Chapter 20
I remember the smell of rubbing alcohol and disinfectant very well.
It’s a bitter, unpleasant smell that invades your nose and sticks to your tongue until you can actually taste it.
And I absolutely hate emergency rooms. Being inside one again hits me with too many bad memories.
The night of Fallon’s party when Ry brought me here to have my stomach pumped because someone spiked my drink.
The afternoon when Julien was injured during a soccer match.
The morning we found out Liz had been in a car accident and was in a coma. And then there is now.
I watch Liz as she fitfully sleeps, looking so small and vulnerable in the utilitarian hospital bed, her face ghostly pale from the dim light coming through the blinds of the window. The quiet of the room is made eerier by the occasional beeping sound from the heart rate monitor.
The hospital room door makes a clicking sound and a quiet whir as Fallon carefully slides inside, trying not to wake Liz.
He offers me a Styrofoam cup of what I know will be horrible vending machine coffee and eases down next to me on the two-cushioned quasi-sofa situated next to the window.
Naturally, Fallon worked his rich-boy magic and got Liz transferred to a private room.
The last time I checked my phone, it was around two in the morning.
Even though Liz and the baby were given the all-okay, the doctor decided to keep her overnight.
“Just because,” he had explained, which was no explanation at all.
Daniel and Mr. Montgomery left a little while ago with Hailey, who had to take Brea home.
Julien stepped out with Elijah an hour ago to try and grab some sleep in the waiting room.
Mom and Dad wanted to come but I told them not to and lied that everything was fine.
I’ll need to tell them about the baby soon.
I wonder if Ryder told his parents tonight.
“How’re you holding up?” Fallon asks me, wincing when the couch creaks as he sits down. Liz stirs but doesn’t wake up.
“Tired. Thankful. Worried. You?” I sip the scalding hot coffee and immediately put it down on the low table in front of me. The stuff is just nasty. The next time Jules comes back in, I’ll send him off to Starbucks to get something I can actually drink.
“Same,” Fallon breathes, roughly scrubbing his face several times with both hands. He digs the heels of his palms into his eyes, then sighs. “You can add pissed as well.”
The scabbing on the knuckles of his right hand catches my eye. The guy really did go all berserker on Marshall, and I hate—like really, really hate—to say that I’m a little impressed. Okay, a lot impressed. The guy knows how to throw a punch.
All of us are upset. Not just because of what happened to Liz, but also because Ryder never showed up.
He didn’t come. He won’t answer his texts or calls.
I was half-tempted to call Freda and Mitch and have them drag his butt here, kicking and screaming if need be.
Liz wouldn’t stop crying. She cried so much, she physically exhausted herself and fell asleep.
It was one of the most heart-wrenching things I’ve ever witnessed.
Thankfully, all the tests and the ultrasound they did helped ease our minds that the baby is healthy and alright. I don’t care who this kid belongs to. I fell in love with it from the moment I found out Liz was pregnant. Maybe that’s why I’m so angry at Ryder right now.
Liz has a couple of nice-sized bruises on her torso.
She’ll be feeling those for a day or two, but otherwise she’s fine.
Thank God. I close my eyes and take a few deep, calming breaths when the rage starts to roil quick and hot.
Marshall better hope we never cross paths again.
And don’t get me started about Maria. If she hadn’t been playing one of her stupid mind games to make her ex jealous, Liz wouldn’t be here right now.
Fallon and I look up when the door cracks open and Julien’s head pops in. He gives us a come here wave of his hand. Fallon and I are both up and moving at the same time. We follow Jules out into the hallway.
“What’s up?” I ask him in a low whisper. I can tell something’s wrong. We’re twins, so it’s easy to detect subtle changes in facial expression and body language
“Ry’s here.”
I look past Julian’s shoulder and down the hallway but there’s no sign of him.
“He’s outside in the parking lot. Elijah and I went to get some fresh air and saw his car as soon as we walked out the doors.”
Confused, I ask, “Then where is he?
“Still in his car.”
I turn to Fallon and a silent agreement passes between the both of us. Looking back at Julien, I ask, “Could you sit with Liz?”
“Of course. I’ll go get Elijah. He stayed in the waiting room just in case Ryder decided to come in.”
I hug my brother, so thankful he’s here with me, then Fallon and I walk to the bank of elevators located past the nurse’s station. As soon as we step inside the box, Fallon presses the button for the lower floor. He leans back against the stainless-steel wall.
“How are we going to handle this?”
