Chapter 41
41
It was a well-established tradition for The Exes to attend the Remembrance Day Charity Gala as a quintet, all clad in sharp black evening wear – top hats for the men, fascinators for the women – and to be fundraising for veterans and war refugees.
I made my own way to the Gherkin – this year’s location – not bothering to notify the others. I couldn’t care less if I saw any of them there. The Exes were all two-faced, backstabbing liars and I wanted nothing to do with them.
Upon arrival, I lingered with my parents for a while, making small talk with their friends. Then I excused myself, got a drink and walked towards the glass dome roof to enjoy the panoramic views of the city. I took a few photos for Instagram, including one where my reflection was visible in the glass.
Dad was right. This was home. Even if I sometimes felt a little out of place here, I wouldn’t allow some people’s hatred to make me feel like a stranger in the city I was born and raised in.
My thoughts returned to Zara, as they always seemed to. I imagined her standing next to me, holding my hand. Even the thought of her was enough to quell the loneliness threatening to engulf me. I had lost all my best friends, but I still had her.
‘No one rocks a suit quite like you do.’
From the reflection in the glass, I saw it was Chloe. She was in a sleek black gown, her hair pulled back in a low bun, a beret angled on one side of her head, three poppies pinned over her heart.
‘Or a top hat,’ she added. ‘You look great.’
‘As do you.’
‘But you haven’t even seen me,’ she whispered, taking a step closer.
I faced her and took another sip of my drink. I didn’t say anything, only looked her up and down once, then gazed straight into those intense green eyes that had made me feel so much – possibly every emotion a human could experience.
‘Now you have,’ she crooned.
I turned back to the view of the city, choosing silence again.
She cleared her throat, blatantly uncomfortable with my dismissive attitude. ‘I finished recording my first album yesterday.’
‘Congratulations,’ I replied. ‘It’s what you’ve always wanted. I’m glad your dreams are coming true.’
‘Not all of them.’
A leaden silence fell.
‘I really wanted you there, you know,’ she murmured. ‘I just didn’t know how to ask. Would you have come, Karim?’
I exhaled deeply, already exhausted with this conversation. ‘Honestly, I don’t know. It’s something we always spoke about, and our history isn’t meaningless. Maybe for the sake of that, I would’ve shown up. Or maybe it would’ve just been too hard for me in the end.’
Chloe took a small step closer to me, her heels clanking delicately against the black tiles. ‘I think about it every day, you know. What our baby would’ve –’
My cutting glare made her stop short, but there was a sincerity in her glowing eyes.
‘Would’ve?’ I found myself prompting.
‘Been like,’ she finished softly. ‘They would’ve grown up to become a person in their own right, with their own thoughts and hobbies and experiences. Our child would’ve been a living, breathing piece of us both, but something more, something better.’
Her voice cracked on the last word.
A strange, indescribable emotion filled my chest – the restlessness you feel when you misplace something dear to you.
She pulled a tissue out of her black Chanel clutch and dabbed just under her eyes. ‘It’s driving me crazy, you know – thinking about what our baby would’ve been like.’ She laughed softly. ‘I don’t think it’ll ever stop haunting me.’
I wanted to tell her that it haunted me too, that she wasn’t alone in feeling that, but I couldn’t seem to speak.
‘Karim, I never really told you how sorry I am. But I am. For everything.’
I found myself closing the distance between us, so we stood exactly side by side, staring down at the city because it was too damn hard to look at each other while we talked about this.
‘Of course I forgive you, Chloe. It was an impossible choice. You did what you believed was right for yourself, for your future. I’m also sorry for being hard on you at a time that was so hard in itself. Maybe it’s my fault too. Clearly I did something wrong if you felt like you couldn’t turn to me.’
Chloe gripped my shoulder and shook her head, her red eyes wide with distress. ‘That’s not true. You were my best friend and the most amazing boyfriend. No one’s ever been there for me in the way you have. And now I know no one ever will. I took you for granted, and it’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.’
I didn’t know what to say. It was obvious she wanted me back, but our lives were gradually shifting further apart. I could no longer imagine a future for us – sometimes not even as friends, let alone anything more.
‘I’m finally getting therapy, by the way. I know you were encouraging me to go for ages. I’m trying here, Karim. I want to do better. To be better.’
‘You already are. The fact that we’re having this conversation proves it.’
Her smile was wide and infectious. ‘Thanks for sending Felicity after me at lunchtime, by the way. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. I was such a mess.’
And the warm feeling was gone. ‘I can’t believe she’s the one who leaked the news about us.’
She sniffed loudly. ‘Felicity confessed to me shortly before Mr Ex posted the news online. It’s not what you think. Things have been really hard for her this year.’
‘Things have been hard for her ?’
Chloe flinched. ‘Please just hear me out. All her family’s businesses in Hong Kong went bankrupt. The Wongs had to sell most of their assets. She’s literally the sole person supporting her family right now, and they have massive costs just to maintain their lives.’
‘The Wongs can’t be doing that bad,’ I sneered. ‘Felicity gets paid generously from our social media platforms and merch, not to mention her own separate earnings.’
