CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Later that night, Mick was in his bathrobe as he sat at the pool just outside of Teddy and Nikki’s guesthouse.
He’d taken up temporary residence there after Roz kicked him out of their home.
But now that she’d made her decision crystal clear, he knew he had to find more permanent living arrangements.
He knew he’d have to leave a home he had for decades, and that he built up with his imprimatur all over it, because of his own stupid ass.
He took another sip of his wine. What he most feared in his life had come to past. He was going to grow old alone. Even his beloved Rosalind couldn’t stand the sight of him anymore.
But that didn’t mean he was ready to give her up. He wasn’t. He was certain he’d never be ready.
Oh God, bring her back to me. Please bring her back to me.
What was he going to do without Rosalind?
How could he have thrown away the best thing that ever happened to him?
She’d warned him year after year after year that she was going to get fed up with his drama and leave him.
But year after year after year he continued to bring on the drama anyway. He continued to run her away.
Was it on purpose?
Did he love her so much that he knew she was better off without him, and that his actions down through the years was giving her the permission structure she needed to leave him?
He knew better than that. His ass had never been that unselfish in his life. But then why didn’t he heed her warnings? Why did he let it come to this???
His heart was aching for Roz. He was anguishing for her.
He wanted to lay beside her again and hold her again and .
. . And what? And tell her that he loved her again when he rarely ever told her any such thing?
He brought this on himself. Period full stop.
He lost the love of his life and he lost her on his own terms. It was something he was just going to have to accept.
He caused this. He did this. It was out of his hands now.
He drained the last of his drink and sat the glass on the side table. He could sit up here all night and point the finger in only one direction. But what good would it do? He got up, went into the guesthouse, and took his ass to bed.
Although he was tired to exhaustion, sleep still wouldn’t come.
He tossed and turned. He laid on his back staring at the ceiling.
He compared his grand guesthouses to this little shithole Teddy and Nikki had.
Knowing they didn’t have any luxurious accommodations, at least not poolside, they insisted that he stay in the main house.
But he said no. He needed to be alone. As if he wasn’t already.
But when sleep finally looked as if it was going to overtake him, knocks were heard on the guesthouse door. Which spooked Mick. They found that bastard already?
He leaned up on his elbows. “Come in!”
There was a hesitation, and he was about to yell it out again, when the door finally opened and to his utter shock Roz walked in.
It was so unexpected that Mick, at first, was vintage Mick. He just stared at her with that look that bordered between you’re here to why are you bothering me?
But Roz knew Mick so well that she didn’t take that look on his face personally.
He was always a man who had to size up situations before he embraced them.
But when she closed and locked the door and slowly walked up to his bedside, that guard that he had up came tumbling down and she could see his facial tension ease.
But he was still staring at her suspiciously as if he just knew she had the divorce papers in her hand and wanted to serve that revenge up nice and warm and rub it in his face.
But Roz had no such thing in her hands nor her mind. Because, like Mick, she’d been thinking long and hard too. And she’d reached a conclusion.
She sat on the edge of his bed. He laid back down and continued to look at her.
Just seeing her gorgeous face, including those high cheekbones he adored, was enough to make a grown man cry.
How could he have blown it so spectacularly?
How could he have not seen this day coming when Big Daddy, when Amelia, when Tommy, when Teddy, when even Duke warned him time and time again that it was going to happen?
That Roz was one day going to be once and for all done with him?
But his arrogance wouldn’t let him believe it. Women were breaking down doors to be next to him, but Roz was breaking down doors to get away from him? His slick ass just couldn’t believe it.
Now it was upon him.
He had no choice.
He noticed that Roz was dressed in a pair of shorts and one of his white, long-sleeved dress shirts, and she wore no bra, as if she threw something on and came on over. But she just sat there. She still hadn’t said a mumbling word.
So Mick relieved that responsibility from her. That was the least he could do. “Everybody okay at the house?” he asked her.
Roz was glad he broke the ice because she wasn’t quite sure how she was going to. Or even if she should.
She looked at him. And nodded her head. “Everybody’s fine. Big Daddy went back to Maine and Amelia dropped by.”
“Anybody heard from Hammer?”
Roz shook her head. “Nope. Not even Millie. And she’s tired of it.”
“She should be. She’s going to divorce his ass for real this time if he doesn’t straighten up.”
When Mick said those words that could have easily been applied to him, he and Roz shared a glance.
But neither could sustain it and quickly looked away.
Especially Mick. Because every fiber of his being was telling himself that very same thing.
But only with more venom: You fool. You stupid fool!
How could you allow your dumb ass to lose this precious lady? How???
And that was why he stopped with the small talk and got down to business. Why prolong his agony? “Why are you here, Rosalind?” he asked her. Then he decided to be vulnerable and verbalize his greatest wish: “Did you have a change of heart?”
Roz looked at him. “A change of heart?” Then she shook her head. “No.”
Mick’s heart sank. A small part of him, when she first walked in, had been hopeful. Now even that was gone.
But then Roz said: “My heart never changed for me to have a change of heart.”
Mick didn’t realize that his eyes had looked away from her, and looked so downcast, until she said those words. He looked at her again. “What do you mean?”
