Chapter 18
In Love
I can’t believe how badly I'm messing things up with Liz. The more I try to reconnect with her, the farther I drive her away. I’m about to lose my ever-loving mind.
And I’m afraid. Afraid from the past three months of thinking I was never going to see her again.
Terrified that she might have died and I would never know.
I’m also angry at having her back and not being able to touch her or hold her, kiss her or wake up to her wrapped in my arms. I don’t know how much more I’m going to be able to take.
A year ago, our lives were so beautifully put together; our futures were bright and full of promise.
We had Senior prom and Homecoming to look forward to.
Once we graduated high school, our plan was to attend Carolina University with Jules and Ry.
Liz and I would find a small one-bedroom apartment off campus, and we would live together.
So many dreams for us, and now those dreams are mine alone. Liz’s mind has wiped them all away.
As I wait on the porch for her to arrive, I’ve been wracking my brain for ways to get my girl back. She fell in love with me before. I need to go back to that time and figure out what I did then so that I can do it now.
While planning out my next move, Liz drives up and parks behind my truck in the driveway.
Our front door opens and Julien flies right by me, engulfing her in a hug as soon as she gets out of her car.
She laughs at something he says, and he places a kiss to the side of her head.
That’s something I’ve noticed more and more lately.
Julien never used to touch Liz like that before.
I’ll need to bring it up with him later.
“Liz brought dinner,” Jules says when he sees me. I walk down the porch steps and take the paper bags from her.
She smiles at me and I decide to take a chance and place my own kiss on her forehead. I regret it instantly because it makes me want to toss the bags and take her in my arms instead.
“What's for dinner?” I ask, spying a box of pasta.
“Spaghetti. Is that alright? I figured you can't go wrong with spaghetti.”
“It sounds delicious, Liz. Come on inside. Mom and Dad are out in the backyard.”
We put the groceries in the kitchen and the perishables in the fridge.
Then, we walk out to the back patio. The reunion with my parents goes better than I anticipated.
Mom tears up a couple of times, but she and Dad keep things light to avoid overwhelming Liz.
And because they are the best parents in the world, they go out for dinner and a late movie so we can have the house to ourselves.
Currently, we are gathered in the kitchen.
Liz has been humming the entire time as she helps Julien prepare dinner.
I have been relegated to staying out of the way.
I don’t mind one bit because it’s allowing me time to watch Liz.
She’s so pretty in her short shorts, tank top, and blond hair pulled up in a messy bun.
This is how it should be with us. Me and her in our own space, cooking dinner, relaxed and happy.
The only things missing are my hands around her waist and my lips devouring hers.
“Jay, you hear from Ry? I wonder where he's been today.”
I’m a little surprised when Liz answers Julien's question. “He’s hanging with Fallon tonight and said he'd drop by if it wasn't too late,” she replies casually, then stops. Her head snaps up and she looks at me. “He, um, texted me earlier.”
I raise my eyebrows and Liz turns back around and attacks a cucumber for the Greek salad with a fervor, cutting it into tiny, square pieces. Once she's finished, she walks over to where I’m sitting at the counter island, holding a slice of cucumber between her fingers.
“Open.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I let her pop the cucumber in my mouth and she licks her fingers afterwards
She walks over to the sink and hip-bumps Julien out of the way so she can wash her hands. “Salad is done.”
The least I can do is help drain the pasta. Julien takes it from me and dumps it into a pot with the sauce and mixes everything together.
“All right. Dinner’s ready.”
I put out three bowls and we serve ourselves. “Living room?” I suggest.
We choose to sit on the floor and use the coffee table. I make sure to sit across from Liz so I can look at her while we eat. As soon as we start digging into our food, her phone rings. She had placed it on the coffee table when she sat down.
“I need to take this. Sorry.” She raises the phone up to her face and smiles brightly. “Hey, Daniel.”
Over the video call we hear, “Hey, sweetheart. Is it a bad time?”
“We just sat down for dinner. Hold on.” Liz stands up and comes around the table so she’s behind me and Julien. "Say hi," she tells us. We wave at Daniel and he chuckles.
