Chapter 36
36
Karim drove me home. The silence was deafening, so I decided to break it. ‘Is it all true? Everything with Chloe … the abortion?’
He clenched his jaw tightly but nodded.
Sal’s warnings echoed in my mind; she’d been right about everything.
‘So, what are you doing here with me? Am I a rebound? A distraction? A fling?’
Karim shook his head but remained silent.
‘Will you please talk to me?’ I snapped.
‘I’m over her,’ he said, sounding desperate. ‘I want nothing to do with Chloe. If it wasn’t for our joint platforms and brand, I’d probably never speak to her again.’
Although Karim and I weren’t officially in a relationship, hadn’t put a label on whatever it was between us, I’d simply assumed that we were exclusive, that he felt as strongly for me as I did for him. It was a stupid assumption to make about a guy like Karim Malik .
Hadn’t the whole reason we’d started dating been to show each other our worlds? How could I have forgotten how many girls fanned around him and how intense his relationship had been with his gorgeous ex who was still throwing herself at him?
I took a deep breath before asking, ‘Have you been seeing other girls in the time you’ve been dating me?’
‘No. It’s been only you, Zara. It is only you.’
‘So, if we’re exclusive, why were you kissing Chloe Clark at an event where you took me as your date?’
‘I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. And I pushed her away.’
‘You didn’t seem to be pushing her away. You were holding on to her.’
‘That’s only what it looked like. I was trying to get away from her on a flight of stairs, for crying out loud. Please, Zara. You have to believe me.’
I was silent for so long that Karim reached over for my hand. I let him grasp it but didn’t hold his in return. His slightest touch felt so good, so right , that it made my eyes fill.
‘I’m so sorry for all of this,’ he said. ‘I forgot how manipulative my world is. I wish I’d never brought you into it. I screwed up. After this you’ll never want to see me again.’
‘I wish it was that easy.’ I turned to face him. We stopped at a traffic light, and he met my eyes. ‘I wish I cared so little that I could just forget about everything between us and move on, but I can’t. You’re the best thing in my life right now.’ My voice broke on the last few words, and I turned away from him.
‘I’ll do anything to win back your trust, Zara. Just tell me what to do.’
I was quiet for a while. What did I want from him?
Anxiety trickled along my bones, making me freeze. It was nearly one in the morning. I hadn’t received any texts from Sal to alarm me, but there was still a risk of getting caught and losing my parents’ trust and respect forever. Well, even more than I already had. And what if everything was irreversibly ruined between me and Karim? Was I really about to lose everyone in one night?
‘There is something you can do,’ I said, trying to keep my voice even. ‘I want you to tell me exactly what you feel for me. The plain truth.’
‘That’s what you want?’
I nodded. ‘I want to see if this thing is worth fighting for. If it isn’t, it’s better we become strangers again. And if it is …’
‘Then?’
‘If it is, then maybe it’s time to be more realistic. We lead such different lives. We’re practically opposites in every way.’
He scoffed. ‘Either way we break up?’
‘I didn’t know we were ever together.’
‘Stop that. The only reason I didn’t ask you to be my girlfriend ages ago is because of your values. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. You know what this is. This is what it feels like when you’re deeply connected to someone, when they understand your soul. You don’t experience this with just anyone. It’s extraordinary and rare and precious.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in a relationship before.’
‘This feels like more than a stupid high-school romance,’ Karim said impatiently. ‘Like – Zara, I can imagine you as my wife.’
A sharp silence fell between us.
‘Sorry, that just came out,’ he said sheepishly. ‘I didn’t mean … I know we haven’t been speaking for long … it’s just because I know marriage is what you want… but we’re still so young and –’
‘Stop waffling. I get it.’
I hadn’t wanted that to sound so icy, especially after he’d practically admitted he was really falling for me, but I was still processing seeing him with Chloe … What if he was just telling me what I wanted to hear?
‘Isn’t that what you wanted?’ he replied calmly. ‘For me to tell you exactly what I feel for you?’
My stomach was in knots.
‘Yes.’
He sighed quietly before saying, ‘Being with you feels like … fajr. The time between dawn and sunrise when the world is sleeping, and you rise to pray and savour the blessing of that moment. You feel like that stillness and purity in my loud, flashy life.’
My eyes filled.
It was the perfect thing to say, and it was impossible to be angry with him any more.
‘After everything I’ve been through – being dissected in the public eye, the toxic relationships and friendships, the abortion – I’ve learned what I want and don’t want. And I know I want you.’
