Chapter 42
THEO
The knife drives into my body in slow motion. Skin piercing as cold metal slices into muscle. My mind plays it on a loop over and over until I gasp awake.
I open my eyes, expecting to see Shane, but it’s so bright I have to squeeze them shut again. It takes me a moment to realise I’m no longer tied up. My back is no longer pushed up against an unforgiving wooden post—I’m lying on a firm mattress.
A hand slides into mine, warm and clammy. “Teddy?” Bailey’s voice is small and uncertain. He squeezes my hand tighter, and my eyes land on his, the flash of gold in his irises makes me choke on a sob.
“Where’s Shane?” I ask, voice croaking. I can’t remember anything past the knife going into my leg. Lifting the blanket that’s covering me, I see a large bandage covering my thigh.
“Gone,” he says curtly. “After you passed out, Shane … he told me what really happened with my dad, and why he had fucked with my head for years.”
Wincing, I lean over and put my hand on his cheek, stroking my thumb along his jaw.
He leans into it, kissing my palm. “I wanted to go for him, Teddy,” he whispers.
“If the police hadn’t shown up, I think I would have.
It would have finally given him what he wanted: for me to be just like him,” he chokes out.
I shush him, cupping his jaw and forcing him to look at me.
“You are nothing like your brother. Even if you had hurt him, Bay. He hurt you first—for years. Took your childhood and destroyed anyone who dared to love you. If I’d managed to get free of the ropes, I can promise you I would have done a lot more than hurt him. ”
“Really?” he whimpers.
I nod. “Yeah. For you and for me. The urge to hurt him—it wasn’t a want, it was a need. You needed to get him away so that you could protect yourself.”
“I didn’t care about myself! I wanted to get you down off the post and call a fucking ambulance, but he wouldn’t shut up.”
“How did the police know where we were?”
“Robbie and Noah saw on the news that Shane was wanted for murder. They went around the farm checking all the buildings, just in case.” He stares at my hand, tracing circles on the back of it.
“The police searched the buildings that Robbie and Noah hadn’t checked yet and found us at the far end of the estate. ”
“And what happened to Shane?”
“The police wanted us to drop our knives, Shane didn’t. They … Shane’s dead, he isn’t coming back,” Bailey chokes out.
Lord help me, but those two words send relief flooding through my veins. I close my eyes and let my head fall back onto the pillow, grumbling, “Fuck, I’m tired.”
“Me too. Unlike you, I haven’t slept for the past sixteen hours,” Bailey chuckles weakly. I watch as his face scrunches up and he struggles to draw breath.
“Don’t cry. You’re here, mo leannan. We’re both still here.” When he lifts his head and holds my gaze, tears cling to his lashes. Any anger that had built up softens. “I love you, Bay.”
I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows and chokes out, “I love you too.”
I should have expected that everyone would follow me home. Bailey helps me out of Robbie’s car with a hand under my elbow, and Noah hands me the crutches the hospital provided. I feel as though I’ve been in a train wreck. Just standing upright pulls on my aching muscles.
When I turn around, my grandparents, parents, and Isla are all getting out of their cars. My cottage is absolutely not big enough for this many people.
“Ma, I’m fine, go back to the farmhouse, please,” I say as she follows on my heels through the front door.
“I want to make sure you’re taken care of, Theo. I’ll cook you some food so you can microwave it throughout the week.”
“You don’t need to do that, Bailey’s staying here …” I look at Bailey sharply. “You’re staying here, yes? Or do you need to go back to Cumbria?”
Bailey looks nervously at Noah, “I need to talk to Jake, but I’m not going back to Cumbria yet.”
“I already called Jake. He’s not expecting you back anytime soon.”
Bailey nods and looks back at me, “I’ll stay with you until you get back on your feet, and then I’ll—I’ll figure out what to do after that.”
“There, Ma, Bailey can cook and clean for me.” I grin at him.
“Good luck. He’s a terrible fucking cook.” Noah laughs as Bailey shoots him a look.
Ma side-eyes Bailey like she’s unsure whether she can trust him to feed me properly.
“It’s no bother; we’ll do some cooking back at the house. Ellen, let the boys get some rest.” Gran nudges Ma with her elbow.
“We’ll pop over in the morning. Come on, love.” Da puts his arm over Ma’s shoulder and leads her back to the car.
