’s social media together.
Unlike most of the men Miles dated, Rodrigo had photos of his family instead of pictures of him and five shirtless buddies drinking tequila from a shotski.
“I really like this guy,” Miles said. “You might not believe this, but we didn’t have sex for the entire three days he stayed here. He said he wanted to get to know me first. I can’t remember the last time a guy actually wanted to talk to me instead of bend over.”
I smiled. “I’m happy for you.”
“I’m happy for you, too, cookie. Jagger is crazy about you. I saw it with my own eyes. He’s just preoccupied, and you’re worried because you’re crazy about him too.”
I forced another smile. “I’m sure you’re right.”
But my gut still told me there was more to it than just Jagger being busy.
***
Sunday came and went. I intentionally didn’t text Jagger, though it killed me not to, to see if he would contact me.
I busied myself with errands—gym, dry cleaners, Trader Joe’s, the bookstore, and two trips to Starbucks.
I checked my phone like a fiend, and the disappointment from not seeing Jagger’s name weighed heavier and heavier on my heart as the hours passed.
I ate boxed macaroni and cheese, watched a movie starring Jim Carrey that I assumed would be funny because, well, Jim Carrey.
But I found myself crying at Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which turned out to be about a couple who split up and decide to undergo a medical procedure to have each other erased from their memories, only to realize they didn’t want to forget the bad parts because it meant losing the good, too.
By Monday, I’d decided I was being ridiculous, pulled up my big-girl panties, and dragged myself to work.
I went to the early-morning management briefing that was open to all employees.
Jack was also there. I hadn’t seen him in a while, and after the meeting let out, he jogged to catch up to me as I reached the elevator.
“Hey. Long time no see.”
I smiled. “I know. Did you give up coffee?”
The elevator doors slid open, and he put his hand out for me to enter first. “Nah. I’ve just been up to my eyeballs with all this DOJ stuff.”
My ears perked up. “Did you go to the meeting in DC on Friday?”
He shook his head. “Not to the DOJ meeting, but my team went to DC to work on the MSL acquisition.”
When the doors opened at my floor, Jack stepped off with me. “We’re in a holding pattern until we know if the DOJ will accept what Langston put together to drop the antitrust case, so today I can enjoy a good cup of coffee that takes a few minutes to make.”
The security globe caught my attention as soon as we rounded the corner to my desk. Good. Maybe this will get him to pick up the phone.
“You need a refresh?” Jack pointed to my cup.
“No, thank you. But stop on the way back if you have time. I want to ask you a few questions about something they said during the briefing.”
“Sure.” He smiled.
I hated playing high-school games, but that’s what I was resorting to now.
Jack returned just as I’d figured out some stupid question to ask about the annual prospectuses they’d showed at the morning meeting.
He stuck around, forearms leaning on the half-wall of my cubicle, for a solid ten minutes.
I waited for my desk phone to ring, as it had the last few times Jagger watched this kind of exchange, but it never did.
My attempt to get a reaction had backfired, leaving me feeling even worse than I had yesterday, because now I wondered if he was even watching me anymore.
When Jack finally left, I stared up at the globe for a long time before slouching back into my seat and forcing myself to work on the project I’d been assigned.
Thankfully, I loved what I was doing, and before I knew it, it was two o’clock in the afternoon.
I hadn’t even eaten anything today, so I grabbed my purse and went to the deli next door to get a salad.
My nose was in my phone as I walked through the lobby, and by the time I looked up, I almost walked straight into Jagger. And a woman.
It took a few seconds to go through my mental rolodex and register who she was—Marla, his foster sister who worked in the London office.
The look on Jagger’s face made me wonder if he’d been going to try to walk right past me. Though he didn’t get the chance when I stopped in front of him.
“Hi.”
Jagger nodded. “Hello, Sutton.”
Marla’s head ping-ponged between us. “Sutton? As in…”
Jagger’s jaw flexed. “Yes.” He motioned to Marla. “Marla Emerson, this is Sutton Holland.”
I put my hand out, but Marla went in for a hug. “It’s so nice to meet you.”
The fact that she apparently knew who I was soothed the ache in my chest, at least somewhat. I smiled when she stepped back. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Her eyes gleamed. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
I looked at Jagger. His face was filled with tension and gave away nothing. I attempted to sound casual. “Was I…the topic of lunch conversation today?”
She waved me off. “Unfortunately, not today. We had a boring business lunch. But I heard all about you last week.”
Last week. When things were still going well… I supposed I should see it as a positive sign that he hadn’t said anything negative since then.
Jagger put a hand on her back. “We should get going. The attorneys are waiting for us upstairs.”
Marla rolled her eyes. “He just wants to keep me away from you so I won’t tell you about the time he hotboxed the janitor’s closet at school and tried to blame it on our eighty-year-old math teacher.
Or the time he replaced the school song they played over the loudspeaker every morning with recordings of women moaning—I still don’t want to know how he got those. ”
I smiled, but when I looked to Jagger and saw nothing on his face, my smile felt more like a sigh. Marla looked over as well, caught his stoic reaction, and returned to study my face before she frowned. “It was nice meeting you, Sutton.”
Jagger offered a curt nod and clearly couldn’t wait to get the hell away from me. I was left more confused than ever.
The rest of the day dragged on, and my feelings bounced between, what an asshole, giving me the cold shoulder and what if it’s really over—how will my heart come back from this?
I attempted to throw myself back into the assignment I’d been working on, but my focus was no longer there.
By six, the office started to clear out, and I stared at my screen, debating whether I should march upstairs and demand that Jagger speak to me.
I must’ve been really lost in thought because I didn’t hear anyone approach until a voice startled me.
“Sutton?”
I turned, and Marla smiled.
“Oh, hi, Marla.”
She looked at my screen. The saver was on, which I hadn’t even noticed. “I see you’re as laser-focused on nothing as Jagger is.”
There was something so honest and nonjudgmental about her. It made it easy to open up. “I might be able to focus if I knew why I was suddenly getting the cold shoulder.”
Marla smiled sadly. “I recognized the steely face he had today from when we were kids. It’s part of the wall he puts up when he’s vulnerable and doesn’t want to get hurt. Unfortunately, I saw it a lot back then.”
“Did he say why he was shutting me out?”
She shook her head. “I tried to pry, but he did the same thing to me. When he was a kid, he built walls to protect himself, but as an adult I feel like they often act as a prison, keeping everyone out.”
I frowned, and she continued, “I love the guy, but he can really be a stubborn ass sometimes. Anyway, I don’t know what’s going on, but I stopped down because I wanted you to know that he’s never told me about a woman before. He’s really crazy about you.”
“He has a funny way of showing it lately.”
Marla sighed. “I know. It’s not an excuse, but Jagger fights a lot of demons.
Eventually though, he always makes it through to the other side.
And he’s worth waiting for. He’s stubborn, and arrogant, and he can be excruciatingly annoying.
But he’s also loyal and protective and patient.
” She looked at her watch. “I have to get going or I’m going to miss my flight.
But I really enjoyed meeting you and hope to get to know you better. ”
I smiled. “Same.”
She waved and turned to walk away. I replayed everything she’d said in my mind as I watched her go—stubborn, arrogant, demons.
“Marla?” I called.
She stopped, and I went over to her. “Has Jagger ever had any nightmares that you know of?”
Her face fell. “God, yes. They were brutal, but he’d never talk about them.
He came to live with us for a month after he got out of the military while he figured out his next move.
He seemed like such a different person after four years in the Marines—until I heard him in the middle of the night again.
The nightmares hadn’t changed, but they seemed to have gotten worse. ”