Chapter 35
I roll my neck and reach my fingertips over my shoulder, running them against the flesh on my back. Smooth. Clear. Whatever Dae put on my back yesterday has healed the mess the Vizier left.
Dae’s long legs are intertwined with mine. I unravel us, the mattress creaking in rebellion as I gently climb over him. He rolls, not opening his eyes, and starfishes across the bed. The lack of sleep this last week must have finally gotten to him.
A Coblynau sneaks in with flavoured coffees and teacakes, I thank her and back the coffee. When Dae wakes, it’s with an easy, lazy smile. A smile without reservations, without hidden meanings.
He tells me to come back to bed, and I do. When we’re back lounging on the wide mattress, my fingers scrape down my bangs as I fan my hair out. Dae slaps my hand away. “Stop it, I love this forehead.” He reaches over and kisses my brow.
I blush and Dae’s eyes flash with possessiveness as his fingers creep back to stroke my black coils, his second hand dropping to rest on my stomach where he traces small circles against my skin, deft fingers drawing out tension within me. My breath hitches—my clothes are far too tight.
Before we can talk, before I can try to convince him to save my mother today in some other way, to not attack Ellyllon, Kaya is knocking on the door and asking what we’re doing. Dae checks with me first, before telling her to come in, Abnehor follows her, throwing himself on the sofa. He’s such a huge presence. Shiva edges around the door frame, eyeing me before entering. I smile, just a little, just enough to let her know it’s okay.
“What are you up to?” Abnehor asks.
Dae snorts. “Isn’t it obvious? Avoiding you.”
“We should show her the animals, Dae.” Kaya claps her hands.
Dae squeals with delight and jumps up, almost knocking me off the bed. In a whirl of changing and running and holding hands, the five of us find ourselves outside.
A rumble echoes across the earth. Wildflowers shake, swaying on an invisible breeze. Dae’s lip curls, his nostrils flaring. Kaya and Abnehor grip nearby trees and the rumble slows. “What was—’’ I ask, but Dae cuts me off with a laugh, a short, clipped spurt of energy, stopping my question as he drags me deeper into the forest.
With the rumble gone, Shiva grabs a long glass out of Abnehor’s hand, shoving it to the side and dragging him ahead. Kaya laughs and sprints off to the left on nimble legs. She takes another left as Shiva and Abnehor chase after her.
Dae grabs my arm, twisting me around to face him as the trio’s giggles grow fainter and fainter.
“We’ll lose them,” I say.
“Don’t you think I know where they’re going?” He picks a stray piece of dust off my forest green top. “We’ll follow. I just want one thing first.” Cupping my face in his hands, he holds me tightly as he brings his lips down against mine, pressing himself into me.
My mouth opens, unfastened by his warmth. I press my hips up towards him, closing the space between us, blood rushing to my head—I am dizzy with need. Desperate, painstaking need. He pulls away, letting go of my lips but still holding my cheeks as cold air rushes in. I whimper.
“If I don’t stop kissing you now,” he says, eyes darkening, breath came out in pants, “I won’t be able to stop again, and we’ll have a lot to explain when people come outside asking what all the noise is.”
My breathing hitches. This is what I’ve always wanted. Dae. With me. Whispering secrets and desire.
“Let them ask.”
Dae smirks. “Good girl.”
A flash. Dark, hooded eyes. A strong jaw. Large hands. Fingers and friendship. I still don’t know what he did to Obi.
I pull away, my breathing heavy. Dae’s eyes narrow before quickly resettling as he grabs my hand and we chase after the other three.
We sprint down a long pathway into a large compound filled with wandering, pacing, and meandering animals. A blue dog sits in Shiva’s lap, jumping up and yipping at her. Abnehor leans against a small enclosure, his chin resting in his hand as he yawns. An animal that could be a zebra, if not for its spots and missing stripes, licks Kaya, earning itself eager squeals of delight, her blonde hair floating gently in the breeze.
Pink lions, tortoises the size of cars, and snake-sized caterpillars all fill the other compounds. I wonder if I’ll get to watch the caterpillars blossom into giant winged butterflies. If I’ll still be alive to see it. The enclosures are filled with pointy eared crocodiles that stand up on their back legs, horses with angel wings, a large cat with three heads, and a rat that appears completely normal except for how keenly its eyes follow me.