She almost blurted it out. But she hesitated as if she was still trying to figure it out herself.
Then she exhaled. “You’re infuriating, Michello.
You are the most infuriating human being I have ever met in the entirety of my life.
Most times I’m amazed we lasted this long.
I was the kind of girl who didn’t take any bullshit from a man.
As soon as my bullshit antenna went up, I booked. I bounced. I left his ass in the dust.”
Then she paused again. And Mick’s heart that wanted to soar began to sink again.
“But I realized we lasted this long because you never bullshitted me.” She looked at Mick.
Mick was staring at her. “You told me from jump that you was a hard man who would give me a hard life and if I had any brains at all I’d run.
” She smiled. Mick couldn’t even fathom smiling.
He was in too much inward turmoil to even consider such a thing.
But Roz was used to that too. She continued talking. “Most of my friends were certain we wouldn’t make it a full year. And the idea that I would pack up my life and move to Philly to be with a reputed mob boss was insanity to them. Hell it was insanity to me! But I did it. And here we are.”
Then the look on her face changed. She was confident and matter-of-fact. Now a look of grave concern pierced her armor. And Mick believed, in that moment, that she was as anguished as he was.
Roz continued talking. “I had to ask myself why am I done with this man? What did he do this time that he didn’t do a million times before?”
“I cheated on you,” Mick said.
But Roz was shaking her head. “No you didn’t.
You was a player who was still trying to navigate what being a one-woman man looked like.
It wasn’t as if you knew anybody who’d ever been a one-woman man.
Not even Big Daddy, back in the day, could claim that mantle.
But you said something to me that touched me deeply. ”
Mick was hanging on to her every word. “What did I say?”
“You said from the moment I stepped foot in Philadelphia, you’ve been faithful to me. And I do know, Mick, how incredibly difficult that was for you. I’ve seen the lengths these hoes will go to be with you.”
Mick couldn’t take it anymore. “Roz, what are you saying? You’re killing me over here. Please just tell me what you’re saying to me.”
Roz shook her head. That was Mick. He was no bullshitter. He was no liar. “I’m saying, you big lug,” she said, “that life with you has been hard as hard can be. No lie. No shade. But it’s also been the most exhilarating life I could have ever imagined for myself.”
Mick got back up on his elbows. Was she saying what he thought she was saying?
“I can trust you with my life, Mick. And when I need help, you don’t walk to my aid, you run.
And you fix it. Because you know what you’re doing.
You always have. What I look like giving that up to do what?
Marry an accountant? Or a school teacher?
Or God forbid, an actor?!” She shook her head.
“I can’t leave you, Mick. I just can’t.”
But before she even got those last words out of her mouth, Mick had grabbed her, pulled her on top of him, and was hugging her and crying oh Roz so many times that she couldn’t help but laugh.
It was as if his reaction alone was her confirmation that coming there and putting it all on the line had been the absolute right choice.
Mick looked into her eyes. An unshed tear was in his eye. “I will never let you regret your decision.”
Roz smiled. “I already have. You’re squeezing me to death!”
Mick laughed too, and eased his grip on her.
But then his look turned serious. And so did hers. They understood the enormity of her decision. Every year, or maybe even every few months, they would go through it and Roz would either leave or kick him out or threaten to leave. It was the nature of their tumultuous relationship.
But Mick knew he owed her more than that. “If I don’t change this time, and stick with it, you have my permission to kick my ass.”
“That’s all?”
“Yes that’s all. What more you want woman?”
“I can kick your ass, but I want you to kiss mine.”
Mick was already getting hard. Roz could feel his erection beneath her. But when she said those words, he went so hard that he nearly ejaculated.
He lifted the shirt off of her, removed her shorts, and put the cover over her naked body too. And then he kissed her with a kiss that was so emotionally impactful that it sealed their fate. They were together forever. Come rain or shine.
And then Mick, remembering what she said, laid her on his stomach, kissed her all the way down her gorgeously smooth back, and then he kissed her ass.
He kissed it and squeezed it and rubbed it.
He spread her legs and did more than that.
And then he moved between those legs. And worked his will on her there too.
Until ultimately, he moved back up and got on top of her, entered her from behind, and did her. He made slow, endearing love to her.
Timewise, it was the longest length of time that they’d ever made love.
Because it started with her on her stomach.
It continued with her on her back. And then it finally ended after Mick pulled her on top of him, kissed her breasts, and began moving inside of her with such loving care and tenderness that they both came together.
And for the first time, they both realized that Roz didn’t cry during their lovemaking. But Mick did.
Which, when they both had given all they had to give and Mick pulled out, had them both smiling. “If your men could see you now,” Roz said happily as she wiped the lone tear that had escaped down his face.
Mick shook his head. “I’ll kick your ass you even think about telling anybody.”
She laughed.
“Besides,” he added, “It was dust in my eyes. That was dust. That’s what you were seeing.”
“Yeah, dusty tears. Got it.”
Mick slapped her butt. Which actually hurt her. And then they laughed together. And kissed again. And Mick began to throb again. And Roz began to pulsate again. And they made love again.