‘It’s not just that, Karim. Felicity had no choice but to do whatever Mr Ex told her to do because he discovered the one secret that could destroy her family’s reputation. Obviously Mr Ex played Felicity for as long as he wanted and then revealed the news anyway. She’s devastated. So is her family. They feel unable to show their faces to anyone.’
I finished the last of my drink. ‘She should’ve told us what was going on.’
‘Mr Ex told her not to, and he has a way of finding out everything, doesn’t he?’
‘The abortion is the most traumatic thing we’ve ever been through, and Felicity went and told Mr Ex as though it was some salacious gossip, all to save her own ass. I would never have shared something so sensitive about her with Mr Ex just to save myself. And I don’t think you’d ever do it either! Are you seriously going to let her off so easily?’
Chloe exhaled slowly. ‘Don’t you think she’s been through enough? She was the most bubbly, carefree person before all of this happened. Haven’t you noticed how much she’s changed?’
I scoffed. ‘All of us have changed. A little too much. I need space from you guys for a while.’
‘You will forgive her eventually though, right? You have to. She was being blackmailed ; her family was being threatened. None of this is her fault.’
I’d heard enough and made to leave.
Chloe grabbed my arm, holding me in place. I looked down at her hand and then at her face. She removed her grip instantly, her eyes widening at whatever darkness she saw tainting my features. There was still a barrier between us. It would take a lot more than one heartfelt conversation for it to come down.
‘This is probably a bit late, but I also wanted to say sorry for what I did at the Halloween party.’
‘For that, I don’t accept your apology,’ I replied coolly.
Zara was the only person in my life I trusted wholeheartedly, who saw me for who I was. Chloe had tried to rip that away from me too, to leave me completely alone.
‘You hurt a lot of people by kissing me. It isn’t cute for you to play with everyone’s emotions.’
Chloe’s lower lip trembled. ‘I didn’t mean to. I was drunk and dealing with a lot of strong emotions. I thought you’d understand.’
I shook my head in disbelief.
‘What happened to us, Karim? The truth is, we all still love each other. Despite everything. And we need to stick together. We can’t let Mr Ex win.’
I brought my face close to hers and let malice coat each word. ‘What if I told you it isn’t Mr Ex? What if it’s The Exes? We’re growing apart because we failed to give each other the respect we deserve.’
‘ No , it’s all Mr Ex,’ she insisted desperately. ‘He’s been threatening us separately and creating divides between us so that we don’t communicate with each other. He’s been blackmailing Sanjay, stating that he’ll expose the arson attack if he doesn’t produce artworks for him. Sanjay has to paint for him whatever he demands, and it sometimes takes hours, days . Then he has to post the art to whatever random addresses he’s given, and Mr Ex makes so much money from selling Sanjay’s original pieces.’
Despite everything he’d done behind my back, I found myself feeling a little sorry for Sanjay. Art was his passion, his life, and Mr Ex was poisoning that too.
‘Mr Ex has been controlling my wardrobe for weeks now,’ Chloe continued, ‘which is affecting so many of my brand deals. I can’t even shop any more without being overcome with anxiety. And when I’m anxious I find it so hard to sing well, to produce content, to function at anything .’
She leaned closer and cast her eyes around the room before whispering, ‘Abeo told me about his sex tape. He also mentioned that Mr Ex tried to get information on … your new girlfriend.’
I wasn’t going to speak to her about Zara, and the look I gave her made that perfectly clear.
Chloe held up a hand. ‘OK, let’s not go there. But what I’m trying to say is that he’s been blackmailing us all this year. He divided us so we wouldn’t band together and come for him. Don’t you want to work together to get back at Mr Ex? To take revenge for all the fear, bullying, blackmail and sleepless nights?’
As much as I wanted to destroy Mr Ex, I couldn’t stomach the thought of spending time with any of The Exes right now.
‘No,’ I said. ‘The only thing I want is to steer clear of the people who I once loved but who betrayed me.’
I placed my glass on a tray held by a passing waiter and walked away. I would swing by my parents, inform them I’d already made my donation online, and head home.
As I scanned the hall, my gaze met Abeo’s.
He was standing with Felicity on one side and Sanjay on the other. I gave Felicity a cutting glare. She flinched. But then a cold mask arranged her pretty features into aloofness. Chloe walked over to them and joined the entourage. Dressed in the sharpest black suits and dresses, wearing the most graceful hats, they all eyed me with identical cavalier expressions. The people I’d grown up with. Who were once my entire world.
They were easily the most beautiful and influential people in the room; they fitted next to each other as seamlessly as a puzzle, and their bond appeared unbreakable to any onlooker – even to me, despite knowing how many fractures there were between us all.
A thought crossed my mind: with their graceful appearance and the epic view of London in the background, it was the perfect moment to capture a new profile picture for our socials, even with me absent.
My heart froze over as it hit me that I simply didn’t fit with them any more. It was as though I was looking at complete strangers.
I didn’t know whether it was Mr Ex’s planning or the hand of fate or my very own decision, but one thing was very clear. There was a new order in The Exes.
And I was the odd one out.