Chapter 18
Matteo
“OH MY GOD.” Allegra leaned toward me from the passenger seat. “I could’ve never driven this.”
I’d just stopped the car on a hairpin turn, five hundred feet above the sea below, to let a motorcoach maneuver around us.
He took up half our lane, and if I hadn’t done this dozens of times before, I probably would’ve thought he was going to wind up in our laps, too.
Traffic on the Amalfi Coast was an adventure, to say the least.
The bus cleared the turn, its tires spitting rocks over the mountain’s cliff, and we continued our journey.
My cousin had told me his apartment would be empty the weekend after Allegra and I had gone to dinner, so I didn’t have to wait long to get her alone again.
Though I would’ve paid Antonio to stay in a suite at the Ritz-Carlton if it meant I could have a couple of nights alone with Allegra in his small two-bedroom apartment.
Now that the panic of the last turn was behind us, Allegra was glued to the window.
I couldn’t blame her. The view was spectacular, though I was usually too annoyed with the tourist traffic to see it this way.
Pastel villages had been built into the mountainside, and the Tyrrhenian Sea sparkled in turquoise and sapphire beneath.
“Wow,” she said. “Could we pull over up ahead at that stand? I’d love to take a picture.”
“Of course.”
Once we stopped, Allegra leaned against the stone wall, looking out at Amalfi.
The wind tugged at her hair, and I could feel her big smile inside my chest. I’d grown up with views like this, but watching her take it in made it feel new.
I wanted her to remember the way my country could make her feel.
“Let me take your picture,” I said.
“Okay.”
She handed me her phone and struck a playful pose, kicking up one leg and smiling as she squinted into the sun. It made me wish I’d taken the picture with my phone instead of leaving it in the car, so I’d have it to keep.
Two ladies were shopping at the fruit stand about a meter away, and I asked one of them to take a photo of us together.
That might’ve been a first, me volunteering to have my picture taken.
I’d always shied away from cameras. We both smiled, but I wasn’t looking at the woman taking the photo.
I was too busy looking at Allegra, memorizing the small dimple on her left cheek that came out only when her smile was big enough.
“Are you hungry?” I asked. “There’s a restaurant not too far that makes da best frutti di mare. The owner’s brother owns a fishing boat, and the pasta is made with whatever is caught fresh.”
Allegra nodded. “That sounds amazing.”
Il Pescato del Giorno was off the beaten path, the kind of place tourists made it to only if a local drew them a map. But I would’ve been happy sitting anywhere looking across at this woman.
Allegra chewed her bottom lip once we were seated and the waiter had taken our order. “So…I did something that I’m not sure is a mistake or not.”
“Oh?”
“I made an appointment at my sister’s law firm for tomorrow. With her.”
“Are you not sure if it’s a mistake because you’re going to speak to her at her office rather than outside of her work?”
She took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m not sure if speaking to her at all is a good idea. She practices corporate law, so I made up some story about wanting to start a business in Italy and not knowing where to begin.”
“So you’re going to go and not tell her who you are? Might she know your name already?”
Allegra nibbled her nail. “I made the appointment under my assistant’s name, Cassie Norman, just in case.”
“What do you hope to get out of the meeting?”
She shook her head. “I have no damn idea. And honestly, I might chicken out and cancel.”
I smiled. “I have the feeling you’ve never, as you say, chickened out of anything.”
“Did you forget me telling you how I dealt with not getting made a partner? I had too much to drink, told the senior partner he had a little dick, and quit. I have a history of taking the wrong route to deal with my problems.”
“Half the battle in not repeating mistakes is knowing we’ve made them in the past and learning from them. If you could go back, how would you have handled things with your boss?”
She was quiet a moment before smirking. “I do look back fondly on having told Harry what I thought of his manhood. But I suppose I should’ve called him out for passing me over in favor of a less-competent woman in a more professional manner, made my argument on the merits.”
“It will probably be easier to get closure about your family if you get answers to the questions that matter most.”
“I know. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to open that box fully.
Because once it’s open, I’ll never be able to put everything back in the same way.
Yet I am curious about her—what she’s like.
Does she fidget when she’s thinking like my father and I do?
Does she get bumps on her chest when she’s nervous?
Is she happy? Does she have other siblings?
I’m kind of hoping she’s the type who has a bunch of personal pictures in frames. ”
I tilted my head. “Did you have photos in your office?”
“One. My grandmother with my parents.” She sipped her wine. “I don’t think I’m going to know how I’ll handle things until I’m there. But I really hope I don’t pull what I did with Harry and go off on her.” She shrugged. “And I will definitely be going into her office sober.”
I smiled. “Would you like me to go with you?”
“Thank you. But I think it’s something I need to do myself. Although, I’d be grateful if you were ready with a bottle of wine and maybe some tissues when I get back.”
“You got it.”
After we finished eating, we went to the apartment where we’d be staying.