We arrived at the street near my house, and he parked up.
‘I feel like I just poured my heart out,’ he said nervously. ‘Oh my God, I’ve said too much, haven’t I? I’m freaking you out!’
‘No, Karim,’ I replied reassuringly. ‘I needed a moment because you just said the most beautiful thing anyone’s ever said about me.’
He exhaled his relief before saying, ‘And that doesn’t even begin to cover what I feel for you.’
I instinctively reached for his smooth, clean-shaven cheek and traced my fingers down it, exactly as he’d done to my face so many times. He froze and I held his gaze. It was the first time I was touching him in such a way, and it was the most intimate thing I’d ever done with a boy.
‘It’s only fair,’ he said, tilting his head to kiss my fingertips, ‘if you tell me the truth about what you feel for me too.’
‘You’re certainly flashy.’ I nodded suggestively at the Ferrari logo on his steering wheel. ‘And your world is definitely loud, perhaps a bit too loud for me. But somehow, you make me feel safe. When I’m with you, it’s just me and you. That’s all that matters. You make me feel less invisible, more loved .’
My eyes widened with panic.
‘I didn’t mean to imply that you’re in love with me … or that we’re in love,’ I blurted. ‘It’s too soon to –’
‘Stop waffling. I get it.’
My grin immediately stretched wide to match his. We reached for each other’s hands at the same time. The warmth of his touch radiated all the way to my heart.
‘You were right about the boyfriend thing, by the way,’ I said. ‘I don’t want one. I just don’t like that label and what it implies. And I’m still not ready to be intimate like …’ I blushed, unable to finish the sentence about us getting physical. ‘But maybe if things go well between us, then in a few years … the wife thing … won’t seem so far-fetched.’
Karim reached for my cheek and traced a thumb down it so gently I barely felt it. I shivered.
‘You’re worth the wait.’
My eyes flicked to the dashboard. ‘It’s one in the morning! I need to get home right now . Please could you help unclip my wings?’
‘Of course,’ he replied, and I faced the other way.
Then his hands were shifting my hair to one side, caressing the nape of my neck as they went. I’d never been so aware of my body, so conscious of someone’s proximity to it. He began unpinning the costume, his fingers working gently, slowly. I closed my eyes and sank into the sensation of being touched so tenderly. It was becoming difficult not to throw myself at him.
When I opened my eyes, I caught my reflection in the window and barely recognized myself.
The black mask, the red lips, the wild hair.
But maybe it was time to get used to this girl staring back at me; perhaps she was my true self, finally finding her way out. I liked this girl – she was confident and fierce. She looked in control of her life and her future.
Karim tugged the wings off in one swift move, making me gasp a little, and then whispered in my ear, ‘Is that OK?’
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I wanted him to take off more than just the wings. I faced him, every part of me craving his touch.
‘Is it strange that I feel even closer to you after this whole thing?’
‘No,’ he replied. ‘I feel the same.’
‘Can I get a goodbye hug?’
As we embraced, I grabbed a chunk of his hair and pulled tightly, snapping his head back. A groan of pain escaped his lips.
I came in close. ‘I don’t want you thinking you’ll get away with things so easily with me. Just so we’re clear, if you ever kiss another girl while we’re together, I’m going to make sure you regret it.’
‘That is so hot,’ he murmured with a smirk.
‘Just making sure you know I’m well worth the wait.’
I moved back before either of us could give in to temptation.
‘There’s one thing I want to ask before you go,’ Karim said as I opened the door. ‘There was a man dressed as Venom standing near you. Did he speak to you?’
Confusion creased my brows. ‘Yeah, he’s an old friend of yours, right? He said you’d sent him to check on me. He introduced himself and then asked for my name.’
‘Who did he introduce himself as?’
‘Venom.’
‘Did you give him your name?’
I made a face. ‘Of course not. I found him a bit creepy.’
‘Thank God,’ he sighed.
‘Is everything OK?’
He nodded and started up his car. ‘Please text me when you get in.’
As I snuck back into the house, I panicked over the tiniest squeak or creak. It wasn’t until I was in my bedroom that I finally took a deep breath. I couldn’t believe I’d actually pulled it off!
When I got into bed, ready to text Karim and Sal, glaring blue lights flashing outside my window caught my attention.
I got up and peered out. An ambulance was parked across the street. Imran came into view, talking to two paramedics, who were rolling a stretcher his father lay unconscious on.
And I witnessed something I thought I’d never see – Imran Sayyid crying.