“I'll leave you guys to it. Text me if you're going to be later than eleven,” he tells Liz.
“Will do,” she replies and disconnects the video call.
“Does he always check up on you?”
Liz sits back down and twirls some pasta around with her fork. “Pretty much, but I'm used to it.”
Julien sucks in a noodle until it disappears into his mouth. “Football game on Friday.”
“That means no races at the Fields, right?” Liz asks.
She tries to imitate Julien by slurping her pasta between her pursed lips, but her noodle gets stuck halfway and wiggles around like a snake.
She gives up, grabs the end with her fingers, and dissolves into giggles trying to get the rest of it in her mouth.
Since I know she doesn’t remember, I explain to her, “The races always happen on Friday nights, but Ry doesn't go if there's a football game. For home games, we do a tailgate with my truck in the parking lot at school. It's a lot of fun. You used to love it. You're coming, right?”
“Absolutely. When do I get to see you play soccer, Julien?”
“First home game is mid-October this year and our season runs until February. The varsity team plays on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
“When does swimming start up?” she asks me.
“Since everything is indoors now, our meets start on the first week of December.”
“You guys told me that I never did any kind of sport, but I think I might be interested in joining the cross-country team. I saw their first competition is at the end of this month. I hope I'm not too late to sign up.”
I tap her fork with mine. "I'm sure they'd make an exception since, you know," I say, leaving out the rest of the sentence about her accident.
Julien clinks his fork with ours. “If not, there's always outdoor track and field. Their season doesn't begin until late February.”
“En garde,” Liz challenges playfully. Julien and I meet her fork with ours, and our spaghetti dinner devolves into a sword battle of clinking stainless steel.
After we finish eating, we grab some sodas and head out to the back deck. Dad installed outdoor speakers, so I turn on some music. Liz grabs a volleyball that Jules and I left out earlier today. We don't have a net up as we usually just hit the ball back and forth to each other.
“You game?” she asks us.
We're five minutes into our back-and-forth volleying game when I'm hit on the side of the head with a blast of water. Ryder is standing ten feet away with a super soaker, laughing uproariously. Julien has already taken off in search of our water guns.
Ryder aims at Liz, a wicked gleam on his face. She shrieks and jumps behind me.
Julien bellows from the side of the house. “It's on now!” He attacks Ryder with a stream of water, and they start chasing each other around the backyard.
“Now's our chance,” I tell Liz, grabbing her hand and dashing us to the side of the house where I know Julien would have left the other super soakers next to the outdoor spigot.
I fill ours up and hand her the biggest one. She's smiling at me so big and looking at me with such happiness, I can't stop myself from doing what I shouldn't.
I kiss her.
Holy crap! Jayson just kissed me. Then my brain overloads with flashes of disjointed images. Jayson climbing through my window. Jayson pushing me in a swing. Jayson hovering over me in bed, his silver eyes capturing mine. And then nothing.
When I come back to reality, he’s staring at me with concern. “Liz? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.”
I force myself to breathe in and out slowly.
The guys don't know about my memory blackouts because I haven't told anyone about them.
I need to distract him before he figures out that my zombied-out reaction wasn't caused by him kissing me.
I do the only I can think of— I pull the trigger on my water gun, hitting him directly in the chest, and take off running
By the time we are out of water, all four of us are soaked to the bone and look like drowned rats. I begin to shiver despite it still being warm outside.
“Can I borrow some clothes to change into?” I ask the twins.
Jayson wraps his arm around my shoulder and passes my water gun to Julien. The heat radiating off his body makes me lean into him, seeking his warmth.
“Yeah. Let's get inside. I have some sweatpants and a T-shirt you can borrow. Jules, can you loan Ryder some clothes?”
Ryder walks past us. “I have a spare set of clothes in my car. I'll be right back.”
Julien is already changed by the time Jayson hands me some dry clothes. “Can I change in the hallway bathroom?”
Jayson and Julien’s bathroom is connected to their room, and for some reason, I don’t feel comfortable changing in there.
“Not at all.”