“What’s up with the rat?” I ask Dae in a whisper. The rat narrows its eyes at me.
“You don’t wanna know.”
I fidget, eyes darting away quickly from the too-clever rat. White crows fly within a cage filled with tiny orange baby lambs. A 10-foot long sloth hangs from one of the tree trunks and twenty meerkats speak in their own language as they pace frantically while pointing at me. I know gossiping when I see it.
“This is a zoo, isn’t it?”
“What’s a zoo?”
“This is,” I pause. “Your animals look like our animals, just a bit different.”
“Why do you sound so disappointed?” Dae asks with a laugh.
“Well, you get kidnapped by a charming prince?—’’
“King.”
“Right, king. When you get kidnapped by an annoying king, taken away to a magical land where everything is colourful, and then go see their version of a zoo, you expect to see, I don’t know, something more than just the same old animals but with slightly different features. You know?”
“The animals used to speak, which I guess is a bit more magical. They lost their voices recently. Besides, don’t I look almost identical to the humans back in that courtyard, but for a little height, some goats’ horns, and a big helping of extra charm?”
“Doesn’t that make you think maybe you should be a bit nicer to them? Since we’re all so similar. All the thoughts and feelings you have, all that complexity, the same intensity, they feel similarly, just with different experiences.”
Dae’s ropes a hand around my waist and pulls me in.
“Stop trying to distract me. Obi was a person with feelings too, you know? Someone who probably cried when a hag stole him away on your orders from a sick Mum who needed support. Only to be taken to serve ancient creatures who are more than capable of pouring wine into their own cups.”
“I didn’t kill Obi,” Dae retorts, eyes trailing the meerkats in an endless circle.
My breath hitches. It’s impossible to trust him, but he can’t lie. Maybe he really did send Obi home, safe and sound. Instead of thanking him, I say, “Enough games, Dae. You want to play? I can play. You want to take me around and show me all the pretty things in Faerieland? I’m in. But let’s be honest with each other. Enough half truths and hidden meanings. Maybe you didn’t kill him, but tell me what you did do.”
Dae pulls on a strand of my hair, weaving it between his thumb and forefinger. I want to sink, to curl into his shoulders and kiss his lying fingers.
“What makes you think I’m lying?” His honey-coated voice whispers, stirring my fringe. I reach up to straighten my bangs again.
Vibrations ripple through the enclosure. Warm air tickles my skin. Two pairs of Jinn eyes dart towards us as Kaya’s lips fall open in a gasp and Abnehor’s nostrils flare. He quickly straightens, running a large hand through his hair before storming over to Shiva, her glazed eyes peering out at nothingness, a swirling mass of purple shadow encompassing the two of them as he holds her against him.
“You were covered in blood the night you sent Obi away, Obi’s blood.”
“I tripped and cut myself on the way to get you, love,” Dae says in that sing-song tone he always uses when he wants something. A root deep within the soil tugs on my stomach. I shake it off, shivering. “It was really naughty of you to try to escape. Aren’t you grateful I let you stay? Don’t you believe I didn’t kill Obi?”
“Yes, yes, I’m grateful. Thank you, Dae,” I reply, the mechanical words falling from my lips in a soft and airy pant. Somewhere within, some part of me is screaming, but I can’t hear her beyond the sound of Dae’s voice. I let my body sink into Dae’s warm chest—just like I’ve always wanted to, the desperate craving within me filling with the smell and touch of him.
“Would you do anything for me?” Dae asks, this time more gently.
“Yes, anything.”
“Good—’’
“Enough Dae,” Kaya cuts him off, eyes wide as she clenches and unclenches her fists. “Stop it.”
The vibrating air dissipates, leaving a cold, sticky weight lodged inside my heart. His eyes peer down at me—the cruel glint back in them. His horns encircle his head, casting a shadow over his sharp face.
Abnehor grasps a shivering Shiva in his arms, storming closer. “You make me sick, Daesryn.” He spits at the floor between Dae’s feet.
“That’s King to you,” Dae says softly, cold eyes still not straying from mine.
Abnehor’s gaze darts between the two of us, a feather fluttering in his jaw. “Sure, Dae.”
“Careful, Jinn. Your kind live by my benevolence.”
Abnehor hums, a soft growling noise that warns of violence, before strolling off, the hurricane beneath him floating on an easy breeze.
