Chapter 10
Test the Pull
“You sure I can't drop by? I haven't had a chance to see her yet, and I don't want her to think I'm blowing her off.”
Elijah goes to Highland High, so we usually spend the weekends together since we don't get to see one another often during the school week.
“E, she wouldn't remember anyway, so there's nothing to worry about. I've missed her and don't feel like sharing today.”
I'm in Liz's kitchen making an early lunch. Her uncle, Daniel, left about an hour ago so she and I could hang out. I finish draining the corkscrew pasta while talking to Elijah over speakerphone. One of Liz’s favorite dishes used to be pesto pasta with pine nuts and black olives, so that’s what I’m making.
I did a quick stop at the grocery store for supplies on my way over.
“I hope you don’t mind E, but I really just want to spend some time with her alone. This week at school was a bit crazy with all of us. I think we overwhelmed her. It's hard enough holding off the families and Brea and Jamie.”
Both my and Ry's families are desperate to see Liz, but they understand our reasons for them to not all approach her yet.
Elijah assures me, “I get it and I understand. Are we still on for tonight?”
I completely forgot we were going out for dinner and a movie. “Do you mind if I take a rain check? I just really want to spend the day with Liz if that’s alright with you.”
“Lunch and dinner. Should I be jealous?”
I know he’s joking, but a part of me feels guilty that I’m blowing him off.
I can’t help myself. I have this craving need to be with Liz.
It hit me last night just how much I missed her.
Everything is more complicated because of her amnesia.
We need to re-learn how to be with each other.
It’s not going to be the easy, carefree existence we used to share.
It’s going to take a lot of hard work and even more patience and understanding.
“I’ll call you tomorrow. Want to come run with me?”
“If I must," he teases. "Love you, J.”
“Ditto. See you tomorrow.” I hang up and open the jar of pesto just as Liz walks back into the kitchen.
I had arrived an hour early today because I couldn't wait any longer to spend the day with her. She hadn't gotten dressed yet and was in her pajamas when I got here. While I started cooking lunch, she went to take a quick shower and get dressed. She’s braided her long multi-colored hair into two pigtails that hang down past her shoulders, and she smells like flowers and soap. Her face is glowing like she’s been out in the sun.
Liz opens the fridge and holds up a pink box that smells like vanilla. “Hope you don’t mind. I had Daniel pick up dessert this morning from a bakery I found the other day.” She smiles and I’m entranced. “It might taste awful, but it looks really good.”
I stare at her like a creeper because I can’t help myself.
“Um, Julien?”
Get a grip, I chastise myself. “Sorry.”
She sniffs the air and hums. “Lunch smells delicious.”
“Something you used to like.” I stop. “I wonder if you’ll still like it. Does amnesia cause your taste buds to change?”
“You know what? That’s actually an interesting question. I guess we’re about to find out. It smells fantastic, so I’m sure I’ll love it. Can I help with anything?”
“Nope. I’m just about done. You can keep me company while I finish up.”
“Want anything to drink?”
“Water would be nice.”
She takes two chilled bottles from the fridge and opens one for me.
Liz used to be beautiful, but my God, she’s absolutely stunning now, even with braided pigtails.
There’s just something different about her that I can’t pin down.
Perhaps it’s my imagination since I haven’t seen her in months, but still.
“You’re staring again.”
“Oh. Sorry. I was trying to figure out what’s different about you.”
“What? Like plastic surgery different? Weight loss different?”
“Neither of those. I can’t describe it.”
Liz laughs and flexes her bicep. She really is packing some serious strength behind her girlie, curvy figure. “Once the doctors gave me green light, I started working out. I like to run too. Did I do those things before?”
“We had to bribe you with coffee and scones just to get you up in the morning for school. The only time I ever saw you run was when Jay was chasing you.”
“Wow. So I am different than before. You look like you work out as well.”
“I run ten miles almost every morning to keep in shape for soccer.”
“Are you any good?”
“I’d like to think so.” I look at her. “You used to think so.”
I finish mixing the pasta and spoon some onto a plate I had put out, then I add the toasted pine nuts before making a show of presenting it to her.
“Dig in.”