I step inside the hall bathroom, closing and locking the door.
After a quick search, I find a towel rolled up on a shelf and use it dry myself off with, then towel dry my wet hair before changing into dry clothes.
I leave my wet clothes hanging over the lip of the tub.
I see a crossword book and a pencil lying on the bathroom counter and, taking the pencil, I twirl my hair around it, then shove the pencil into the ball of hair to make a sloppy top bun.
I hear Jayson and Ryder talking out in the hallway.
Opening the bathroom door, I watch Ryder go into the bedroom as Jayson descends the stairs.
I tiptoe over to the top of the stairs to make sure the coast is clear and listen as Jayson and Julien argue over what movie to watch.
Carefully, I make way to the twins' bedroom and quietly open the door, slip inside, then close the door behind me with a nearly silent click.
I immediately stop breathing when I turn around and see Ryder's naked back. Oh. My. God.
The sight of him shirtless has me weak in the knees, and I lean back against the door to steady my nerves. My hand goes to my chest, trying to hold back my pounding heart. I am in so much trouble with this boy.
“Hi.” I try to control the breathiness of my voice but fail miserably. Ryder abruptly spins around at the sound of my voice, but before he can say anything, I’m on him in flash. He gives a small grunt when I tackle him back onto the bed.
“Hi,” he whispers up at me, a goofy smile on his face.
“I couldn’t wait to do this.”
“Do what?”
“This,” I tell him, kissing him like my life depended on it. Ryder's arms wrap around me, bringing me down on top of him.
Our kiss this time is slow and sweet, but just as wonderful as the one we shared earlier today in the music room.
Once we pull apart, I push myself up using my arms so I can see his face. “Did you have a good time with Fallon?”
“Elizabeth,” he says, sitting up and burying his nose in crook of my shoulder. I think I've rendered him speechless. I love how I affect him as much as he does me. I don’t know what it is about Ryder and why I can't seem to stay away from him. All I know for certain is that I find him irresistible.
“He wanted me to check out his new car,” he eventually murmurs into my neck.
“The Radical?”
He lifts his head, those beautiful copper eyes looking at me. “No. He bought a Porsche 911.”
“How many cars does he have?”
Ryder shakes his head, chuckling. “You don't want to know. I even have trouble keeping up.”
I kiss him quickly one last time before slipping off his lap. “Don't want to get caught. I'll go out first,” I tell him, opening the bedroom door and peeking out to make sure the coast is still clear. I give him a thumb’s up before I walk out.
“Hey, Elizabeth,” Ryder quietly calls from the bed where he's still sitting, looking at me in a daze.
“Yeah?”
“You're beautiful. Just thought I'd tell you that.” That goofy grin makes its way across his face again.
I step out into the hallway and brace against the wall, feeling a little bit panicked but a whole lot happy. Panicked because I think I’m falling in love with him, and happy for the exact same reason.
When I get home later that night, I text Jayson and Julien to let them know I’m safe and sound. I take a quick shower and slip on my usual bedtime outfit of boy shorts and a tank top. Slipping under the bedcovers, I pose for a selfie with my phone and send it to Ryder.
Me: Goodnight Ryder.
HellcatClone: You’re killing me here.
I lick my lips. I can still taste his kiss on them.
Me: Thank you for saying yes. Looking forward to our date.
HellcatClone: Thank you for asking me. And I can't wait either.
Me: Was this how it was like before between us?
HellcatClone: This is so much better than before.
Me: Running with Julien in the morning. Breakfast when I get back?
HellcatClone: Won't be able to stay long. Visiting the grandparents tomorrow.
Me: Okay.
Me: Bring more donuts?
HellcatClone: Anything for you, Elizabeth.
Me: Goodnight Ryder.
HellcatClone: Sweet dreams baby.
Baby.
I unpack the bag I had with me today. When I pull out the plastic grocery bag that I put my wet clothes in, a silver origami star falls out and lands on the floor at my feet. Perplexed, I pick it up and notice some writing peeking out from one of the folds. I unfold it to see a message.
“You aren’t just a star to me, you are my whole damn sky.”