Chapter 31
”Wow. You did an amazing job,” I tell Gil, the lead construction worker on the cabin. They”ve completely overhauled the bathroom and kitchen. Plus they”ve added built-in bookcases near the sliding doors, and built thin walls to separate the bedroom from the rest of the space. I paid an interior designer to come in after the construction workers finished and deck the whole place out in teak wood and the lush green of numerous potted plants. He also added a huge bed, a sofa with a side table, and a cozy little dining room table built for two. The space doesn”t even look the same.
”I”m glad you approve, Mr. Taylor,” Gil says. ”I know it took a few more days than you wanted, but I think it”s worth it.”
And a part of me also wants her to have something to remember me by. Someplace to raise the baby, for however long she’s allowed to stay on the land.
”Definitely.” I walk over to the ten-thousand-dollar telescope that is set up near the back window. Touching it, I smile. ”I can”t wait to show my fiancée.”
”If she has eyes, she”ll be impressed,” he affirms.
”Good man.” I turn to walk to the door. ”Thanks for doing my job on such short notice.”
”Of course.” He bows his head, walking out with me.
We part ways. He gets in his truck, and I head through the light sprinkling of trees toward Pearl”s trailer. I”m excited to show her the finished cabin. I can just imagine her excited smile, and how she”ll throw her arms around my neck. Anticipation of her reaction drives my footsteps as I walk into her yard and up the steps to the trailer.
When I open the door to the trailer, though, I can immediately tell that the energy level inside is much lower and moodier. Pearl is sitting at the dining room table, frowning at a small paper box in front of her. She looks up at me when I enter and her face screws up.
”Hey.” Pushing my hand through my hair, I take a seat across from her. ”What”s up, buttercup?”
Pearl gives me a shaky smile. ”I”m late.”
I spread my hands. ”Late for what, darlin’? You”re going to have to give me more to go on than that.”
She gulps and pushes the box across the checked tablecloth. Using a single fingertip, I spin the box around. My eyes widen as I read it.
Home Pregnancy Test.
Glancing up at her, I take a moment to phrase my question. ”You think you”re pregnant?”
I leave off the word ‘already’, though it seems obvious enough to me. We”ve only been together for a few months. I just assumed that we would have way more time to spend in bed together before... this.
”I”m not sure,” Pearl confesses. “My period is late, but it”s not unheard of for me to skip a month. I”m not really on a schedule or anything.”
I relax a fraction. ”Oh. Well... don”t you want to know for sure? I would think that you would be excited to find out.”
She looks at me for a long moment. ”I am...”
”But...” I raise my eyebrows. ”What?”
Pearl blushes and looks down at the table. ”I just thought we would have more time. That”s all.”
My surprise must be apparent on my face, because she puts up a hand to stop me. ”I know what we agreed. I also know that I”m having feelings that we didn”t agree to from the get-go.”
I reach out and catch her hand, squeezing it. ”Slow down. We don”t even know if we have to make that decision right now.”
To say that I”m glad that we”re on the same level is the understatement of the year.
She pushes out a breath. ”You”re right. I”m just having a crazy amount of anxiety and I haven”t even taken the test.”
I push the box back toward her. ”No time like the present.”
She swallows and nods. She scoots out of the booth, disappearing into the bathroom with the test.
While I wait for her, time slows. I try to figure out how I”m going to tell my fake fiancée that I want her to move into the cabin with me, no matter what. It seems like a crazy thing to ask, especially if I don”t plan to have an actual relationship with her.
But the thought of waking up with no Pearl in the bed beside me every day isn”t exactly pleasant. God, I don”t want to face that today.
I just want Pearl to be there, wherever I go. Is that so wrong?
Hearing her laugh, seeing her eyes light up, having her sass me when I do things the wrong way… I want that.
Pearl doesn’t even know how rare and valuable I find the pleasure of her company.
The door to the bathroom creaks open. I look up to see Pearl looking tearful.
My heart jumps into my throat.
Is she about to say that she”s pregnant with my baby?
