Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
G od, she smelled so good. Earthy and wild like my garden—my favorite place in the world. I inhaled her scent, waiting for her to pull away. Hoping she wouldn’t.
She was angry. Hurt. And so was I.
Her earlier words had echoed painful comments from my past. And more recently, the article that had given me that detested moniker. I wasn’t cold—I was calculating. Shrewd not heartless. People didn’t appreciate the difference.
I didn’t want to be cold or heartless, but if that was how I came across, then so be it. It was the only way to protect myself. Protect the people I loved.
But with Lily, I felt anything but cold. In fact, my heart was pumping so hard, it felt like rocket fuel surged through my veins. I burned for her.
Her comments stung, but I knew deep down that she was right. I should’ve told her everything. I should’ve trusted her, but it wasn’t something that came easily to me. I wasn’t used to showing my emotions or even letting myself feel them. That wasn’t what my family needed, what the brand needed.
They needed strength. Confidence. Control.
But Lily was pushing me to open up. To communicate more. And it made me feel vulnerable in such a way that left me exposed. Weak.
After my parents’ death, I’d vowed to never let myself feel that way again. I’d never allow myself to love something so deeply that I could be hurt so intensely. So, I’d suppressed my emotions. I’d denied the existence of my heart. And I’d been good at it. So good that everyone now believed that’s who I truly was.
“I want…” She let out a shaky breath. Her pupils were dark, almost black.
“Mm?” I hummed, soaking in the feel of her skin, the warmth of her closeness. I didn’t want to think about the past; I wanted to focus on the future.
But Lily wasn’t my future, as much as I might want her to be. Which was why I should stop, but I couldn’t seem to make myself. I’d never felt so at war with myself. I’d never wanted someone so badly.
My wife was going to drive me mad.
“Is this what you want? What you need from me?” I pushed, unable to resist. My patience was unraveling by the second.
But then she placed her hands against my chest and shoved. Not hard, but hard enough to snap me out of it, to make me take a step back. “Oh, fuck off, Graham.”
“You sure that’s what you want?” I arched my brow, challenging her as I ran my hand up her thigh, unable to resist. I couldn’t stop thinking of the feel of her skin—so silky. So smooth. I couldn’t stop touching her. I didn’t want to.
“Yes. No.” She groaned, goose bumps forming beneath my hand. “I just… I want you to talk to me.”
Based on her body’s reactions to me, I got the feeling that wasn’t all she wanted. I maintained eye contact, determined not to be the first to look away. But fuck me, she was something. Sassy and strong and beautiful. This wasn’t just about the physical attraction—though my cock hardened at the sight of her. I respected Lily.
The entire time she’d worked for me, I’d always secretly wondered if her skin was as soft as I’d hoped. Her lips as welcoming as I’d dreamed. Her body as supple as I’d imagined.
And now, she was in my arms.
I hadn’t even kissed her, but she was already so responsive. Eyes dilated, pupils blown wide. Lips wet and begging for mine. Her small hands clutching my shirt to keep me close.
“I’m talking to you now.”
“Keep talking.” Her voice was breathy with want.
“That’s all you want me to do? Talk?” I skimmed my nose along the edge of her jaw until I reached her ear. “You don’t want me to fuck you?” I whispered. “Make you scream my name with pleasure?” Instead of cursing me.
“But, but—” She sputtered. “I thought you didn’t mix business with pleasure.”
How could I resist when she looked like this? Sounded like this? Desperate and needy and so fucking pretty.
I dragged my thumb down her throat, settling on her pulse point. Her heart was beating quickly, its pace matching my own.
I met her eyes, watching her. Waiting. “Apparently, you’re the exception.”
She swallowed hard, mesmerizing me with the long column of her throat. I imagined sliding my cock into her mouth, watching her take me deep.
“Do you truly believe I’m not attracted to you?” I arched up against her, letting her feel how hard I was for her.
She gasped. “I—you… What?”
“Because I am. You make me feel desperate, Lil.” I kissed her collarbone, the words tumbling out of me. She wanted me to talk, and now I couldn’t stop. “This—” I placed her hand over my heart then slid it down to rest on my erection “—this is what you do to me.”
“I-I…” She let out a shaky breath, and I catalogued all her reactions. Memorizing them.
Skin flushed. Lips puffy and parted in anticipation. Her hand giving a gentle squeeze.
