15. The Truth Tax #3
Her smile doesn’t fade, but her eyes cut straight through me. “Because I’ve been where you are, Juniper, and sometimes in the face of pain, we can’t see what’s right in front of us. Not all friends hurt you, and not everyone you love will leave.” She lifts a delicate brow at that.
“And sometimes, when they do leave, they return with stories that would break your heart,” she says.
“You’ve had enough heartache to last a lifetime, so if I have to be your guide on all relationship-y things, then so be it.
I’m your best friend because I’m here, showing up every day to show you that sometimes putting your trust in someone new is exactly the thing you need to grow. ”
I drink my rosé.
“You look like you’re actively trying not to feel something right now.”
Damn it. Having best friends is a kick to the lady nuts sometimes.
“It’s called a neutral expression,” I quip.
“Honey, on you, that expression is a confession.” She crosses her legs and dares me to contradict her. “For what it’s worth, Cole’s been wearing the same one since the day you arrived.”
I take another, longer sip.
“He’s emotionally available,” Katie adds as though she’s delivering the final verdict. “If you’re wondering, I upgraded him from a four to a six after the festival.”
“I wasn’t wondering.”
“That’s fine. I’m telling you anyway. That’s what best friends are for.”
“You are aware that you gave yourself that title, yes?”
“Mm-hmm. And as your best friend…” She stands, taking her tote bag and bottle with her. “It’s time to go. S&S is waiting, and we have a new…storyline to discuss.”
“Katie,” I hiss.
She simply loops her arm through mine and drags me to standing, then tugs me along through The Haven and straight into the doors of the clubhouse, where Cole is once again holding up the back wall.
I should’ve run away when I had the chance.
“Sabrina’s a slut,” Marley sneers.
“Marley!” I rise onto my knees. Perhaps the second glass of wine wasn’t a good idea.
Katie and her freaking heavy hand. “We do not slut-shame people. The 2000s are over, and in this decade, we support people’s choices.
Especially women’s. If Sabrina wants to play the field, she should.
If she wants to experiment, she should. Everyone should.
How will you know what you like and dislike if you don’t try?
Sex comes in all flavors now, ladies and gentlemen.
And we don’t slut-shame anyone for taking control of their pleasure. ”
Yup, Katie will never again be my bartender.
Marley opens her mouth to argue because I think that’s the only thing she knows how to do, but Katie takes up my plight and explains all the reasons why it’s healthy for young women to have the freedom of sexual exploration.
I’m just sinking back into the sofa when I feel a presence behind me.
Cole.
His nose presses into my hair, his hot breath hitting my ear. I’m not sitting in the middle tonight because Dollie wasn’t feeling well, so no one has noticed him behind me.
“Have you?” he growls.
I lean back and slightly tilt my head. So much for keeping our distance from each other. “Have I what?” I whisper-hiss.
“Experimented? Explored?” Suddenly, he grips the back of my neck, and my pulse kicks up.
“I really don’t see how that’s any of your business. What I’ve done and what I’ll do isn’t for anyone else to decide. Especially not someone who continually fails to act.”
His thumb runs along the side of my neck with enough pressure that I nearly moan.
“Some would argue that not acting is what keeps our world from spinning out of control.” His timbre is a low tone that has a direct line to my core.
Surreptitiously, I glance around to see if anyone has noticed us. As nosy as this group is, it seems implausible that they haven’t, but Katie’s on a roll about sexual empowerment that has everyone’s attention. So much so that they forgot to pause their new obsession, Hunted for Love.
His nose presses against the shell of my ear. It’s really freaking hard not to react.
“And some,” I nearly moan, “would argue that you shouldn’t keep knocking on doors if you have no intention of stepping through them.”
A low, pained sound escapes him. It only reaches my ears. “Jesus, Junie. Don’t you think I wish I could? Don’t you think if there were any way, any solution, I’d have barreled through that door years ago?”
He can’t keep doing this to me, but the wine has made me bold enough that I forget about my wobbly heart.
“No,” I whisper. “I don’t think. I don’t think anything because you never speak. You run away. You fix problems and retreat. So no, I don’t think you’d have done anything differently regardless of the circumstances because you’ve never shown me anything to indicate otherwise.”
I stand abruptly, noticing too late that the entire room had zeroed in on us while I was making my last point, but I’m either too angry or too broken to care, and I slam down my now empty glass, then turn to face him.
“For my own sanity, I have to protect myself, Cole. So…just stop knocking, okay? Just…stop.”
Without another word, I flee to the safety of my apartment and intentionally leave the lights off. I’m done waiting for someone to love me.