Chapter 22
Dear Elizabeth,
God, where do I begin. Saying I’m sorry would sound trite.
Saying I’m a coward would just be an excuse.
But saying how much I love you would be the absolute truth.
I don’t know why I can’t put a voice to my feelings.
I don’t know why I shut you out. Okay, that’s a lie.
I do know. I’m so scared, Elizabeth. No matter how much hope I try to have, it’s not able to beat out the fear.
The fear that this cancer will win, and I won’t be able to see your beautiful face again.
I’m so sorry for what I accused you of. I didn’t mean it. Please forgive me.
Ryder
I fold the note and wedge the paper into the top of the rectangular black jewelry box. The one that holds the charm bracelet I bought for Elizabeth to give to her on her birthday.
Dear Ryder,
Merry Christmas. I don’t know why I’m writing this.
I’m never going to give it to you, so why bother, right?
I guess I just needed to put my pain down on paper.
I’m not a poet like Hailey, so I can’t write about something horrible and make it sound beautiful.
Because that is what my life is like without you here.
It’s horrible. It’s dark. I can’t breathe.
I feel so lost. So hurt. So broken. I have loved you for most of my life.
I will love you forever more. But right now, I think I also hate you a little.
And this will be the last letter I ever write you.
Elizabeth