I groaned, silently encouraging her to do it again. To do more . So when she started exploring me over my pants, I couldn’t help it. “Fuck. That feels amazing.”
Something shifted in her gaze, enough for me to lean in and brush my lips against hers.
“Tell me to stop,” I rasped against her lips. But she didn’t.
Instead, the kiss quickly turned heated—tongues and lips and teeth. A battle. A dance.
She gasped, arching up into me, grinding against me. “I’m still mad at you.”
Her words, like her movements, were hard, meant to punish. Instead of pushing her away, I held her closer, looking into her eyes, even as we continued writhing against each other still fully clothed.
“So, be mad at me. Punish me.” I pressed into her, pulling her more fully to me. Letting her feel me. I was so hard, I ached. But god, was this hot. She was hot. “I’d deserve it.”
“I—” Her eyes darkened. “Yes.”
I slid my hand up to cup her breast, measuring her response. Her breast was full, heavy, practically overflowing my hand. She was perfect. She was mine.
I pushed away that possessive instinct from the less-developed caveman part of my brain. She wasn’t mine. And this wouldn’t last. It never did.
“This doesn’t change anything,” she panted, perhaps at war with herself. She was right, but I still hated to hear her say it.
“Of course not,” I said, surprised by how level my voice sounded, even as I kissed her neck, her collarbone.
She grabbed my belt and yanked on it, bringing my attention back to her face. “And if you ever —” She gave it a tug, moving me like a puppet on a string. Hell, that’s how I felt with her. At her bidding. “—lie to me again, we’re done.”
“I would expect nothing less.”
“Good.” She kissed me. Hard.
I crushed my lips against hers, intoxicated by her scent. By the feel of her in my arms. This woman was going to be my undoing.
I let myself get carried away. Let myself just feel—my mind blissfully blank of anything but Liliana and her scent. The little moans she made. The way she shifted her hips, as if seeking release.
Fuck. She was perfect.
The kiss at our wedding had been a shock—intense despite how chaste it had been in comparison. And this one was just as electrifying. We might not have an audience like we had at our wedding, but I wanted her, and she wanted this. We both knew exactly what this was—mutual release. Nothing more.
I couldn’t offer anything more.
She clawed at my shirt, releasing the buttons from their holes. I scrambled to untie the straps that caressed her shoulders. Our clothes came off in a frantic, desperate rush until I was naked, and she was left in only her underwear.
In that moment, I swear my soul left my body. She was… God, she was magnificent. I didn’t have the words to describe her, so instead, I tried to show her.
I kissed every inch of bare skin I uncovered, marveling at the heavy fall of her breasts, the dusty-rose color of her nipples, the dip of her navel. She writhed and moaned beneath my hands, pushing her breasts into my hands. Begging for my touch.
Her skin was so smooth, my hands slid over it like the finest silk. It was the most pleasurable sensation. And I couldn’t wait to see what was beneath her underwear. Though, judging from the sheer panel at the front, she was completely bare. Oh god.
“Is this what you wanted from me?” I taunted, sliding my hand over her smooth mound and rubbing her clit through the material. She shivered. “Is this what you need, mon petit poisson ?”
“Sit down and shut up.” She pushed my chest, and I fell back onto the bed.
I tried to hold back my smile, but holy fuck was that hot.
I watched her from my elbows with a heated gaze, waiting to see what she’d do next. No one told me what to do. But I was willing to give Lily all the control. Hell, if I were honest with myself, she already had so much power over me it was terrifying.
Lily stood there, hands on her hips, staring at me. Admiring me. Me.
She grabbed the belt from my pants and walked beside the bed. I remained silent, full of eager anticipation. Excitement. My desire barely restrained. What would she do next?
“Sit up.” Her voice was commanding, sexy.
Okay. I’d play along. I did as she asked.
“Hands behind your back.”
I arched my brow. She held her ground, and I respected her all the more for it. I groaned inwardly—this woman was going to drive me mad with lust.
I placed my hands behind my back, and she secured them in place. The belt was wrapped around my wrists, so it was snug but not tight. With some effort, I could’ve gotten out of it, but I didn’t want to.
“Is that…is that okay?” she asked, her voice a whisper of silk against my skin, her hair tickling my chest. It was the first time all evening she’d sounded almost hesitant. I appreciated her concern. She was angry, but she’d still checked in with me.
