Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
I stared at Lily, marveling at the strong, confident, resilient woman who was my wife. My equal. My heart.
When she’d said, I think I love you earlier, I’d known she was making an offhand remark. And yet, I wanted to pretend she meant those words. That she loved me.
I am so screwed.
“Mm.” She ran her hands up my chest. “I like you like this—all growly and protective. It’s hot.” She unbuttoned my shirt.
“You’re hot,” I said, yanking off my shirt as fast as possible.
I pulled her to me, crushing my lips against hers. There was nothing slow, methodical, or calculated about my movements. I was raw heat and passion ready to explode, and she matched my energy, my desperation. I couldn’t touch enough of her fast enough.
“Everyone has it wrong about you,” she said when we broke apart so I could peel off her clothes.
“What do you mean?” I tugged at her shirt, buttons flying in the process.
“Hey!” She scowled. “I liked that shirt.”
“I’ll buy you another one,” I said between kisses. “I’ll buy you as many as you want.”
She rolled her eyes even as she pushed my shirt off over my shoulders. “You aren’t cold or heartless. If anything, you have such a big heart that you feel too much.”
I… How had she?
She placed her hand over my heart. “You’re a good man, Graham Mackenzie.”
“I—” I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. “Thank you.”
“Now, are you just going to stand there, or are you going to join me?” she teased, snapping me out of my thoughts. She was naked, and I reveled in the sight of her.
“Get in,” I rumbled.
For once, she obeyed. I kicked off my pants and followed her into the tub. Warm water sprayed over my skin, and my body sighed in relief. Damn. It was glorious after too many days of cold baths. She was right; heating the water with the kettle was a pain in the ass, so I rarely did it for myself.
I closed the shower curtain and guided her foot to the edge of the tub. I went to my knees, gazing up at her like a supplicant before an altar. “Beautiful.”
She peered down at me, so full of love and desire that it nearly stole the breath from my lungs.
I inhaled deeply, trying to steady myself. “ Laisse-moi te plaire.” I was commanding. I was pleading. Let me please you. Not just with my body but with my everything.
She cupped my cheek. “You do please me, mon amour.”
The moment felt fragile and beautiful, like the first bloom of spring. It filled me with a sense of hope and excitement as I glimpsed a vision of our future. Of the life we could build together.
She clutched my shoulders, urging me closer. “ Please , Graham.”
I didn’t have to be asked twice. I nuzzled her mound. Hot water cascaded down our skin, filling the bathroom with heat to rival our own. The more I lapped and licked her clit, the more her grip on my shoulders tightened.
“Yes,” she panted. “Yes. Yes. Yes.”
It turned into a chant, my name a benediction on her lips and music to my ears. Until her legs were shaking. Until she came undone, screaming my name.
I stood, gathering her into my arms and just holding her close. Letting her catch her breath, though my heart pounded just as fast as hers. Our bodies were slick, and our mouths were locked. Our kisses teasing. Tasting. Breathless. She was so goddamn perfect.
“I need you,” I rasped, grabbing her ass and holding her even tighter. It was as close as I had come to admitting the truth.
I needed this woman in my arms, in my bed, in my life.
I worried about telling her. Worried she didn’t feel the same. But then I’d remember the way Lily would look at me. The way she’d touch me. And I’d think it couldn’t possibly all be an act.
Lately, I worried more about not telling her. My parents had died at such a young age. What if something happened to me? What if I’d never told her that I loved her? What if I missed my opportunity?
But then her words floated back to me.
If you’re worried about me falling in love with you. Don’t.
Followed by, I know you don’t do relationships.
But what if I did?
Wasn’t that what this was? A relationship? It may not have started off as “real” or anything more than a business arrangement, but even in the short time we’d been married, it had certainly transformed into something more—at least for me.
Qui ne risque rien, n’a rien. Or he who risks nothing, has nothing.
I took risks every day in my job. Did I really want to risk losing out on something amazing with Lily because I was scared?
If she could have the courage to tell me about her alopecia, to remove her wig and show me a side of her that she usually kept hidden, I could find the courage to tell her how I felt.
“You okay?” Lily asked, placing her palm to my cheek.
I nodded, enjoying the warm water and the comfort of her touch. My heart was in my throat, but I had to do this. I had to tell her the truth.
“ Je t’aime ,” I rasped, the words feeling both foreign and yet right.
She stilled, eyes searching mine. “You… what ?” She was breathless.
“I—” I cupped the back of her neck. “Love. You,” I said again, this time in English.
“Y-you do?” she stammered.