Pearl waves a stick wrapped in toilet paper at me.
”Not pregnant,” she says. ”Yesterday, I wished I would have more time with you. Now I guess I got what I wanted.”
Her affect is flat and monotone. I watch as she throws the test away under the kitchen sink and then washes her hands.
Inside, I feel a well of relief. Thank god. I don”t have to change anything just yet. That”s the best news anyone could give me, personally.
But I know how much Pearl wants this baby, and I can’t ignore the heartbreak in her eyes. My heart feels small and dark from rejoicing about news that breaks her heart.
Without saying a word, she walks back to the bedroom and flops down face first on the bed.
I stand up, uncertain if I should comfort her or if I should give her space.
I”ve never actually received this kind of news, period. Much less with a girl that I was... what? Dating seems like the wrong word. Fucking seems too casual.
What”s the correct term to describe the intense rush I feel whenever I look in her eyes?
My stomach flip flops, and I push to my feet. Heading back into the bedroom, I sit on the bed and gently rub Pearl”s back.
”What”s going on in there?” I ask.
Pearl rolls onto her side with a sigh. Her eyes are dry, but she is clearly not happy.
”I don”t know. I am happy that I still get to spend time with you. But I”ve always wanted to get pregnant. It”s a lot to process.”
I pick up her hand, raising her knuckles to my lips for a kiss. ”I get that. But it”s only been a few months. It takes a while for some people to conceive.”
She covers her face with her hands, and mutters her complaints through them. ”What if I can”t conceive? Or what if your sperm and my egg just don”t have like... chemistry?”
I squint. ”That sounds made up. Did you read that on Facebook or something?”
She stiffens and then glares at me. Removing her hand from my grip, she huffs. ”I don”t think accusing me of being ill-informed is the right call right now.” She picks at a loose thread on her skirt. ”I”m allowed to feel whatever kind of way I want about the test results.”
”I never said you couldn”t.” I shake my head. ”I”m just saying that we should be rational about this.”
She drops her head into her hands. ”It just feels like the world is kind of imploding.”
I roll my eyes. ”The world is fine. You”re being a teeny little bit dramatic.”
Pearl”s head snaps up and she glares at me. ”You know, River. I think I need some space.”
”Space?” I say, scoffing. ”What does that mean?”
She draws her legs up to her chest and tosses her hair. ”It means you should spend the night at your place. Give me room to grieve if I want to.”
I”m speechless. Space is the last thing I want. My first impulse is to draw her into my arms and kiss her worries away.
”Pearl--”
”Please go.” She sounds broken, on the cusp of tears. ”I”m not asking for much.”
I stand and put up my hands in surrender, backing out of the bedroom. ”I”m going!”
”Good!” she fires back.
Huffing, I turn and head out of the trailer. Once I”m outside, I head straight for my truck, which is parked near the cabin that I just refinished for her.
Seeing the cabin only worsens the aching hole that has opened up in my chest.
I turn my gaze away, clamp my jaw shut, and climb in my truck. It”s always been something of a refuge for me and today is absolutely no exception. It’s like being wrapped in a layer of bubble wrap, insulating me from the very real feelings I’m having and blunting them ever so slightly.
I spend the drive home reminding myself that Pearl isn’t really my fiancée. Her emotions are not my problem. I also need to remember the goal right in front of me, so close I can almost reach it.
Her land. Her distressed land. That’s what this is all supposed to be about.
But it isn’t about the land, god damn it.
I went and let my heart get involved in this. At least I can admit that.
I have feelings for Pearl. I care for her. For god’s sake, I just custom built a fucking cabin for us to live in together, for god’s sake.
Instead of loving a cosmopolitan and career focused woman, I ended up falling for an offbeat diner waitress who really wants to baby. And I’m the idiot who wants to give her everything I have.
I make it to my house and cut the engine, but I don’t go inside just yet. Because I’m not sure about anything else except for this one fact. If I don’t at least try to smooth over the fight we just had, I’m a giant bag of dicks.
Blowing out a breath, I start my truck again.
I have an errand to run.