“Yes,” I said, scarcely able to speak. My cock was so hard, it felt as if I might explode if she didn’t touch me. “Wha?—”
She pressed her finger to my lips, and I could feel my pulse beating there where our skin met. “Did I give you permission to speak?”
I shook my head, entranced by this new, commanding side to Lily. Had she always been this bossy? Or did I bring that out in her? I wanted to believe it was the latter. I wanted to believe this was just for me. All for me.
I’d never been with a woman who’d tried to dominate me. Wouldn’t have thought I’d ever feel safe enough to let go, to trust someone like that. And as much as I craved control, as much as I wanted to torture her like she was me, part of me also wanted to surrender. Wanted to let someone else call the shots for a change. Not just anyone else—Lily. Being in charge all the time was fucking exhausting.
She smoothed her hands over my shoulders, watching me as she adjusted the pressure of her hands so it was just right. Her eyes lingered on my skin. “I’m in charge now.” The words were scarcely above a whisper, but she commanded my attention all the same. “Do you understand?” She held my gaze without flinching. Without backing down.
I nodded. I was willing to do or say anything, so long as she continued touching me.
She stood at the foot of the bed, just out of reach. I bit back a groan. God, this was torture.
“From now on, you will communicate with me. Confide in me.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said in a teasing tone.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “I mean it, Graham.”
“I know.” I sobered, letting her see my sincerity. “So do I.”
She held my gaze a moment, then her expression softened, and she seemed satisfied. “Good. Now, we’re going to work on your communication skills.”
I arched my brow, intrigued. My cock was practically leaking from the tip at this point, the belt biting into my wrists in a way that was almost pleasurable. Ordinarily, something like that might have triggered my senses to go wild, but I was so keyed up that I’d barely noticed it. Even now, it was a welcome distraction from my need to drive into her relentlessly over and over.
“Every time you follow instructions or communicate with me,” she continued, “you’ll get a reward.”
“What kind of reward?” I asked, intrigued. Fuck me, I was dying to know what she had in mind. I would’ve never expected this from her. I would’ve never expected that I’d like it.
“You tell me. What do you want?” she asked.
“Kiss me,” I demanded. When she didn’t move, didn’t speak, I added, “Please?”
“Where?” she asked, prolonging my torture. “Here?” She placed her finger to my lips.
I nodded. She leaned forward, allowing no part of her body to touch mine apart from where our lips met. Our tongues tangled, and I groaned, trying to break free from my restraints so I could touch her. My muscles jumped from the strength it took to hold myself back. To wait for her to make her move.
She leaned back with a dazed expression that mirrored how I felt. “Where else?”
“Everywhere,” I said the word on a sigh.
Hands on her hips. Fucking glorious. “You’ll have to be more specific.”
“Shoulder.” One word. That was the most I could manage. Pathetic.
She placed the tip of her finger on my shoulder, and even that minimal contact had my skin heating. “Here?”
I nodded again. Again, she descended, her lips touching my skin. Fuck, she was sexy in control like this.
“Tell me if you don’t like something. Or if you need me to touch you a different way.”
I blinked a few times, stunned. She was the first woman I’d been with who had noticed. Who not only cared about my comfort and needs but made it a point to make me feel comfortable to express them.
“Graham?” she prompted.
“Yeah,” I rasped, my throat clogged with emotion. “Yes. I will.”
“Good. Now, where else do you want me to kiss you?” she asked.
I wanted to tell her to kiss me anywhere and everywhere, I didn’t fucking care. But I knew that wasn’t going to get me what I wanted. Lily wanted me to be specific. She wanted me to show her that I was listening. That I could and would cooperate.
I absolutely could. Because she made me feel safe to express my needs. She made me believe that she would not only listen but care.
“My…nipple,” I said, my eyes snagging on her nipples. I wanted to suck them into my mouth until I released them with a pop, watching them pebble and harden.
“Here?” she asked, trailing her nail around one of my nipples. My cock jerked in attention. I hadn’t expected it to feel that good.
“Yes.” All I could think about was kissing her. Using my lips and my tongue and my teeth to drive her as crazy as she was currently making me.
“I need to touch you.” I strained against the belt, eager to break free.