Had I really done such a shitty job of showing her how I felt? I’d figured it was so painfully obvious, even if it had taken me a little longer to realize it. To put a name to those feelings. Not just respect or admiration or lust, but love.
“Yes.” I scanned her eyes, searching for an answer. Hoping she might feel the same or even might someday come to love me. “I didn’t think I was capable of love. But you made me see that I am. That I always have been. I just had to believe it myself. And the only reason I do—” I kissed her gently. “Is because of you.”
Water droplets rained down her face, her expression unreadable. “I?—”
I placed a finger to her lips, stopping her from speaking. My heart was pounding a million miles a minute. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back. You don’t have to say anything. I just…” I took a breath, feeling a rush of emotion. “Needed you to know.”
“Are you done now?” she asked, all sass and sexiness.
I fought back a smile. “Yes.”
“Good. Because…” She draped her arms around my neck, pressing that soft, supple body to mine. God, I loved her curves. Loved her. “I love you too.”
Fuck. Yes.
I wanted to fist-pump the air. I wanted to run outside and shout it from the top of the chateau so everyone could hear it for miles. I wanted to?—
“Kiss me,” she said. “For real this time.”
I trailed my finger over her cheekbone, down her jawline. She was so incredible. And she was mine. Not because of any agreement. Not because we’d signed a contract. But because she wanted to be with me. And I wanted to be hers.
“It’s always been real for me,” I whispered.
I kissed her cheek, just beside her lips. Her collarbone. Her shoulder. Anointing her with kisses, bathing her in affection and love.
She cupped my cheeks, meeting my eyes before kissing me with love and reverence. She might not have said the words aloud, but I felt them in her touch. In the way she looked at me.
I kissed the center of her chest, in the valley of her luscious breasts. Mine.
She laughed, making me realize I’d said the word aloud. “You’re very possessive, husband.”
“Only about the people and things I love.”
Her gaze softened, turning molten. “If I’m yours, then you’re mine.”
It felt so good to be claimed. To be wanted.
“No more talk of expiration dates,” I said.
“I’m yours as long as you’ll have me.”
“Forever isn’t long enough,” I said. “I want you to be mine longer than forever. Sans cesse. ” I kissed more of her skin. “ Toujours. ”
“ à tout jamais,” she gasped as I moved my attention to her breasts, licking and sucking her nipples in a way that drove her wild. Her words drove me wild—a promise that emphasized the eternal nature of her desire.
“ Promets-moi ?” I asked.
“Promise.” Her hand was on my cock, stroking, teasing.
“Not going to last long if you keep that up,” I said, circling her clit. Making sure she was ready for me.
“Need you, Graham,” she panted. “Need you inside me.”
I lined myself up at her entrance, but then she screeched as the water turned cold. I switched off the shower and hopped out, grabbing towels for us before carrying her to the bed. I set her down on the mattress, crawling up her body, water droplets clinging to her skin.
My eyes were locked on hers as I pushed inside her. We groaned in unison, and I’d never felt more at ease. At home.
“ Mon c?ur ,” I whispered against her skin, pressing kisses to her forehead, over her ear. Trying to show her just how much I loved, accepted, and desired her just as she was.
I was honored that Lily had told me about her alopecia. I couldn’t fathom the strength and vulnerability that it took to reveal something like that, but I could imagine the fear and pain she must have felt—it had been clear in her body language.
She wasn’t used to being accepted, cherished, for who she was. And that made me intensely angry—at her family, at her friends, at the men she’d dated in the past. They were idiots, all of them.
Because she was incredible. Not just because of what she’d endured but because of who she was. Her work ethic. Her determination. Her resiliency.
It made me want to burn the world for her. It made me?—
“Graham.” She placed her hand to my cheek. “Stay here. With me.”
I rested my forehead against hers, eyes locked. Her bottomless blue ones peered up at me with such trust and tenderness and love that it stole the air from my lungs.
I rolled us so she was on top, in control. “Ride me,” I panted. “Take control. Take what you need from me.”
She did, taking her pleasure and giving too. I kept one hand on her hip, the other on her clit, circling, building that pleasure. A flush crawled up her chest, over her cheeks. She was close.
“That’s it, mon c?ur. Come for me. Only me.”
“Yes,” she gasped, toying with her breasts, her nipples. Fuck me, she was sexy. I wanted to stay with her, like this, forever.
I’d never felt more like myself than I did when I was with Lily.
Pleasure coiled tight at the base of my spine, building, climbing, trying to escape. I gritted my teeth, desperate to hold out a little longer. I yanked her forward, tugging her nipple into my mouth. Swirling, sucking, biting.
