17. Sawyer #3
I roll my hips again, torturously slow, feeling him right at the edge of my pussy, and my breath catches at how full even that little bit makes me feel. He groans, long and low, his whole body trembling with the effort of keeping still.
“Jesus Christ, you’re so tight. Even just—”
I push forward, my pussy stretching around his tip. I love how he’s barely holding on.
“Don’t you want to sink in?” I tease, grinding against his head, chasing the pressure building low in my belly, using him exactly how I want. “Fuck me full of your cum?”
“Don’t,” he says, biting at my neck. “Don’t test me.”
I laugh but it comes out in a rasped moan as he pushes in an inch more. God, I wish I wasn’t trying to torture him because I want his cock inside me more than anything. Even though I hate him. Even after everything.
I grip the base and pull him out, then rock myself over his length, harder and faster, until I’m right at the edge.
“Come for me, Sawyer. Such a good fucking girl.”
The praise cracks something open in me, and the pressure crests fast and sharp, my whole body going rigid against him as his hands tighten and he spreads my thighs wide.
I guide him back to my entrance, notching him right there, and as the release rolls through me I sink in just enough to take his tip.
“Oh, fuck. Sawyer…you’re so tight…”
I clench around him, riding out the last waves of my orgasm, and I feel him twitch inside me, barely an inch deep, shaking with restraint.
“Sawyer. I’m right there. I’m so fucking close, I can’t—”
“Come in me.”
He curses, hips jerking forward, and I feel his hot cum spill inside me, his whole body shuddering through it, groaning my name against my throat like it’s being ripped out of him.
We stay like that for a long moment, both of us trembling and breathing hard, him barely inside me and neither of us making the first move to change that.
“Fuck,” he breathes, forehead dropping to my shoulder, kissing me there. “You’re incredible. So much more than I deserve.”
“I won’t argue you there.”
“For once,” he says with a smirk.
Finally, he lets go and my feet touch the soft sand again.
I adjust my bathing suit and swim a little, stretching out on my back and floating.
I know his eyes are on me and if I were to swim too far in his mind, he’d swim until he was right there beside me.
But for now, I don’t want to be away, I want to stay close.
If I were being true to myself and not guarding my heart, I’d still be wrapped in his arms.
We wade out eventually, my legs unsteady enough that I almost stumble on some loose rocks, but he’s right there to catch my arm. “I’ve got you.”
I hate that those three words mean more to me than anything else he’s said today.
He grabs the towel and shakes the sand off of it before spreading it out. It’s not big enough for both of us, but it’s something, so we lie back side by side, our shoulders touching, quietly taking it all in.
The sun warms my pebbled skin, drying the water dripping from my hair. My whole body feels looser than it has in weeks. I’m comfortable, content. Even though I know none of this is real.
I’ve always loved how Knox is okay sitting in the silence. That was never Owen, and I didn’t fault him for it, but it did get to me sometimes. I wonder what’s going through Knox’s head right now.
As the thought passes, he finds my hand in the space between us, lacing his fingers through mine. Then he shifts, propping himself up on one elbow, and I see the shift in his expression before he opens his mouth.
“I need to talk to you about something.”
I turn my head and keep my eyes on the sky, on the clouds drifting overhead, white and puffy.
“It’s about Ella,” he says. “And my dad, and…There’s a lot you don’t know. Things I should have told you already, but I kept waiting for the right time, and there’s never—”
“Knox.” I turn and look at him. I don’t know what kind of face I’m giving him, but he stops speaking.
“Not today.” I hold his gaze, unflinching even though I’m dying to know what he was about to say.
But I can’t…this is too good right now. “For today, I don’t want real life.
I don’t want Ella or your father or any of it. I just want this.”
He waits a beat, probably thinking I’ll change my mind, that curiosity will win. His eyes search mine, so open and loving, my chest aches.
“Okay,” he finally says, moving a strand of wet hair away from my face. “Whatever you want.”
“I can’t,” I say. “Not today, Knox.”
“I heard you.” He drags his thumb down my cheek, running it over my bottom lip. I realize I’ve been biting it as he pulls it out from between my teeth. “Today’s yours.”
I nod and lay back, watching the clouds drift over the lake. He settles in next to me, scooping his hand under my head and bringing me closer, so I’m laying in the crook of his shoulder.
It seems like such a normal couple thing to do that I almost forget the heavy conversation he wanted to have a few minutes ago.
“Tell me something stupid,” I say. “Nothing real or important.”
He huffs a laugh. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Anything.”
He turns on his side, shifting me along with him so we’re face to face. The way he’s looking at me like I’m the only thing to exist in this universe…God, it’s hard to breathe.
“Back at school, I had a buddy who was pledging and wanted me to join him. I didn’t really want to but I figured what the hell. Why not take part in the idiocy? See what it was all about.”
“Why do I feel like this is going to gross me out?”
He smirks. “Nah, I’ll keep those to myself.”
“Oh, God.”
His fingers find the curve of my waist and drag along the skin there. “My buddy was a smaller guy, around five-seven, and they thought it would be hilarious if we traded clothes and wore them all day…to classes and everything, then to a party that night.”
“I have so many questions,” I say, holding back a laugh. “Did you do it?”
He nods, a solemn expression on his face. “And I’m convinced those hours of ball squishage may have caused permanent damage.”
“You’re so dumb.”
He finally laughs, and rolls onto his back, taking me with him so I’m straddling him.
I brace my hands on his chest to steady myself and look at him.
Take all of him in like I haven’t been able to in a long time, not like this, not happy.
The sun catches the water still clinging to his hair and he’s smiling up at me like this is the only place he wants to be.
Not with his family, not with Ella. Just me.
It terrifies me how much I want to believe that.
“I better move or things might get too racy for the beach.” I’m teasing but I know if I were to move down a few inches, I’d feel him getting hard again. “Tell me another story, dummy.”
“Your dummy,” he says, holding my waist like an anchor. “For today anyway.”
I know he means it as a joke. A throwaway comment to keep the mood light, but it hits deep. For today. I should be bracing myself for the pain, guarding my heart. I’m a fool.
A fool who knows how to compartmentalize.
I lean down, resting my cheek on his chest, breathing him in. If I close my eyes, I can pretend nothing’s changed. That the world isn’t trying to ruin what could be. Or maybe not the world, maybe it’s just us being our own executioners.
“Tell me another,” I say.
His chest vibrates under my cheek as he lets out another low laugh. He wraps his arm around me, holding me close. “Okay, so this one involves a 7-Eleven, a bucket, and an electric scooter.”
I groan at the absurdity but it quickly turns into laughter as he goes into the story. I’ll let myself enjoy this a little longer. His hands, the sunshine, his smile when he knows he’s made me laugh, this place.
It won’t last. I know.
But today, it’s mine. And for a few more hours, so is he.