“What the hell was that?” I shove his chest—hard. And am met with silence. “I said, what the hell was that? Is that what you did when you stole me, when I ate your fruit? You did it when we were kids, too. Didn’t you?”
Dae maintains eye contact, watching me without remorse and without explanation.
“I said what the fuck was that?” I shove harder. I want to rip the stupid lavender leaves off his fingers and throw them to the ground. I want to tear that silly gold band off his head and chuck it at his smug face.
When I try to shove him a third time, his fingers quickly encircle my wrists, grasping tightly.
“I never did it when we were kids,” he says softly, confirming that he is doing something.
Break his fingers. Smash his bones to dust. I wince against the call of the trees.
“I’m going inside,” Kaya mutters quietly. She pauses beside us, opening and closing her mouth, her hands slightly trembling. “Um,” she takes a deep breath before turning to face me, blue eyes slamming into black, “actually, I’ll be just past the gate. If you need anything, scream.”
Dae and I silently glare at each other as Kaya leaves.
“I said, what the hell was that?” My voice is cold steel as I try to wriggle my arm out of his tight grip. He only grips harder.
“It’s my nature, Elly. I can’t be anything other than what I am.”
“ What’s your nature?” He hasn’t even told me what he’s doing yet. I smash the heel of my foot down onto his arch as I pull my wrists down harshly. He lets go of my arms with a yelp and a laugh. “Manipulating, deceiving, being absolutely downright awful and evil?”
“Yes,” Dae says, drawing himself back up. “What do you want me to say? You know what I am, and you want me anyway. You want me to stop pretending? How about you stop pretending? Yes, I’m awful. But you’re just as bad. You didn’t really want to die, you just didn’t want to have to be the one to do something about it. You’ve loved every second here. You’ve wanted me every step of the way. You just couldn’t let yourself and I still can’t figure out why, because you never tell me anything anymore, Elysia.
“Oh, and Elly, you didn’t just like the pleasant moments, like when we were on a date or curled up in bed. You wanted me when I was whipping the Vizier, you wanted me when I was tricking you, you even wanted me when I was covered in Obi’s blood. I can see it written all over your face. And not in spite of all that I am, but because of it.”
One second I’m standing, listening to his hateful words. The next, a ball of spit is hurtling through the air, tracing a clear trajectory from my mouth to his face. My drool trickles pathetically down from his cheek. “Stop doing that thing you do or I swear to you, I will make sure you suffer for it. If you’ve got a question, ask me normally. If I want to give you an answer, I will. If I don’t, then you don’t have the right to magic it out of me. You don’t have the right to anything I don’t want to give you. Promise me. Promise me you won’t do it again.”
“No.” Dae wipes the spit from his face.
“What?”
“I said no. I am what I am, Elly, and part of what I am is this. I can’t help it, and I don’t think I should have to. I don’t try to force you to be anything other than what you are. You’ve known me all along, you chose me anyway.”
“That’s the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard. If it were true, why would Kaya try to stop you? Why wouldn’t she be tricking people into doing what she wants them to? The Jinn are far worse than the Fae and Abnehor’s the sickest of the lot, but I’ve never seen him do that to Shiva.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dae spits, turning to walk away.
I grab him. “Actually, I think I do. Yes, deep down, somewhere awful and rotten, I’ve wanted you every second of every day that I’ve been here. No matter what you’ve done, I’ve wanted to be here. But how I can I know if that’s really me that desires you, if you’re here doing magic tricks to manipulate me?
“And Dae, you are in complete control of your actions. You’ve made every decision carefully. You’re not some lunatic ruled by your nature, whatever that means. You’re a ruler who is making decisions with a level head. I’m not sure what role I play in those decisions beyond helping you weaken Ellyllon. I don’t know what it is you really want from me, but don’t stand here and tell me this is all you are, and that you can’t help it.”
Heavy breaths float in the space between us as we glare at one another.
“I’m leaving.”
“You can’t leave,” Dae says quickly, chasing after me, the veins in his forearms pulsating.
“I’m not leaving Faerieland, I’m just leaving this conversation.” I duck under the gate and into the forest, storming right past Kaya, who stands there—a silent, weaponless watcher.
“Fine, I’ll come with you.”
“No, I’m going alone.” I stop and turn towards him. Kaya edges closer, gently blocking Dae’s path. “I’m going back to our room, I’m staying there alone, and you can’t come.”