She scoops up a large fork full. The moan she makes when she bites into the pasta makes my nerve endings go haywire.
“So good,” she murmurs between bites. “You’re a talented chef on top of your claim of being a talented soccer player. Any other talents I should know about?”
“I’m good with my hands.”
Liz chokes a little on her food and takes a large swallow of water. “Good to know,” she replies, a rosy blush creeping up her neck and cheeks. This is getting interesting. Liz and I never flirted with each other like we’re doing now.
We finish eating, and since it’s sunny outside, I suggest we go out on the back patio. I bring the dessert box and two forks.
Liz slides a switch up on the wall. “Let me turn on the overhead fans outside. It’ll help cool things off so it’s not so hot out on the patio.”
When we walk outside, I notice a couple of cushioned chairs and a patio sofa. I offer her the chair that is directly under a fan and slide another closer to hers for myself.
“Your house is really nice.”
“It's very small compared to Daniel's place in Durham. He said he liked this one a lot because it looked like the archetypal white-picket fence home. He thought something smaller would make me feel more comfortable.”
“Things going well with him?” I open the cake box and find a small Bundt cake inside. I take one of the forks and drag it down the side of the dessert and taste it. “Hey. This is pretty good. Here.”
I get another fork full of cake and hold it out for her. She quirks her brow at me and opens her mouth, then grabs my wrist and directs my hand toward her pink-tinted lips.
“Mmm. You’re right. It’s really, really good. Where’s my fork?”
I hand it to her, and we both dig in.
“To answer your question, Daniel is doing the best he can. It's hard for him. He feels guilty that he never spoke to Dad much or had much of a relationship with me or Hailey until it was too late. So now, he's overcompensating to make up for it.”
“Like buying you a muscle car?”
Liz smiles sheepishly.
“Jay and I were wondering why we didn't recognize him. Makes sense now from what you said.”
We keep taking small bites of the cake until half of it is gone. “I think that’s enough,” she groans. “I’m stuffed.”
Liz settles back in her chair and kicks her feet up on the low table. I’m happy that she feels comfortable enough around me to be able to relax. I take out my phone and go to the picture I had been looking at last night.
“This is us at junior prom. I had never seen you look more beautiful than you did that night.”
She sits up and takes my phone from me. “Ryder and Jayson had some photos of prom on their phones. You were my prom date?”
“We all were. Me, Jay, and Ryder.” I tap the group picture of the four of us.
“I had three prom dates?”
“It’s complicated.”
Liz huffs at me. “You guys are going to have to clue me in soon. Did I like have a harem of men catering to my every whim or something?”
“No. Nothing like that. It’s not what you’re probably thinking.”
“Well, then what was it like, because between these pictures, the comment Fallon made, and what you guys told me the other day, it sounds exactly like that.”
“I think that’s something best left to when the guys are here too.”
She huffs again. It’s adorable.
“I’ll give you this much. We all loved you and you loved us.”
Liz points her finger at me. “See, that right there makes it sound really scandalous.”
“It’ll make more sense once you hear the whole story. I promise it’s not as debauched as you think it is.”
“Look at you, coming at me with the big words,” she laughs.
“Liz, in all honesty, you, me, and the guys are the best of friends. We've basically been joined at the hip since elementary school.”
“I feel it, you know,” she says. “I feel the pull. I feel it strongest when I’m with Ryder. I also feel it with you. But you’re clearly with Elijah. And Jayson…well, he scares the crap out of me. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he and I were together. It’s very confusing.”
“I know you don’t remember, but I’m bi. I was always attracted to you.
But you and Jay started dating, and Ryder and I stepped aside.
Then I fell in love with Elijah. But never for a second doubt my love for you, Liz.
Even though I’m in love with Elijah, I will always love you, too.
Ryder notwithstanding, you’re my best friend. ”
She places my phone down on the patio table and stands up to face me.
Her light green eyes scan my face, roaming down my torso past my hips until they get to my bare feet, before slowly coming back up.
She steps closer and my heart begins a rapid beat.
Liz holds her hand out for me to take and when I do, she pulls me to stand.
Liz is tall, but I’m a good six inches taller than she is.
Reaching up, she skims her fingertips down both my arms until she reaches my hands.