“No.” Her tone was calm, but the word cracked through the air like a whip. “You need to learn to sit back and let someone else be in control.”
Was that what this was? A test in restraint? Her exerting her dominance over me?
Because if so, fuck me, I was in. I was totally fucking in. I could give up control if she would keep touching me.
“Can you do that?” she asked. I got the feeling she was asking about more than just in the bedroom. And while I didn’t know if I could let her lead outside the bedroom, she made me want to try.
“I—” She was so distracting, so beautiful, she made it difficult to think straight. Especially when she dragged her finger down my chest. “Harder,” I said, referring to the pressure.
She immediately adjusted her pressure as she continued her way down to my stomach. I swallowed hard. “I can try.”
She sighed, but the curve of her lips told me she was being playful. “I suppose that’s a start.”
“Does that mean I get another reward?” I asked. God, I sounded so fucking eager it was pathetic. No better than Queen V and Prince Albert when they were begging for a treat.
“Where else do you want me to touch you?” she asked.
“Anywhere,” I gusted out, my body on overdrive from her touch. Oh god. She used just the right amount of pressure so that I could lean into her touch instead of recoiling from it.
And something about being restrained, about her being in control, had somehow dulled some of my sensitivity to textures. Or at least, that’s how it felt.
She glared at me. Right. Be specific.
“My cock,” I rasped, scarcely able to speak. “I want you to suck my cock.”
She didn’t even bat an eye at my request. She got on her knees on the floor before me. She looked like a fucking queen.
“How do you like it?” she asked.
“Lick the tip. Swirl your tongue around it.”
“Like this?” She did as I asked—fucking perfect. And I damn near bolted off the bed.
“Yes,” I hissed as she continued to lick and suck me. “Yes. Fuck .”
I could feel the orgasm building in my spine. I clutched the sheets behind my back. It was coming too fast. But then she gripped my base and held me firmly. My eyes nearly rolled back into my head, and I saw stars.
“You like that?” she asked.
“Yes,” I groaned.
She held my base firmly while licking and sucking the tip of my cock. It was heaven and hell. I came so close to coming, but then her lips were gone. Her hand was stroking me and it felt good, but it wasn’t her mouth. I wanted her mouth on me.
“Graham,” she rasped. I swallowed hard at the sound of my name on her lips. Lips that had just been wrapped around my cock. She peered up at me from beneath her lashes. “Do you want me to keep sucking you off?”
“Yes. Please,” I gritted out.
She pumped me, edging me as she licked my balls. Oh god.
“Do you promise to show some emotion in public?” Her breasts rubbed against my balls as she continued stroking me, occasionally dipping down to take my tip in her mouth and swirl her tongue around it. “I’m not asking for you to be vulnerable with everyone. I just need you to show up for me. To be my partner.”
“I’ll…try.” I practically croaked out the word.
“No.” She stood from the floor, her movements graceful and full of power as she dragged her fingers along my skin. She grasped my shoulders and straddled me. “That’s not good enough. If you want to save your company, you have to.”
“I’m not sure I can.” Show the emotion or save the company. I’d spent so many years burying my feelings that I wasn’t sure I could even find them anymore.
She grabbed the base of my cock, circling it tightly with her fingers. She continued to rock against me while maintaining that pressure at the base, making me both harder than ever and yet unable to find my release.
“I know you. You’re one of the most stubborn and determined people I’ve ever met. If you want to do something, you will.”
I watched Lily, waiting. Her eyes were full of fire, and she was a sight to behold. Determined. Beautiful. Strong.
“Please,” she whispered. “Tell me you will.”
In the past, I would’ve lashed out, pushed her even further away. But deep down, I knew she was right. And I knew I couldn’t run from this—her. I didn’t want to. She was my wife, and we were in this together. If anyone made me want to try, it was this woman.
“I will,” I whispered back. “I will,” I said again more loudly.
“Good.” She released her hold on my cock and rocked against me. I forgot everything but the feel of her.
Unable to balance with my wrists bound, I growled my frustration. “Untie me. Please ,” I tacked on. “I want to touch you.”
She reached behind me and unhooked the belt, freeing my wrists. I immediately reached out for her, desperate to touch her. She gave a little squeak when I squeezed her ass.
“Graham.” She narrowed her eyes at me.
“What?” I dragged my nose down her cheek. “I’m just practicing for when we’re in public.”
