Chapter 14 #2
The elevator doors open and Fallon escorts me to our town car. While in the restaurant, we eat our dinner in silence. I’m eager to talk with him about the helicopter ride, but Fallon has decided to withdraw into quiet contemplation.
Once we return to our hotel suite, I leave him alone and go out onto the terrace to enjoy my last night sky in Paris.
I’ve learned to allow Fallon his mood swings and know he’ll soon seek me out when he’s ready.
Sure enough, I hear his footsteps walking over to where I’m standing, and the hairs on my arms raise when he gets nearer.
“I’m sorry about tonight. I wasn’t very good company.”
Now it’s my turn to be silent. I can hear the lilting notes of a violin coming from the street level below.
I recognize the tune and hum along with it.
Fallon moves behind me and extends his arms on either side of me against the terrace railing.
I sway slightly to the music of the violin.
Fallon’s arms shift from the banister to wrap around my front, and we rock gently from side to side.
I don’t know when it happened—it wasn’t like a flash-bulb type of epiphany—but I’ve come to care deeply about Fallon.
I enjoy his company and his friendship. Most importantly for me is that I trust him.
He can be volatile, and he gets under my skin like no one else can, but he’s also caring and dependable and bluntly honest. He’s doesn’t treat me as fragile.
I’ve become stronger being with him on this trip
“Did you know Paris is called the city of love?” he says next to my ear, his tone somber and a bit sad.
“La ville de l’amour et la ville de la romance,” I reply and feel him smile against my hair.
“Tu parles francais?
“Un peu.
“What if I told you that I was in love with you and I wanted you to choose me? That I wanted you to stay?”
I stop swaying and turn around so I can look him in the eye. “First, I would remind you that you told me recently that love was a selfish lie that was used to manipulate people.
“What if I’ve changed my mind?” he says curtly.
“Then I would tell you that my heart belongs to someone else.”
“You’ve decided?” A look of panic crosses his face.
I have. It’s taken two weeks, but I’ve made my decision. However, right now, I want to be with Fallon. I want a few more days—a few more adventures with him—before I go back.
“You said you’re not ready to let me go, and I’m telling you I’m not ready to leave yet. I want to finish our journey, Fallon. We can wait a few more days to decide what happens next.”
Fallon grips my waist and pulls me with him to the terrace doors. “If I only have a few days left with you, I want you next to me. I want to fall asleep holding you. Even if it is just an illusion, I want to pretend, just for a moment, that you’re mine.”
In a weird sort of way, it’s not an illusion.
A part of me will be forever his now, just like a part of me belongs to Jayson, Ryder, and Julien.
Life is not about giving your love to only one person.
It’s about giving your whole self in every way possible to those who deserve it.
It’s like I told Fallon—it’s possible to love more than one person.
You can love your friends and your family and still have enough love to share with someone new who you’re lucky enough to have stumble into your life along the way.
“I swear I won’t do anything more than hold you. Can you give me that for tonight?”
Can I? Would I be crossing another line that I shouldn’t?
His vibrant blue eyes sparkle as they look at me. He really is gorgeous. He’s just not the man I’m in love with.
“Yes, I think I can do that,” I reply carefully, and he exhales the breath he had been holding.
“Thank you.”
When we get inside, I go to my room and grab a large shirt and sleep shorts, then I walk into the bathroom to change.
When I come out, Fallon is dressed in gray sweatpants and a black cotton T-shirt.
He’s reclined back on my bed with his legs outstretched in front of him.
I climb under the covers while he remains on top of them, and he pulls me to him, his arms banding around my duvet-covered middle.
And that’s how we stay for the rest of the night.
Fallon seems to need me just as much as I’ve come to depend on him.
There’s a loneliness, a darkness, inside of him that needs me to help bring it toward the light.
I may be crossing some lines with what I’m doing.
I’m pretty sure that Ryder or Jayson wouldn’t be happy to see me and Fallon in bed together even though nothing will happen between the two of us.
For me, it’s platonic; just two friends giving each other comfort.
I can’t even count how many times me and the guys slept at each other’s houses with all of us piled together on the same bed.
It may be unconventional to many, but it’s normal to me.
Fallon readjusts our positions so that his head is resting on my shoulder. “You always smell so good,” he says, and then we fall asleep.