My cousin’s place in the village of Positano was modest—two bedrooms, a small living area, and a galley kitchen that two people couldn’t work in at once without brushing up against each other.
But it didn’t matter. Every window framed the sea like a painting, and the main living area had a set of double doors that led to a small terrace overlooking the coastline.
Allegra walked outside. It was dark now, so the pastel houses were lit up and looked more like shades of gold.
The moon was full and bright tonight, spilling a path of silver light across the sea.
“This is incredible, Matteo.”
I stood behind her, wanting so badly to wrap her in my arms. But instead, I settled for standing close. “I’d forgotten how beautiful it is. Like many places in Italy, I avoid coming unless I have business here because of the tourists.”
“Can’t blame visitors for wanting to see this view.”
“I suppose not. But in summer it gets overrun with people stopping for selfies in the middle of da sidewalk, some using a dumb stick. It’s a bit quieter now that it’s almost October.”
She smiled. “If that bothers you, I can understand why Manhattan made you miserable.”
I nodded, but somehow, I knew I could handle the streets of Manhattan if I were walking them to get to her.
Being near Allegra made everything seem worth it.
“I think what I dislike most about crowded, touristy areas is that the neighborhood changes to accommodate the visitors. Starbucks pushes out da caffés, and chains push out local shops.”
“There’s a Starbucks here? Even I wouldn’t go to one with all the adorable caffés lining the road.”
“Not as far as I know, but I haven’t been here in a long time.” I lifted my hand to put it on her shoulder, but stopped myself. It felt unnatural not to touch her, so I thought perhaps I should occupy my hands. “Would you like a glass of wine? I brought some with me.”
“Oohh. Yes, that sounds great.”
I gestured to the wrought-iron bistro chairs and small round table on the balcony. “Sit. Enjoy your view. I’ll bring it.”
A few minutes later, I passed her a glass of our eight-year-old reserve. My favorite. I’d hidden a few bottles when my sister showed up, since she loved it, too.
“Thank you.” Allegra sipped. “You said you haven’t been here in a while. How many years has it been?”
“Probably five.”
Allegra’s eyes met mine. She was smart and had probably done the math, figuring out that I’d been married at the time. “Were you here on business or pleasure?”
I looked away. “Pleasure, but it turned out not to be very pleasurable.”
“Something bad happened?”
I stared out at the sea. “Izzy and I were supposed to come down to Positano—not here in this apartment, but to a nearby hotel—for a short holiday after she got back from one of her retreats. It was to be a surprise for her since she’d been gone and loved to travel.
But when she returned, she told me she wanted a divorce, so I ended up coming here alone. ”
“Oh my gosh. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I’d known it might stir up difficult memories.”
I smiled at her. “You didn’t ask. I offered.”
Allegra was quiet for a while. “What went wrong between you two, if you don’t mind me asking? You said you got married too young, but there must be more to it.” When I didn’t answer right away, she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“It’s fine. Izzy is just not a subject I speak about often anymore, so it doesn’t come without effort. But she was a part of my life, and I’ve made peace with how things ended between us.”
“You said when she asked you for a divorce, it felt like it came out of the blue. So that means you weren’t having any problems?”
I drank some of my wine and shook my head.
“Izzy and I were always very different people. I grew up in the house my great-grandparents owned and had roots here. I valued coming home at night and sleeping in my bed, the comfort of family dinners, neighbors who knew our names and helped each other. Stability and tradition, the kinds of things that don’t change with the seasons. ”
She nodded. “That’s easy to see right from the start with you.”
“Izzy grew up very differently. But we were a balance, so it seemed to work. She’d lived in six different states in America before she was even a teenager, so she was more adaptable than me.
The best way I could describe her was restless.
She craved change. When we were younger, that meant a new hobby every few months.
As we got older, it meant entire careers.
While I longed for stability, Izzy was always reaching for what came next.
And somehow, for a time, that balance held us together.
Until it didn’t.” I took a deep breath. “Her travels took her to bigger cities, and she decided she didn’t want to live in a small town anymore. ”
“Did you ever consider moving to give her what she wanted?”
I nodded. “I would have moved around the world to be with her back then. But she wanted her freedom. It didn’t make sense to me because when we were together, we were happy. And I needed to make sense of it, which was why I initially convinced myself she was having an affair.”
“But she wasn’t?”
I shook my head. “I’m grateful I didn’t find any evidence she was. It made accepting that we were just different people much easier, and I was able to move on without holding on to a lot of anger and bringing my past into my future relationships.”
She smiled ruefully. “I definitely understand that. I already felt like I didn’t know how to let go of my distrust from my past relationships and my job, and now…finding out even my dad wasn’t loyal, it all feels too heavy to lift.”
“It will take time.”
Allegra looked into my eyes. “What happens if it takes so much time that something really great passes me by?”
I reached across the table and stroked her cheek. “If something is really that great, it will be there for you when you’re ready.”
Her eyes filled with tears, yet she smiled. “You promise?”
I nodded. “Ti prometto.” I promise you.