“You need to lie down,” Bailey says, leading me further into the house.
“I’m not getting up those.” I nod to the stairs. “You’ll have to bring a mattress down or something.”
Bailey takes a big step away from me, and I’m suddenly lifted off my feet.
“Jesus fuck! Robbie, put me down!”
He ignores me and heads up the stairs at an angle that keeps my leg from getting hurt, then puts me down gently on the bed.
I’m embarrassed and furious at him for lifting me so easily. “There is literally no bloody reason you’d need to carry me like that. Ever. And you’ve managed to do it twice in a month. Stop it!” I snap.
I’ll never admit that I’m actually grateful to be in my own bed. The mattress is so much softer than the hospital's. It feels like it’s trying to pull me under already. I blink, and it takes a while for my eyes to open again.
Isla leans over the bed and kisses me on the cheek.
“What’s that for?”
“Shut up. We could have lost you twice in forty-eight hours. I was fucking scared, okay?”
“Okay …”
Robbie goes in for a kiss also, and I flinch backwards. “Not you—ah fuck, my leg,” I push my fingers into the muscle to try to alleviate the pain shooting through it.
“Fine, fine, we’re leaving,” Robbie sulks.
I’m already dozing off when the front door snicks closed, and the cottage falls silent, finally.
I feel as though I’ve barely slept. I stretch the best I can, trying not to pull on my thigh muscle, wincing as it twinges anyway.
I reach to my side, but the bed is cold.
The alarm clock on the bedside table shows it’s only four in the morning “Bay?” I call out, uncertain.
Christ, my mouth is so dry, and I really need to pee.
I sit up, forcing my heavy limbs to move.
There’s a bang in the room next to mine and the sound of a door opening. Bailey appears in my doorway, dishevelled. “What happened? Are you okay?” he rushes out, coming over and moving the duvet off my leg to check the bandage.
“I’m fine—stop that.” I slap his hand away.
“Then what are you waking me up for?” He folds his arms across his chest.
I point at the space next to me. “Why aren’t you here?”
Bailey rubs the back of his neck.
“I didn’t want to hurt your leg, so I slept in the spare room.”
“Okay. I really need to piss, and to drink something, but after that I’m going to tell you off.” I wriggle to the edge of the bed and slide my legs off. “Can you help me first, please?”
Bailey helps me up, and I lean on his shoulder as we hobble to the bathroom.
“You’re heavy,” Bailey mutters under his breath.
I glare at him, then put a hand on the wall beside the toilet to hold myself up, groaning in relief.
Bailey disappears and comes back with two cups of water. I finish mine quickly—the liquid agitating my sore throat on its way down. He passes me his as well, then goes to get himself another.
“In.” I point to the bed when he comes back, refusing to hear any argument on the matter. He’ll be lucky if I ever let him leave my side again, let alone go back to Cumbria. “Don’t roll your eyes at me, Bailey.”
He huffs and gets into the bed, trying to keep distance between us. I stare at him in the dusky light of the room.
“What?” he asks.
“Move closer, unless you want me to come over there. And if I do, it’s going to hurt my leg, so you should probably do as you're told.” He doesn’t move. “What’s wrong?”
“He killed you.” Bailey lets out a shuddering breath. “You died, Teddy, twice. If the ambulance hadn’t arrived so quickly, you wouldn’t be here.”
“There’s no point thinking about what could have happened when it didn’t.”
Bailey sits up and turns to face me. “How can you look at me? I look so much like him that it’s going to haunt me every time I look in a mirror. But you have to see me all the time. A constant reminder that I wear the same face as the man who killed you. It’s not healthy, Teddy!” he chokes.
Despite the throbbing pain in my leg, I drag my body upright so that I can look him in the eye.
“You’re nothing alike to me, Bay. My biggest regret is mistaking him for you.
I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.
We’ve missed so many years because of it.
” I slide my hand behind his neck and pull him towards me so his forehead rests against mine.
“This is not the face of my killer. This is the face of the boy I left behind. The boy I loved, and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. There’s nothing of Shane in you, Bay. ”
A strangled noise comes from him as he shakes his head.
“Yes.” I run my thumb over his bottom lip, wet from both our tears. “Stay with me, mo ghráidh. I’ll show you every day who you are.”
He kisses me gently and breathes against my lips for a moment before he whispers, “I never want to leave.”