“We’re not going to be naked in public.”
“Mm. Perhaps not.” But I hated feeling exposed. And baring myself emotionally felt almost worse than what I imagined it would be like to be naked in public.
I slid my hands up her back and into her hair. Before I could massage her scalp, she grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands so they were cupping her breasts.
“God, yes.” She arched her back, her pussy sliding over my cock. “Please tell me you have a condom.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing myself to stop moving. “I don’t.”
“What about the bathroom? Do you think there’s one in there?” she asked, clearly not getting the memo that we needed to stop. Soon, it would be too late for a condom.
“Unfortunately, this isn’t the Huxley Grand,” I lamented. “And I doubt there are complimentary intimacy kits in the bathroom.”
“Technically, you are my husband. And by the terms of our agreement, I’m only allowed to have sex with you.”
I chuckled. “Which section was that outlined in?”
She slapped my chest, and my dick twitched in response. She smirked. “Mm. You liked that.”
“I—” Before I could answer, she ground against me again. Fuck. I gripped her hips. “Stop trying to distract me, wife.”
“But it’s so much fun, husband.” There was a wicked gleam in her eyes.
“I, um—” I cleared my throat. “I’ve never had sex without a condom.”
“Neither have I. Not that I’ve been with anyone in quite a while.” I shouldn’t have been as pleased by the thought as I was.
Was she suggesting what I thought she was? My dick twitched, and she groaned, grinding herself against me.
“I want you inside me,” she whispered into my ear, still rocking against me. “I’m on birth control.”
I couldn’t believe what she was offering me. It wasn’t something I took lightly, but the idea of fucking her bare was…oh god. I didn’t know if I had it in me to resist.
“I want that too,” I said, cupping the back of her neck. “But are you sure?”
“Yes,” she said with zero hesitation.
Maybe I hadn’t completely fucked up. If she was willing to honor me with her body, maybe I could earn her trust once more.
I gripped my cock at the base, positioning it at her entrance. “Last chance to back out.”
“I don’t want an out,” she said, repeating the words she’d said to me on our wedding day. And then she sank down on me, and I let out a strangled cry. Oh god. My entire body quivered with delight. She felt so good, especially as she began to ride me, taking control anew.
“Fuck yes,” I rasped, my hands on her breasts, her back, her ass. I slid my hand up her spine, gathering her hair and loosely wrapping it around my fist.
She slid her hands to my wrists, guiding my hands to her back. I leaned forward and kissed her neck, drinking her in. Then I worked my way down to her nipple, sucking it into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tip until she was crying out.
“Keep going.” I gave her ass a playful slap. “Don’t you dare fucking stop.”
She gripped my chin, hard. “If you can be this passionate, sensual man in private, then you can show some emotion in public.” Her skin was flushed with color. She was mad. She was turned on. She was… Oh fuck. She was going to push me over the edge.
I felt everything all at once, and it was too much.
I rolled us so I was on top. I grabbed her hands, interlocking our fingers. She was giving me so much of herself, I found myself wanting to give her something in return. “Maybe I want everyone to believe I’m a cold, heartless billionaire.”
She locked her legs around my hips, pulling me closer. Our movements were aggressive, angry even. “Why?”
I got the feeling that she was genuinely confused. And that she was trying to understand.
“Maybe it’s because that’s what I truly am.” Sweat dripped down my forehead as I tried to hold back. Tried to wait for her to climax first.
I reached between us, teasing her clit with my thumb. I watched her expression, listened to the sounds she made, determined to learn what gave her pleasure. I ducked my head, sucking one nipple then the other between my lips. She writhed on the sheets, clawing my back with her nails. Fuck, that felt good. So good.
“You don’t really believe that, do you?” She rocked so she was on top once more. She peered down at me from her position, her hair dusting my pecs, her glorious body on display for me.
I cupped her breasts, tweaking her nipples, hoping to distract her from her questions. She’d already broken through so many of my walls, I was afraid to let her in further. Afraid if I did, everything would come crashing down.
I covered her lips with mine, silencing her with my mouth, my hands, my cock. But she wouldn’t let it go.
She met my eyes, the calm in the storm. Her body was slick with sweat, and the room echoed with the sounds of our pleasure. “Maybe it’s not everyone else who needs convincing. It’s you.”