She moved faster. Sliding up and down, neither of us in control of our movements any longer. For once, I didn’t care.
I didn’t feel the need to control everything, and I wanted her to see that. Wanted her to know that when it came to us—she held all the power. She had my heart in her hands.
She cupped my cheek, her eyes locked on mine. It was so intense, so raw, that I couldn’t—wouldn’t look away. We were connected in the most intimate and primal of ways, and I loved her.
Seconds later, she cried out, shattering on my cock as she fell apart. Unable to hold back any longer, I followed her over the edge into oblivion. Giving myself to her completely.
Later, as we lay in bed, cuddling and talking, I marveled at the space she’d carved out in my life.
“Tell me something about you. Something not many people know,” she said, hand grazing the skin of my stomach, my chest, with just the right amount of pressure. I wondered if she even realized it. If she had to consciously think about the way she touched me. But she always made it seem so effortless.
In the past, other women had gotten annoyed with my…needs. When I’d ask them to touch me differently, they took it personally. They made it about them and not me. It was exhausting.
But being with Lily felt as natural as breathing. And not just in bed. All the time.
“I used to get in a lot of fights when I was younger.”
“Really?” She tilted her head. She looked different without her wig on, but she also seemed more at ease. More herself. Regardless, she was always beautiful to me. I kissed the top of her head, wanting her to know that. To feel that. To feel nothing but love and acceptance. “But you’re always so calm. So controlled.”
I chuckled. “I wasn’t always that way. It’s part of the reason why Gran enrolled me in karate. She wanted to teach me discipline and control. That, and she probably knew that if I kept going the way I was—a tall, lanky, angry kid—I’d get the shit beaten out of me.”
“I wish I could’ve met your gran. She sounds like a wise woman.” Her tone was wistful.
“She was the best,” I said, my heart aching even after all these years. Gran had been the glue, the one to hold us together after the loss of my parents and aunt and uncle in that tragic plane crash. “She would’ve liked you.”
“Yeah?” I could hear the smile in Lily’s voice.
“You’re full of gumption, and you don’t take shit from me or anyone.”
She laughed. “You’re right about that. But you’re good for me too. You push me to think more strategically. But also to dream.”
“I do?” I asked, nearly choking on the word. The strategic thinking wasn’t a stretch. But the idea that I gave her freedom to dream? My heart soared at the prospect.
“You see things that other people don’t. You take risks that others are too afraid to attempt. You make me want to push the boundaries. You make me believe anything is possible.”
Wow. “Thank you,” I said around the lump in my throat.
“Though, I’m curious, when did you have time to do all of this?”
I tucked my arm beneath my head. “All of what? It was a new oven and hot water.”
“Oh my god. Seriously?” She pushed up so she was peering down at me. “You know it’s so much more than that.”
I reached out and cupped her cheek, pleased when she leaned into my touch. “I’m just glad you like it.”
“I love it, but…”
“But what?” I asked, muscles tensing. Shit. Had I somehow screwed up?
“I’m just surprised you left it at that.” She glanced down at the floor. “I figured, based on what you’d said, that you’d gut everything and build new.”
I glanced around the room. “This place does have a certain charm. It didn’t need a gut job, and that’s not what you would’ve wanted.”
It wasn’t what I would’ve wanted either. During the time we’d been here, I’d come to realize that I liked it as is. I liked our simple life. I liked the feeling of contentment that I’d found here, with Lily. It was the closest thing to normalcy—to a home—that I’d felt in longer than I could remember.
She opened her mouth, surprise lighting her features.
“See. I can listen,” I teased. “And after living in the space as it was, I learned what the pain points were. Mostly, the kitchen and the bathroom. Though the new mattress and sheets are nice.”
“Agreed.” She nuzzled my chest, snuggling closer. “Very nice.”
We lay there, just enjoying being together, touching, after a long day of hard work.
After a while, she said, “It’s going to be weird to go back to LA after this.”
“It is.” Though I’d already been brainstorming ways to spend more time at the chateau. I hadn’t told her that yet, though. I didn’t want to get her hopes up. I didn’t want to promise something I wasn’t sure I could deliver.
“Did you mean what you said earlier?” she asked. Even though she was being vague, I knew exactly what she was referring to.
I pushed up on my elbow, peering down at her. “Yes.” I cupped her cheek. “I meant every word. I love you, Lily.”
It wasn’t as terrifying to say it now as it had been the first time. Knowing my feelings were reciprocated definitely helped.
She smiled—a smile full of hope and relief. “I love you too, Graham.”
As I fell asleep that night, Lily in my arms, I felt content. Hopeful, in a way I hadn’t been in a long time.