Jesus, I wish I knew. “Depends on Ryder.”
Fallon gives me a sharp nod. I know he and I have never gotten on well or even liked each other much.
He and Ry, however, have been friends for a very long time.
Almost as long as Ry, Liz, Jules, and I have been friends.
The two of them met the summer before fifth grade.
I think it was when Mr. Montgomery took one of his fancy cars to Randy’s garage to get some detail work done.
Ryder practically lived at his dad’s garage that summer.
Still does. One day Randy is going to retire and pass the garage on to Ry.
Anyway, that’s how Fallon and Ry met. Their friendship grew from there.
“He’s being a dick.”
“So you’ve already told him.” Fallon straight-up told Ry that before the races when Maria had been hanging around him like a bad cold while Liz watched from the sidelines.
Fallon makes a snorting sound like he’s trying to stop himself from laughing.
We walk out of the elevator as soon as it opens, and my heart hammers wildly when we exit the hospital.
The cold night air hits my face, waking me up better than any cup of coffee ever could.
Or maybe it’s the surge of adrenaline I’m feeling when I spot Ryder’s profile in the driver’s seat of his Hellcat.
Ryder stares us down as we approach his car. With my arms crossed at my chest, I wait for Ryder to get out. Fallon, being Fallon, sits down on the hood like he’s daring Ry to come and say something.
Eventually, the driver’s side door opens—and here we go. Fallon and I will not be the first to speak, and we will not make this easy on him.
The pole lights dispersed throughout the parking lot give me a good look at Ryder’s disheveled appearance and beat-up face. Marshall got a couple of good hits in before Fallon stepped in.
I want to roll my eyes like a girl when Ry matches our stubbornness to not be the first one to flinch. If I have to, I’ll stand here all day in the freezing cold and not say a word.
Eventually, Ry shoves his hands into his front jeans’ pockets and says, “How is she?”
“Do you even care?” Fallon challenges, and damn, that was harsh. But accurate.
Ry’s hands immediately fly out of his pockets and form tight fists at his side. Fallon flicks his gaze to them, looks back up at Ry, and smirks.
“That’s a stupid question,” Ry argues. “Of course, I care.”
“You can ask her yourself when you go up to see her,” Fallon tells him.
Ry shakes his head no and Fallon straightens up to his full height. Things are about to turn ugly if I don’t do something.
“Ry, just go up and talk to her. Let her explain. She needs you.”
Oh, Ryder didn’t like that one bit.
“Apparently, my girlfriend doesn’t need me at all. Which one of you was it?” He snarls out the words.
This time Fallon does laugh. Loudly. “You seriously believe that girl would ever cheat on you? Kitten loves you, man. How many times is she going to have to walk over hot coals to prove that to you?”
His eyes widen as grief sinks in. “She didn’t…you guys…the baby is mine?”
“More than likely,” I reply, not wanting to give him false hope when there’s a slight chance that I’m the father.
His gaze turns caustic. “What does that mean?”
“You know exactly what that means.”
Ryder releases a string of curse words before he dejectedly states, “I can’t do this.”
Fallon and I look at each other with matching WTF expressions.
Ry turns and slams his hands down on the roof of his Hellcat, the sound bouncing off and echoing between the parked cars. “I can’t. Not right now.”
I’ve been best friends with Ryder for most of my life.
I know I screwed up and almost destroyed our friendship when I pursued Liz behind everyone’s backs.
I know how much that betrayed him and Julien.
But deep, deep down, Ry was still my brother in my heart.
I love him just as much as I love my twin.
But the guy standing before me now is a complete stranger.
“What are you saying?” Fallon asks him.
Ry spears his hands through his hair in frustration.
“I don’t even know if I’m going to be alive by the end of the year!
” he shouts. “I don’t know if…” He stops and hits the car again.
“How can I put her through that? How can I allow myself to get attached, knowing that I may not be around? Jesus, I won’t be around at all for the rest of the year because I’ll be in isolation then recovery!
” he yells, his face screwed up as if he’s in pain.
He probably is. His heart is more than likely trying to rip from his chest right now.
Ry jabs an angry finger at us. “You will never understand. You’re not the ones with cancer!”
He yanks on the door handle and propels himself into the seat of the car.
“Don’t you dare leave,” Fallon warns him, just as Ry pulls the door closed.
As soon as the ignition is engaged, Ry backs out of the parking spot and drives off. There’s nothing Fallon nor I can do to stop him.
Ry has given up. On himself. On Liz. On the baby. And I hate him for it.