Chapter 46 Now
Now
Dimple
“I must apologize again for yesterday’s little outburst. It wasn’t very professional. I promise to do what I can to avoid it happening again.”
I offer her a small smile. “It’s okay. I know it was a lot.” A beat. “I hope I’m not dumping too much trauma on you?”
She flicks her gaze away to something so solid in her mind’s eye it’s like the thought has taken form in the room and she’s studying it. From my peripheral vision I try to stare at it, too. I see nothing.
A silence unwoven by her stretches out across the room.
“Dimple?”
And she’s back from wherever she drifted to. That she zoned out last time, the news fresh, made sense. But this is so unlike her.
“Sorry. Yes.” Her words beat out a staccato rhythm of false fineness. “I’m okay. Thanks. Sorry.”
“I appreciate you seeing me again so soon. I know it’s late in the day for a session.”
She waves a hand. Pushes her glasses up her nose. “It’s the least I could do. So. Last we spoke, you were telling me about this big secret James had been hiding. The ex-girlfriend, Chioma.”
“Yes.”
“It was quite the revelation. It must be a lot for you to process.”
“It is.”
“And have you discussed Chioma with James?”
I shake my head. “Like I said, it doesn’t feel safe.
If he could want me to hurt his brother for what he might do with the information, then what might he do to me?
No. I need to figure out the full extent of what he’s up to before I can decide anything.
Because there are obviously many lies. I’ve got this sinking feeling that I’ve started pulling on a thread that’s going to unravel everything around me. That there’s worse to come.”
Dimple quirks an eyebrow. “Worse than killing someone?”
When I went to sleep last night, I could see them. A slideshow of women’s faces that James had wanted to hide from me.
“I know it sounds stupid in the grand scheme of things, but I found out I’m not the first Black girl he’s dated. Not by a long shot.”
“And that makes you unhappy?”
“Yeah. It’s a bloody weird thing to lie about. Feels…sinister. But it gets more sinister. I found out that another one of his exes is dead.”
Dimple blinks rapidly, flashing her surprise in the bright whites of her eyes. “I’m sorry?”
“It was suicide. Apparently. I can’t seem to find anything about it online, although the last post on her Insta is flooded with ‘RIPs.’ ”
“So how did you find out about her?”
“His brother told me. The other day. And I know I have nothing to base it on except gut instinct, but I can’t help wondering…What if…What if the reason James didn’t immediately leave me when he found my letters to my exes is because he related to them? What if…What if he hurt these women?”
Dimple’s jaw jostles a little as she studies me, as if she’s weighing up the next words on her tongue.
“You think I’m delusional,” I say. She says nothing. “Don’t worry, you’re not the only person in this room who thinks I might be.”
“I’m not calling you delusional.” A relief. “But I do have to wonder if you’re being dishonest.”
This stings. “Right.”
“Well, given your sometimes long-distance relationship with the truth, you can see why there’s room for doubt.”
Fucking ouch. “Well, what do you think I’ve been lying about?”
“Among many things—”
“Many things?”
“—your sister. I feel like there’s something vital you’re not telling me.”
Of course. There’s a lot I’m not telling her. But the thing that’s burning a hole in the fabric of my mind where it sits tucked away does not bear bringing to light.
She takes a moment, pursing her lips. “I’d like to revisit what happened in the aftermath of George’s death. ‘The Big Fallout,’ as you call it. In the session before the last, you said you might be willing to explore this with me a little more.”
“I did say that, didn’t I?”
She offers me a small smile as consolation for giving up the big, secret prize. “Well, why don’t you try telling me about it again?”
Throat clears. Mind reaches for words I’ve repeated countless times.
“Would it…” She takes a deep breath, starts picking at a loose bit of skin on her thumb. Why so nervous? “Would it help you to know that your mother has been in touch?”
Fear climbs up my neck and traps my words in my mouth. Dimple’s eyes almost disappear behind her lenses as she squints to take me in. The anxiety is so loud on her face, I can almost hear her wondering if she’s made a massive mistake.
“You’ve spoken to my mother?”
“Yes. I’m not at liberty to share with her anything you’ve discussed with me, nor even confirm you as my patient. But she had plenty to say to me, nonetheless.”
“About the Big Fallout? About Claire?”
“Yes.”
“So you know what happened.”
“I know your mother’s version of events. And now I’d like to know yours.”