I bend my hands back to open them, and Liz twines her fingers with mine.
“Julien, I have an odd request.” She hesitates, licking her lips. “I need to kiss you now, and you need to let me.”
I swallow, my throat suddenly feeling like it’s stuffed with cotton. “Liz, I’m with Elijah.”
She scans my face again before focusing on my mouth.
“I know you are. I feel safe with you, Julien. I need to see what this pull is. I need to understand it. Does that make sense? I need to start making sense of all this confusion. I feel like I’m losing my mind.
I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. I just need to know. Will you help me?”
Her pained voice breaks my heart. It reminds me that I didn’t protect her. I didn’t stop her from leaving that night. She got hurt because of my failure. Because I didn't try harder to convince her to get out of the car. I’ll do anything to make up for it.
I utter the only word I’m capable of. “Yes,” I hear myself say and I close my eyes.
I wait a beat and when nothing happens, I open my eyes again. She’s right in front of me, mere millimeters separating us.
“That’s better,” she says before closing the miniscule gap that brings her lips to mine.
She keeps her lips pressed tightly together and touches them to mine. The last girl I kissed was Liz’s ex-best friend Maria, when we were in fifth grade, way before I started dating Elijah. I haven’t kissed another girl since.
Liz pulls back and we gradually break apart.
Instant guilt consumes me. Did I just cheat on my boyfriend?
Does a somewhat innocent peck on the lips between friends count as being unfaithful?
Liz drops her forehead against my chest and sighs, and my heart constricts painfully.
Jay would kill me if he found out I kissed her, innocent or not.
We say nothing for a while. She slowly lowers back down to stand flat on her feet and rests her head against my chest. Clearing her throat, she says, “That was nice.”
“Yes, it was.” More guilt.
“You know,” she voices aloud, “you’re my first kiss. The first I remember anyway.”
I laugh, allowing the tension to drain from my body. “I hope it didn’t suck too bad.”
She tips her head up at me and gives me a mischievous smile. “I’ll need another one to compare it to.”
Who is this girl? This new version of Liz is dangerous, and if I’m not careful, I could be in a heck of a lot of trouble.
I tug at her hands. “Come on. I’m taking you out for the rest of the day.”
“What if I already have plans?
“Do you?”
“No.”
“Good.”
It’s after midnight when I open the front door to find Jay sitting at the bottom of the stairs, clearly waiting up for me. When Liz and I happened upon a café doing a karaoke night, her face lit up like Christmas. Naturally, I insisted we go in.
“Do you know what time it is?” Jay scowls at me from the bottom step.
“Yes, Dad,” I quip and walk into the living room to face-plant into the sofa. I'm exhausted from a long, but really fun, day.
Jay flicks the light switch for the living room causing the room to flood with bright light.
“Turn it off,” I grumble.
“Julien, are you drunk?”
I give him my middle finger. Jay’s booming laughter makes my head throb. “Please be quiet,” I mumble into the cushion. “I’m just really, really tired. I’ve been up since five.”
My eyes are drifting closed, and I decide I'm too tired to walk upstairs to sleep in my bed. The sofa will do for tonight. I hear Jay walk away and then noises from the kitchen. I roll over and make several grabs for my phone in my back pocket.
Me: Had so much fun with you today. Soooo sleepy. I'm supposed to go running with E tomorrow, which is now today. Ugh.
Ten seconds later.
Liz: Poor baby (insert mwah ha evil laugh)
Liz: I had fun too
Liz: Get some sleep, pretty boy.
Me: Nite.
Liz: Goodnight, Julien.
I throw my phone across the floor and collapse back against the sofa cushions. When I next open my eyes, Jay is standing over me, drinking from a can of soda.
“How did things go with Liz today?”
I had texted him and Ry earlier to let them know our lunch date turned into a night out. Jay was not happy about that.
“We went to Belly’s. We sang bad karaoke.” Wow. As tired as I am, I’m amazed that I can actually speak coherent sentences.
“I’m glad she had a good time with you. Come on. Let me help you to bed.”
“I’m too tired,” I whine.
Jay hefts me up and puts an arm around my waist to drag me up the stairs and into our room.