Chapter 12 #2
Screw that. I yank my pillow up to my face and scream into it.
I curse the world. I curse myself. I don’t want to hurt anyone.
I don’t want to hurt Jayson. But I hate it when he keeps pushing and pushing.
He wants me to be the girlfriend I used to be.
I can’t. I don't remember me being that person. I don’t remember him in that way.
I don’t want him like that. You want Ryder. You want Ryder to want you like that.
Someone knocks gently against the bedroom door. I scowl at it.
“Elizabeth,” Ryder speaks quietly to me through the door. “Elizabeth, open up, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart
“Talk to me. Please. Let me help.”
After a few petulant minutes, I open the door to find Ryder patiently waiting on the other side. He opens his arms and I immediately go to him. I need this. I need him. I hold him tight and bury myself deep against his chest.
“I told Jay to take off and give you some space.”
“I appreciate that,” I mumble against his shirt, marveling at how soft the fabric is. He smells good too. What is wrong with me?
“Julien’s in the kitchen. Want to tell me what happened?”
I heave a huge sigh. “No.”
“Whenever you’re ready, I’m here for you. So is Julien.” He tilts his face down and presses a kiss to the crown of my head. “And so is Jayson. He loves you, Elizabeth. He’s loved you most of his life. This is really hard for him.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Didn’t you love me too?”
He tenses. “Yes.”
“So why is it harder for him than it is for you, or for Julien?”
Ryder doesn’t answer me, and in not answering, he tells me everything.
I release my hold on him. “I need to take a shower and get ready for school. Jayson was right. I do smell.” I scrunch my nose up.
“I don’t mind.”
“Well, I do.”
He presses one last kiss to my forehead and turns to walk away. Looking back at me he affirms, “It’s going to be okay, Elizabeth,” and closes my bedroom door.
My phone chimes from where I left it charging on my bedside table. I pick it up.
ScaryGuy: I’m sorry.
So am I. For so many reasons.
Lunch today was excruciating because of the palpable tension between me and Jayson, so I was more than happy when it ended and I could escape to English class. I’m looking forward to fifty-five short, drama-free minutes.
“Hey,” Trevor says, sitting down in front of me. Meredith takes her usual spot at the desk beside me.
“So, I was thinking,” she begins.
“We were thinking,” Trevor corrects her. She rolls her eyes at her brother.
“We were thinking that it would be cool to do a study group together. What do you think?”
“I think it's just English class. There's really not much to study. We read a book and write papers.”
“True, but we could proof each other's writing; provide constructive criticism; quiz each other on important material for tests; and work on projects together to cut time. It'll be a win-win.”
Her points are valid. “Alright, you've convinced me. I'm in.”
Meredith claps her hands together. “When and where?” she asks.
“Our house?” Trevor suggests.
“What do you think, Elizabeth? Mom and Dad are cool and won't bother us while we study. Or not study. Dad finished setting up the home theater. We have a huge wall-mounted screen and surround-sound speakers, so we can always just watch movies or something if we get bored of studying.”
My desire not to be stuck at my house all the time makes the decision for me. Any other place sounds good to me right now. “Sounds great.”
Our teacher walks in, which signals that class is about to start. We've currently been discussing realism and reading Oscar Wilde. Wilde’s writing is actually very funny in a dry sort of way, and I've been enjoying “The Importance of Being Earnest.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I discreetly take it out, hiding it under my desk to check the screen.
Trevor: There's a party this weekend. Want to go?
Is he asking me out? I kick the back of his chair and Meredith raises her eyebrows at me.
Me: Me and the guys are going to watch Ryder race at the Fields on Friday and then Ryder's taking me surfing on Saturday.
Me: You and Meredith should come on Friday.
Trevor: What? Like a rally race or Motocross?
Me: Cars. Ryder races his Hellcat.
Trevor: Cool. Sounds much more fun than a boring party. Text me the info.
“Elizabeth, what did you think about the scene in Act Three where Jack and Algernon are revealed as not being Ernest?” Mrs. Pender asks.
Crap! I wasn't paying attention. She knows it and is calling me out. Luckily, I caught the last part and can figure out how to answer her question. Mrs. Pender isn’t fooled for a second, but since I answer her question correctly, she lets it go.
When class ends, Ryder is waiting for me outside in the hallway.
Just the fact that he's here sends those skittery little butterflies in my stomach to migrate up into my chest, making my heart flutter.
Ryder is leaning against the wall with one leg bent at the knee and his foot propped flat against the cinderblock wall.
He's looking down at his phone. A girl I haven't met yet is talking to him, but other than polite nods of the head, he's not paying any attention to her.
“What about Wednesday evenings?” Meredith asks me.
I forgot Trevor and Meredith were with me.
“What are we doing Wednesday?” I ask, confused. Meredith follows my gaze and grins a wicked smile.
“Study group. And you're drooling.”
“No, I'm not,” I splutter, but I wipe my mouth anyway, just in case.
Ryder looks up and sees me, and I forget to breathe.
Meredith pokes me in the side and lowers her voice, “You’re still drooling.”