51. West
CHAPTER 51
WEST
My sister looks distraught.
She’s sitting on the edge of the counter in the kitchen, chewing on one of Melissa’s bread rolls. “It’s annoying,” she says. “You think he’s different, and then he just turns out to not be, you know?”
Nora nods. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”
“Who is he?” I ask.
“I’m not telling you,” Amber says. “You’re not allowed to be overprotective.”
“He’s someone you’re dating?”
“Just for a short time.” She rolls her eyes. “He was playing hot and cold, and I hate it when they do that.”
I cross my arms over my chest. My sister has always been bold, sometimes wild. She dates. She’s strong and has no problem standing up for herself, and here she is, heartbroken and back at Fairhaven.
She dropped by last night and took one of the guest rooms. She stayed up late with Nora, watching a movie. I joined them for a while, until I felt like I might combust from sitting so close to Nora and pretending like we were nothing but friends.
Amber turns to Nora. “Okay, you have to figure out a name now.”
“But it’s so hard,” Nora says. “I have a few ideas, but…” She trails off and grabs her sketchbook. “It’s not like he’s mine to name, you know?”
“Of course he is,” Amber says.
She looks at me. “I think he technically belongs to West, since he moved into Fairhaven.”
“You name him,” I say. “He likes you the best. What are your options?”
“I’m thinking something literary. Because we found him in the library, and that’s still his favorite room.” Nora takes a few steps toward the doorway. “I’ll keep thinking. Gotta go work.”
“See you later,” Amber says.
Nora leaves the kitchen and disappears up the steps to the atelier to make more design pieces.
Amber grabs another cup of coffee. “I’ll head out later too,” she says. “I have a meeting in town.”
“You sure you won’t tell me his name?” I ask.
“No, I’m very, very sure.”
I narrow my eyes at her, and she just shrugs a little and reaches for a freshly baked muffin. It strikes me that this might be Nora after all of this is over—if she sets up dates with assholes who don’t really listen to her, don’t care about her. She might revert back to some of the people-pleasing.
My grip tightens around the coffee cup.
Amber sets her half-eaten muffin down. Lemon poppyseed has always been her favorite. “You know, you two are being ridiculous.”
My gaze returns to her. “What?”
“I’m not blind,” she says. “You two are not pretending around each other. This might have started out as a fake arrangement, but it’s pretty real now, isn’t it?”
I can’t talk about this with Amber. I can’t talk about this with anyone.
But I find that the confession comes out of me anyway, low and anguished. “Yes.”
Amber sighs. “Then why are you holding back? Why don’t the two of you just?—”
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s not,” she argues. “Dating is really hard. I know, because I’m actively doing it.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “If you actually find someone you like, and they like you—which you two obviously do; I can see it—then just go for it.”
“It’s not that simple,” I say.
“Of course it is. You’re probably gonna have to marry someone. Why not her? Get your head out of your ass.”
“Because marrying me wouldn’t be good for her,” I snap. “It would be great for me, yes, but it’s not what she wants or what she needs.”
Amber shakes her head again. “You’ve always been very good at deciding what other people need. But sometimes that’s up to them to decide.” She lifts her hands up again. “All I’m saying is, if you like her? Don’t give up the fight so easily.”
I just look at her. She makes it sound so easy.
“And now,” Amber says, “I’m going to take the longest shower known to man. I’m not gonna bother your not-so-fake girlfriend, because I know she’s on a deadline. But after all this is over, she and I are going to become really good friends,” she tells me. “Whether or not you’re still in the picture.”
I hold up my hands. “You should. She’s amazing.”
“Have you told her that?”
“Yes, I have.”
Amber lifts an eyebrow. “Then sort out whatever simple little obstacles are in your way and make her happy. Make yourself happy. I’d much rather you marry her than lock yourself into a business arrangement of a marriage.”
I shove my hands into my pockets. It’s not that easy. I know that. But she’s right about one thing. Dating is hard. Amber is used to it. She’s able to stand up for herself, and she still finds it hard. She still came over here last night, sad and upset.
The idea of Nora losing her virginity to someone else has felt harder and harder with each passing day. That some guy might hurt her the way Amber’s been hurt.
“I hear you,” I say. Just like I heard Nora the other night. She knows what she wants.
I might not be good enough for her, but at least I’d never hurt her. I can’t say the same for who she might find after me. Someone who doesn’t know her body like I do, someone who can’t make it as good for her as I can.
Someone who doesn’t love her.